by J. K. Rock
Alex
Something tall and furry brushed against me in our makeshift backstage Friday night.
“Way to go, Alex!” Jackie thumped my back with her werewolf claws. “The show’s awesome.”
I put a finger to my lips and shook my head. With only a thin curtain between us and the audience, there was little to muffle sound. Besides, I didn’t want to miss Javier and Brittany’s kissing scene. Luckily Gollum had agreed that Javier’s treatment was unfair, and allowed him this romantic acting scene. It’d hurt to watch them practice these past few days, but it was an important moment. For the sake of the scene, I wanted them to get it right. Preferably without tongue.
My nail polish tasted bitter as I gnawed on what was left of my thumb nail. Javier’s rich singing voice filled the room with a final note, and then he grabbed Brittany, pulled her close, and pressed his lips (muzzle, really) to hers.
“Breathe, Alex,” whispered Jackie.
But I couldn’t. Seeing him kiss another girl ripped a fresh hole in my heart every time. Yet when his eyes lifted, they met mine through the mask holes, their expression tender and full of longing. I melted a little inside. He meant that kiss for me.
Air rushed out, and I sagged against Jackie. How bittersweet. Now that Javier was finally ready to be with me, we were being separated. It’d be easy to blame Vijay or my parents or even Gollum. But I knew who was responsible for this mess. Me.
I blew Javier a kiss from the shadowed sideline and pulled the curtain closed to thunderous applause. The jabbering actors rushed off stage. With stern looks and hand gestures, I quieted them and got them back in place. After a quick set change organized by Trinity and special effects arranged by Rafe, Brittany was back on stage in no time. In the gloom, a strong hand slipped in mine and squeezed. Javier. He didn’t go back out for another couple of minutes. His breath was warm and close against my ear.
“Still wish you were my Maria,” he whispered.
“The show’s better with Brittany in the lead. That’s what counts.” I kept my voice quieter than the coughs and cleared throats in the audience.
He cupped my chin and brushed my mouth with his. “I’m going to miss you.”
“Me, too.”
We jumped apart when Rafe tapped Javier’s shoulder.
“Here’s the head.”
Javier pulled off his mask and put on the replica head that added height since he was now looking out of the wolf’s snout.
“Remember to scrunch down and squirt the blood bag if it doesn’t go off automatically when Julian cuts off your head. Got it?” Rafael repositioned a Ziploc bag of ketchup and cherry JELL-O inside the snout.
“Got it.” Javier’s voice sounded muffled. It must be super-hot in there, and for the first time, I could see some benefit to not being in the spotlight. Directing wasn’t so bad.
I glanced at my watch. When I looked up, I caught Rafael giving Siobhan a kiss. Aw! I felt so happy for my friend.
“Places,” I hissed, and a few other cast members raced on stage with Javier.
I peeked through the slit between the wall and the material and spotted my mom during the West Side Scary climactic fight scene. She was here! I hadn’t been able to see her earlier, but then again, I’d been big-time distracted getting the production off the ground. Weird to be thinking about my mother when I was still at camp with my friends—but it felt strange to see her here solo. My parents never went anywhere alone, so this must be a serious 9-1-1 for her to have shown up by herself. Then again, maybe Dad was already in New York negotiating a new book deal over my latest life drama. Either way, it worried me. Mom looked smaller and less confident. But that might have been because we’d made everyone turn off and stow their cell phones. She must be going through serious withdrawal.
My attention returned to the stage, and I smiled at my friends’ theatrics in the wake of Tony’s—aka Javier’s—death. They growled and snarled and somehow still managed to sing and act like pros. Brittany delivered her final cautionary words with passion and a fierceness that made me glow with pride. For a moment, I imagined what it’d be like to take a bow as the scene ended, soaking in the enthusiastic applause and cheers now filling the room. But that wasn’t my role this time. This day belonged to the stars, and mine had definitely dimmed.
“Hey!” Brittany exclaimed when Javier dropped her hand, ran off stage, and into my arms. Before I could react, he dragged me on stage and planted me front and center.
“Everyone. This is our co-director Alex. Please show her your appreciation,” shouted Javier. He held up my hand like we were Olympic relay racers…and maybe we were. We’d run a marathon this past month.
Brittany gave me a hug and a bundle of pink roses and lavender. “Alex is the amazing director behind West Side Scary,” she said to the clapping assembly. “None of this would have been possible without her.”
If anything, the hoots and hollers got even louder. Tears threatened, but I swallowed them back. No way would I fall into a sobbing mess right now. This was my big moment. Maybe I didn’t deserve it, but even my mother had leapt to her feet, cheering loud enough for me to tell her voice from the rest.
Javier led me off the stage and into the milling crowd. Emily shouldered her way through the throng surrounding us, Yasmine and Brittany behind her.
“Way to go, home girl! That so didn’t suck like Twi—”
A gasp drowned out the rest of her sentence. Brittany’s eyes glowed from behind her vampire contacts. “You were so not going to say what I thought you were about to say.”
“She meant the Twilight Zone. Isn’t that right, Em?” Yasmine raised her eyebrows. “We were talking about it the other day. Remember the episode with the guy stuck outside the moving train…”
“It was a plane.” Emily’s gums flashed in a toothy smile, and Brittany relaxed. “Dr. Spock was on the wing dressed like a baby Wookie and…”
“Trippy,” Trinity murmured before wandering off to talk to Seth and his grandparents.
“No. Not Spock,” Rafael interrupted. He slung his arm around a glowing Siobhan. “It was Captain Kirk. I mean, William Shatner.” He held his fingers in a “V” sign. “Live long and prosper.” Siobhan’s adoring look earned her a kiss on the tip of her nose. “That’s the Vulcan salute. I’m a bit of a Trekkie.”
“Me, too,” sighed Siobhan. She plucked a tuft of leftover fur from behind Rafael’s ear.
Jackie and Piper made gagging sounds, but I only smiled. Even if my love life sucked, it felt good to see my friend so happy.
“Anyhoo.” Emily grabbed my hands and squeezed. “I’m proud of you, Alex. You did an amazing job tonight, and you are an inspiration to all the girls here. I think you’d be the perfect keynote speaker tomorrow night to introduce next week’s Girl Growth and Development seminar.”
I took an involuntary step back and felt Javier’s arm tighten around my waist. “I think you might have that twisted. Remember…I’m the girl leaving camp because of being punished. That’s hardly inspiring.”
Yasmine’s wooden arm bracelets clanked as she reached for me. “Alex, you are leaving a different person. You should feel so proud. Look at all you’ve accomplished.”
Her dark eyes locked on me, full of Yasmine-forcefulness, and I couldn’t hold back a smile. Yasmine had grown on me this summer. I’d miss her lecturing, do-gooder ways. They reminded me of the person I aspired to be some day. But really, who was I kidding? The girls at the seminar would laugh me off that stage.
“Yasmine should be your speaker. I’m definitely not qualified.”
Shaking my head, I backed away from the full-court press of pressure from Emily and Yasmine and accidentally bumped into my mom.
“What’s this about not being qualified?” Mom swept me in a hug. “I’m so proud of you, sweetie.”
I blinked over her shoulder at Javier. Had she lost wireless service? Why the sudden affection? And the compliment?
She squeezed my shoulders and pulled back
, the dark circles under her eyes and her hollowed cheeks making me feel guilty for the long flight she’d taken. “You can do it, honey.” She reached over and shook Emily’s hand. “I’m Alex’s mother, Grace, by the way. And I agree with you. The younger girls can learn a lot from Alex.”
“From my mistakes.” I hung my head.
Mom tipped up my chin. “That’s how we grow. And we’ll talk about them later.” She exchanged a few quiet words with Emily for a minute before looping an arm through mine. “Please excuse us. We have a lot of catching up to do.”
Emily shooed some campers to make way for us. “Clear out. Mother-daughter heart-to-heart coming through.”
I cringed at the stares and cast Javier a despairing glance over my shoulder. His warm smile softened the regret I felt at leaving the rocking cast party we’d prearranged. Some of the cast members carried in the food and drinks we’d stowed backstage while others strung lights. One of the boys cranked some music, and vampires, werewolves and campers shuffled, swayed, and grinded as I walked an endless path out the door. Parting from Javier now was only a taste of what it would feel like later—when we said goodbye for real.
And wow. It would hurt.
Now, I had to deal with Mom’s come-to-Jesus talk, no matter how supportive she acted publicly. Time to face the music, not dance to it.
“How about over there?” Mom gestured to some picnic tables appearing through the trees near the lake.
I couldn’t make out her features in the softening gloom, but she looked serious. Didn’t we always have our family blowouts behind closed doors? Public disagreements weren’t part of the Wholesome Home image.
I followed her down the path and sat on the worn wooden bench. The evening air smelled pine-fresh with possibilities, even though I’d run out of them. My arms gave each other a hug. Now that we were alone, I wouldn’t be getting any more.
A soft, hiccupping sound came from Mom’s direction across the table. I stared at the tears streaming down her cheeks. I’d been ready for the lecture, prepared for the blame, braced myself for the punishment…but this…this I hadn’t expected. And it hurt. I’d wounded Javier. Was Mom another of my casualties?
I groped for her left hand, and it felt lighter than usual. She’d lost weight. But more than that…I noticed her wedding and engagement bands were missing.
“Mom, where are your rings?”
Her shoulders shook harder, and I rushed to her side of the table. With my arms wrapped around her, my face pressed against her trembling back, I felt her fragility for the first time. Strange how I’d always seen her as this tower of strength. But her foundation seemed to have crumbled. Were her rings off because my parents’ marriage was over? Had my actions made them fight and break up? Guilt flooded me. I’d wanted to pay back my parents for sending me away to school and publicizing my screw-ups on their blog, but I’d never wanted this. For the first time I realized how much I wanted a family—wholesome or not.
“Your father and I have separated.” Her tremulous voice sounded younger and less sure than I’d ever heard it.
I squeezed her tighter around the waist, and her cold fingers laced through mine.
“Mom, I didn’t mean to cause you guys so many problems. Please don’t split because of me. You’re great parents. I’m the failure. Me.” My voice lodged in my throat at the end, my last word louder than the rest as I forced it out.
Mom shook her head, then let go of my hand to grab a tissue and blow her nose. I rested my head on her shoulder, and we both stared out at the lake, watching the rising moon mirrored on its inky, calm surface. Pretty on the outside with unpredictable currents lurking below. I felt one begin to drag me under.
After a long sigh, Mom twisted around to face me. “My problems with your dad aren’t about you, Alex. If anything, you kept us together longer than we would have made it on our own. The blog gave us a common purpose. But it was a partnership more about business than love.”
My chest felt heavy. Like I had slipped under those placid waters and swallowed a mouthful of pain. “But you two have always been so tight. A team.”
Mom nodded, the lines around her mouth deeper than I remembered them. “A team, yes. A couple, not in the real sense. This summer we argued a lot about what to do with you this fall.”
And here I thought Javier had suffered the most because of me. At least he’d be out of the group home in six months. My problems could ruin my parents’ marriage forever.
“Why would you argue about that? It’s already done. I saw the application filled out. I know I’m going to boarding school.” I brushed a moth away from my cheek and realized, when my hand came away damp, that I was crying, too. “I know you and Dad are ready to get rid of me. I just…hadn’t understood how many problems I was causing until now.”
But now? I got it. Seeing Javier’s life fall apart because of me had spelled it out perfectly. I was trouble.
Soft fingers wiped away my tears, then smoothed a damp strand of hair behind my ears. It was a familiar gesture, one that brought back memories of Mom soothing me when I’d woken from a childhood nightmare or fallen off a bike or gotten in school trouble. Always Mom.
Where had Dad been all those times? He’d been quick to jump on the computer to blog about things that happened to me but not to actually help. I guess that was a difference between my parents. Here was Mom, facing me with this harsh news, soothing me as best she could, while Dad stayed behind for more photo ops and blog posts.
“Alex, I never wanted you to leave us. I don’t want to speak poorly of your father. No matter what, he’s still your dad. But we couldn’t see eye to eye on your schooling, and when it came to fighting for my daughter, I couldn’t back down.” She squeezed my hand. “It’s too important. You’re too important.”
Wonder filled me that Mom loved me as more than a career booster, more than a publicity opportunity. She loved me for real. My heart pounded, and I put my hand across my chest, marveling that this was real and the fake-life I’d lived for so long might finally be over. But what would happen to Mom without Wholesome Home? Without my dad?
“I don’t want to cause all of this, Mom.” I clutched her arm tight, needing her to listen to me. “I’ve done a lot of thinking at camp, and I know the boarding school will be fine. I’m fine. Please don’t end things because of me. I—I couldn’t take it if you did.”
Javier said I’d be all right if I went away to school, and I believed in him like I’d never believed in anyone else. But more importantly, I’d come to believe in myself.
“Oh, sweetie.” My mother gathered me in her arms. “This is between your father and me. We both love you very much. We just don’t love each other. I’m not leaving until tomorrow, but I want you to think about what you want to do and who you’d like to live with when you’ve finished camp.”
Everything else fell away when she mentioned camp. My mouth opened and closed like a creature under that placid lake. “Aren’t I leaving with you?”
Mom’s lips twisted upward in a small smile. “After watching you with your friends, how well you managed the skit, I don’t want you to leave when you’re happy and thriving. Juniper Point is good for you, and if you help Emily, you’ll be able to do some good for other people, too.”
Relief rolled through me like a wave on the shore. I wasn’t leaving. I had another month before boarding school. Time to make sense about how I felt about the divorce. Most of all, it was a second chance to be the person I’d finally learned I could become.
I kissed her cheek, tasting the salt of her tears—or mine—and gave her a bear hug. “Thank you, Mom. I won’t mess up again before going to boarding school.” Oh my God. I was really going to get to stay here.
If only Javier wasn’t leaving…
“Mistakes are how you grow, sweetie. Even at my age,” Mom whispered in the near dark. Something small and darker than the air swooped overhead, and we both ducked. Mom scrambled to duck as she shrieked.
�
�Was that a—”
“Bat? Yep.” I shuddered at how close it had come, but we were facing something so much more sinister than this that I couldn’t, wouldn’t be afraid of flying rats. “For a minute, I thought it was BLISS Network surprising us with a TV crew. Now that would have been scary.”
A ghost of a smile flitted across Mom’s face. “I cancelled them before I got here. No family, no show.”
“So what are you going to do?” I covered her twisting hands and pulled them onto my lap.
A short laugh escaped her. “Write a final post on the Wholesome Home blog, then shut it down or sign my share of the rights over to your father for a small fee.” She winked at me. “I’ll find a job, a place to live…actually, it’s kind of a long list.”
“Oh, Mom.” I hated hearing her sound so uncertain. I watched a small group of younger campers trek out onto the
dock to stargaze and remembered when the Munchies did that once. It felt like another lifetime ago.
“Honey, it’s fine. Better than fine. It’s good and long overdue.”
“At least you won’t have to worry about where to put me.” Suddenly going away for school, which I’d come to accept, seemed like a decent alternative after all. With so much changing, it’d help my mom to have me settled. I would focus on that instead of how I felt about it. “I’ll be away at boarding school.”
I stared up at the sky, wondering if the campers would see any shooting stars so they could make wishes. Mine would be for Mom. And Javier, too.
“About school…”
I leaned forward. “Yes?”
“After we spoke, I contacted the assistant director of Mine Forever.”
So much had happened since my angry phone call to Mom, I’d forgotten I even mentioned it to her. What was more surprising? She’d actually been listening.
“You did?”
“She spoke very highly of you and strongly recommended you spend your last year of high school at the performing arts school she graduated from in New York.” Her eyebrows lifted. She smiled. “Alex, she said you showed great passion for the small role you were given. That you reminded her of herself when she was starting out. I had no idea you were so talented.”
