Tied: A Crown and Anchor Novella

by Kerri Ann

  “I object, Your Honor,” Julia interjects while sipping on a sweating fresh mimosa. “I resent that statement. And furthermore, I haven’t had enough of a chance to cut a bitch, as you so eloquently stated. Chris has only just tried to piss me off. He hasn’t been in the firing line…yet.” She sips the drink once more. “But he’s welcome to try, as I haven’t harmed a governor in a very long time.”

  “You’re scary. You know that, right?” I say, settling in the offered chair. “For a little lady, you make me afraid for my life.”

  She gives me a mock bow. “Thank you. That’s so sweet. Now select what you want to eat so we can stop starving these poor hungover souls.” With a wave of her hand, she indicates Troy and Jax, the two at the table hiding in oversized Gucci sunglasses. They look like death warmed over.

  Picking up the menu to peruse its items, I find one of my all-time favorites, which is odd when you consider I’m in a posh New York restaurant. Setting it back on the table, I watch the interactions between these friends. I’m still unsettled about intruding on them.

  “So what will you have, Chris?” Jim asks.

  There’s no wait staff approaching us, but everyone else at the table is eyeballing me like I’m the last to tell my order.

  “Sweetie, no one is coming to take your order. Just tell me what you’d like.”

  “Um…a double of the eggs Benedict with avocado and shrimp.”

  Nodding his head as he rises from the table, Jim saunters off to the kitchen.

  Leaning in close, Troy speaks softly. “Sorry about the other night. I hate that you were put in that situation. What he did was unfair and unforgivable, and totally against the rules of the club.”

  “I’m chalking it up to my own bad judgement. Really, something like that should have happened a long time ago.” Which is true. I’ve gotten away with my lifestyle for far too long. “I look at it as I’m out of the closet and the air is clearer now.”

  “Oh, on that you’re wrong,” Jim says as he passes behind us. “Sorry for eavesdropping, but you didn’t come out of the closet.”

  “As someone,” pointing to himself, “who came out of the closet with sparkles, unicorn farts and Betty Davis on my arm, you, my son, blew the fucking doors off the damn thing. Whatever skeletons you hid in there, those are about to be drag queened too.” Taking a seat while smiling at his partner, Jim has me listening intently. “Your coming out was televised and it’s hateful what he did. Now you just need to stand proud with your big ass shoulders back and your ass in the air to take it like a man.”

  Tyler

  Shoulder bumping me, knocking me from the amusing conversations of Tig and his execution of diaper changing etiquette, Tessa grins. She’s the tiniest lady, no more than five foot one, and a full head shorter than me when we’re at the table. But for what she’s missing in height, she more than makes up for in attitude. Blunt force trauma I like to call it.

  “Tell me,” she demands.

  As her son squirms on my lap, I ask, “Tell you what, Tessa girl?”

  “Why are you hiding? He’s—”

  “The wrong man for me.”

  “All right, mister. What man is ever going to be right for you? I’ve known you going on fifteen years, and you’re letting one really bad relationship cloud you for all relationships.”

  True. I’m not telling her that though.

  Touching my arm, staring into my eyes deeply, Tessa holds my chin. “When’s the last time you had a man in your arms, Tyler?”

  Thinking on it, I have a hard time giving her an answer.

  “Exactly. You can’t call yourself gay if you’re not engaged in the act. At least not in my book. You’re basically a monk.”

  She glowers at me, like I’m expecting Prince Charming or nothing. Maybe I am?

  “He’s beautiful, and gay. That should be a plus in your book to start with. Anything beyond that will fall into place if it’s meant to be. Just try something with someone, Tyler.”

  “My biggest fear is the one thing I don’t think I can get past. He’s known for it now, and I don’t know that he can prove it to me that he’s better than what’s been broadcasted.”

  “And that is?”

  “He’s a married man...to a woman. And he’s been caught with men. That’s cheating in my book.”

  She laughs darkly. “You’re kidding me? That’s your reason for avoiding him?”

  “I can’t overlook that.”

  “Then you’re never going to be happy again, honey. Every relationship is a fight. He’s upfront about his sexuality now. I bet you, things will change in his life now that he’s out. I mean, you remember what it was like when friends hadn’t come out yet. Think about their fears. I mean, shit, look at Chris. You can’t expect it’s been easy.”

  Looking at Chris, I see a quiet man, respectful of the new people he’s surrounded by. Not a cocky man, not sulking about being caught and fried by the news, and giving me room when he knows I’m not comfortable with his proposal from the other night. He’s content to leave here and give me space. But I don’t think I’m seeing what she means. As if the confusion is written on my face, Tessa pipes back up with more knowledgeable wealth. “Tyler. He’s what, six-six? At least two-twenty?”

  “Two-fifty easy.”

  “What else do you see?”

  When I don’t answer her, she continues on. “I see military tattoos, scars, a sadness in a man that has a very high profile position that by public opinion, can be squashed in no time. He wants what his heart wants. He’s hiding who he really is. He’s kept the real Chris from the public to gain his job and to hold it. Don’t you see the pressure? Your family owned the company and you’ve done well with it because you’re brilliant. But sweetheart, you’re the dumbest smart guy I know.”

  “I’ve never denied being a man that loves the company of men.”

  “Yeah, but by the looks of it, he’s had no other way. Give him a shot is all I’m saying. You just never know where you’ll find love.”

  “I’m not looking for love, Tessa girl.”

  “Fine. Then look for a fuck and go from there. Stop the drought. You obviously have an interest in him. You’ve yet to look away. Stealing glances, listening to him…I know when you’re not fully concentrating on me, and you wouldn’t be this flustered about it if you didn’t want to know more. Find out more.”

  Thinking on it, I smile and say, “Love you, Tessa girl.”

  “Love you too, dumb smart guy.”

  Chris

  At first I felt out of place. These people are a very tight knit group. Their inside jokes have inside inside jokes. And the troubles these people have gone through. If I thought my past was dark, twisted and convoluted, it has nothing on them.

  I saw what Manhattan went through, and as a country what we went through during 9/11. These people have memories that will stay with them forever from those days, but they’ve come out stronger. And they love each other greatly. Also, they’ve been very accepting of a stranger in their midst. I don’t feel left out, or a third wheel.

  But then there’s Tyler.

  What to say about that? He wanted nothing to do with me, hiding in conversations as far from my side of the table as possible. I might as well have been a Leper. He’d give more attention to a scary clown or a naked woman. But things have changed in the past hour. He’s talked to me, invested in the conversations I’ve been having with Jim and Troy. I’m slightly confused at the turnabout.

  As he rises from the other side, he approaches me directly, tapping me on the shoulder. “Mind if I sit?”

  “By all means.” I wave my hand to indicate the empty chair that Jim vacated a short while ago. He ran off to yell at someone in the kitchen, something about my Benny not having enough sauce.

  “I’m sorry I left you the other night.”

  “Nothing to say sorry about, Tyler. You couldn’t have known that was going to happen.”

  “No,” he states emphatically. “We didn�
��t come as a couple, but I shouldn’t have left you alone without checking that you were okay.”

  He’s truly thinking this is his fault?

  Shit.

  “There’s no shame or blame for anyone but that jackass and me. You didn’t introduce us. You didn’t say ‘take him home’, nor did you make me get into that situation. So, sorry, but I won’t accept the apology.”

  As he’s about to open his mouth to take the blame further, I touch his hand and pull on his chin to show him how serious I am. “It’s not your fault, at all.”

  The feel of his soft hand under mine, the rough stubble of his early afternoon scruff, and the light in his eyes as I show how serious I am is intoxicating. But he’s shown me quite often how he’s not interested in me that way so I shut that wish down and concentrate on him and I becoming friends.

  Pulling my hands back and placing them on my lap, I smile. “So what’s the story with those two?” I look at Tessa and Tig.

  “Them? They’ve known Jax since he moved to the city. He used to be a shy, awkward boy from Tuscaloosa. He rented a room in their condo and the rest is history. Troy, in his infinite flamboyant way, dragged the real Jax out of the closet.” Quieting for a moment, he laughs. “Actually, I think Jax pulled him from the closet.”

  “And what about you?” I ask.

  “Me? Oh, I was secure in myself long before I met this group. My parents are very supportive,” he informs me. He says it so nonchalantly, it surprises me.

  “Really?”

  Leaning back in the chair, he crosses his legs. “Yeah, they’re very open people. My father and his husband, my mother and her wife.”

  “That’s…” Trying to think of the right thing to say, Tyler interjects before I can.

  “Hard to understand, I know. Most don’t get that same support. I’m sure you didn’t.”

  Fuck no. “Nail on the head.”

  “Yeah, figured.” Touching my hand, he turns my arm so he can see the tattoo on my bicep and asks me in a serious way, “Did you serve?”

  “Yeah. Marine Corp.” I gently remove my arm from his hand. “Semper Fi all the way. Some things I wish I could forget. Others...I wish I’d never done.”

  Pulling my arm back towards him, he holds my hand firmly and strokes the back of it, brushing his fingers across the old scars. “We all do things we wish we could forget. Sometimes we wish to take it back.”

  Somehow, I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing. I’m unsure of where this conversation is going. Honestly, I’m getting whiplash from Tyler. First it’s no way in hell he’d consider me attractive, then it’s staring longingly at me from across the club to hiding behind a friend when I arrived at brunch. Now he’s attentive and sweet.

  “Tyler? I—”

  “Wait, Chris. Let me say something first.” Quieting, I wait. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain from it.

  “I haven’t been with a man in years. I mean, like, years. Tessa tells me I’m a silly bitch for avoiding relationships for so long, all because of a few bad experiences.” Looking over his shoulder, she’s grinning, trying to act like she’s not listening as she talks to Julia about something else. “The last one, he wrecked me. I thought he was my forever. And in the end I realized I was to blame as much as him for his cheating ways. I didn’t want to imagine him capable of hurting me because I couldn’t imagine myself doing it to him. I was wrong. Just because I have morals doesn’t mean everyone else does. So I closed off my heart, soul, and body to everyone.”

  I know he’s not done, so I wait.

  “These people—my family—they’re the ones who brought me out of the depression I was in. I was wrecked, and I swore, swore, I would never be hurt again. So I haven’t. But I also haven’t tried to open up either.”

  Pausing, giving me room to answer, I state it as plainly as I can. “My exploits haven’t shown if I’m even worth the time, is that it?” I ask.

  With pursed lips, Tyler nods. “Yeah, mainly.” Looking back at Tessa, she grins wide, then he turns back to me. “You screwed up, but you’re not the only one to blame. Growing up, I was given freedom to be who I am, and I’m betting you weren’t. I doubt it was easy to be a gay linebacker sized man in the Marines. And to become the governor and a political figure, I doubt that most states are forward thinking enough to accept a gay governor. I get it, but I also know what I want out of a relationship and I can’t say I’ll take less. I want someone who will dry my tears, not create them. I want someone to help my wounded heart, not break it. And I want someone who will pull me up, not tear me down. I don’t think it’s much to ask. Do you?”

  “No. I don’t think so.”

  Tyler hasn’t let go of my hand as he’s spoken, and I haven’t tried to pull away. I don’t want to. He’s giving me something I’ve needed—openness and compassion. If we end up as friends, fine. It’ll suck because I find myself drawn to him. I’ll accept it though.

  “Do you want to get out of here and have a coffee…alone?” he asks, full of trepidation. Tyler’s afraid I’ll turn him down? I don’t know what changed his mind about me and wanting to get to know each other, but I’ll gladly follow where he leads.

  “Yeah. As long as Julia doesn’t castrate me.”

  Smirking, Tyler laughs. “I got this.” Rising, looking down on me, his eyes are a soft glowing blue. A color that I could dive into and lose myself in, body and soul. I could lose myself in Tyler.

  Before heading to see Julia, he says, “Don’t worry, your balls are safe with me.”

  As he walks away to talk to Julia, I laugh a little internally and mumble, “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  Tyler

  How do you find a way towards the surface when it’s always coated in ice? My heart has been coated in ice for so long I’m afraid to chip it away. Chris has me wanting to try though.

  It’s not his acts—previously noticed that makes me want to—it’s the time he’s spent here with my friends. It’s in the way he’s joked, smiled, left me to my devices of moping, pouting, and moping some more. Even when I tried to initiate contact with him, touching his hand, his face…the way he reacted was with trepidation and insecurity regarding my intentions. Well, let’s see how this goes because I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.

  If I don’t take the first step off the ledge, I’ll never know.

  Walking over to Julia at the other side of the table, I bend down low to talk to her. Not that she’ll be quiet and private, but at least I’m not shouting across the table. “Jules. I’m going to head out. I’ll take Chris back to his hotel so you don’t have to worry about him.”

  Her eyes light up, which is frightening. “I bet you’re going to head out.” Smirking, she turns her attention back to Rush. She acts as if the decision has been made that I’ll jump his bones. “Just keep him out of the limelight, okay, Ty?”

  “Yeah, we’ll be fine,” I tell her before saying my goodbyes to Tessa and Tig.

  “Where you going?” Troy asks as he lifts his head, his hangover apparently starting to dull. “It’s early.”

  True. These early, Sunday morning brunches usually start at nine and goes until five. It’s only noon.

  “I’m taking Chris back to his hotel.”

  With his dimples sucked so deep, I swear he should have a hard time swallowing, Troy grins like his devious sister-in-law.

  “Quit it, you,” I say, smirking. He’s such a horrible man. If it weren’t for him, seeing me eye fucking Chris from the podium the other night, I wouldn’t be in this predicament in the first place.

  “Yeah, yeah. Call me later. Details will be required.”

  “No details,” I say over my shoulder. “And I’ll call you Monday about the luncheon.”

  As the rest of my friends say goodbye to Chris, Charlie, in his usual way, is asking Chris for his phone number to keep in touch. Jax asks about getting passes to Indy, and Jim is still apologizing for the lack of sauce on his eggs Benedict. It takes us almost t
en more minutes to leave. The delay has me rethinking everything about this. Maybe I should just hail the cab and send him on his way? Maybe we’ll go for coffee at Scaramouche, then I’ll walk him back.

  Shit, this isn’t helping my decision-making paradigm.

  “Ready?” Chris asks as he’s finally allowed to exit.

  Looking at his face, seeing that he’s honest and genuine, I answer with a nod, smiling. Pushing the door open, with a plethora of waves and shouted goodbyes, we leave.

  Chris

  I’m truly not sure who’s more anxious or nervous out of the two of us. It’s not like either of us are freshmen in this, it’s feeling like a first date though.

  Hitting the sidewalk after saying goodbye to everyone, I’m not sure what to do. Do I grab his hand? Does he like hand-holding? Are his intentions meant that way, or was I reading into the coffee offer? Fuck, I’m unsure.

  “Come on,” Tyler says, starting down the street. I’m not quite sure where we are or where we’re headed, but I’ll follow, assuming he’s taking me to my hotel.

  As I was running from the photogs and news hounds, I never kept track of where I was. Tyler could lead me to a brothel on the Hudson and I’d be none the wiser. I don’t say anything though, as I’m unsure of what to say. The silence is starting to feel ominous.

  Blurting out the only thing that comes to mind that doesn’t sound dirty, I say, “Thank you.”

  It works slightly as Tyler slows his pace. “For what?”

  “For not treating me like a paper doll. For not giving me an ‘I told you so’ speech. For not being a douche. Or a queen for that matter.”

  Allowing a light laugh to escape unbidden, Tyler turns to me. “Chris, you know I’m...um…” Huffing out a heavy breath, he pauses, then stops walking altogether.

  Facing him, I take in the nuances of his sweet, good looks as he just stares. I’m not wanting to push him on anything because I’m nervous. I feel like a fucking tenth grader asking his crush to the prom. So standing silent and stoic, I wait.