by Violet Blaze
Flor shoved himself into me, slamming our bodies into the door with a grunt that I could only hope was covered up by the whir of the fan and the noise of the still running shower. I wove my fingers together behind his neck and leaned in for a kiss.
Only he wouldn't kiss me.
Flor turned his head and my lips scraped up against his cheek, but he didn't give me any time to let my anger bloom. His body moved inside of mine, rough and tender all at once, like he couldn't decide if he was in love with me or if he hated me. A whimper escaped me, and I did my best to silence it, pressing my face against the curve of Flor's neck while he fucked me against his bathroom door. While both our significant others waited outside.
He didn't say anything, not a word, and it was all I could do to keep quiet, so we stood there, bodies melting together, fingers hot and breath harsh. Flor and I fucked until he was spent and stumbling back from me, a very familiar look in his eyes.
A look that said I was too dangerous to touch.
Flor and I stood a few feet apart, staring at one another, our chests rising and falling as we struggled to catch our breath.
“Get out,” he said, and I found myself blinking stupidly back at him while hurt surged hot and hard inside my chest.
“What?” I managed to sputter out, pushing my dress back into place. I was too stunned to move, too confused, like I was being held prisoner by my own emotions.
“Get out,” he said again, turning away and climbing into the shower. He flicked the curtain closed behind him, apparently satisfied that that was the end of the discussion. I swallowed back a surge of fresh tears, my hands quivering, my body still aflame from the heat of his fingers. How … why would you do this to me, Flor?
I reached down and grabbed the knob, stepping out into the hallway at the same moment I bit back a sob. I didn't think to check for anyone before I went out, but fortunately for Flor and me both, it seemed nobody had noticed our very brief double absence.
I leaned back against the wall and took several deep breaths, squeezing my thighs together as I fought the tears. Damn you, Florian. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I kicked back, hitting the wall with my boot just as Max opened his bedroom door and gave me a raised brow.
“What's wrong?” he asked, making me feel naked. I was already missing my panties. I felt exposed, and I didn't like it one bit. I shook my head and shrugged, forcing a smile that tasted like broken glass in my mouth. I decided since I was already bleeding inside, since I was already a cheater, I might as well add liar to the mix.
“Addi called and she's having a fight with Patrick. She wants me to come pick her up.”
“I can go with you,” Max said, stepping forward. He looked handsome, really, he did, but I could barely even look at him I was so ashamed. “You can bring her back here and we can all eat together, like we did way back when.” I made my smile wider and shook my head.
“I think she needs some girl time,” I said and then jumped when I heard Rhonda's voice from over my shoulder.
“Never underestimate the power of girl time,” she said as I turned to look at her eager face and kind smile. I think I'm going to be sick.
I moved forward, gave Max an obligatory kiss on the cheek, and left with a promise to Rhonda that I'd stop by tomorrow and pick up some leftovers.
Hell, if I didn't intend to keep that promise, who would ever know?
I didn't want to burden Addi with another failure of Flor story, so I kept the news of what had happened between us to myself.
“Where you been, stranger?” Addi asked me as I slunk into the kitchen and deposited my purse on a stool at the breakfast bar. Where had I been? I felt like that was a question that even I didn't know the answer to. Hell and back, that's what I wanted to say. My legs felt shaky and my heart was still running along at a mile a minute. The lack of underwear wasn't helping my mood much either. Two pairs of my favorite panties were gone now because of Flor.
Flor.
My stomach tightened and turned over and my breath caught harshly in my throat.
“Out with Max,” I said, which wasn't a complete lie. Max had been there; it just wasn't him that I'd had sex with. “Why? Anything interesting going on?” I moved into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of iced tea, desperate to make a run for my bedroom (and a clean pair of panties), but also unwilling to let my friends see me shake. Theo was over, again, not an unwelcome sight necessarily, but I also knew that he was at least twice as perceptive as Addison. At least at the moment he was wholly and completely focused on painting her toenails.
“Patrick's flying up here last minute and wants to go to dinner on Saturday. When I even hinted that I'd rather stay in and binge on ice cream and cheesy Netflix movies, he practically freaked.”
“We're debating the idea that he's either proposing or changing his mind about moving up here,” Theo added, leaning back and looking too perfect in his 'casual' T-shirt and jeans. Nothing that boy did was on accident. I smoothed a hand down my rumpled dress and tried to keep smiling. Inside I still felt sick. I'd never cheated on anyone before and I didn't like it, not one bit. Nor did I like being the other woman. Or the sister.
“I'm praying it's neither,” Addi said with a sigh. “I'm not getting married before I can legally purchase alcohol, no way no how. And if he changes his mind about moving … ” She trailed off with a sigh and shook her newly blonde head of curls. “Oh,” Addi began again as I started to sidle off towards my bedroom door. “Your stepmom called me again and made me promise to escort you to family dinner this week.” A lump caught in my throat. Family dinner. It seemed a constant source of trouble as of late and I was near desperate not to ever go back to that house again.
“Yeah, sure, thanks,” I said, turning down the hallway and moving away before they could engage me in conversation again. Damn it, Flor. He'd warned me and I hadn't listened, hadn't wanted to believe he'd treat me like just another piece of ass. I was starting to wonder if I'd been wrong about that. This new … thing that was happening between us was even worse than what we'd had before. I felt isolated from my family, my friends, my own heart. I touched my fingers to my chest, grabbed some clean clothes from my dresser and hit the shower.
Maybe the steam would be warm enough to wash away the breathless depths of my own shame?
The next few days passed by in haze, like the world around me was blanketed in fog, distant. I couldn't stop thinking about what Flor and I had done, couldn't stop feeling guilty about it. I hoped he was suffering too, being crushed under the weight of his own guilt. Of course, that was just wishful thinking since I didn't have a single message from Florian on my phone. I'd thought about stopping by his place again, but look how well that had turned out the last time.
I sighed and adjusted myself in my chair, squinting down at my calculus exam and trying my best not to get frustrated. Because of all this drama, I was behind on my homework and only half sure I was doing the problems right. At least my lowest test score gets dropped. Still, I couldn't help but seethe, thinking of my stepbrother and his chickenshit attitude. Where was he when I needed him most? Hiding from me? Feeling sorry for himself?
No.
Apparently, he was waiting outside the classroom for me.
I finished my calculus exam, turned it in, and prayed to the God of Derivatives that I'd actually gotten a passing grade. My head was so muggy that I didn't even see him at first.
“Hey, nee-chan.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up as I turned to glance over my shoulder. Crap. Not that I even needed to look. That smooth, sexy voice was more than enough to signal Flor's presence. I paused and turned towards him, the stream of students from the classroom the only barrier between us. He waited until there was a momentary pause and stepped forward to join me. Just standing this close to him, my body was already in overdrive, my head dizzy with the smell of him, the sight of that dark silken hair, that perfect mouth, the scar on his chin.
“What a
re you doing here?” I asked as Flor walked alongside me, down the steps and out the doors of the math building. I briefly entertained the idea of taking off in a wild sprint, leaping into my car and hauling ass out of there before he could say anything to me, but it just wasn't in the cards. I knew Flor could outrun me on even my best day. He was that annoyingly athletic type who hated sports and only exercised a bare minimum yet somehow managed to stay ripped. I hated him for it.
“Rhonda's taking classes here, too. She's only a year short of a degree in biology, something about molecules and shit.” Flor shrugged like he couldn't be bothered, but I knew he was smarter than that. He always enjoyed playing the stupid card, brushing things off like they didn't matter. I knew better. I wondered if Rhonda did, too? “I came to pick her up, but she got dragged into some study group thing.” He shrugged again, and I resisted the urge to punch him. You fucked me in the bathroom while she cooked dinner for you, you fucking dick. My brain refused to admit that I was a wholly willing participant in the act.
I swallowed and twisted the cap off my soda. It was flat and warm now, but drinking it gave me an excuse not to talk.
“Thought I'd come visit my favorite dope and let you know that Rhonda and I will be at dinner tonight.” The words slipped from his lips like he didn't care, but there was a reason he was telling me. Something quiet and implicit said don't make a scene, Abigail. “Thought you might want to invite Max, too. Mom's really excited about the baby.” Flor's voice broke on the word baby, took on that husky quality that reminded me so much of my own, but he recovered quickly. “The more people she can share the news with, the better.”
I nodded, but I didn't speak. Couldn't, actually. My voice was too tied down, wrapped up in heavy emotions that sunk to the bottom of my belly like a lead weight. I took a set of cement steps too quickly and nearly fell, stopped only by Flor's fingers on my upper arm. The warm sureness of his grip, the rough brush of fingertips against my skin, it was all too much. I wrenched myself away from him and took off down the sidewalk at an even quicker pace.
“Are you running away from me?” he asked, struggling to keep up. Well, I guess struggling wasn't exactly the right word. Flor kept pace with me like it was nothing. It was only me that was out of breath. Tears pricked at my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall. When will this torture end? Could I ever look at Flor without hurting? Without wishing? Maybe it would've been better if I'd left for college, flew away and never came back? “Abigail.”
“Florian.”
I stopped and spun on my heels, forcing him to rock back to keep from running straight into me. I wondered what the other students thought as they streamed around me, eyes straight ahead but attention focused. Even if they were pretending not to be interested in what was going on, they were. Such is the nature of humanity.
I stepped close to my stepbrother, clutching my soda bottle like a shield against my feelings, against the deliciously wicked heat of his body. Hormones clutched at me, choked me until all I could feel was the wetness between my legs, the ghostly memory of Flor's body inside of mine.
“I will not do this with you. I will not go back to playing the sister-brother game just because you're upset.” Flor took a sudden step back and jammed his fingers through his thick shock of hair, eyes squeezed shut and lips pursed. The expression made the black metal of his piercings stand out like swords against his pale skin.
A group of girls moved past us, their eyes lingering longer than was socially acceptable, drinking in Florian in a way I'd seen a thousand times, a million, whatever. Anger, wild and scalding, took hold inside of me and I couldn't keep the words back.
“You … how can you keep pretending like things are okay between us? You were there on that rooftop with me, Flor. For a split second, I wasn't your little sister, and I wasn't just a piece of ass. I was a girl that you liked.” My voice caught again and I had to stop and force myself to take another breath. “A girl that you loved. Why are we taking one step forward, two steps back?”
“My mom is having a fucking baby!” Flor screamed, stepping close to me again, taking hold of my shoulders. His grip was gentler than the wild look in his eyes, the muscles in his arms straining as he struggled not to grab hold of me and do … what? That was the real clincher here. Hold me? Shove me away? I didn't know and that scared me. “My mom, your dad. Baby. Our little sister or brother, Abigail. That's a pretty big deal.”
“It doesn't have to be,” I said, tears streaming freely now. Why did it feel like I spent a good majority of my time on this earth crying? Over Flor. Grr. “It doesn't have to be the end of this.” I touched a palm to his chest, fingers splayed over his heart.
“This?” Flor hissed at me, drawing back, letting go of my arms. His eyes were wild storms and his hands were shaking when he clenched them by his sides. “There is no this, Abigail. You're my sister and that's that. End of discussion.”
Oh hell no.
I swiped the tears away with the sleeve of my Oregon Ducks hoodie and glared daggers at him.
“You're a know-it-all and a jerk sometimes, Florian. Just because you're a few years older than me doesn't mean you know everything.” He started to walk away and I moved after him. “It doesn't mean you can tell me what to do, boss me around, pretend like you don't have feelings for me.” He just kept walking, up those same steps I'd stumbled down. “All it means is that you don't know shit!” I screamed, fully aware that people were now blatantly staring at us, all polite facades dropped and tossed to the side.
Flor paused and turned to glare over his shoulder at me.
“You're my sister, Abigail. Now and forever. I messed up, but it won't happen again.”
“That's what you call it then?” I scoffed, hating the sound of my own voice. “Fucking me against the bathroom door while your girlfriend cooks dinner? That's messing up.” Flor scowled at me and turned back around, pausing and then taking a step back, like he'd been shot or something. I followed his gaze up and found … Rhonda. Wide eyed and staring, she took her own step back, spun and fled towards the parking lot.
Somehow, miraculously, I made it to family dinner that evening, climbing the cement steps to the green front door with my heart in my throat and a bouquet of flowers clutched in my hand. Despite everything, I felt bad for running out the night River imparted her joyous news on us. A cluster of carnations might not do anything to make up for that, but I hoped the effort would help.
I tried the front door; it was unlocked, as usual.
“Hello?” I called, pushing my way inside and letting the door close softly behind me. The soft bubbling of boiling water greeted me along with the smell of something savory and rich, most likely more of my stepmother's infamous appetizers.
“In here, honey,” River called and I joined her in the kitchen, looking around for my dad – or Flor. Addi was currently still in the car, finishing up a conversation with her parents. Being away from her family was hard for her I knew, and I felt sick about that, too. Just one more tally to my guilt list. “Are those for me?” River asked, taking the bouquet from my hands with a gentle smile. “Thank you, Abigail.” I nodded and took a seat on the same bench I'd sat on the night Flor and I had had our first time. I wondered where he was, and if he was still coming.
Rhonda knows.
I couldn't let that thought worm its way into my head or I'd panic. There was no end to the things she could do with that information – like come here and make this family dinner even more miserable than I already knew it was going to be.
“Is Flor coming?” I asked, fishing for information. If he wasn't though, I doubt River would know otherwise. It wasn't like he communicated all of his comings and goings to her. She shrugged and I watched as she navigated the kitchen with ease, effortlessly, in a way I couldn't even begin to imitate.
“You know him,” she said, and the words stuck in my ears, muddled my thoughts even further. I did, and that was the problem. I tapped my fingers on the countertop and felt my heart stutter
when the front door opened.
“Just me,” Addi called, like she could sense the unease in me. She'd been giving me looks since I'd stumbled in the door, dazed and admittedly a little terrified. If Rhonda was anything like some of Flor's past girlfriends, she'd do anything to get back at him, make him suffer for whatever it was he'd done to her. Calling the parents and letting them know their stepchildren were fucking would certainly check off a box on the revenge list.
Addi found us in the kitchen and congratulated my stepmom before moving over to the appetizers and scanning this week's smorgasbord with hungry eyes. I knew if I didn't eat anything, River would be all over me, but I couldn't seem to make myself care. Just the idea of putting food in my tumultuous stomach made the tingling ache in my belly that much worse.
I grabbed a plate anyway and piled it with olives, twirling a toothpick in my fingers as the awkward silence in the kitchen stretched three ways. Addi kept giving me looks, but I had no idea what to say to make things better.
“Abigail,” River began, just as the front door opened again. This time, when I heard the pound of boots across the floor, I knew it was Florian. I stared really, really hard at my plate and tried to swallow past the cottony dryness of my throat. “Flor, honey.” River moved out of my view to kiss her son's cheek. I refused to let my eyes stray in that direction. “Where's Rhonda?” First words out of her mouth, of course.
“Rhonda couldn't make it,” Flor said and I wondered if his mother could hear the clench of his teeth as well as I could. “Hey, Abigail. Can I talk to you for a sec?” I looked up and found Florian stretched tight and ready to break. It was a little scary.
