Country Heaven

by Vicki Green

  “Well, I long for his touch, his smile, and his lips. I feel like my emotions are all over the place and can’t get a handle on them. They’re wonderful emotions, feelings. They just scare me, a little.”

  “Yup, you’re pretty smitten.”

  I lean back in the chair, unfolding my hands and feeling more comfortable. “I am.”

  “Come here.” She pats the couch next to her. I get up and sit down, feeling her warmth. She puts her arm around me and smiles. “Nothin’ wrong with what you’re feelin’, honey. Just be careful and wise with your heart. You can’t do any better than Memphis. I know I’m biased but I also know it’s the truth. I can tell he’s fallin’ for you as well.” My eyes widen and then relax as I smile.

  We ended up talking for hours. I feel so much better. I brought her empty plate back with me, washed it and put it in the dishwasher with her utensils then start to head up to my room. My steps feel lighter, more self-assured after the great talk we had. Maybe everything will work out the way I want. The way I need. God, it would be so nice if something in my life finally did.

  Chapter Nine

  Memphis

  Sadie’s been over at Mable’s house for hours. I feel like I’m pacing a hole in the floor. I stop, putting a couple more logs in the fireplace and then start pacing again. The front door opens. I stop and watch Sadie walk by as she heads to the kitchen. She didn’t see me standing here, looking like she’s lost in thought. I make myself sit down on the couch, but my nerves are shot. Shit! I feel like she can’t even be away from me for a short time and I’m missing her, anxious to see her. I’ve got it so bad and this is so new for me. I want more yet I don’t want to scare her. Yes, she responded so well to me last night, and I feel like she’s already changed but what if she’s just toying with me? I don’t know her all that well, yet. What if she’s just lonely and I’m the only man around within miles. Okay, that’s not true. Jag is here too. I growl just thinking his name. There’s just something not right with him. He appears to be a good guy but is he? I know he told me he’s clean although that doesn’t mean he’s a good person. I don’t like the way he looks at her. She IS the only woman for miles. Does he think that makes her fair game?

  I’m so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t hear her walk in but I felt her the minute she sat down next to me. She places her hand over mine, resting on my leg, and I look up into her eyes. She’s smiling, her eyes glimmering from the fire light. We don’t speak, just look at the fire in silence, for a long time. I’m so comfortable with her, words not needed. She sighs. I look over at her and see her staring into the fireplace.

  “You okay? You’re really quiet.” My fingers move around and over hers and squeeze.

  “Yeah.” She looks at me and I see concern in them. “I’m worried about Mable. She should go to a doctor. Her cough is horrible.”

  I feel a bit of relief. I guess I thought she might tell me that she doesn’t feel the same about me as I do her or that we aren’t right for each other. I feel stupid for thinking she might be thinking about us.

  “I know. I told her that too. She can be pretty stubborn.” She nods and smiles, taking my breath away again. “You were over there a long time.”

  “Yeah, we had a nice talk.” She turns her body, our fingers releasing. She takes my hand as she faces me. “Memphis? What is this exactly to you?” She waves her other hand back and forth between us. “I know what it feels like to me. But, I want to know what you think it is. I want to be sure I’m not feeling things I shouldn’t be.” My heart begins to speed up.

  I turn, facing her better, our knees rubbing against each other’s. “Well….” I look down at our hands and thread my fingers through hers then look back up into her eyes. “Sadie. I’m not gonna lie and tell you I haven’t been with another woman, but I can tell you that I’ve never loved another woman, except my ma and Mable. It’s not the same kinda love.” Her smile is bright and she nods at me, encouraging me to continue. “What I’m feelin’ for you? I don’t know if it’s love but it’s something wonderful. I….” I clear my throat suddenly feeling like my heart is lodged there. “I want to be with you all the time. I can’t stop thinkin’ about you. You’re always in my head. I’ve always been so organized, hard workin’ but, since you’ve been here, I want to take walks holdin’ your hand, have picnics and just talk to you for hours.” I’m alarmed when I see wetness fill her eyes. “I’m probably not explainin’ this right. I really am at a loss when it comes to women, especially someone I want to be with, share my life with. I….” She reaches up, placing two fingers against my lips, halting my ramblin’. I kiss them, wantin’ to take them in my mouth, suck on them.

  “Shhhh. You make me feel so special, so cared for. I’ve not had that with any guy or family for that matter. I’m not an expert either, Memphis. I….” She looks down, a tear falling onto her lap. I put my hand under her chin and make her look up at me. “I’ve not been with a guy, in that way, but I want to. With you.” I breathe a sigh of relief, closing my eyes briefly and when I open them she’s smiling. “I feel the same way as you do, maybe even more. I guess I’m just scared. Not scared of you but maybe of all the feelings hitting so fast, kind of overwhelming. I do know one thing.” My eyes widen, anxious to hear what that one thing could be. She leans in, her lips just barely a breath away from mine. “I know I want to be with you however you’ll let me.”

  I can’t stop myself. I press my lips against hers and move my hand up underneath her long hair and around the back of her neck, pulling her closer, making our mouths press harder. My tongue sweeps across her bottom lip and she parts hers immediately. I push into her warm mouth, finding her tongue and stroke it with mine. Her hand lays against my chest then they move up and over my shoulders, her touch light as she cups the back of my head. I keep my hair short, shaven, mainly ‘cos maintaining it is easier with all the work on the farm. I’ve never had a woman touch me there. She begins rubbing the back of my head, so softly, so tenderly, as our kissing becomes more frenzied, more frantic. My body moves of its own accord. Releasing her hand and grasping her arm, leaning towards her and following her body down on the couch. I cover her breast with my hand and she responds with a deep moan into my mouth, arching her back and filling my hand even more. My cock is hard, but it always is around her, pressing against her stomach. She wiggles beneath me, spurring it on, making it even harder.

  My mouth leaves hers, kissing her jaw, her cheek. I can’t seem to get enough of her, close enough to her. “God, Sadie. I can’t stop.

  She turns her head and whispers in my ear, “Don’t.” The warmth of her breath making my body quiver with desire.

  Her hand moves over the muscles on my arm, moving down the length until she reaches between us and grasps my straining cock through my jeans. My hips buck with her touch, the ache for her growing. I turn my head, capturing her mouth again. My tongue dives in and searches, explores, as my hand moves underneath her top, finding its way up her flat stomach and moves under her bra. I’m so lost in feeling her soft skin, kneading her breast that I don’t realize she’s unzipped my jeans until her hand is already down the waistband, and I feel her hand around my engorged length. “Fuck!” My hips buck again, sporadically, helplessly, as she strokes me up and down, her finger sliding over the tip. God, I’m in trouble. I’m so lost in her. I’m sure we should stop or slow down but I’m not sure I can. I know I don’t want to.

  I stop kissing and move my eyes up to hers. They’re closed. The look on her face is serene. Her eyes open slowly. They’re full of desire, the light of the fire shining in them. The light green is gone, replaced with a darker green and the black of her irises are huge. We should stop. Can we stop?

  “Memphis,” she whispers, relevantly.

  Suddenly, I remember. She’s a virgin. Her first time shouldn’t be on an old worn couch. She deserves better. I regretfully remove my hand and move up. Her hand falls from my cock, and I hate that I’ve changed the look on her face from want t
o sadness. I sit up fully, zipping up my pants and lean over her, pulling her shirt down. She rises slowly, turns to face forward and puts her hands in her lap.

  “I’m sorry. Well, I’m not sorry, sorry.” Her head turns and I see the corner of her mouth turn up, just a bit. I rub my hand across my head, something I do when I’m nervous, embarrassed or frustrated. “Shit! I can’t seem to think straight when I’m around you.” She giggles and that makes me smile and feel a little relieved that maybe I’m not botchin’ this up as bad as I think I am. “What I mean is it’s not that I wanted to stop. God, I didn’t want to, trust me, but I don’t want your first time to be on my couch.” I reach over, cupping her face in my hand. “You deserve better. So much better than that. I want….” She leans into me, her mouth is against mine before I can finish and suddenly, I don’t care. This time her tongue moves inside my open mouth, exploring and tangling with mine. We continue for a bit then she stops and presses her forehead against mine. We’re both panting, trying to get air.

  “I understand. I guess I just didn’t want it to end.” I look up and into her eyes then move back a little so I can see her better. “Thank you for thinking of me, for caring enough to stop. No one’s ever treated me like you do. Like they care about how I feel, what’s best for me. I….” She stands, still holding my hand and smiles as she turns, looking at me over her shoulder. “I think I should go to bed. I’ll be dreaming of you.” She walks, our arms stretching, not wanting to let go. Finally, we release our hold as she walks towards the front door. When she starts to open it, she looks back at me over her shoulder and smiles then I lose sight of her as it closes behind her.

  I stand feeling light hearted, and walk over to the fire, closing the safety doors so it will die out. Then I walk around and turn off all the lights and head up to bed. After brushing my teeth and relieving myself, I remove my clothes and climb under the covers. I rest my head on my arm and stare up at the ceiling. I feel like I’m soaring after what happened, after our talk and the look on her face as she left. Not only has she changed but I really think she’s falling in love with me. At least, I hope she is. I know I’ve already fallen.

  Sadie

  I feel like I could walk on air as I get to my bed. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I look in the mirror and notice a change. My face has a slight tint. My eyes sparkle, and I feel like I look older, more mature or maybe it’s because I feel like I’m falling so hard, so fast in love with this man. Is this what it looks like to be in love? Feels like? It seems way too fast. It can’t be love. I’m soaring with the feelings of whatever this is. When he touched me, kissed me, he awoke so many new and exciting feelings inside me. I can’t even describe them nor have the right words for them, but God! I love feeling like this! I’d been feeling changes within me already, changes for the better. Like the old me. The one when Mom was still alive, when our house was happy, I was so happy. I feel like her again. Strong, vibrant, caring, loving, all the things that left me when she died. Memphis and Mable both said they wanted me to see the beauty in the land. Now I know what they mean only it’s not just the land. It’s him.

  I lay in bed, a smile on my face as my eyes start to close. I startle when a knock sounds on my door. Who in the hell? Memphis? My heart races as I push away the covers and walk to the door. I’m ready to ask him to come in, thinking he changed his mind and wants to be near me, make love to me. My eyes widen, my frown has to be apparent when I see Jag standing there.

  “Did you forget? We need to go. He’s been in bed long enough that he’s probably asleep. Now’s our chance.” Oh, shit! The party.

  I stifle a yawn. “Oh, the party. Yeah, about that.” His face falls into a frown. “I don’t think it would be such a good idea, Jag. We could get caught. I feel like things are just getting better for me. I don’t want to take the chance. I’m sorry.” I bring my finger up and bite on the nail. I always do that when I’m nervous or frustrated.

  “Aww, c’mon, Sadie! It’ll be fun! Tilly’s expecting you to be there. We’ll be careful and I promise we won’t even stay too long. I just really wanna get out for a while. Please?” Damn! I forgot about Tilly. Now I feel bad. He’s standing there all mopey, sad and frowning at me. I did promise Tilly I would come out there. She’s the only friend I have here. Shit!

  I sigh loudly. “Okay, but we’re not staying long.” I turn and walk over to my closet, pick out a t-shirt, jeans and my hoodie, then walk towards the bathroom. I take a chance and look at him, still standing by the door but inside the room, smiling. “I mean it, Jag. We are not staying very long.” He nods and his smile grows even bigger. God, I hope I don’t regret this.

  After dressing and putting on a little makeup, we creep down the stairs (which is hard considering they creak), then out the front door. It’s so dark except for the few outside lights, the moon is even hidden by dark clouds. “How are we gonna get your bike outta here and still be quiet and is it supposed to rain?” I whisper.

  I can barely see the white of his teeth in the darkness. “We push it and yes, it looks like it could rain. Hopefully we’ll beat it and get back before it starts. Now, c’mon.” He grabs my hand, and I pull away. Even though I can’t see him very well I definitely saw his grin widen. We get to his bike, and I stand there shivering in the coolness as I watch him remove the tarp then he folds it and puts it in the saddle bag. He grips the handle bars, turns them, and starts pushing the bike towards me. “Push on the seat,” he whispers. Is he freaking kidding?

  I roll my eyes, and I wish he could see the look on my face better. Ugh! He moves past me, and I turn around then place my hands on the seat and start pushing. I feel like I’m in high school again, going out to do something dangerous. Seriously, this feels so wrong anyway and now this! What have I gotten myself into? I’ve only been on a motorcycle a few times, and even though they are fun it makes me nervous riding on these country roads, especially in the dark. They’re made up of dirt and gravel and then some of the driveways are mostly gravel. Weird, things like this wouldn’t have even entered my head before. I guess I have changed. Makes a difference when you have something you want to live for. The dangerous things I used to do now make me wonder what possessed me to do them.

  We finally get on the road. Such a slow process. “We better push it down a ways or the roar of the engine will wake him.”

  I roll my eyes again. This is way too much work. I should have gotten her email address from Jag and just sent her a message tomorrow explaining why I didn’t go. I’m so stupid sometimes. He finally stops, hikes his leg over the seat as I move out of the way. I hear the engine come to life. That sound still exhilarates me. “Hop on.” He hollers over his shoulder, not needing to be as quiet now. I nod and hold onto his shoulder as I bring my leg over the seat and then place both of my feet on the edge on either side. “Better hold on.” I roll my eyes. He clearly doesn’t know this is not my first time. Lost in my thoughts, I jump when the bike jolts, throw my arms around his slim waist and hold on tight. Even with the loud roar and the wind whipping against my face, I hear him laugh.

  I don’t know how long we drive, but it seems to take forever until I see a farm on the left side of the road. He turns onto the gravel driveway and we move towards it. It’s a fairly nice house. There’s a barn to its left with a bunch of trucks and cars parked in front of it. I guess that’s where the party is. He takes us past the cars and closer to the barn and shuts it down. I release my tight hold and hop off then watch him throw the tarp over it. Loud music pumps out from the entrance of the barn, the ground thumping under my feet with the heavy bass. He turns and smiles. “There. Now we can go have some fun.” He walks to me, throws his arm over my shoulder, and we start to walk to the front entrance. “C’mon. Lighten up. Everything’s gonna be fine.”

  Bright lights emanate from the entrance and when we walk in, I’m amazed at what I see. There’s no stalls, animals or anything you imagine would be in a barn. This looks like a regular party place. A mak
eshift bar set up in the left hand corner made out of wood crates and a big flat board for the top as a counter. Barstools are set up in front of it and behind it are more of the same crates with shelves made out of boards, stocked with various bottles of liquor. There’s even a small refrigerator with glass doors standing next to it and it’s stocked with different kinds of bottled beer and red bull. To my left are card tables and chairs, people sitting at some, drinking and talking while others stand around there or at the bar. In front of me is a wooden dance floor and then to my right are bales of hay and more people sitting on them or standing by them. There’s a pool table on the other side of the bales of hay and when I look up, it’s all complete with white Christmas lights strung throughout the barn, high up in the rafters. Wow! This is amazing!

  I start feeling a little better and more excited as I take everything in. I look at Jag when he takes my hand and I follow him to the bar area. “Sadie! Jag! You made it!” Tilly’s shrilled voice is loud and clear over the music and I give her a small wave. “I was startin’ to wonder if you two were gonna make it. Come on. Let’s get you some drinks and I’ll introduce you around.” We reach the bar, and I sit down on one of the barstools. There’s a guy tending the bar, longer blonde hair, falling over on one side of his face, nice looking but a little too skinny if you ask me. “Jake! My friends are dyin’ of thirst here!” The guy, Jake, looks up and right at me, then smiles and walks over.

  “Whatcha need, sweet thang.” He winks and I feel heat rise and know I’m blushing.

  I smile, tap my fingernail against my front tooth, and start to open my mouth when Jag pushes his body against my side. “Yeah, Sadie. What would you like?” Oh, for heaven’s sake. It’s like he’s trying to stake a claim. Well, buddy, that ain’t happenin’.