Suddenly Single

by Millie Criswell

  "Pardon me for saying so, Alex, but this woman sounds like an insensitive bitch. You might have dodged a bullet on this one. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about."

  Heaving a sigh, Alex replied, "That's just it. Lisa's not a bitch. She's great. She's impulsive, I'll admit that. But she's not the type to purposely hurt someone."

  "So why did she leave then?"

  "My guess is that it had something to do with my parents' treatment of her. You know how snobbish they can be. They never accepted Lisa, never thought she was good enough for me, and they let her know it, in many subtle and not so subtle ways."

  "Maybe she got tired of their rudeness." Alex shook his head. "I don't know for sure because she never complained or said a word. I know now that I should have stepped in and tried to smooth things out, but I was hoping they would resolve their differences once they got to know each other better."

  "Man, it's tough when your parents are involved. There's that whole divided loyalties thing to consider."

  "But that's just it, Bill. My loyalties weren't…aren't divided. I'm on Lisa's side, but I guess I never let her know that, not really, not like I should have. I screwed up, royally."

  "Yeah, well after you've been married a time or two you figure these things out."

  Alex's eyes widened. "Are you telling me that you're divorced? Hell, I'm embarrassed to admit that I didn't even know you were married."

  With his sandy hair, deep blue eyes and dimpled smile, Bill had always been popular with the girls at school. He flitted from one relationship to the next, never tying himself down long enough to get serious about anyone in particular. So to find out his friend had been married, not once, but twice, came as quite a shock to Alex.

  "It was brief—they both were. Each one of my marriages lasted less than a year. I wasn't good at the whole matrimony thing."

  Alex sipped his beer, then said, "I'm sorry to hear that. Are you dating anyone now?"

  "Yeah." Bill grinned. "Annie's a flight attendant. She's gone a lot, which works out good for both of us. That way we don't get on each other's nerves. I like her a lot, but I like my space even more."

  "I miss Lisa like crazy. I want her back. I'll do anything to make that happen."

  Bill's lawyerly instincts came rushing to the forefront. "Whoa, buddy! Don't start talking like that, or she'll have you by the balls before you know what hit you."

  "I don't care. Lisa's the only thing in this world that matters to me. I just wish I'd let her know that. She probably hates me now, probably thinks I'm as shallow as my parents."

  "It's hard to know what a woman's thinking, Alex. I find it's easier not to even try. It's just too damn frustrating. And being men, we usually end up guessing wrong anyway."

  Alex shrugged, wondering if his friend was right.

  "The Eagles are playing the Washington Redskins tonight at nine. Let's order in some Chinese and drown our sorrow in a few dozen beers while we watch the game. Things might be clearer in the morning when you're not so tired."

  Alex nodded. He was tired and confused and hurt. And he had no answers for any of the unsettling questions that kept popping into his mind.

  The only thing he knew for sure was that Lisa was gone, and he had to figure out a way to get her back. How he was going to do that, he wasn't certain. He knew only that his future happiness depended on it.

  "What do you mean, you're going to look for an apartment? You're married. Have you forgotten? Married women live with their husbands. And they don't live with other men, even if those men are fanooks."

  At times like this, Lisa wondered why she visited her mother. It was too early in the morning to be driven insane, and Josephine definitely made her crazy with her unwanted opinions and advice. But after her talk with Francie the previous evening, she'd had the strongest urge to see her mom.

  Now, of course, she wished she had just taken an enema and gotten whatever it was out of her system.

  Lisa gulped down the strong, black liquid that her mother tried to pass off as coffee and replied, "I told you, Mom, Alex and I are through. I'm not going to live with a man who doesn't respect me and is tied to his mother's apron strings. I didn't know when I married Alex that I was marrying a mama's boy."

  "How could you know? You barely knew the man."

  Lisa winced at the truth of her mother's words.

  "And so what if he shows respect? What's wrong with that? A son should respect his mother. Look at your brother. Jack's crazy about me. He's a good boy, your brother."

  "First of all, Jack is a teenager and should still be tied to your apron strings. Alex, on the other hand, is a grown man—a grown married man. He should have cleaved to his wife, like the Bible says. Go ask Father Scaletti if you don't believe me."

  Josephine was of the opinion that everything that came out of the parish priest's mouth was gospel, so Lisa figured she might as well use it to bolster her case.

  "For someone who rarely goes to church, it surprises me that you would know what the Bible says." Josephine took her daughter's hand, her tone softening.

  "Why must you make everything so difficult, Lisa? You made vows with this man. Now you must try and work it out between you. Just because something isn't perfect doesn't mean you should throw it away."

  "Marriage takes work. No one said it was easy. You think your father and I didn't have our share of problems over the years? We did. But we stuck it out, for better or worse."

  Lisa heaved a dispirited sigh. "I knew you wouldn't take my side, Mom. You never do. Now if it were Francie having the problem, things would be different. You always stand up for her."

  "Your sister uses her head before she rushes into things."

  "You mean before she rushes out of the church, don't you? I hope you're not forgetting the three failed wedding attempts you paid for before Mark Fielding came along to hog-tie and drag Francie to the altar."

  "I'm not saying your sister can't be stubborn, but most of the time Francie listens, something you don't do. You think you know everything."

  "I tried to tell you that the kind of men you were dating were wrong for you. Who dates a female impersonator? Tell me that? But would you listen? And now that you've found a normal one, you want to get rid of him." Exasperated, Josephine slapped her hand to her forehead.

  "If you met his parents, you wouldn't think Alex was normal."

  "I spoke to his mother on the phone, after you told us you had eloped. She's a cold fish, that woman. I could tell right away. But I'm sure she loves her son the way I love you and wants him to be happy."

  Lisa rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah. Miriam wants Alex to be happy, just not with me. She doesn't think I'm good enough for him, Ma. And his father feels the same way."

  Upon hearing that, Josephine let loose a string of curses, and then crossed herself to atone for her sin. "What is this woman, Mussolini, that she thinks my daughter isn't good enough? I should call her up and give her a piece of my mind."

  "It wouldn't do any good. Honey oozes out of Miriam Mackenzie's sweet Southern belle mouth. She looks right at you and smiles, and then pushes a knife into your back. I've got so many holes I should be leaking like a sieve."

  From the start, Miriam had gone out of her way to cause trouble between Lisa and Alex. The woman was always bringing her son's old girlfriends into the conversation, going on about how accomplished they were, how beautiful, how much Alex had adored them, trying to get a rise out of Lisa. She would probe for information about Lisa's education, knowing her daughter-in-law had only a two-year degree from a junior college, or ask her about certain poets or composers in an attempt to make Lisa look stupid, which usually worked.

  Lisa was up on her Aerosmith and Bono, but didn't know a thing about Bach or Beethoven.

  Crossing herself again for good measure, Josephine pondered her daughter's comments, and then tried to reason with her. "I didn't get along good with your father's mother, either, before she died. God rest Carmela's miserable soul. She was a nast
y old woman, your grandmother. In fact, Carmela Morelli was so nasty that she made my mother, who's no picnic, look like a saint."

  "I heard that!" Grandma Abrizzi shouted from the living room, making Lisa smile.

  The elderly woman, who lived with Lisa's parents, was a feisty old gal who said what she thought, shooting straight from the hip and rarely taking any prisoners.

  Lisa liked to think she was a lot like her.

  "But you didn't marry Alex's mother," Josephine continued. "You married Alex. And I assume, since you went to so much trouble to marry him quickly and outside the sanctity of the church—" she kissed the gold cross hanging around her neck "—that you love this husband of yours."

  Not about to give her mother any ammunition that the wily woman could use against her, Lisa hedged. "I don't know. All I know is that our marriage was a mistake. As soon as I can afford to hire a lawyer, I'm going to file for divorce."

  "That would be a sin, for more than one reason."

  "Would you have me live my life and be unhappy? Is that what you want for me?"

  "I want all my children to be happy. I want what is best for you, Lisa. You know that. But in my heart I don't believe that divorcing Alex Mackenzie is going to make you happy. In fact, I think it will make you very unhappy and you will come to regret it."

  Lisa felt betrayed by what she deemed her mother's lack of support and understanding. "There's no point in discussing this further, Mom. We are not going to agree."

  No surprise there! They rarely agreed on anything.

  Sighing deeply, Josephine shook her head at her daughter's stubbornness. "So where are you going to get the money to rent an apartment?"

  "I intend to find a job to support myself. I've already decided that I don't want any of Alexander's money."

  "Have you spoken to Leo about letting you live with him a while longer? You know you can always come home, if he says no."

  "I know, Mom, and I appreciate that." Not!

  "I'm going to talk to Leo this evening when he gets home from work. I'm sure he'll expect me to be gone. He sort of hinted at that this morning. But Francie's going to put in a good word for me today, so maybe he'll be more agreeable by tonight."

  "For all of Leo's sins in the eyes of God, he has a good heart."

  "Yeah. Let's just hope his generosity and goodness extends to me."

  "Living with a gay man is going to be awkward, no? What about his…" Josephine searched for the right word. "Friends?"

  Lisa shrugged. "That doesn't bother me in the least. To each his own, I say."

  "You young people have strange ideas. I don't understand your way of thinking."

  Now that was one statement of Josephine Morelli's that she could agree with wholeheartedly.

  3

  "I really appreciate your letting me move in with you temporarily, Leo," Lisa said, a week after her arrival. "You're a real lifesaver. My own personal fairy godmother."

  "Well, that sort of fits, doesn't it?" he replied with a wink. The ability to laugh at himself was one of Leo's greatest gifts.

  Lisa dropped the last carton of her belongings onto the living-room floor with a thud, amidst her teddy-bear and Barbie-doll collection, making Leo grit his teeth.

  "As long as you understand that it's only temporary, Lisa." The fussy man stared in obvious disgust at the mess she'd already created. "I won't pretend, sweetie, that this was my idea. I invited you to stay here as a favor to Francie, who has assured me that you will be neat as a pin and looking for employment very soon."

  Lisa crossed her fingers behind her back. The concept of "neat" wasn't actually part of her vocabulary, so that would take a bit of work on her part. "Absolutely. Neat is my middle name. And I'm heading to the unemployment office first thing in the morning. As soon as I can get my hands on a computer—" Leo looked horrified that she might attempt to use his "—I'm going to post my resume on one of those job-search sites on the Internet." Of course, she needed to make a resume first, but there was no need to mention that. Poor Leo seemed traumatized enough as it was.

  "Sounds good. I'm sure we'll get along just great. Do you like to dine out?"

  Lisa was surprised by the question. "Of course. Who doesn't? Why do you ask?"

  "I have a thing about dining out. I love it. And I hate eating alone. Francie used to accompany me. I hope you will, too."

  "If you're paying, I'm dining, Leo." Lisa felt as if she'd just died and gone to heaven. Someone actually wanted to pay for her meals; that was more than fine with her. And Leo probably ate at all the best restaurants, which made his request even better.

  "And when I don't dine out, I usually order in. I'm not very proficient in the kitchen," he added.

  "Don't worry about that. I love to cook. Baking is my specialty." And she was damn good at it, too. Lisa didn't do many things well, but few people could best her when it came to baking. She'd actually thought about taking some classes and trying to bake professionally but, like with most things, Lisa was better at dreaming than doing.

  As much as she loved her parents, John and Josephine Morelli had never encouraged either of their daughters to become academic achievers and turn the world on its ear.

  For Josephine, getting married and having babies was the greatest accomplishment a woman could strive for, and that's what she was still encouraging her daughters to do.

  Fortunately, Francie had always been a go-getter and had made something of herself: she was a bona fide interior designer now.

  Lisa had lived up to her parents' expectations of her, which were low to nonexistent, so in that regard she had accomplished something.

  Leo's eyes lit up. "Do you know how to make chocolate-chip cookies?"

  She grinned from ear to ear. "My chocolate-chip cookies are better than orgasms. You will think Nirvana after the first bite."

  "This I gotta see. Make me a list. I'll run down to the market and buy everything you need to make the cookies. What else do you know how to bake?"

  Having just discovered Leo's Achilles' heel, Lisa smiled confidently, planning to make the most of it.

  Lisa learned the following morning that finding a job was not nearly as easy as filling Leo's insatiable craving for sweets.

  The red-faced, little pip-squeak behind the counter at the unemployment office had handed Lisa a form, told her to fill it out and return it to him, then wait to be called for an interview.

  That had been forty-five minutes ago!

  At the rate she was going, she'd be too old and senile to work and would instead be able to qualify for social-security benefits.

  Not that she had anything better to do with her time—unless you counted watching Wheel of Fortune reruns on Leo's big-screen TV—but she hated being made to feel like a second-class citizen. She wasn't applying for food stamps; she was trying to find a job so she could support herself, for crying out loud!

  "Miss Morelli. Miss Lisa Morelli. Please step up to the counter."

  Looking up when her name was announced, Lisa breathed a sigh of relief that her turn had finally come. "Here." She began waving, then stood. "I'm coming," she called out as she made her way toward the counter through the hoard of people waiting in line, openly coveting her good fortune.

  At the unemployment office the "you snooze, you lose" rule was firmly in effect.

  Mr. Pip-squeak had so many freckles that his face looked like one big red blob. He was looking over her work history and frowning deeply, which didn't bode well for her finding a decent job.

  People tended to underestimate her abilities.

  "I'm afraid, Miss Morelli, that with your lack of experience, there aren't many jobs available that fit your qualifications."

  Lisa couldn't keep the dismay from her face. "But I worked in a bookstore. That should count for something, shouldn't it?"

  "That's true. But we have no current listings for that kind of job. You are, of course, free to apply at the major bookstore chains, if you like. They always need help during the C
hristmas holidays."

  As if she hadn't already done that. Puleeze! And the Christmas holidays were still eleven months away. What was she supposed to do until then, hit the streets with a tin cup?

  "What we do have is a job at the Holiday House Motel. It pays minimum wage, but no benefits, I'm afraid."

  "Doing what?"

  "Cleaning motel rooms, that sort of thing."

  She fought the urge to gag. Just what she wanted to do with her life: change sheets that had been soiled from—

  Yuck!

  "Is that all you have? I must be qualified for something better than that. What about selling cosmetics?" She leaned over the counter. "See how carefully my eyeliner is applied? I'm very good at—"

  "Afraid not." Rubbing his chin, he flipped through the thick stack of cards that listed all the current jobs that were available. "There is a job waitressing, but you don't have the experience, I'm afraid."

  "The good news is I'm a quick learner. Where's it at?"

  "Little Italy. Delisio's Deli."

  Lisa's face lit. "I'll take it." She grabbed the card from the startled man's hand and headed toward the door.

  "Wait, Miss Morelli! I have to place a call, let them know you're coming. You can't just go there on your own."

  "Don't bother. Manny Delisio and I are old friends." Sort of.

  "That's the fourth dish you've broken in as many days, Lisa. You should be more careful. I'm not made of money, you know."

  Old friends, my ass!

  Manny's nostrils were flaring, and his new toupee was slightly askew. What Francie ever saw in the guy was beyond Lisa's comprehension. Of course, Manny might have looked good when he was seventeen. He sure as hell didn't now.

  It was at the tip of Lisa's tongue to tell Manny that he was the cheapest SOB who had ever walked the face of the earth—or should she say, "slithered?" But then she thought better of it, owing to the fact that she needed this job and the money—not that there was much of it—that went with it.