Liam

by Cynthia Woolf

  “Oh, Liam, I’m anxious, too. But we have so many things to discuss and decide before we marry.”

  “Like what?”

  He sounded confused. She couldn’t believe he thought they had nothing to discuss.

  “Like how our children will be raised.”

  “In regards to what? God?”

  “Yes. To God,” she said.

  He stopped the circles, but kept hold of her hand. Even so she felt bereft like she’d lost something very important.

  “There is nothing to discuss. God will not enter into the house. You may believe as you wish, I’ll not stop you, but the children will not be raised believing in something that is not real.”

  She pulled her hand back across the table and put it in her lap. “How can you say that when my father is a reverend? When it’s all I’ve ever known? When it’s a part of me, part of who I am?”

  His voice was cold. “God abandoned me in my time of need. He took Mary from me. As far as I’m concerned, He doesn’t exist and I’ll not have my children believing otherwise.”

  “I can’t believe I was falling in love with you.” Her voice was barely a whisper but he would have felt better had she shouted. “We are so very different. I don’t think this is going to work. I’m sorry, Liam.” She rose from the table, grabbed her coat and fled the restaurant.

  Liam was angry. At himself, at her and especially at God. He raised his eyes to the ceiling and muttered under his breath, “What did I do to You that You hate me so?”

  The waiter came with their meals.

  Liam took a bite of his steak, it was moist, juicy and done just the way he liked it. Bloody. And it tasted like dust in his mouth. He wondered if he’d ever taste again.

  He threw some money down on the table and left. He needed to at least make sure Eleanor got home safely. Maybe they could talk some about this. Maybe he could make her understand how he felt and why he believed as he did. He wasn’t asking her to change her beliefs, just not to press them on to him.

  From outside the tent, he called to her. “Are you there? Eleanor we need to talk.”

  There was no response.

  He opened the flap and went in.

  The reverend was working in the front of the room at a table that served as both the pulpit and a desk for both Nathaniel, and Eleanor, when she was teaching.

  “She doesn’t want to talk to you, Liam,” said Nathaniel without looking up from his task.

  Liam took off his hat and ran his hand through his hair nervously. “We had a fight.”

  Nathaniel looked up. “So I gathered. Would you like to talk about it?” he asked gently.

  “We differ on our belief in God. You probably wouldn’t understand.”

  “Oh, I understand only too well. Let me guess, you lost your wife and in the process lost your faith in God. I did the same thing.”

  “How could that be? You’re a reverend. It’s your job to believe.”

  Nathaniel laughed and shrugged. “Yes, you would have thought that I, of all people, would have been the most prepared, and yet when my wife and son were taken from me, all I could do was curse God.”

  “What changed? How did you come back? How could you believe again?” asked Liam incredulously.

  “As you said, it was my job. And I did it. I preached the gospel to my flock and didn’t believe a word I said. Then the war came and I tended to the sick and dying, Ellie by my side. I saw the comfort that my words gave and still I didn’t believe. Words are words. But Ellie, who was the font of belief, the difference she made was…it was amazing.” He paused. Liam could tell he was reliving those moments. He continued quietly. “She could hold a soldier’s hand and pray with him, and more than once I saw that soldier pass with a smile, a look of pure peace and contentment on his face. The fear replaced with…it was almost joy.”

  “I can’t…won’t change my mind. At least about me. Tell her, if she wishes, she can raise the children in your church but I don’t want to hear it at home.”

  Ellie came forward from the living quarters. It was hard to have a private conversation when the walls were curtains. “You would do that for me? Even feeling as you do, you would allow me to do this, to raise our children as I see fit?”

  Liam turned at the sound of her voice. “I would…er…will.”

  Eleanor flew into his arms. “Thank you. Oh thank you.”

  Liam wrapped his arms around Eleanor. She felt so good. She was home. Exactly where she should be.

  ~*~

  Jordan watched the woman run out of the restaurant. Maybe this is my time. He started to rise to follow her. But at the same time he saw the big Anderson man throw money on the table and follow her. Jordan sat back down. He figured Anderson was following the woman and knew where he would be. There was time for him to finish his meal. No need to rush.

  What he really needed to do soon was hire men to help him. There were several saloons in camp where those down on their luck hung out, waiting for their luck to change. Waiting for someone to hire them, or at least buy them a drink. Desperate men were just what he needed. They would be loyal to him as long as he provided for them, and that he would do as long as they did his bidding.

  He finished his meal, a stew with fresh bread. It was not bad. Would keep the hunger at bay so he could go about his business. That business is what was taking him to the No. 69 saloon. He’d passed it and already knew the gauge of the men inside. They would do nicely for what he had in mind. Very nicely indeed.

  CHAPTER 8

  He made it a point to see Eleanor whenever he could. Sometimes it was just a few minutes before school when he decided to take the kids instead of letting them ride one of the horses. He made sure to take her out to dinner or to visit with her and her father on Wednesdays and Saturdays, but he also tried to see her as often at other times as he could. He wanted her to like him. For some reason it was important that she like him.

  It was time for Eleanor to officially meet the rest of the family. Liam would pick her up and bring her to his home for the afternoon on Saturday. He was combining two trips. Getting supplies and getting Eleanor.

  He took the wagon and headed to Deadwood to first get Eleanor. He thought it would be good for her to see what kind of supplies it took to feed and clothe a family of seven.

  Pulling up outside the reverend’s tent, he set the brake and jumped down off the buckboard. They’d traded the Conestoga for the buckboard when they first came to Deadwood. The blacksmith knew of a family that was leaving Deadwood for, hopefully, greener pastures and was in need of the big covered wagon. Liam didn’t plan on needing the big wagon again and gladly traded straight across for the smaller, but more useful buckboard.

  Liam opened the flap and went into the tent, long past the period of having to announce himself before entering the outer chamber.

  “Hello, Liam,” said Nathaniel. “Ellie is almost ready. For some reason she’s very nervous about joining your family this afternoon. Even though she’s met them all except your brother Zach. I think she’s afraid he won’t approve. That perhaps that’s why he hasn’t been around to meet her. She’s just anxious. Don’t worry about it.”

  “She’ll be fine. Zach is going to love her. Everyone does.”

  Nathaniel cocked his head slightly, “Does that include you?”

  Liam stood with his hat in his hands. “I…uh…well, I care for her very much.”

  “I see,” said Nathaniel, cryptically.

  “It’s enough. Many marriages have been built on less,” retorted Liam.

  “True enough,” said Nathaniel, sitting at the table with his hands steepled in front of him. His lips were pursed and Liam waited for him to say more, but he merely went back to the paper he was writing. Probably his sermon for tomorrow, Liam thought.

  “I’m ready,” Eleanor emerged from the living quarters in back of the tent.

  “You look splendid,” said Liam honestly.

  She seemed to get lovelier each time he saw
her. Today she wore a pink blouse with her black suit and black boots. He loved it when she wore pink. The color was perfect on her. Her cheeks glowed, she was losing her tan and her skin looked more like that of a porcelain doll. He’d considered buying one of those dolls for Hannah before coming to his senses, realizing that she was too young for a doll like that. Now she would have a real porcelain doll for a mother. The thought made him smile.

  “Thank you. Have you already gone to Sutter’s?”

  “No, I thought we could do that together. I’m sure Lily will want to see you.”

  She narrowed her eyes, “Lily always sees me. What are you up to?”

  Liam let out a sigh. “Oh, all right, I wanted you to see the supplies it takes to feed and clothe a family of seven. Plus I want to get some baby things for Becky and Jake and thought you could help me.”

  “That’s not bad, why are you nervous about asking me? We’re getting married in six weeks. It’s time I met Zach and got an idea what your family is like at home. That shouldn’t make you nervous. It makes me nervous, but it shouldn’t you. Are you starting to get cold feet? Are you wanting to wait longer or change your mind altogether?” She rambled, one fear leading to another.

  He took her hands in his. “Calm down. I’m not getting cold feet. Not in the least. I’m very happy with my decision. Are you?”

  “Yes, I think we will do well together, as you always say.”

  Somehow that wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He wanted her to love him. Wanted her to say she was marrying him because she loved him, but how could he expect from her what he was unwilling to give?

  “Well, shall we go? The order ready for us to pick up.”

  Eleanor handed Liam her coat and he held it for her so she could put it on.

  “See you this evening, Nathaniel,” he said to his soon to be father-in-law.

  “You children have a nice day.”

  The late morning was crisp even though the sun had been up for some hours now. Liam helped Eleanor up onto the buckboard’s bench seat and then climbed aboard himself for the short ride to Sutter’s Mercantile.

  They entered the general store, glad of the heat pouring out of the pot-bellied stove in the back of the store.

  “Hello, Liam, Ellie,” Lily Sutter greeted them as they entered. “I’ve got your order almost done and ready to load. Zach is in the back getting the last of it.”

  “You didn’t tell me Zach would be here,” hissed Eleanor.

  “I didn’t want you any more nervous than you already were.”

  Zach rounded the corner of the shelves behind the counter, coming from the back room. “There you are. I’ve got the supplies gathered and ready for you. We can load it together.” He stopped and grinned. “Who is that you’ve got hiding behind you? Is this Eleanor?”

  She stepped out from Liam’s shadow and came forward.

  He wiped his hand on the apron he wore tied at his waist and held it out to her.

  “Very nice to meet you, Mr. Anderson,” said Eleanor.

  “Ellie, I’m just Zach.” He took her hand and shook it gently. “We’re going to be related soon. You can’t be calling me Mr. Anderson.”

  Eleanor smiled. “Thank you. Zach it is.”

  “So, I understand that Liam is taking you up to the old homestead.”

  “Homestead?” she looked at Liam.

  “That’s what we’re calling it” answered Liam, “since it’s the first of two cabins that will be on the property. Jake and Becky are going to build in town. He’s already bought the land. But Zach will have a place there by the mine and we’re going to be making our cabin bigger and turn it into a real house for you.”

  “Oh, Liam,” she lay her hand on his arm and gazed up at him. “You don’t have to do that. Do you forget that I’m used to living in a tent? Just having a real floor is going to be such a luxury.”

  He patted her hand.

  “Of course, I do. I want you to have the best and now that I can afford it, it will be done.”

  She turned back to Zach. “And are you also going to build your house big enough for a family?”

  “I am,” he said, pride in his voice, “because I am going to convince someone to marry me. She just doesn’t realize it yet.” He looked over at Lily and cocked an eyebrow.

  Lily put her hands on her hips. “I’ve already told you what I think about that.”

  “And I’m going to convince you otherwise,” Zach retorted.

  Eleanor sidled next to Liam and whispered, “Perhaps we should leave. There seems to be some tension between them.”

  “Don’t leave on my account,” said Zach. “I’m going to the back room. More orders to fill.”

  He left without looking back.

  “Well, that was interesting,” said Eleanor.

  “He won’t take no for an answer. He’s the most stubborn man I’ve ever met,” huffed Lily.

  Eleanor looked up at Liam before turning to Lily. “Must run in the family.”

  Liam chuckled. “It does at that.”

  She couldn’t help but laugh as well. “At least he admits it.”

  “We better get going and take Hannah off Jake and Becky’s hands.”

  “You make it sound like she’s a terror of some kind. She’s only five,” said Eleanor.

  “Almost six. Just ask her,” said Liam.

  Now it was Eleanor’s turn to laugh. He was right; at school Hannah always said she was almost six. Eleanor already loved the children and after spending the past several weeks together, she was rapidly falling in love with their father. If she could only convince him to love her in return, her life would be complete. Home, family and love. She’d have it all.

  “You’re right though. We should go relieve them of their charge. I’d like for all of us to go on a little picnic today. The weather is lovely,” said Eleanor.

  “Perhaps another day. Becky has been cooking and is expecting us for lunch. Now that we have the money and don’t have to eat beans at every meal, she’s been experimenting on us. It turns out she’s quite the little cook. She was never given the opportunity to really do much in the way of preparing real meals.”

  “It’s true,” said Lily. “She got that new stove and has been cooking up a storm. She sends food with Zach every Saturday and we have a little picnic with Gemma and Hannah in the back room, so we can keep an eye on the store. Unfortunately, Saturday is my busiest day. Or perhaps it’s fortunate, since Zach uses any free time to try and convince me to marry him and on Saturday’s there is very little free time.”

  As if to confirm her words, the bell above the door rang, signaling the entrance of another customer into the store.

  “Be right with you,” Lily called to the woman who’d come in. She turned back to Liam and Eleanor. “You all have a nice day.”

  “You, too,” said Eleanor, “and Lily…”

  “Yes.”

  “Don’t be so hard on Zach. If he’s anything like his brother, he’s not like you know who.”

  Lily stopped and gave a short nod. “We’ll see.”

  Outside the mercantile, Liam helped Eleanor up onto the buckboard. Then he went around the back of the wagon, climbed up and released the brake. They were at an incline and when the brake came off the wagon rolled back a little bit. The horses took that as the sign to start walking. Well, that and the slap of the reins on their rumps.

  There was a little jerk and Eleanor grabbed Liam’s arm for stability, afraid she’d topple over into the bed of the wagon.

  “I’m sorry,” she said and quickly let go, but not before she felt the steel of his muscle beneath the suit coat he wore.

  “Don’t be. The start up on the hill like this is always a little abrupt. Better now?”

  “Yes, thank you.” She clasped her hands in her lap.

  He flicked the reins again and the horses walked a little faster. It was difficult to move very fast in Deadwood. There were people, wagons and animals all vying for the same roadways.


  “Once we get out of Deadwood proper, we’ll be able to move more quickly. Until then we just walk along with the traffic.”

  “It’s not a problem. Papa is not expecting me back early. He knows I’m with you and I’m safe.”

  “I should hope so. That you are safe, I mean.”

  “Well, of course, I am. What could happen to me when I’m with you?”

  “Nothing.”

  She nodded, afraid to speak her thoughts—that she didn’t want to be completely safe from him. She’d like it very much if he’d kiss her again. It had been weeks since he’d kissed her. She was beginning to think she’d imagined it.

  “Liam.”

  “Hmm.”

  “Can I ask you a question?” Her heart pounded in her chest and her hands were sweaty.

  “Of course, you can. Anything.”

  “Why haven’t you kissed me again? Don’t you like kissing me? Actually I guess that’s two questions, but well. Why haven’t you? You always kiss my hand or my cheek, but you’ve never kissed me since that night.”

  She hardly dared to look over at him and check his response to her question. When he didn’t answer her, she glanced over at him. He was staring at her with those lovely silver-gray eyes of his. She saw his jaw flex and wondered if she shouldn’t have said anything.

  “Did you like it when I kissed you?” he asked quietly.

  She nodded, unable to make two coherent sentences from her scattered thoughts.

  He lay the reins in his lap and let the horses walk where they would. Then he turned to her, took her face gently between his palms and lowered his mouth to hers. The kiss was so sweet and light, she thought he was going to pull away from her. Instead he wrapped her in his arms and held her close. She closed her arms around his neck and kissed him back, fiercely, putting her whole being into the kiss.

  When he finally pulled away, she was out of breath and thoroughly aroused. She wanted more. Putting her fingers to her lips she felt them, swollen with passion. “Oh, my!”

  He chuckled. “That’s one way of putting it.”

  “That was…amazing.” She couldn’t think of any other adjectives to describe it.