I sat on the edge of the bed and breathed deeply.
* * *
I settled into the hotel room and unpacked my bags. I reached out to Rohan’s team in NOLA and we decided to meet directly at the conference venue at 6 p.m. that evening. We were to go over the arrangements. The conference was a sold-out event. But given we had dignitaries, academics, and a huge variety of speakers, I wanted to make sure there was enough space for all of them to relax between sessions. Though we had sponsors in place for tea and coffee, cafes were yet to be set up near the big rooms where sessions were going to be held.
The streets were lined with people even around mid-morning. Drinks, beads, and chats occupied every nook and cranny. I almost bumped into a group of college kids senselessly drinking the potent cocktail Hurricane out of giant takeout mugs and vomiting on the side streets. The panhandlers wanted to start a conversation, in some way, to get you to feel sorry for them, and give them money. Rohan and Naina had warned me to keep my phone inside my bag, not walk in the middle of the street, and not carry a clutch because purse-snatching was a common occurrence in the French Quarter.
I finally understood Rohan’s unapologetic stance on Bourbon Street. “Overpriced, watered down drinks, ill-behaved tourists, and smelly street. Bourbon Street is all about drunk people and neon signs. Even the buildings aren’t well-preserved. I’ll show you true NOLA, Matron! Walking distance away from Bourbon and the French Quarter is Frenchmen Street where the locals hang out. They have a wide variety of live music on any given night of the week! You’ll love it. The pride of Louisiana.”
It felt so strange being in NOLA for the second time inside of a month and not seeing it through Rohan’s eyes. This was his city.
* * *
Rohan didn’t make contact after the text he sent me. Except for messaging Tanya, I didn’t post on my therapy group that I was in NOLA. But I kept a close eye on Jay. He had posted a selfie and the caption read: “I know you think this face is up to no good.” There was a thud in my heart—was that message for me? Tanya had liked the picture and Amanda had written “#Thingsthatmakeyougohmm” and ended it with a wink emoji. Maybe Tanya is the one who has been updating Jay about my schedule and personal details without even realizing? He is quite the charmer!
Naina sent me a text. “Let me know your plans. Mom wants to come and say hi before you and I grab a bite. BTW, still fucking pissed at you.”
“I would love to see Masi. I finish work at 7:30 p.m.”
“We’ll swing by your hotel around 8 p.m. You can spend some time with Mom and then dinner afterwards.”
“Sure.”
I went back to the hotel and did an hour of yoga in my room. I did backbend poses so my heart would open and I could find the strength to handle my feelings. I took a hot shower and made some tea as I went over all the contracts with the vendors for the conference.
I logged into the online therapy group and shared a new post. “I might not be online as often, as this week is busy with the conference.”
Jay wrote a personal message right away. “I hope you’ll at least check up on me, babe. The bruise from the punch still hurts.”
Naina being in NOLA made me confident. I wrote, “Send me a picture of your bruise. I am a doctor’s daughter. I might be able to help.”
Jay disappeared.
I was persistent. “Hello? You there?”
“I know you are busy with the conference and you need to save other women. I’ll be fine. Don’t want to send you a picture of my bruised face and upset you more.”
Jerk! That’s because there is no bruise or swollen face! “You are so considerate. Thanks, Jay.” I rolled my eyes.
After changing into a tight green skirt below the knees, but with a slit over the left knee and tucked in chiffon, and a sleeveless nude color blouse, I left for the New Orleans Convention Center. Rohan’s team was courteous and smart. It made me feel his absence even more. We were supposed to do site inspections together. This was our event. The thought that Rohan no longer wanted to work with me made me feel worthless.
I inspected the venue and worked out a roster. Every team member was assigned a dignitary. The team members’ job was to make sure the dignitaries’ needs were met. I emailed Michael and Rohan with an update. Michael acknowledged the progress report, but there was nothing from Rohan. I also emailed them pictures of what the venue looked like. I was so thrilled that we even had sponsors for chilled towels soaked in eucalyptus oil so we could create a spa feel for our speakers at the end of their talk.
I found a quiet spot and meditated. I did nine repetitions of alternate nostril breathing to balance both sides of the brain. After Mumma, I had never taken anyone for granted until Rohan. The ease of comfort with him both scared and confused me.
* * *
Naina and Masi met me in the lobby of my hotel. It was so nice to see Masi—made me feel closer to Mumma. Masi’s motherly touch and “at least eat these laddoos, beta” made me feel less alone. But laddoos also reminded me of Rohan. His eyes lit up around them. Little did I know that I would come to America to heal myself and would discover the man I love.
Naina, Masi, and I sat in the hotel bar. While Naina barely spoke, or looked at me, Masi filled the room with her laughter and jokes about her in-laws. She was stressed about Naina’s wedding and asked whether we could go in an area where she could smoke. On her way out, she cupped my face in her hands, “I should go now, beta. But remember that you aren’t alone. Whatever is weighing you down, ask your heart for the answer.”
My eyes became moist as I said a good night to Masi. I lingered on the hug.
Later, Naina and I walked quietly to an eatery on Bourbon Street. Despite the noise outside, we ate in silence as Naina dipped her fries in ketchup, or was it her ketchup in her fries? Naina was so warm and loving, but when she got upset, you didn’t want to be on her bad side.
I took a deep breath. “I know you are mad at me, but I...”
“You want my advice?” She wiped the corner of her mouth. “Rohan is the best thing that’s happened to you in a very long time. Talk to him.” She ran her tongue over her teeth.
“And tell him what?” I put my shrimp po’boy back on the plate. “Should I tell him I’m a weakling? That I keep waiting to heal and forget the damage Dev has done? That I don’t fully believe that Rohan likes me for who I am? That I won’t be able to take it if he turns me down? That I am unsure of my ability to judge men? That underneath this tough persona, I am scared?” I looked away.
“If you are scared, it means you’re willing to take a chance.” Naina put her food down. “Your silence has done more damage than good. Stop designing your life and fucking grab it by the horns, Ahana.”
“Dev.” One word that came out of my mouth in response.
“Will you stop bringing your past into your today?” She was clutching the corners of the table. Everyone around us stared at her.
The air felt too thick to swallow.
Naina got up and walked over to my chair. Her voice softened. “The future is scary; I get it. But you can’t keep running back to your past, which gave you only nightmares. Stop assuming every relationship will turn out the same way. You met Dev when you were too young. And Jay, you always knew there was something off about him. Both the jerks exploited and demeaned you because they are psychopaths.” She paused for a second. “You allowed yourself to be you in front of Rohan, because deep down you know he is a good guy. When you find someone who makes you happy and you want to keep around, you do something about it.”
I looked down and spoke softly, as if confessing to a priest. “I miss Rohan, Naina. No one else can compare to him. I don’t know how to make this all better.” My tears ate up the rest of my sentence.
Naina cupped my chin in between her palms and wiped my tears. Her phone rang. She looked at the screen. “This will all be fixed.” She kissed my forehead and left.
I sat stupefied, not knowing what to expect next.
; Naina came running back in. “Sorry; I forgot to pay for dinner.”
“Silly, I can take care of it.” I smiled at her but still felt confused.
“Yes, you can. Thank you, sis.” She started to run out again.
“But where are you going?”
She rolled up a bunch of fries and shoved them inside her mouth. “Meet you in the lobby of your hotel.” She gave me a time. “Don’t change.” She kissed me on my cheek.
After Naina left, I sat with a glass of wine and looked around. People seemed happy. Rohan was right; New Orleans had a magical quality to it. It filled up hearts. But my heart felt empty. I couldn’t stop thinking about Rohan. I guess, in life, you never end up where you think you wanted to be.
I closed my eyes and tried to picture what happiness would feel like—I saw Rohan. His words, his memories, his face. He treated me with so much respect and adulation. I missed his silliness. His way with words. The way he made me laugh. His handsome face. I hated myself for what I had done. I had completely misunderstood and misinterpreted his actions. I wanted Rohan back. I wanted a sign. Something. Anything.
The server brought me the check and at the bottom it said, “Follow your heart.”
In that very instant, I knew what had to be done.
- 31 -
I took a cab instead of walking back to my hotel. “There are lots of ways to stay safe and still have fun in NOLA,” Rohan had advised me once.
When I got to the lobby of my hotel after a long walk, I froze: there he was, Rohan, sitting on a brown leather sofa. Clad in a white shirt, blue denim jeans, and suede brown jacket, he looked exhausted. Naina was sitting next to him and using a lot of hand gestures in her conversation. Rohan saw me and got up from his seat.
I walked up to them and brought my eyebrows together. “What are you doing here?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “A client needed some help.”
“Cut out the bullshit, you two.” Naina punched Rohan’s arm. “I am sorry to interfere, Ahana. I called up Rohan as soon as I left your hotel room this morning, and told him what was going on. He took the first flight out of JFK. Sorry I had to ditch you at dinner because his flight got in before time.”
“Naina?” I couldn’t think of words.
I walked closer toward them. A smile lurked at the corner of my lips, but I was still cautious. Rohan’s eyes looked like he hadn’t slept at all. I don’t know what prompted me, but I hugged him.
He hugged me tightly like he was afraid to lose me. He ran his hands through my styled hair. The slight stubble on his face rubbed my skin; I liked it. It was wonderful to be close to Rohan.
“Ahem, guys.” Naina put her palms over her mouth and leaned in. “Go up to your room.”
I pulled myself away from him. “Naina.” I spoke in an embarrassed tone.
Rohan asked Naina to join us in the coffee shop.
“This is your time with her. Have fun, you kids.”
I kissed Naina on her cheek. “I love you. Thank you. I don’t know what to say,” I whispered in her ear.
“By the way, those laddoos that Mom brought, they are for Rohan too.” She wiped my tears.
“Masi too was in on this?”
“She masterminded the whole plan.”
Naina said goodnight to the two of us.
* * *
Rohan and I stood in awkward silence. I dragged my feet and stared at his shoes. I spent an equal amount of time on each.
He offered me his hand. “Come with me.” He looked at me. “But you might want to change into comfortable shoes and leave your handbag in the hotel safe.”
People were waiting in line to take the elevators up to the room. I stared at Rohan as he waited for me in the lobby. I marveled at the certainty and honesty of his words. I didn’t want to live in the past, but it occurred to me that while Jay had deliberately made me walk into a precarious situation, Rohan was making sure I stayed out of harm’s way.
“Why are you so chup-chaap? I mean, quiet?” I asked just as soon we got out of the hotel.
“Because I don’t want you running out and not talking to me. It frightens me when you become this way—so cold and distant, like nothing matters. Like we don’t matter.” He looked at me intently.
We walked on a quieter street. Rohan took off his jacket and covered his Rolex. I noticed that we were the only couple on the road for quite a ways in any direction. But I didn’t feel unsafe in his company.
I slowly told Rohan everything that Josh had revealed about Jay. “I should have told you sooner, but I was so embarrassed by my inability to see any of the signs in Jay. You and Naina had both warned me about him,” I confessed softly.
As we turned on Poydras Street, he stopped. “I want you to remember that people like Jay are career criminals who dupe others. Don’t ever blame yourself for whatever happened. I am grateful you are safe.”
“But you said—”
“I am sorry for saying things the way I did. I was upset. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. Instead of being a friend, I judged you. Forgive me, Ahana.” Rohan scraped his shoes.
“I’m so sorry for the way I behaved. I got nervous.”
We went for a walk by the Mississippi River. I could hear the water slap against the rocks. Though the night had cooled off, the air was humid and salty. We found a rock. He took off his jacket and placed it on the rock for me. “You could have said something instead of catching a flight and coming to New Orleans.” I glanced into his eyes; he didn’t look angry, just hurt.
After sitting down, I got out of my shoes and brought my legs to my chest. Rohan sat down next to me. We stared at the moonlight on the river. His eyes were moist.
I put my hands on his wrist. “Did you feel I had abandoned you, Rohan? That I didn’t want you?” I touched his arm.
“What would you have thought if you were in my place?” He picked a pebble and threw it in the river.
I dragged my feet sitting down. “Then why did you cut the night short on Friday?”
Rohan put his hand on my thighs and gently rubbed my knees with his thumbs. “I was upset about Jay. You compared me to that jerk! That’s the worst insult, Ahana.” He stood up. There was a chilling confidence in his voice. “I knew you were vulnerable after the episode with Jay—I realized that if I didn’t call it a night, then I might not be able to keep my hands off you.” He let out a sigh. “I didn’t want you to start our relationship with any regrets.”
Rohan’s patience these past few days told me the distance I needed to travel for us to connect.
I stood up and dusted my dress. “Then why didn’t you say anything?” I took his hands and brought them to my lips.
He cupped my face. My heart beat faster. “Because you are not ‘easy’ as you say.” He put his right hand firmly around my waist and cradled the back of my head with his left hand. “You had made up your mind about me. And only you could change your opinion.”
I stayed quiet.
He ran his fingers through my hair and pressed his forehead against mine. “Ahana, can’t you tell that I’m crazy about you?” He tucked my hair behind my left ear. “I’ve been dropping hints for the past few weeks that I am ready to make a commitment. Not just making out. Or going out to dinner. I want to be with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
My entire body trembled. I started to feel breathless in a way I had never known.
He caressed my cheeks. “I fell in love with you the first time we met. There have been no women ever since.”
I gently kissed his eyelids. “Sorry I’ve been so difficult.” I paused and pulled away. “But we live in different countries, Rohan.”
“My company’s Asia-Pacific headquarters is in New Delhi. I can move—I’ve already spoken with the human resources department. Or if you want to live in NOLA, there are many options for you.”
I couldn’t believe Rohan was willing to make such a huge change for me.
“I know how import
ant family is to you. Even if you were to move here, your dad can come visit whenever he wants. And we can go to India too!” He stroked my collarbones with his hands and my heart with his words. The memory attached to Dev dissipated in that moment.
I kissed his chin.
“And our dogs will have buddies for life.”
“You’ve thought it all through?” I liked the warmth of his arms.
“We’ll make it work, Ahana.” Rohan gazed into my eyes. “I want to be with you, and I am willing to do whatever it takes.” He caressed my frazzled expression.
He kissed me gently on my lips. Bringing his face back a few inches, staring into my eyes, he asked whether it was OK for him to kiss me. I kissed him back. With his warm lips on mine, I felt safe. I didn’t know I had waited my entire life to be loved so unconditionally.
I whispered, “I love you, Brady.”
He gave me a big smooch. “I love you too, Matron. More than you will ever know or believe.”
* * *
Next morning, I woke up by 5 a.m., and after a run in the French Quarter, I showered and left for work. I had to confirm arrangements at the meeting site, rental stores, and caterers. Depending on the attendee registration, I had to adjust the amount of food and chairs and tables. A little later in the day, I had a meeting at the conference venue. I needed to make sure that members who had agreed to help on the day of the conference knew exactly what they needed to do and when. I also had to make sure that all materials and supplies had arrived and the conference packets were assembled. I had to set up the registration area and have a meeting with the people who were responsible for the registrations so that they all knew what was expected of them. I had to assign committee members as trouble-shooters for any problems that might arise.
With a pen in my mouth and paper in my hand, I was pacing up and down when Rohan and I ran into each other at the NOLA office around 7:30 a.m. “Hi!” I could feel my face beam upon seeing him.
He kissed my forehead. “Looking sharp, Matron. How is it going?”
“A little nervous, yaar. I went over the list of things I have to finish in the next forty-eight hours. Attendees are already hashtagging the conference and posting selfies of their airport look—it’s real.”
Louisiana Catch Page 29
