by Devney Perry
He’d see right through my lies.
“I’ll never be able to thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me, and I can’t tell you how much it meant that you came here the other night and stayed with me yesterday. I don’t know what I would have done without you, but I can’t keep interrupting your life. You should go home. I’ll be okay.”
I would be miserable, but if he knew the truth, he’d stay. And the longer we stayed together, the harder it would be on both of us in the end.
His arms came to my shoulders and pushed me back. “Say that again? You want me to go?”
No. “I want you to be free.”
His face softened. “Sabrina, I—”
“Please,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “I can’t, Beau. I can’t drag this out. It will hurt too much and nothing has changed. I belong here. You belong there.”
His shoulders fell and his hands dropped to his sides. “That’s what you want?”
“Yes.”
It was the worst lie I’d ever told.
He stared at me for a few moments but I kept my eyes locked firmly to his chest. Finally, he whispered, “Okay.”
“Will you do something for me before you go? One last thing?”
“Your wish, Shortcake.”
This hurt. God, this fucking hurt.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and locked my eyes with his. “I hated how everything ended in Prescott. This time, I want a real good-bye.”
Beau didn’t need any explanation. His mouth crashed down on mine, urgent and hungry, as we both poured our hearts into the kiss. He wasted no time, hoisting me up and carrying me to my bedroom, where he laid me down gently on the bed and stripped off my clothes. When he’d done the same with his, he came down on top of me, careful not to crush me under his heavy weight.
He started kissing my neck, traveling slowly to my breasts but stopped abruptly and pulled away.
“Fuck,” he hissed.
“What?”
“I don’t have a condom.”
“I’m back on birth control. There hasn’t been anyone since you.” I braced, hoping that he could say the same.
“Me either.”
What a relief.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
I nodded. “I want you, Beau. Just you.”
When he slid inside without anything between us, a single tear escaped my eye. This moment deserved a tear.
It deserved all the tears.
Beau and I stayed in bed together for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. We lay cuddled together, mostly in silence. One or the both of us would drift off, then wake to reach for the other and make love, again and again. Finally, night fell and I slipped into a deep sleep with Beau’s arms wrapped around me like ropes.
When I woke the next morning, cold and untethered, I didn’t need to reach out to know that he was gone.
Beau
Staring out an airport window, I mindlessly watched a ground crew prepare for the day. It was only four thirty in the morning and I’d be waking Michael up with my phone call but I touched his name anyway.
“Hey.” Michael’s voice was rough with sleep. “Is everything okay? How’s Sabrina doing?”
“She’s fine,” I said. “Listen, I’m at the airport and should be home early afternoon. I’m going to swing by and pick up Boone from your place and then head out into the mountains for a couple days.”
“What? I thought you were staying for a week or two.”
“Things changed.”
“Oh, okay.”
I knew he’d be disappointed. Michael was worse than Maisy when it came to Sabrina. He asked daily when I’d be bringing her back, whereas Maisy limited her nosiness to once a week.
Months ago, I had spilled Sabrina’s whole story to Michael over a bottle of Crown. The moment she left Prescott, I’d turned into a grouchy and miserable son of a bitch. Michael had been the family nominee to intervene.
“Are you sure you shouldn’t stay longer?” he asked. “She might surprise you if you asked her to come back.”
“I can’t force her into a life she doesn’t want, Michael.” She didn’t want that life—my life—even if she wanted me.
He sighed. “But you love her.”
With everything I had.
“Let’s talk about this later, okay? See you in a bit.” I hung up and walked farther down the row of windows, taking a chair in a secluded corner near my gate. The second I got home, I was leaving again. I needed some time alone in the mountains to think clearly and make a plan.
I couldn’t force Sabrina into my life in Montana, but I could fit myself into her life here.
It meant I needed a plan to unload a lot of responsibility. It meant I would be choosing myself over everything and everyone else in my life.
Sabrina thought yesterday was our good-bye.
It wasn’t. I’d prove to her that she was more important than anything else. My job. My family. My mountains.
I’d say good-bye to it all, just so I could say hello to her every morning for the rest of my life.
The end.
Tears were streaming down my face as I typed.
For the last three weeks, the book that I’d started at the outpost, Holt’s Compass, had been my life. After Beau had left, I’d sequestered myself in my office and done nothing but write. Occasionally I’d shower, but mostly I sat in front of my computer, leaving only to answer the door for takeout deliveries.
And today, it was done. Finally.
The portion that I’d written at the outpost had been reworked and now it was my most powerful romance to date. I loved the hero. I was the heroine. And the elements of their love story were flawless.
None of my college papers or newspaper articles had ever given me this sense of satisfaction. This was my masterpiece.
I was proud of the story I’d written but my favorite part wasn’t the fiction. It was the dedication.
I’d given this story to Beau.
He’d probably never read the words I’d written for him but it gave me a great deal of peace to know they were there.
Wiping the tears off my damp cheeks, I closed my eyes and tipped my head to the ceiling. I miss you. I hope you have a nice day. Every time I thought of Beau, I closed my eyes and sent him good thoughts. And since I thought of him about a hundred times a day, I did this a lot.
“Morning.”
I opened my eyes and spun my chair around to see my dad leaning against the doorframe. “Hi, Dad. Did you sleep okay?”
He nodded, the lines in his forehead deepening. “I did, but it doesn’t look like you did.”
I stood from my chair and crossed the room, hugging him at the waist. “I slept okay. I just got up early so I could finish my book. It’s always a little emotional at the end.”
He hugged me tighter. “Congratulations, Sabrina. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Dad.” I smiled against his navy polo then stepped away, reaching up to knot my messy hair. “So what’s the plan for today? Is there anything you guys would like to do?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Whatever you and your mom want to do is fine with me. Let’s decide over breakfast. Though, between you and me, I’d rather not spend the entire day shopping.”
“Your secret is safe with me. I’ll hop in the shower and then we can head out. There’s a coffee shop around the corner that has the best pastries.”
“Chocolate croissants?”
“The best you’ll ever have.”
Dad and I shared the same weakness for breakfast pastries so I grinned when he rubbed his hands together.
“Morning, dear,” Mom called. She waved at me and Dad but was making a beeline for the coffee pot.
“Morning, Mom.” I followed her into the kitchen and gave her a quick hug before disappearing into my bathroom.
My parents had just gotten to Seattle last night, their first visit out since that horrible night with Anton. They had been distraught over ever
ything that had happened and had wanted to come up immediately to check on me, but I had assured them I was fine and asked for a little time alone to process everything. Only after I’d spilled everything about Beau and told them that he had been here to help me through the rough patch did they agree to wait a few weeks.
But when I’d picked them up at the airport last night, I’d realized that three weeks had been too long. While I had needed time alone, they had needed to see for themselves that I was okay. With just one hug, a few of my mom’s gray hairs had turned back to their normal blond and my dad had lost fifteen worry lines from his forehead.
Spending a week with them would be healing. For all of us.
“Ready!” I called, coming out of my bedroom, wearing cuffed jeans and a simple black blouse. “After breakfast, we should visit the market before it gets too crowded.” I strapped on my black gladiator sandals.
“Sounds lovely!” Mom always wore dresses and heels, but since she’d traded her normal shoes for flats this morning, I’d taken it as a hint that she wanted to do some exploring. I just hoped my sandals would hold up for the inevitable miles she would put us through today. My dad never wore anything other than golf polos, chinos and sneakers, so no matter what we decided to do, he’d be comfortable.
We set out for coffee and pastries, then wandered toward the market. Sipping my vanilla chai, I followed my parents through Pike Place. While Mom was busy buying fresh fish and produce for dinner, Dad was struggling to pick out a bouquet of flowers from the plethora of available options.
“These?” he mouthed, pointing to an enormous bundle of green buds and deep purple peonies.
I smiled and gave him a thumbs-up. While he handed a wad of cash to the merchant, I glanced over my shoulder, expecting to see an FBI agent close by. I’d been doing that all morning out of habit even though Henry had finally deemed it safe for me to be on my own. It had been a week but I still found it strange to come out of my apartment door and not see someone in my hallway.
Mom called me over to a vegetable stand and pulled me from my thoughts. I helped her pick out the rest of our dinner menu and then we strolled back to my apartment with food bags and flowers in hand.
“We’ve got some news,” Mom said as we walked. “Kameron’s girlfriend is pregnant.”
“Really?” I did a little skip. “I’m going to be an aunt?”
Dad smiled. “Yep. And we’re finally getting some grandbabies.”
“I’m so excited! I can’t believe he didn’t tell me. I talked to him two days ago.”
Mom laughed. “He said I could tell you as long as I promised to take a picture of your smile.”
My smile got bigger as she pulled out her phone and snapped a quick photo, immediately texting it to my brother.
“That’s not all,” Dad said. “Kellan and his girlfriend are having a baby too. And they’re getting married.”
“What?” I laughed. “You’re kidding.”
Mom’s beaming smile got wider and she started laughing again. “Those boys. You’d think at some point they’d stop doing everything together, but I swear, they’re just as in sync now as they were when they were little boys.”
“At least it makes birthday and Christmas shopping easy.” Whatever I bought one brother, I bought the other.
Dad laughed at my joke. “True.”
When I was younger, I’d been jealous of Kameron and Kellan. They weren’t just brothers, they were best friends. They had done their best to include me, but as the younger sister, I had been destined to be the third wheel.
And now they were both building families of their own.
I was glad they could give my parents grandchildren to love and spoil, because without Beau, I didn’t see myself having kids.
I briefly closed my eyes and sent him more good thoughts. I hope you can do something fun for yourself today. I miss you. Tell Boone I miss him too.
I ignored a sting of sadness and turned back to my parents.
“Are you okay, dear?” Mom asked, touching my hand.
I forced a wide smile. “I’m great! Really happy for Kameron and Kellan.”
“You’ll have to come home when the babies are born,” Dad said.
“I’ll be there. I wish I didn’t live so far away, but I guess I’ll be earning lots of frequent flyer miles.” I may not become a mother but I could be one amazing aunt. At the outpost, I had vowed to become a better daughter and sister. Today, I was vowing to be a loving and present auntie, even from a distance.
Dad threw his arm around my shoulders. “You can always move home.”
Move to Florida? I hadn’t even considered that as an option.
It would be wonderful to be closer to my family. I didn’t have a job in Seattle tying me down anymore. And though I hadn’t let Anton’s death taint my home, I also wouldn’t be heartbroken to leave my apartment behind. Could moving home be my next step?
“I’ll think about it, Dad.”
“Good.” He pulled me tighter into his tall frame and kept me latched to his side all the way back to my apartment. We unloaded the groceries and then set out to do some sightseeing and shopping. By the time we made it back home in the late afternoon, I was dead on my feet.
“I need to get back to the gym.” I plopped down onto my living room couch. “I am out of shape.” Spending three weeks writing in my office chair hadn’t done my physical endurance any favors.
“You relax and I’ll get started on an early dinner,” Mom said. “I’ll get you a glass of wine too.”
Dad and I visited in the living room while I sipped a light chardonnay and Mom bustled around in the kitchen.
“How’s Felicity doing?” Dad asked.
I smiled. “Good. She’s due any day now.”
“And they’re having a girl?”
I nodded just as the doorbell rang. I started to stand but Dad beat me to standing. “You sit, I’ll get it.”
I had no idea who could be visiting. My doorman normally called with outside visitors so I figured it was one of my neighbors or someone at the wrong door. When two pairs of footsteps came back down the hall, I sat up straighter.
“Henry?”
“Hi.” He waved to me and then my mom. “Sorry to intrude. I’ll come back a different day.”
“No, it’s fine. Please, come in.” Standing from the couch, I introduced him to Mom and Dad.
“Stay for dinner?” Mom asked him.
Henry looked to me for an invitation and I nodded. “Stay, please.”
The week after Beau had left, Henry had checked in on me twice but I hadn’t seen him since. I had been so consumed with writing and he’d been busy with work that we’d resorted to the occasional text, but even then, our exchanges had been brief. It would be nice to catch up with him tonight and Mom was cooking a feast.
“Would you like wine?” Dad asked him.
“Sure. Thanks.”
Dad brought Henry a glass and refilled my own, then joined us in the living room.
“It seems like I haven’t seen you in ages,” I said. “I’m glad you stopped by.”
“I was in the area and thought I’d make sure you hadn’t been sucked into your computer.”
Dad laughed. “We got here just in the nick of time.”
“No teasing!” Mom yelled from the kitchen, coming to my defense. “I haven’t had anything good to read for weeks and I’m desperate for her next book.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I said, giving Dad and Henry my “so there” look.
Henry smiled and turned to my dad. “So how long are you visiting Seattle?”
I sank further into my chair and listened to Dad and Henry chat while Mom’s kitchen noises echoed in the background.
It was strange to see Henry so relaxed, off duty with a wine glass and not wearing his signature black suit. He looked so different, so casual, in jeans and an untucked white linen shirt. He was handsome in his suit but this look fit him better. It went with his dimple.
“Dinner!” Mom announced and we all retreated to the kitchen. Ever since that horrible night with Anton, I couldn’t bring myself to sit at the kitchen island, so with my plate loaded, I came back to the living room and sat on the floor by the coffee table.
I smiled to myself, thinking of how many nights I’d spent at the outpost in a similar position, using a cooler instead of a coffee table. Beau was so big that in order to be comfortable, he always had to have the cooler between his open legs.
My eyes closed as I tipped back my head. Whatever you’re eating, I hope you have a nice dinner tonight.
My parents and Henry joined me in the living room and we all ate Mom’s delicious meal. I volunteered to clean up but Dad insisted I relax and talk with Henry while he and Mom did the dishes.
“How are you?” Henry asked.
“I’m doing okay. There have been a couple of bad nights here and there, but for the most part, I’m good. Writing has helped keep my mind off things.”
He pushed out a slow breath. “I’m glad. I know I’ve said it a million times but I’m truly sorry.”
“It’s over now, Henry. You’re not to blame. How have you been?”
“Busy. Really busy.”
“Those darn criminals. Don’t they ever take vacations?”
He grinned. “The next case I pick up, I’ll be sure to find a bad guy with regularly scheduled holidays.”
I tapped my temple. “Now you’re thinking.”
My ringing phone interrupted our conversation. Felicity’s name flashed on the screen, requesting to FaceTime. My heart started to race as I bounced in my seat, waiting for the video feed to load.
Either she was stuck in a chair and was calling to bitch because she couldn’t get up, or she was in the hospital with my self-proclaimed niece.
Silas’s face appeared on the screen and my heart jumped. His smile was so wide, his happiness radiated through the phone. “Hey there,” he said. “We’ve got someone we’d like you to meet.”
Tears filled my eyes as he aimed the camera at Felicity in her hospital bed and a precious bundle in her arms.
“She’s so beautiful,” I whispered. The baby was swaddled in a white muslin blanket and her hair was covered with a pale-pink cap as she slept peacefully in her mother’s arms.
