I would give anything in the world to talk to Mumma just one more time. I would trade everything just to be able to hold her tight for even a few minutes. I had told Jay the smallest of things I missed about Mumma and he’d said, “I know, babe. If there is anyone who can understand, it’s me.”
Jay had a wife at home, but he hit on me and exploited Amanda and Tanya. Jay had touched me with his lying, dirty hands. He had spoken to me with his filthy mouth.
Josh broke my reverie. “Ahana, are you OK?” He had so much compassion in his voice. “AHANA. AHANA. This isn’t your fault.” It made me feel irresponsible for not trying hard enough to remember.
“What does Jay want from me?” My breath was burning the phone. My head had been emptied of thoughts and filled with pockets of shock.
“We’ll find out soon. Did he ever ask you for financial help or a business investment?”
I sighed and shared further details of everything that had transpired when Josh said, “I have been doing this for a long time, Ahana. I don’t yet have any proof, but I am willing to bet my next paycheck that Jay planned it all out. I bet there are others, but victims tend to blame themselves and often don’t come forward.”
I felt bile rush into my mouth and corrode everything. “The mugging was a setup? But they punched…I saw.”
“I don’t know for sure. It could be a mere coincidence. But what the muggers did was a fake punch.” He spoke confidently. “The recipient of the fake punch—Jay in this case—acts dramatically as though he was really punched. It’s an old trick we used in college all the time.”
That was the last proof I needed to be reminded that Jay had played me. He had lied about his life, his mother, his career, where he lived…everything.
There was an intake of breath at Josh’s end. “Don’t beat yourself up. Jay earned your sympathy. He made you feel bad for him.”
I shook my head. “Two women. Apparently, Jay faked romance with two women from my online therapy group. He even cheated and stole money from one of them.” I tried to sound audible as I told Josh about Amanda and Tanya.
“Aah, so the fucking sociopath is a catfish!”
“Catfish?”
“A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they are not online to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.” Josh continued to be patient.
What romances? Jay and I are ONLY friends. I wanted to scream. “What tripped you up about Jay?”
“The same things that made you wonder,” Josh cleared his throat, “when you didn’t fall for his final bait of spending the evening with him, he invites you to brunch.” He paused. “Jay picked up that you had no interest in him, so he might need to exploit your vulnerabilities.”
A fresh wave of shock and panic arose inside of me. “Exploit how?”
“I am speculating here, but he could have assaulted you last night or tricked you into being more intimate with him had you guys gone out to dinner. There are a million ways. I would put nothing past a sociopath like Jay.”
I had a flashback about the number of times Jay had touched me despite my disapproval.
I have never known how to accept my own blunders or live with them. I sat stupefied with my back resting against the wall and legs stretched out.
“Jay sent a text that he will be here at 11:45 a.m. to pick me up.”
“What’s the area code of the number?”
I looked it up. “It starts with 917.”
“He has access to a New York phone. I don’t know if others are involved. I don’t want you seeing him or speaking with him.”
“He never comes to the phone, Josh.”
“He’ll call if he feels he’s losing you. He’s desperate. Under no circumstances let him know you are on to him. I think you should talk to the police. I can give you my buddy Ramon’s number.”
“One step a time.”
“We are going to get this guy, Ahana. I’m sorry about everything.”
It was 11:15 a.m. by now. I looked at my reflection in the mirror near the hallway. My eyes looked dreadfully puffy. All I wanted to do was crawl into fetal position on the sofa and cut myself off from the world. I gripped the kitchen sink, loudly crying.
I closed my eyes and thought about the time Jay had sent me a message, “There remains a pang, a tug and an emptiness in my life. Till I rejoin with my mom again.”
A bad person, once again, was able to make me feel bad about my life.
It hurt to breathe, but I washed my face and texted Jay. I told him something had come up at work and brunch would be difficult.
Josh was right. Jay called right away. “Hi, hon!”
I answered without thinking. “Sorry, I can’t make it.”
“You sound pensive. Are you OK?”
“Yes. Yes. How is your wound?” As I faked kindness toward Jay, I lost a little respect for myself.
“Oh, it’s swollen and it hurts. But I’m so glad I could take that punch and keep you out of harm’s way.”
I wanted to punch Jay so hard right now. “I hope you’ll take good care of it.” He was no longer a friend. He wasn’t even a stranger.
He made a whiny sound. “Is there no way we can hang out for even a couple of hours? You won’t make time for your best friend?”
“I wish I could. You know how much is at stake with the conference. Last night our server crashed and we lost a bit of data.”
“It sucks that I can’t see you. Your presence would have been therapy for my bruise. Your support is like my morphine.”
“You certainly sound delirious.” I sounded insipid, feigning laughter.
“Ahana, you mean the world to me.”
“Thanks, Jay. I can’t even tell you how helpful your visit has been.”
“Don’t be formal, hon.”
I wanted to pull his tongue out.
“I’ve got to get back to work.”
“I fly back tonight.”
“I guess this is it.”
“You never know how I might surprise you, babe.”
After Jay hung up, I held the phone against my ear. I conceded: his stories never added up. And if you are friends with someone whose story doesn’t seem to make sense, it might be because he is being dishonest. In the age of technology, it has become increasingly easier to reinvent yourself, and that’s what Jay did. I felt like I knew Jay already, and this was a danger I hadn’t known to protect myself from.
- 29 -
I considered sitting at home, but my pride wouldn’t allow Jay to cage me like a prey. I refused to mourn my broken heart because Rohan was upset.
I am sick of men controlling my life. I am done with being an emotional yo-yo. Starting today, I am putting up better boundaries. I am going to find strength inside me, I repeated to myself as I tied my hair into a low ponytail and changed into running clothes. I put on a headband to catch the flyaways. I was ready to deal with whatever I would encounter as I left the safety of Naina’s apartment. I needed to clear up some headspace. I needed to find answers. I wanted to run away from all the painful memories.
The faster I ran and stomped the earth, the more pain radiated from my heart and spread all over my body. My feet ached for mercy, but I conquered Central Park. At one point, I tripped and fell and got slight bruises on my arm. I got up and ran more. Five minutes after I finished running, the phone rang. It was Naina.
“Why are you panting?” Naina spoke at the other end.
“I just ran ten miles.”
“Didn’t Rohan and you get enough of a workout last evening?” Naina laughed.
I looked up at the sky.
“That’s why I didn’t call you sooner. Didn’t want to disturb in case you guys—”
“Naina, please stop.”
“What’s going on?” She sounded worried. Her questions also meant Josh hadn’t told her about Jay.
“I don’t think I’ll ever know how to pick good men, Naina. I just don’t have it in me.” I dug my shoes in
to the ground.
“What are you hiding from me?”
All of a sudden, I looked around and saw no one. Darkness started to creep inside of me. I was less than thirty blocks south of where the attack had happened. It was the middle of the day. But the fear of the unknown suddenly started to haunt me. I looked over my shoulders. “Can I call you once I get back home? This’ll take a while.”
* * *
Once I got back to Naina’s and locked every door in the house, I washed my face. Looking at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I wondered what Jay saw in me that convinced him I would believe him.
I called Naina. She was getting fitted for her mehendi outfit at an Indian clothing store in the suburbs of NOLA. When I told her about what Jay had done and how I had found out everything from Josh, she said, “I knew it! That son of a bitch!” She hissed and added, “You get on a plane and come to New Orleans right away. I don’t want you to be alone even for a second, Ahana.” I was surprised how non-judgmental she was for a change.
“But I have to straighten out a few things here,” I tried to reason with her.
“It’s not safe for you in NYC.”
I cut her off. “I’ll be fine.”
“Come home. Or I am ditching all this wedding prep and taking a flight out to New York.”
“Naina, you can’t do that.”
“You know me too well.” She let out a loud sigh over the phone. “Jay’s ego is bruised, and we still don’t know when and how he’ll retaliate.”
“I didn’t see through his stories!” I felt angry at myself.
“Ahana, I want you to remember this isn’t your fault.” She spoke in fragments and her words were punctuated by abrupt pauses.
“How can he do these things and yet be married, Naina? It boggles my mind.”
“Who knows what the inside story is, Ahana. We don’t know anything about his childhood or his marriage or if his wife is involved or if she has no idea he leads a dual life. What we do know is that Jay has no interest in emotional bonding or any remorse for how he’s hurt other women in your online therapy group.”
With my left palm over my eyes, I said, “I’ve been such a fool.”
“I am going to fucking castrate that son of a bitch. You need to come home tonight.”
“But…Naina…the conference.”
“Tell Michael you need to head to NOLA and that you’ll work from their NOLA office. There are too many people at home. I am going to book us a room in a hotel. I’ll tell Mom to inform the others that your company wants you staying at the hotel until the conference. This way, she can still feed you to death, but you don’t have to be around others.”
“You can’t do that. You have guests at home.”
“Meh. No one is as important as you. We need to sort this Jay shit out.”
I played with my hair as I sat on the sofa and told Naina about my date with Rohan. My voice cracked when I confessed my feelings. How much I missed Rohan. How much I wanted him. But he’d turned me down. And after the whole Jay experience, I was unsure of online relationships.
Naina spoke in a mellow tone. “I wish I was there with you.”
“It all feels too sudden.”
“Isn’t that what Masi’s death and your divorce taught you—life happens when you are planning it? Get on the fucking plane now, Ahana.”
* * *
I didn’t know where to begin. This was Saturday afternoon. Yes, Rohan, Crystal, Michael, and I were supposed to fly to New Orleans on Tuesday for the conference scheduled from Wednesday through Friday. Saturday was Naina’s sangeet and the wedding was a week and a half later. I had planned to stay back in New Orleans after the sangeet and take the week off. Chutney was going to join for the sangeet, but Dad was going to reach New Orleans only three days before the wedding.
I walked around Naina’s apartment. Ugh. I was letting my own unresolved issues with Rohan impact the conference. Or was I projecting my disdain for Jay onto Rohan? I meditated for twenty minutes and pulled out my laptop, which was lying on the coffee table in Naina’s living room.
I needed to work on my speech for the closing reception at the conference. I wrote, deleted, and rewrote what I was going to say. Dev and Jay’s smug certainty that I ought to be ashamed of myself, that I was their thing to use and manipulate…it stopped me from penning my truest words. I had nightmares about the last day of the conference, when I was ready to give the crisp, professional speech I had planned and practiced to perfection. In them, the crowd became a blur of faces. I opened my mouth and everyone started laughing, gasping, and gossiping about my dark secret.
I called Michael and told him I had to leave on Sunday for New Orleans because of a personal emergency. “I will inspect the event site on Sunday evening.”
“Hope all gets better. Take care of NOLA until the rest of us get there.” Michael was surprisingly calm. Or was he happy that I was out of his way? I couldn’t care less.
After purchasing my ticket, I emailed Naina. I was flying out of JFK at 6:30 a.m. on Sunday. I packed my bags, cleaned up the refrigerator, and invented more chores to distract myself. But my mind kept going back to Rohan. I wanted to update him on everything. But it felt like he didn’t want me. I didn’t realize how much it could hurt to be in love and not have the man you loved be in love with you.
- 30 -
Naina picked me up at the airport and hugged me tight—NOLA was warm and humid but still comforting. I unbuttoned by fall jacket and pulled out my scarf.
People in NOLA dressed differently than in New York. There was no sense of urgency in the air. They spoke slower than New Yorkers and added “ma’am,” at the end of their sentences. My mind was on Rohan. This was his city.
As I closed the trunk of Naina’s BMW, I turned on my phone. There was a text from Rohan. “Hedick told me you’re in NOLA. Since you refuse to communicate with me, I won’t bother you further. My team will work closely with you. All the best for the conference.” I was devastated. I didn’t write back and wore my dark glasses so Naina couldn’t see my tears.
The drive from the airport to the hotel felt painful. Rohan had broken up with me even before we started going out. Naina gave me the entire scoop on her dad’s side of the relatives and how Masi, her mom, was getting frustrated with the demands of the in-laws’ side of the family. “Good thing you aren’t marrying an Indian guy,” Masi had told Naina while smoking in her bathtub.
“I don’t think you would have lasted a day in an Indian marriage.” I looked at her.
“Why? I know how to wear a sari and say ‘Namaste, aunty. Will you eat samosas’?” She got her hands off the steering wheel and pressed them together.
It took us forty minutes to reach the hotel. The Intercontinental Hotel near the French Quarter was lovely and away from all the hustle and bustle of the family activity. It was a beautiful day, but I was a broken record, repeating questions about Jay. “How did I not recognize that he is a psychopath?”
“Because Jay put you through an idealization phase until you were sufficiently hooked and invested in beginning a friendship with him. Slowly, once he had his tentacles hooked in you, he tried to discredit, confuse, frustrate, and distract you from the main problem, which was him, and made you feel guilty for owning thoughts and feelings that differed from his own,” Naina explained patiently as I checked into the hotel.
I sank into the love seat next to the window in my room. I remembered how Jay smiled without any change in his eyes. His eyes were dull and cold. You would think those eyes had never loved anyone. I mean, how can you not wonder about a man who went through life doing what he did yet not have any remorse?
The sun hit my face, so I got up and drew the curtains shut in my hotel room.
“Ahana.” Naina turned me around so I was facing her. “Does Rohan know you are in NOLA?”
I shrugged.
“No. No. No.” Naina paced around the room. “You don’t screw up a good thing, Ahana. Rohan is a good guy.”
“What am I supposed to do with that?”
“Maybe nothing. You at least owe him an explanation as to why you left.” She folded her arms across her chest. “Or why you initiated a kiss and now you pretend like he doesn’t exist. You are being emotionally abusive and evasive.”
“Naina, please. He didn’t want me.”
“Stop making shit up! Rohan acted with propriety.” Naina clenched her fists. “Rohan never once said he didn’t want you. He was a gentleman. Ahana, you fucking led him on and now you won’t acknowledge his presence. We are not in fucking high school!” She prodded her index finger into my chest.
I walked away. She followed behind.
“It seems to be that you don’t want to be happy,” she blurted out.
“You did not just say that.” My eyes were misty.
“Yes, I did. You’re the spiritual one, right? You believe in the universe making things even for us?” She looked directly into my eyes. “Huh?”
“Yes.”
“Dev and Jay were assholes. The universe sends a good guy your way and you ruin it because you’ve decided what he feels even without asking him once. You assume all men are the same. You are being so fucking immature. I can’t even talk to you.” Naina threw her hands in the air.
“Rohan has never opened up to me. I walk around the periphery of his life story, hoping to take a dip in. What am I supposed to think, Naina?”
“He has shown you in a million ways how much you mean to him. Not everyone shares their feelings the same way, Ahana.” Naina raised her voice.
“What are you saying?”
“You’re a smart woman, Ahana. You want someone to send you a dramatic Hallmark card with rhyming, nauseating, lame-ass poems so you can believe how they feel about you?” Naina stormed out of the room, huffing. “Unbelievable.” She slammed the door behind her.
Louisiana Catch Page 28
