Away Boarders

by Daniel V Gallery

  For sailors who have always had all the fresh water they want just by turning a spigot, water rationing is an acute pain in the neck. You can use sea water and salt-water soap for scrubbing clothes. But taking a shower in salt water is not a pleasant experience. It leaves you feeling sticky all over as if you had showered in diluted gook. It is unsatisfactory - like trying to make love wearing a winter flying suit and heavy leather mittens.

  The second day out they sighted a rain squall dead ahead. "All hands on deck," yelled Fatso. "Get that big tarpaulin out and stretch it across the deck from rail to rail."

  All hands stripped bare naked. Soon they had the tarpaulin stretched from one edge of the well deck to the other. It hung down in the middle, of course, and at each end of it they put an empty fifty-gallon oil drum that had been scrubbed clean. When the rain squall hit, water poured from each end of the canvas into the drums. When a drum got full, they rolled it off and dumped it into the ship's tanks, replacing it with another empty. Fatso, gauging the travel of the storm with a seaman's eye, maneuvered to keep the ship in the middle until the tanks were full.

  "You know," said Scuttlebutt as they were draining the rain water into the tanks, "this reminds me of the first time I ever ran into water rationing."

  "Where was that - on the Ark?" asked the Professor.

  "Naw. On the Indianapolis." said Scuttlebutt. "She was a heavy cruiser - nine eight-inch guns - got sunk right at the end of the war. Anyways, I come aboard her right out of boot camp. She was my first ship. And they had water rationing. You got a half a bucket of fresh water per day and you had to stand in line for damn near an hour to get that."

  "Well, my first day aboard I stood in this hell of a long line and finally got my half bucketful and took it down to the washroom. I had some clothes to scrub, so I wanted to heat the water up. There was a one-inch steam line in the washroom with a valve in it. You could hang your bucket on a peg with the end of this pipe sticking into it, open the valve, and blow live steam into your bucket to heat it up. So I hung my bucket on the peg and opened the valve.

  "But somebody in the engine room had screwed up connections that morning. That line instead of having steam in it was hooked up to the condenser and had a vacuum in it. When I opened the valve it sucked all the water out of my bucket right back into the ship's tanks.

  "I never trusted nobody or nothing on that ship from then on."

  Later that afternoon, a group were standing up in the bow watching schools of flying fish and porpoises disporting themselves. The flying fish would break surface in a group of twenty or thirty, swoop along a foot or so over the surface, rising and falling with the waves for about a hundred yards or so, and then plop back in the water again.

  A large group of porpoises were playing follow the leader and weaving back and forth across the bow. When they reached the bow, they would leap gracefully out of the water, arch across the bow, and dive into the water on the other side. They entered and left the water without a splash. They would clear the bow by about five feet, with their big black eyes popping and broad grins on their friendly faces, chattering away like a bunch of kids.

  "You know porpoises are supposed to have a language," said the Professor. 'There's a guy down in the Virgin Islands who has a bunch of porpoises in a pool. He makes tape recordings of all their chattering and claims he is learning their language. He says he can play back tape recordings to them and they repeat what they were doing when the tapes were made. He's found out now how to tell them to go lie on the bottom or to come to the edge of the pool, and they'll do it. Porpoises are the smartest animal there is. They've got a brain that's almost like a human bean's."

  "We had a porpoise at the UDT school when I was there," said Webfoot. "He was a real friendly guy, just like a pet dog. He used to swim back and forth between a guy on the bottom and a boat on the surface, carrying messages and bringing tools to the guy on the bottom."

  "Last time I was home on leave," said Jughaid, "I told the people about porpoises, whales, and blackfish. None of that seemed to impress them, so I told 'em one about a big sea serpent about a hunnert feet long with two heads and eyes that shone in the dark like headlights. They believed every word of it. But when I tried to tell 'em about flying fish, they called me a goddamn liar."

  That evening they were sitting around the messroom and Jughaid was working a crossword puzzle. He got stuck on it and finally he asked, "What's a four-letter word ending in I-T that Governor Wallace is full of?"

  "That's easy - grit," said the Judge.

  "That's it!" said Jughaid. "Lemme borrow your eraser."

  Pretty soon the conversation got around to some of the funm skippers they had served with. "I served with Cap'n Donnerblatz on the Antares," said Satchmo. "He was a square-headed Dutchman who came up through the ranks. He was an ex-signalman and he was always checking np on the signal bridge and giving them hell if they didn't answer promptly. One day we was anchored in Frisco, and we were the Senior Officer Present with a lot of destroyers and they were calling in and requesting permission for this and that. The old man was on deck, and he seen a destroyer on the other side of the harbor with our call sign flying. So he yells up at the signal bridge, 'Dot ship is callink you. Viggle vaggle over und find out vat dey vant und den viggle vaggle back und tell them no!' "

  "I was shipmate with old Turn To Craven." said Scuttlebutt. "He was a character. One time a kid put in for leave because his wife was going to have a baby. In his leave request he said, 'This is to attend the launching of my first child.' Old Turn To sent it back not granted. He wrote on it, 'I can see no need for you at the launching, although your presence was required at the laying of the keel.'

  "Then there was another guy put in for leave for the same reason. But he got the wording of his request mixed up a little bit and in his request he said, 'My wife is about to become pregnant and I want to be there when it happens.'

  "Old Turn To sent that one back granted."

  Next morning LCU 1124 stood in to Piraeus and anchored. Later that morning a clerk from the embassy came aboard to pick up the Ambassador's liquor.

  "How are things going in Athens now?" asked Fatso.

  "Pretty good," said the clerk. "People are friendly and you can have a hell of a good time here as long as your money lasts."

  "There's been a lot in the papers recently about this government of the colonels," said Fatso. "The papers claim they're making life pretty grim here now."

  "That's a lot of malarkey," said the deck. "Things are better here now than they've been for a long time. If it wasn't for the colonels, the Communists would be running things here.

  "The paper and radio say they've got a dictatorship, and they throw people in jail and torture them."

  "Don't believe what you read in the papers," said the clerk. "As soon as the government starts laying down a few rules that the press have to follow, all our reporters start screaming about freedom of the press. Everything else the government does from that point is wrong."

  "According to the papers, they've thrown all the opposition in jail."

  "That just ain't so," said the clerk. "They threw a lot of hardcore Communists in jail and then had to lock up some longhaired eggheads who were stooges for the commies. Hell, they had a choice here of either the kind of government they've got now or the Communists. If it wasn't for the colonels, the commies would be running the show and all the longhairs they've got in jail would be in Siberia, along with all the other decent people of Athens."

  "How does the Ambassador get along with these colonels 7 " asked Fatso.

  "Fine. Anything the Ambassador asks for, they give it to him."

  That afternoon Fatso, Scuttlebutt, and the Professor went ashore together to hit the high spots of Athens. They hired themselves a cab and told the driver to show them the sights of the city. The first place he took them to was the Acropolis.

  "Athens must of been quite a place in its time," observed Fatso as they stood looking over the ruins of
the ancient temple.

  "Around 500 B.C. it was the capital of the world," said the Professor. "Greece ran the show then for the whole Med and all of Asia Minor."

  "Well, they must of had a hell of a city here in their day, judging by these ruins," said Fatso. "What the hell happened to them?"

  "They had it so good they got soft," said the Professor. "They went in for living it up. They had a damned good Army while they were getting to the top. But, after they got there, nobody wanted to be in the Army any more. All they wanted to do was to hang around Athens and get drunk. So their Army went to pot, and then the Romans came along and took over."

  "The Romans didn't last either," said Fatso.

  "No. But they were good while they had it, too," said the Professor. "Maybe even better than the Greeks. They took over all of Europe including England. They built roads and aqueducts, and Rome was the capital of the world then. The Roman Empire took in the whole known world at that time."

  "What happened to them?" asked Scuttlebutt.

  "The same thing that happened to the Greeks," said the Professor. "They got soft, too. They put on big shows in the Colosseum, threw the Christians to the lions, and then went home and put on orgies that lasted for days. They let their Army go to pot and pretty soon the barbarians came in from the east and took over."

  "How the hell can that happen?" demanded Scuttlebutt. "The Roman Army was the best in the world in them days. How could a bunch of barbarians run over 'em?"

  "Like I told you," said the Professor, "the country got soft, and so did the Army. Hell, there's nothing so strange about that. The same thing is happening today."

  "Where do you mean - in Italy and France?" asked Scuttlebutt.

  "Hell, no. I mean right in our United States," said the Professor. "Look. At the end of World War II we were the top country on this earth. We had an Army, Navy, and Air Force that could of licked the whole world in a knock-down, drag-out fight. It wouldn't even of been much of a fight, because we were the only ones who had the atom bomb. But, as soon as the war was over, we began scrapping our Army and Navy. We set up the United Nations, and that was supposed to prevent any more wars. We weren't worried about the Russians because they had taken an awful beating in the war, and were a second-rate nation anyway. So what has happened since then? We fought two wars with third-rate gook nations. The first ended in a stalemate. We don't know how the second will come out yet, but if the hippies, draft-card burners, and long-haired liberals back home have their way, we're going to lose it. Meantime, what has been happening to the Russians? They repaired their war damage, put their country back on its feet, and have taken over more than half the world. They are the barbarians in the east for us now, just like the ones that wiped out Rome."

  "Yeah," said Scuttlebutt. "But I don't think they'll ever start a war with us. They know damned well we can flatten them with Polaris."

  "Sure," said the Professor. "A war with us is the last thing the Russians want. They're getting everything they want now, without firing a shot. The liberals, hippies, and Black Panthers are doing their work for them. Just look what's happening all over the U.S. Riots on all the college campuses, where they set fire to the ROTC buildings. Peace marchers who tear down and burn the American flag and run up the Viet Cong flag. They're even getting into the services now. Kooks like Adams are talking about organizing unions. Look what happened on the Pueblo. Eighty-three Americans surrender without firing a shot to half a dozen gooks - and millions of Americans applaud them for it."

  "You make things sound pretty grim." said Scuttlebutt.

  'Things are grim," said the Professor. "You remember a couple of vears ago Khrushchev said, 'We will bury you'? I believe him." '

  "Aw, hell," observed Fatso. "The older generation has been saying for years that the world is going to the dogs. I don't believe it's as bad as you say."

  "Well, they said it right here in Greece and in Rome, too," said the Professor. "And you can look out here at these ruins now and see what did happen."

  At this point a sleazy-looking character sidled up to Fatso and said, "You wanna good guide, meestaire?"

  "What can you do for us?" asked Fatso.

  "I can get you anything you want," said the stranger. "I can get you very good girls - best ones in Athens."

  "No. We don't go with girls," said Fatso.

  "I know some nice boys, too," said the stranger. "Very good boys. They do anything you want."

  "Oh - you mean fairies," said Fatso. "No."

  "If you like pot, I can get for you, or speed or anything else you want."

  "How about LSD?" asked Fatso. "Can you get that?"

  "LSD?" said the stranger. "I don't know what eet ees. But I can get you anything else - very good and very cheap."

  "No," said Fatso. "Beat it."

  As the stranger departed, shaking his head, Fatso observed, "It's almost as easy to get dope here as it is on a college campus at home."

  Later they were seated at a table in a sidewalk cafe on the main drag, watching the crowds go by, when a well-dressed man about Fatso's age came up and said, "Mind if I sit down with you?"

  "No - pull up a chair," said Fatso.

  The stranger sat down, stuck out his hand, and said, "Name is Slanski. Nice to see you guys. I used to be in the Navy."

  The others introduced themselves, and Slanski shook hands all around.

  "When were you in the Navy?" asked Fatso.

  "During the war," said Slanski. "I enlisted the day after Pearl Harbor and got out four years later. I was a first-class yeoman when I got out."

  "What ships were you in?" asked Fatso.

  "The whole time in the Hornet," said Slanski.

  "You must of seen lots of action in that bucket." observed Fatso.

  "Yeah - we did," said Slanski. "I was in her when she came out here to the Med and flew Spitfires into Malta. Then later on, out in the Pacific, we flew Doolittle's boys off for the Tokyo raid."

  "I'll be damned," observed Fatso. "You really got around, all right. There weren't many who got into the war in both oceans."

  "What ship are you fellas from?" asked Slanski.

  "LCU 1124," said Scuttlebutt.

  "What kind of craft is that?" asked Slanski.

  "It's a landing craft," said Scuttlebutt. "The biggest type of landing craft we've got."

  "Oh - so you belong on a bigger ship?"

  "Yeah - we do. But we're not on her now. Our mother ship, the Alamo, is in Naples."

  "So what are you doing here?" asked Slanski.

  "They use us to carry miscellaneous freight around the Med," said Fatso. "We can carry as much as two hundred tons and they use us to take stuff to Tel Aviv, Istanbul, Crete, and various other places."

  "Who's your skipper?" asked Slanski.

  "I am," said Fatso.

  "Oh?" said Slanski, with interest.

  "What are you doing now?" asked Fatso.

  "I'm in the exporting business," said Slanski. "How about another drink?" he asked, signaling the waiter.

  Slanski seemed to be quite interested in LCU 1124, and plied them with questions about where they went, what they did, and who checked up on them'. After he had bought two more rounds of drinks and listened to Fatso and Scuttlebutt tell tales of their adventures in Tel Aviv he said, "Hell, you guys have practically got a private navy all your own. You write your own ticket and do as you damn please."

  "Yeah - we're pretty much on our own," said Fatso.

  "Look, how about having dinner with me tonight?" said Slanski. "I'll take you to the Trocadero, we'll have a big feed, and then I'll take you out on the town afterward."

  Fatso glanced at the others, got nods of approval, and said. "Sure - let's go."

  Thus began a red-letter evening for Fatso and his pals.

  The Trocadero was the swankiest restaurant in town. The headwaiter there knew Slanski, greeted him effusively, and escorted their party to a choice table. They ate high on the hog - Chateaubriand steak with win
e, champagne, and liqueurs afterward. The check came to a whole hatful of drachmas, and as Slanski peeled them off Fatso estimated it was at least 150 American dollars, including the tip.

  After dinner they took in a show. It was a musical, and although they couldn't follow the dialogue in Greek, the girls were good looking and the music and dancing were very good. After the show, Slanski said, "Wait here a few minutes, boys - I'm going backstage and see what I can stir up."

  Fifteen minutes later he showed up with four of the showgirls and they adjourned to a nearby night club. The girls were very friendly and everyone got along famously. When the night club closed, they moved to Slanski's palatial suite at the Grand Hotel. He had a well-appointed bar and a hi-fi record player, so there were drinking, dancing, and what-not till the wee, small hours.

  The boys took the gals home and did what sailors and chorus gals usually do under such circumstances.

  When it finally broke up and they were in a taxi on the way down to the dock, Scuttlebutt observed, "This guy Slanski is a real big operator. He must of put out three or four hundred bucks tonight."

  "Yeah," said Fatso. "He's a fast man with a buck, all right. But he's a phony."

  "Why do you say that?" asked Scuttlebutt.

  "You remember when he was telling us about his time in the Navy?" asked Fatso. "Well, he said he fought the whole war in the Hornet. And he also said that the Hornet was in the Med, and flew those Spits in to Malta. That ain't so. It was the Wasp that flew the Spits to Malta. And she did it just two days after the Hornet launched the Doolittlc raid. So I don't believe lie was on the Hornet."

  "Yeah - I guess you're right about that," admitted Scuttlebutt. "But he does seem to know a hell of a lot about the Navy."

  "Yeah, he does," said Fatso. "And he was quite nosy about what we do and how we operate. He made a date with me to meet him tomorrow afternoon at his hotel. Said he had a proposition he wanted to discuss with me."

  "I wonder what that's all about?" said the Professor.