Altered

by Kimberly Montague

  The next morning, I woke up in the same position I’d fallen asleep in, and in the same exact mood. Whoever said a good night’s rest makes your problems seem brighter is a total loon. Then again, I couldn’t say that what I had gotten that night was a "good night’s rest." When I rolled over, I found a note on my bedside table with Jay’s writing on it. With both guilt and dread, I opened it.

  I’m sorry Piper. I do trust you, I just get worried sometimes. Go to the party, tell Gary I said happy birthday, and I’ll see you tomorrow when we get back from San Diego. I love you—Jay

  Why did everything have to be so confusing? I couldn’t even remember the last time things had been easy. Maybe Harm had been right; maybe I had experienced too much too young. Maybe in that list of things I had experienced too young I needed to include love and relationships. If I had been single or if there wasn’t so much baggage that came with my relationship with Jay, it would be easier to walk away from it.

  But did I really want to walk away from it? Thinking about his note again, the two sides warred within me. He loved me and always took care of me, so why couldn’t that be enough?

  After an entire morning of moping and trying to prevent the same exact thoughts from controlling my mind—like having the "It’s Friday" song stuck in my head—I had to get ready for Gary’s party. The only swimsuit I had was blue with little white flowers all over it. I didn't swim much aside from when I was visiting Sonya, so it was the same swimsuit I had been wearing for the past few years. Don’t get me wrong, it was really sweet, but what seventeen-year-old wants to look sweet in her swimsuit surrounded by a huge party of her classmates? Regardless, it was all I had and at least it actually fit me.

  It was only a seven block walk to Sonya’s house, but in the oppressive heat we'd been having, it felt like twenty. When I got to Sonya’s house, I was able to add "sweaty and slimy" to "sweet and childish" in terms of my personal description for the day. Not the best impression I was hoping to make on Devlin… I meant on my classmates.

  Sonya jumped up from a chaise by the side of the pool the second I walked through the back gate. "Evie! Good, you’re early!"

  Gary was sitting in a chair under an umbrella nearby, but it didn’t look like anyone else had arrived yet.

  "I thought I could help get things ready," I explained as I closed the gate behind me.

  "Oh, you know my mom." Sonya went back and pulled Gary up as well. "She set up everything before she left an hour ago."

  "I should have known. So why the happy over me being here early? Are we pre-partying? By the way—" I put my arms up to give Gary a hug, and he bent down to pick me up just as he always did. "Happy birthday, old man. How’s it feel to be the first to hit eighteen?"

  "A little weird. The folks told me this morning that I could go ahead and party as hard or be as stupid as I want to since they aren’t legally responsible for me anymore." He laughed with this statement. It was a sincere and warm laugh filled with the knowledge we all had—that his parents would do absolutely anything for him no matter how old or stupid he got.

  "Hmm, guess that means you’ll be doing all the talking when the cops come by to break up the party later." I punched him softly in the arm and nudged him with my shoulder. "Huh, old man?"

  "Very funny, but I’m not the one likely to get into trouble without a chaperone today," he countered pointedly.

  I could feel myself blushing. "What’s that supposed to mean?"

  "You’re not playing the role of arm-candy to Jay tonight. Your leash is off. Who knows what might happen?"

  "Gary!" Sonya’s reprimanding tone was clear along with the visual punches her eyes threw at him.

  He put up his arms in defense. "What, I’m just saying is all."

  "Stop, okay." She shoved at his chest, looping her arm through mine and pulling me into the house. "We have work to do here."

  Thankful for a change in topic, I latched onto that thought. "I thought you said everything was ready."

  "The house is ready, the food is ready, Gary and I are ready, but you—you need some work, sweetie."

  "Oh, well thank you very much." If she hadn’t been my best friend for life, I would have been seriously insulted.

  She softened her voice. "I love you, you know that. But if you’re wearing that faded blue suit you’ve worn every single time we’ve gone swimming for the past two summers, I’m going to have to shoot you."

  All I could do was stare down at the floor and try not to appear dejected. I didn’t have anything else, and it’s not as if I was going to ask Harm to send me some extra money to buy a swimsuit. How frivolous would that be?

  Gary threw his arm around my shoulders. "She didn’t mean it like that. She’s just trying to build up the surprise she has for you."

  "Hey." Sonya tugged on my arm. "I know the deal. What would you say to Harm? I want to look sexy for this hot guy who can’t take his eyes off me, so can you buy me a new bikini?"

  She laughed, and I couldn’t help but smile at the thought. Harm would be here before I could even finish the sentence. He’d probably have a fifteen page report on Devlin ready to cite.

  "So anyway," she continued. "We were out getting Gary’s birthday present and buying me a new bikini when mom actually mentioned that we should really get you one too."

  "I—"

  "Stop right there. I know what you’re going to say and Mom said you would refuse, but she said you’re her daughter too, and she’s sick of not being able to buy things for both of her girls. So we bought seven—"

  "No, Sonya." I shook my head vigilantly.

  "Hey!" She held up her hand, shushing me. "She said you have to pick one or she’s going to make you take all of them. You wouldn’t want her to spend that much money, would you?"

  I rolled my eyes and was weighted down by the familiar feeling of defeat. A half hour later, after playing dress-up for Sonya and Gary, they finally chose a striped two-piece bikini in oranges, pinks, and blues. They said it set off the peachy tone of my skin, and although they were a little too overboard in their praise, I did feel a lot more confident wearing it than my faded old blue suit.

  The first party-goer to arrive was, of course, Jennifer and her little gang of snobs. While I knew they were friends with Gary—I mean, who wasn’t, right—they never took much of a liking to me. I tried to pretend I was completely comfortable standing around talking to them, but I finally gave up and hid in the kitchen until more people showed up to distract the popular group.

  It felt really weird not to have Jay to hide behind, but that only made me start to think about whether a major reason I had been hanging on to Jay so tightly was to avoid dealing with certain uneasy aspects of life. Angry with myself at the possibility of my cowardly behavior, I forced myself outside where I was stopped cold by a pair of bright blue eyes that were suddenly and intently staring me down.

  Standing for a moment, I tried to gather my wits enough to move somewhere, anywhere instead of standing there staring at Devlin with everyone watching us. Butcher finally saved me by barking loudly at someone who had come close to his gate. I walked over to my big boy and let my mind wander to memories with him. I remembered his skinny little body when he appeared on our doorstep. He even made Harm’s tough guy exterior melt. Harm had insisted he could only stay with us for a day or two, then we would take him to a nearby rescue organization, but Butchie suckered Harm like nobody would believe. Butchie was the smartest pup Harm had ever met—he said so on several occasions. Any trick I taught him, he learned nearly immediately. It wasn’t long before Harm gave in and let me keep him.

  Walking up to Butcher's kennel, he seemed to be a vicious guard dog, but I was perfectly familiar with the way he had everyone in the house wrapped around his little paw. It didn’t take him long to weasel his way into sleeping in the house with Sonya when guests weren’t around. He was basically a large puppy dog.

  His outburst gave me the distraction necessary to pull myself away from the door and wal
k out to his pen. I tried my absolute best not to feel the warmth of the eyes I knew were following me. I managed to succeed in not allowing my eyes to search for him, but I couldn’t delude myself into thinking that connection wasn’t there. I could feel him and feel the guilt over that all at the same time.

  The second Butcher noticed me, his tail started wagging a mile a minute and that happy little smile he always got returned.

  "Hey there, my big boy. What are you yelling about, huh?" I reached through the fence to pet him, allowing him to lick my hand. "You never did like crowds, did you boy? I guess we have that in common."

  His eyes darted to the left of me, and I could feel his growl rumble underneath my fingertips.

  "Will he bite me if I come close to you?" Devlin's voice was like a gunshot in my chest.

  My breath tightened in my chest, and my throat went dry. He had his shirt off and stood next to me wearing only dark blue swim shorts. It took a few moments to get my hormones under control before I could reply.

  "His name’s not Butcher for nothing."

  "Butcher?" He had a little more fear in his voice.

  I couldn’t help but smile, thinking about all the times Butcher had fallen asleep on my lap or whined like a big baby until I pet him. "He’s vicious," I continued, "and overly protective."

  Unfortunately, Butch ruined the moment by whining and shoving his head under my hand again. Devlin let out a short, but booming laugh that made me grin like a little girl at Christmas.

  "Well, he could be vicious if he weren’t such a lovable lump." I squatted down and put my other hand through the fence, patting his side affectionately. "Huh, big boy, you’re just my lovable boy aren’t you?"

  Faintly, I could have sworn I heard, "Lucky dog" under Devlin’s breath, but my embarrassment kept me from asking him what he had said.

  He peered around at the people everywhere. "No ball and chain today?"

  "If you’re referring to Jay, no. He helps his parents at a small business convention every year in San Diego."

  "I’m surprised he let you come alone."

  While the statement was like a dart sticking out dead center on a bulls-eye, it was his condescending tone that truly bothered me. He had no right to judge my relationship or me, for that matter.

  "I didn't ask for your opinion." Butcher started growling again, sensing my anger toward Devlin. "Besides, I’m sure your fan club over there would appreciate your company much more than me if you’re gonna be like that." I glared up at him, but when my eyes caught his, that familiar snap of intensity took over again making me forget what I was doing.

  "I—no, I was just—curious."

  If I hadn’t been so distracted by my own inability to form a coherent thought, I might have been able to properly appreciate how nervous he had just become.

  "Evie!" Gary’s bellow snapped me out of the trance Devlin was putting me under. "Come here, and be the judge for our raft race!"

  Bending back down, I rubbed Butcher’s head again. "Bye, big boy. I’ll come talk to you again later."

  Walking away from Devlin, I knew that hadn’t gone well. I missed our usual playful banter and wondered why he was treating me differently all of a sudden. We were friends, but this was different. Every time I looked up in his direction, our eyes locked, but he didn’t smile or wave like usual. It was weird and tense and made the butterflies in my stomach turn into an angry mob. It was also pointed out to me several times by both Gary and Sonya that Devlin was checking me out. I never noticed it, so it was tough to believe. Sonya’s theory about the whole thing—she tends to have a lot of theories—was that he suddenly figured out that I’m hot. Of course, my laughter made it too difficult to hear anything further on that topic, so she dropped it. Instead of focusing on this unhappy twist in my friendship with Devlin, I tried my best to have a good time.

  As I sat beside the pool, I chatted with Ted and Donald. They were two nice guys who hadn’t been mean to me or anything, but just simply hadn’t ever attempted to talk to me. It made me wonder. Were these guys talking to me—flirting with me—because Jay wasn’t on my arm glaring away every male in a hundred yards? And not only that, I had made friends today with several girls who rarely looked at me, but were laughing and chatting with me. Was I sending off some sort of different signal when I wasn’t attached to Jay?

  After judging Gary to be victorious in the raft race, he challenged me to an underwater swimming contest that I couldn’t pass up. Gliding through the water was certainly a de-stressor for me. As we were swimming the length of the pool, I enjoyed the quiet of being underwater. It was calm and despite swimming my little heart out, I was still feeling completely relaxed. Just as I was about to pass by the steps leading out of the swimming pool, I heard a big splash above me. I didn’t really think anything of it until, horrifically, I felt something sharp puncture my back in several places. It took me a moment to figure it all out, but as I surfaced, I found Butcher paddling around me in some kind of panic as I winced in pain.

  "Butcher stop!" I yelled firmly. "I’m fine. Steps! Now, Butcher!"

  He gave me this unhappy expression and swam obediently to the steps to wait for me. I found myself moving much slower as the chlorine settled into my scrapes. It had been several months since Butcher tried to "save" me from swimming, and even though I remembered the scratches I bore the last time, I didn’t remember it being this painful.

  Climbing out of the pool with my hand on Butcher’s collar, someone nearby said, "Oh my God, Piper, your back!"

  I nodded quickly and tried to play it off as humorous. "Yeah, he thinks he’s saving me. He’s done it before. I can’t seem to break him of the habit."

  "But you’re bleeding now." Devlin sounded weird, even a little scared.

  I would have stopped to think about this, but his words suddenly made the pain stronger. As I put Butcher back in his pen, I could feel Devlin behind me long before he even said anything.

  "Don’t move." He had regained a calm and quiet tone. "This is bad, Evie."

  I could feel him putting a towel to my suddenly feverish skin. I tried to determine the source of this sudden hot flash. Was it localized to my back, which was far less noticeable with Devlin nearly touching me with his upper body? Or was I warm all over? Tough call.

  "I’m fine." I jumped away, letting out a gasp as he put more pressure on my wound.

  "Liar," he accused as I wrapped a towel around my waist. "Come on."

  The feeling of his hands gently wrapped around my upper arms was a warm and fuzzy distraction from my poor back. Guiding me into the house, I could hear whispers around me asking what had happened and why Devlin was the one helping me.

  Just inside the house, I stopped abruptly and turned back toward the door. "I have to tell Sonya it wasn’t Butcher’s fault. She’ll yell at him, and it really upsets him."

  Devlin let out a huff and glared down at me, his eyes felt much colder and angrier than I'd seen them. "Do you have to protect everyone? Maybe you should worry about yourself for once."

  Was it so wrong for me to want to protect those I loved? And besides, what right did he have to be angry with me? He pulled me into the bathroom and leaned me against the counter. I was busy trying not to stare at his reflection in the mirror. Did he have to walk around without a shirt on? His muscular chest screamed that he should be in some Abercrombie ad. I heard voices coming from down the hallway and pulled away from the counter.

  "I’m fi—" Before I could spit out the words and beat a hasty retreat, he walked over and slammed the bathroom door, locking it quickly.

  "Are you mad at me?" I asked incredulously, my eyebrows pulled together indignantly.

  "No!" he fairly yelled.

  Yeah, right. Not angry, huh?

  He seemed hesitant and frustrated. "I just…" Letting out a heavy sigh, he walked back to stand in front of me, studying the floor. "No," he said calmly. He closed his eyes for a minute, the corners of his mouth turned down in a sad way then he tur
ned me back around to face the mirror.

  I usually understood him so well, but he was leaving me completely confused. Shaking my head to clear it, I returned my attention to the problem at hand. "There’s some bandages in the cabinet over there." I nodded in the direction of the medicine cabinet.

  He placed the bloodied towel on the countertop in front of me. Glancing away, I bit my lip and let out a sigh. Blood and I were never good pals, so my main objective at the moment was trying not to be nauseous.

  With a box of bandages in his hand, he kneeled on the floor behind me. "He did a pretty good job on you." The warmth of his hands touched my skin making me forget most of the pain. I could feel his breath on my back, and I couldn’t stop from wondering what his lips would feel like against my skin. I tried really hard to force myself to think of something else.

  "He didn’t mean it," I defended quickly. "He’s—he’s really a—a sweetheart." My breath was coming out in gasps, and my thoughts were getting scrambled.

  Devlin let out a soft chuckle. "What was it Sonya was saying? I'm not sure you heard her, but she said something about wild things loving you?" His voice was so husky, and I could smell his cologne. "I’m guessing Butcher isn’t the first ‘wild thing’ you’ve defended."

  I wasn't sure if that was a question or a statement, but my nervousness forced me to start babbling. "I found a wounded raccoon once. They tried to make me get rid of it, but I wouldn’t let them." His scorching fingers on my overly-sensitive skin were scrambling my brain. "They thought it would hurt someone after what had happened with the squirrel the year before. I’m not stupid though, I knew I had to take the hawk to animal rescue."

  His chuckle had turned into a full blown laugh that seemed to dominate the entire room, bouncing off the cool ivory tiles and floating back to warm me all the way to my toes. He leaned back, resting on his heels and looked up at me. "A raccoon, a squirrel, and a hawk?" He raised his strong, dark eyebrows questioningly.