Haunted by Pride

by Kaye Draper

  My stomach growled and I slid out from under the covers, pausing to run my fingers through Kai's long, tangled black waves.

  I made my way to the kitchen and rummaged around in the fridge and freezer. Con insisted I ate more than anyone he'd ever met. So, in typical Con fashion, he always stashed things away for me. I came up with a container of homemade ice cream, some cinnamon coffee cake and leftover bacon from breakfast.

  I snagged some peanut butter and slathered it over my cake and ice cream, then microwaved the bacon and headed to the living room. Gods, I was starving.

  I had just settled in and turned on the TV when a cool kiss of magic caressed my skin, and a big hand ruffled my hair. "Couldn't sleep?"

  Hisashi's deep voice was rough and tired. I glanced up at him as he came around the couch and dropped down next to me. He eyed my food, one white brow winging up. "Is that…bacon in your peanut butter?"

  I shrugged and took a bite of the layered creation, getting ice cream, cake, peanut butter, and bacon all in one mouthful. It needed potato chips, but sadly we were all out. Hisashi curled his lip in disgusted fascination as he watched me chew.

  "What?" I demanded. "I'm hungry."

  He let out a soft laugh and reached out to wipe peanut butter off the corner of my mouth before giving me a soft kiss. "Are you going to tell Kai before she leaves?"

  I swallowed and put my spoon down. "No."

  He sighed. "Gesa, come on. Why are you keeping this from the others?"

  I growled and shifted in my seat, not meeting his gaze. "How long have you known?"

  He reached out a big hand and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Probably about as long as you?" He turned his body toward me on the couch, cupping my chin and turning my head, forcing me to look into his ice blue eyes. "Gesa. You need to tell the others."

  I batted his hand away and glared at the floor. "No, I don't," I ground out, my chest aching and my stomach wondering if maybe it should get sick again.

  Hisashi slid to the floor, his big hands on my knees, getting into my line of sight. "Are you…Gesa do you not want this? Or…is it because it's me?"

  My eyes darted up to meet his and I took in how hurt he looked. Gods, I hated fucking feelings. I squeezed one of his hands where it rested on my knee. "What?"

  He stared up at me, his expression intent. "I know you didn't mean for it to happen, Gesa. You were just worried over Oisin and not thinking. Neither of us were. But I promise you, it'll be fine. I'll be the best dad, I swear."

  I closed my eyes and breathed though my nose to keep the tears at bay. "You aren't upset?" I asked, opening my eyes again. "You're so young."

  He smirked. "Gods, Gesa, not that again. Look, I know I'm younger than the rest of you idiots, but I'm not a kid. I'm old enough to make babies." He waggled his white eyebrows.

  I huffed a laugh. "I sort of noticed."

  He sighed and squeezed my knees. "What is it? Is it because you don't want kids?"

  I took a deep breath and let it out. This sharing your feelings shit was for the birds. But I was slowly learning that I had to do it sometimes. I had to trust my mates. They needed me to trust them.

  I put a hand over my belly. "Most people don't tell anyone right away…just in case."

  His expression went from curious to crestfallen in a heartbeat. "I--"

  "Do you know how rare it is for gryphons to make it to full term?" I cut him off. "It's hard enough for gryphons to conceive. But, Hisashi, my mom was pregnant nine times. Nine times, and she had two live kids." I curled my had protectively around my guts, as if I could keep the little secret growing there, anchor it, protect it.

  Hisashi pried my hand away from my belly and kissed my palm, tilting his head up to smile sadly at me. "I'm an idiot," he said, shaking his head. "I'm so sorry, Gesa. I knew gryphons had issues with fertility. But I just…well I'm so used to my freaky powers that sometimes I don't think what it's like not knowing things."

  He leaned forward, pressing our foreheads together, cupping the back of my neck and squeezing. "You don't have to worry," he breathed. "Gesa, I've seen them. Alive and well. And they are the most beautiful…Gods, I wish I could show you. They'll be fine, babe. Perfectly healthy."

  I pulled back so I could see his eyes, my own leaking stupid rivers. "They?"

  Hisashi's smile was as brilliant as the full moon shining outside the window. "Twins, Gesa."

  I closed my eyes and swallowed the sob that wanted to leave me. One live cub was a miracle for a gryphon, but…two?

  Hisashi climbed back up on the couch and dragged me into his lap, cradling me like I was a child myself as I sobbed my heart out. I didn't even know why I was crying. Relief? Happiness? It felt so good to let go of this weight I'd been carrying.

  "I want them," I ugly-cried into the crook of Hisashi's neck. "I want them. I said I never wanted kids, but I want this."

  He patted me and rocked me, reminding me yet again that he might be the youngest one of us, but he was still more of an adult than I'd ever be. "Me too," he breathed against my hair. "Gesa I'm so damned happy right now. I never thought I'd get to have kids with a woman I loved."

  I sat back, wiping my stupid face and met his eyes. "What do you mean?"

  He sighed. "My clan would have insisted I have heirs, eventually. They would have chosen some poor woman they thought was a 'good match'. Which means they'd bring me the ones who had the best genetic potential to make more nine-tails. So the clan could stay strong."

  I grimaced at him. "Gross."

  He laughed. "My whole life, I've wanted to be free. But I never even thought about this. Gods, Gesa you've given me so damned much. And you just keep giving. I love you so much."

  He kissed me, not caring that I was snotting all over him again. My fox was amazing.

  He drew back and handed me my bowl. "Here. Eat! The ice cream is melting, and you have twins to feed."

  I snorted but did as I was told. "How are you so okay with all of this?" I said around a mouthful of heaven.

  He smiled. "I've been around a lot of pregnant women, Gesa. In my clan, everyone is always looking out for the next great heir to keep the kitsune strong. So pregnant women are treated very well. As a kid, I was always taught that taking care of mothers is our first responsibility. Us kids would bring treats to the women who were expecting, bring them flowers for their hair, get them anything they needed. I guess it's just kind of ingrained. Mothers are sacred."

  I shook my head. I was always underestimating my fox. Putting my spoon down, I met his eyes. "I'll tell them. But…give me a while to process this all, okay?"

  He nodded. "Whatever you need. But they are all going to be so happy!"

  I took a deep breath and leaned back against Hisashi's chest. I hoped he was right. But I wasn't sure everyone in the pride would be as thrilled as Hisashi. Con would probably be okay. He would love the opportunity to care for more people. But Oisin really didn't seem like the kind to want kids. Kai was so unaffected by everything, she'd probably greet the news that I was pregnant like she would if I told her we were getting new furniture. And Halstad…Gods. I hadn't even gotten a chance to know Halstad and here I was, throwing a baby—or two—into the mix. The guy didn't want to be intimate. How the fuck was he going to handle the whole "hey, you're going to be a dad," conversation?

  I closed my eyes and let Hisashi's magic lull me into numbness. I had Hisashi. Hopefully this new development didn't destroy my relationship with the others. But if it did…I wasn't alone.

  I curled my hand over my belly again. We weren't alone.

  *****

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