Twist of Faith

by Kelly A. Purcell

13

  A New Year’s Surprise

  New years: the ultimate symbol of new beginnings, resolutions and hope. Unfortunately, it held as much value to Alex as Christmas and having a steady boyfriend. She’d promised Reuben she would attend the New Year’s service, and if she hadn’t an obligation to stand by her word she might be in bed right now, with Rachel lying next to her telling her about her “awesome day”. So maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all, she even got Michael to come along with her.

  He was standing next to her; looking like he had slices of lime under his tongue. They sat on the far left of the church, a couple benches from the front, that way Alex could watch Reuben play and Michael could stop shaking with discomfort.

  The moment she sat down, Reuben noticed her from where he was on the side of the stage. The rest of the band were busy setting up their equipment. They were early; the service hadn’t started and people were just beginning to file in. Reuben waved at her and came down to meet her.

  “Well look at this, I am pleasantly surprised,” he said with a broad grin as he leaned down to hug her, “and you brought a friend,” he extended his hand to Michael.

  “This is my brother,” Alex said and she shot Michael a warning look, when she noticed the unfriendly scowl creeping onto his face.

  Michael took Reuben’s offered hand and shook it briefly, “it’s a pleasure to meet you Michael,” said Reuben. Michael grunted in response. Alex snickered, it was funny watching Mike play tough guy.

  “Hang on a second, I think it’s time you met my friends,” he turned and looked at the busy group and pointed to a tall, dark handsome guy, wearing a pair of big purple framed glasses.

  “That’s Craig, he’s the drummer; you might have seen him in our youth meetings. And my buddy James, the bass player uh... he’s not up there,” he turned to them with an awkward grin, “I’ll be right back.

  Reuben found James back stage, sitting in a corner; head bent slightly, shoulders hunched. He chuckled, “please don’t tell me you’re scared of crowds.”

  James didn’t respond. Reuben sat down next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, “look man, they’re just people, you don’t need to be afraid, just focus on a blank wall. I’ll put you in the corner, how’s that?”

  James shook his head after a long pause, “I not scared of no crowd,” he grumbled.

  “Then why do you look like you’ll pass out.”

  James took a deep breath and looked over at him, “just saw someone that reminded me of someone, that’s all.”

  “Who?”

  James shook his head and looked away; Reuben could see him shutting off again.

  “I take it this person meant a lot to you?”

  James shrugged.

  “But it’s not them, just a look alike. That person probably doesn’t even know who you are. Come on James, this is not you.”

  James sighed, “yeah, you’re right. He doesn’t know who I am,” he said finally, lowering his gaze, as though ashamed of showing a little humanity.

  Reuben returned to Alex and apologized, “he’s kind of preoccupied right now, but after the service I’ll be sure to introduce you two, next year that is,” he said with a grin, a grin that quickly faded when he looked at Michael’s scowl.

  “I’ll see ya.”

  Alex did enjoy the service, the music was great, she especially liked the songs Reuben’s band did; it was inspiring and hopeful a great piece to start the New Year with. And it wasn’t just because she thought Reuben had the voice of an angel.

  The pastor’s message was equally thought provoking, he didn’t just speak of making plans for the New Year as she’d expected but he emphasized placing God at the forefront of it all, making him the number one priority in life. Alex hated the long prayers though, she stood like a statue with her head awkwardly tilted forward, muttering the same line over and over, beside her equally disturbed brother, while a unified hum rose from the rest of the congregation, it sounded like a swarm of baritone bees. Then the Pastor announced the new year and just like that another year was over, everything she’d done from yesterday to two seconds ago were being added to the past, the unchangeable.

  ‘We are either progressing or retrograding all the while; there is no such thing as remaining stationary in this life’, that was a quotation from James Freeman Clarke, her father quoted that in the first and last letter he’d written to her after he’d left, justifying his decision. She had no idea what he was trying to say; she was ten.

  He was clear about a lot of things in that letter, how he felt about her, how things were over between him and Sherry, how he had a huge gig coming up. But there was one thing he wasn’t clear about and that was whether leaving his daughter was progress or retrograde.

  She sighed and closed her eyes, how could she believe her father to be wrong, it seemed preposterous that he could be, but how depressing would it be to accept that he was right. From his actions, however, she’d drawn the conclusion, that in order to be great, you had to forget those that needed you the most. She rolled her eyes mentally, if only she had a heart of stone like her mother, these things would not bother her so.

  “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. As you head out into this New Year don t forget that God is always thinking of you, fate, F.A.T.E, is irrelevant with God but rather your faith is. Thank you and a Christ filled New Year to all.”

  Even after the Pastor had vacated the podium, Alex was still staring at where he was just standing, it was like he’d read her mind and had spoken right back to her, fate is irrelevant with God, but rather your faith is.

  Reuben came for them right after the closing prayer, he was grinning from ear to ear. Alex wondered whether New Years was his favourite time of the year or whether he was just very excited about having played so well tonight. In the short time she had known him she had never seen him this happy.

  “Did you enjoy yourself?” he asked as he led her toward the side door beside the stage, with a sour-faced Michael trailing silently behind them.

  “I did,” she replied, “I loved the sermon, and your band sounded so good. You sir, are an amazing song writer slash singer,” she said as she tugged on his sleeve playfully, she knew he was terrible with compliments.

  It was surprising how much they’d learned about each other in the short while they’d actually grown interested enough to pay attention.

  “Thanks.”

  The room was small and bustling with the band members trying to pack up their things. Reuben led them to a corner of the room where a broad shouldered man stood with his back toward them, he turned around and his face dropped.

  “Craig, where’s James?” Reuben appeared equally disappointed.

  “Uh...I...” Craig stuttered, his eyes wide with panic as he wrung his hands.

  “Reu?”

  They all watched as a slim girl, with skin like smooth dark chocolate, stepped out from behind Craig. She tossed her straight shoulder length hair, her dark pools glistening like ponds in the light pouring from the overhead lights as she zoomed in on them. Alex ignored Michael’s subtle and impolite grunt of approval and focused on this girl that had rendered Reuben so silent. She felt like they were all frozen in the tension that had built up around their small group like a net.

  “Lisa,” he said her name like he was breathless.

  Lisa smiled uneasily, “you guys played well tonight,” she said.

  Reuben smiled, “yes uh... we try our best to uh... give him the best,” he pointed to the ceiling awkwardly.

  Alex looked at him carefully, she could hear a slighter tremor in his voice.

  “Of course, look Reuben I know me being here is...”

  “Yes,” he interrupted, “you being here is quite a surprise? Yes it is. Even more that you’re... here...with...” he looked at Craig, who looked like he was going to b
e sick, “my buddy Craig, who you never got along with before...” he shrugged and chuckled.

  “Can I talk to you alone for a minute?” she asked.

  Reuben nodded, and he turned and followed her out, brushing his shoulder against Alex like she’d suddenly become invisible.

  “Wow, she is hot!” Michael said, shaking his head in unbelief, “my boy Giant was right, church is the perfect place to find a hot wife. I coming back here in the next...,” he lifted his head and pretended to count off his fingers, “...ten to fifteen years.”

  Alex turned and glared at him, “if you keep hanging out with Giant, you might be back here sooner and you’ll be wheeled in, in a box!”

  Michael grew sullen, “that’s not...” he paused and took a deep breath, “I’ll be by the car.”

  Alex turned to the uncomfortable looking Craig and smiled pleasantly, “great drumming,” she said.

  He smiled, “hmmm yeah,” he glanced over at Reuben and Lisa in the corner of the room, engaged in a very intense conversation and he walked away.

  “Now that wasn’t very polite,” she muttered.

  “He’s just not cut out to be civil,” said James.

  He was leaning up against the wall in the corner, with his arms folded across his chest, his legs crossed in that macho, smug way he had.

  Alex lit up at the sight of him, it was strange how they only needed one moment together to become so comfortable with each other; it was like they’d known each other years before.

  “That was some decent playing,” she said with a smirk.

  He chuckled, “you noticed me.”

  She took a step toward him, “only cause I was looking, and you have been stalking me for a while, am more familiar with your profile than your face.”

  He grinned, “You’re happy,” he said, “that’s good.

  She shrugged, “and you are the awesome evasive James.”

  “That’s right, I’m that James.”

  “You know, you don’t look like a James.

  He laughed, “you know what, I believe you,” he looked over her shoulder and lifted his hand over his head.

  “Hey Reuben!” he called.

  Alex turned around too, but the smile on her face faded at the sight of Reuben’s face, it was brutally cold, it was so different seeing him look like that.

  “He’s pretty angry right?”

  James, now standing beside her nodded, “he’s furious,” he replied, “come on let’s go.”

  They went to him, just as the girl disappeared behind the curtain, “what’s up” James asked.

  He shook his head, “it’s nothing,” he said curtly.

  “I met James,” Alex interjected, trying to ease the tension with a pleasant smile, but Reuben only shook his head.

  “I can’t believe they did this to me,” he was saying, the colour already drained from his face, “he’s my best friend, he should know friends don’t ask friends ex-girlfriends out. Not without their permission,” he looked at James pleadingly.

  “Wait... Craig and... Lisa?”

  “Ex-girlfriend?” Alex interjected.

  “Look you know what, I can’t deal with this right now... I’m going home,” he pushed his way toward the exit.

  “Reuben?” Alex called after him, but he didn’t turn around, suddenly he was deaf to her voice.

  Alex looked over at James and frowned, she couldn’t understand why she felt hurt. Maybe it was because she’d never expected to be brushed off by Reuben, or ignored, or treated like an infant. Maybe it was because he acted like a man who wasn’t over his previous relationship, and considering her impression of his feelings towards her, that should hurt enough to cause that achy tightness in her chest.

  James looked over at her and smiled reassuringly, “its fine, he’s just shocked,” he assured her.

  She nodded; “yeah...” she said huskily, the tightness in her throat making it hard to get her words out.

  “Alex, don’t worry about...” he started.

  “No... It’s fine,” she said with a strained smile, “I’ll just go.”

  Michael reached into his pockets and jingled his keys as he ascended the front steps, removing them only when he was mere inches from the door, now battered and lined with cracks of age and smudged with prints of living. As he stepped inside, the eerie silence of solitude greeted him, melting the content smile from his face; he was never one who appreciated solitude even though he valued privacy. He turned on the radio and walked across the living room to the sofa, removing his t-shirt as he did, then he sank onto it exhaling deeply as he turned on the T.V.

  There was no one to complain about the loud music, or to tell him to take his feet off the chair, or to put on a shirt. So what was this odd feeling, this tightness lodged in his chest? He leaned back, staring up at the ceiling as he twirled a lock of hair around his finger.

  He’d just dropped Alex off at Ryan’s grand mansion, the life Sherry must have been cutting out of magazines since she was a child, the life he had no part of. He also knew that they were having a fancy New Year’s dinner. Sherry had invited him but he knew what a cheap facade it would turn out to be even before Alex’s warning.

  But it wasn’t about Alex’s warning, or Sherry’s insincerity that separated him from his only family on New Year’s. It was his own guilt over what his life had become in the short period of time they’d been gone from this house. He reached into his pocket and withdrew the tightly wrapped object and lifted it to his nose, eyeing it with contempt and feeling the panic rise like bile. They would have to leave him alone eventually, because he wasn’t planning to drop out of the rat race like the other two Moore men; Kyle and Chris.

  Kyle, was the oldest of them all, he got involved in drugs at a very young age. He was so messed up by the time he was old enough to serve serious prison time, that when the police finally picked him up they dropped him right off at the mental institution. Rumour was that he was roaming the country side, picking up plastic bottles and dancing for tourists. Rumour or no, neither of them ever tried to find out, they didn’t need Kyle’s drama.

  And Chris, he wasn’t just the brother he shared a father and a womb with, he was his main man. The brother he looked up to and trusted with his life even though they’d come into the world mere minutes apart and shared the same face. Whether it was at a friendly game of marble or spontaneous Cricket in the road or an aggravated fist fight on the football field, Chris was there, watching his back, shielding Michael with his own face if he had to, he was the strength Michael could’ve never summoned. But just like their father and the brother before them he had to get involved with those gangs, the kind that smuggled, smoked, stole and sometimes killed, and Michael along with the rest of the family watched as he flushed his life down the toilet.

  He had shot a man in cold blood at a party in the south when he was seventeen , then jumped a boat with two of his crew members to another island they never heard from him again.

  He tossed the packet onto the centre table and shook his head, yet here he was making the same mistakes. All he ever wanted was to be the famous, island hopping with crowds of colourful fans screaming his name in every city, waving when he told them to wave, dancing when he told them to dance. He leaned back and smiled preparing himself for entrance into the most thrilling day dream ever.

  “Boy, take off that damn music!” came the harsh command.

  He sat up, rolled his eyes and leaned back; somehow it wasn’t just the Moore men that had issues, but the women as well. Since Alex and Sherry left, Nicole’s skeletons had been spewing out of the closet and he was the only one left to furtively watch her struggle to sweep them under the bed.

  She went over to the radio and shut it off with an angry slap, she glared at him, baring her teeth like a dog with a new litter of pups, and marched toward what used to be her and Alex’s room. Now it was her fortress of secrets and shame. He wasn’t as obliviou
s as she thought he was, he knew enough to know that she’d officially taken up the queen bee status and spending what was left of her nights in her conservative sister’s bedroom didn’t make her any less of Sherry Moore’s daughter.

  “Any guests tonight Nicole? Want me to make myself scarce?” he called out tauntingly.

  “Shut up!” she retorted, “don’t think I don’t see you up by the mango stump with Giant and them,” she called back, accentuating her words with the brutal slam of the door.

  Michael shook his head and eased back onto the throw pillows, he wasn’t worried, he had an audition in a couple days, and he had a good feeling about this one. He just needed to figure out a way out of failure, and a way to shake this feeling that he was being watched every time he went out with the crew, it seemed like paranoia came with the territory.

  “Happy New Year’s Michael,” he said as he lifted his remote, saluting the air with a wry smile, “Resolution: stay alive.”