Her Fated Cowboy (Harland County Series)

by Donna Michaels

  His concern for his brother took some of the bite from her demeanor and softened her ruffled edges. “Oh, Connor, don’t you see?” She stepped closer and touched his arm, tipping her head back to look him straight in the eyes. “You’re all only compounding the problem. He needs to open up and get it out. Not hold on so it can fester inside.”

  Connor’s large hand gently covered hers and squeezed. “I’ve tried, but he blames himself for Bess’s accident and won’t listen to reason.”

  Jordan’s heart rocked hard against her ribs. She’d known that the second she’d looked into Cole’s eyes. Now it was time to find out why. “He blames himself?”

  Connor nodded. “He was working late and Bess was on her way to the office, bringing him supper so he could finish up the code to a new software program.” He dropped his hand and drew in a breath. “She was hit head on by a tractor trailer. The driver had fallen asleep at the wheel. Bess died at the hospital later that night.”

  Oh God…Cole.

  Eyes stinging, Jordan blinked, sending a lone tear down her face. “What an awful thing for him to have carried around all these years.” She swallowed, hating that her theory was right. “It certainly wasn’t Cole’s fault, but I know what he’s feeling.”

  Hugging herself, she turned away. Eric’s death still haunted her. It was her fault. With all of her training she should’ve been able to stop it. Her family, friends, superiors—even her head, insisted it wasn’t true, but her heart never believed them.

  “Jordan, are you okay?” Big, warm hand reassuring on her shoulder, Connor twisted her to face him.

  He was such a sweetheart.

  “Yes.” She nodded, and with a sigh, released her turmoil to jump into Cole’s. “We have to do something, Connor. The accident was two years ago. Cole needs to get on with his life and that isn’t going to happen unless you and your parents help him.”

  He dropped his hands and shook his head. “I told you, Jordan, we already tried that. It didn’t work. He bit our heads off and retreated further into himself. We don’t want to lose any more of him than we already have or make him hate us.”

  “I don’t think that would happen but in any case, I’m not afraid of him or his hatred.” She moved to the horse and picked up a brush. “It’d be worth it to get him to open up.”

  The handsome cowboy stepped forward, gently removed the grooming tool from her hand and graced her with a glimpse of his dimples. “I’ll do that, darlin’. You’d better go inside and hose yourself down…unless you plan on eating dinner in a coating of dirt with streaks down your face.”

  Taking a cue from his playful tone, she spread her arms out and twirled. “What’s wrong with the way I look?”

  He sent her a lop-sided grin. “Nothing, if you were out cattle rustling with me.”

  Jordan had always considered herself tolerant. A pillar of strength and restraint when needed. Her job demanded it. Her nature imbedded it. But tonight, strength and restraint gave her permission to take on Billy-Bad-Ass sitting across from her. She’d just about reached her limit where Cole was concerned.

  Holding her tongue for the tenth time that night, Jordan stared at the sexy SOB, refusing to endure any more of his bad temper.

  With an arrogant tilt to his head, sarcasm flowed from his lips deliberately trying to push her buttons. That, she could put up with, but when he talked cruelly to his family, her patience thinned.

  “Cole,” his mother began, looking up from her plate to smile at him. “Have you given any more thought to singing with Jordan at the party?”

  He cursed. “Mom, I’ve already told you I’d think about it. Besides—,” he jabbed his fork in her direction. “Jordan is more than capable of handling it herself. Why don’t you get off my back and just let her do it?”

  Silence halted all movement, conversation…breathing from the room. Everyone just stilled.

  Oh, no he didn’t!

  Air hissed into Jordan’s lungs. She waited, teeth clenched tighter than her fists, to see if the McCall’s would do anything. Her gaze bounced to the three members of his family. They all sat with their hands on their laps and their eyes downcast. Why? Surely there weren’t going to let him get away with that? But after several more seconds passed and they remained in that pose, it became obvious that was exactly what they were going to do—let him get away with being a miserable SOB.

  Not her. Not tonight. Not anymore.

  Her fork clanked a violent protest onto her plate. His days of getting away with a mean attitude were done. They ended with her!

  “That’s it! I’m done.” She shot to her feet, jammed her hands her hips and fixed Cole with an unwavering stare. “Apologize to your mother right now.”

  His gaze slowly met hers and he lifted a brow. “What?”

  “You heard me. I said, apologize to your mother, and then you and I need to go somewhere and have a talk.”

  His lips curled into a scowl. “I have absolutely nothing to say to you.”

  “That’s okay, Cole, because I have plenty to say to you. So you can just shut up and listen, but first…” She pointed to his mother. “Apologize to her right now!”

  Mrs. McCall shifted in her seat and twisted her napkin. “Jordan, it’s all right, really. He doesn’t have to.”

  Heat rushed into Jordan’s face and she barely choked out, “Cole,” through clenched teeth.

  His eyes narrowed and he hesitated a moment before he turned to his mother. “I’m sorry, Mom, if I hurt your feelings. I didn’t mean to.” His gaze snapped back to her, daring her to find fault with his words.

  “Fine. Now, I have a few things to say to you that should have been said a long time ago.” She pushed in her chair then headed toward the door.

  “You’ll just have to say them to me here, Jordan because I’m not leaving.”

  She stopped and turned around to find him adding more meat to his plate. Why that… She shook her head and sighed. “You have to make this difficult, don’t you, Cole?”

  “Make what difficult? I’m just trying to eat my dinner,” he said matter-of-factly, putting a forkful of roast in his mouth.

  She tried one last time. “Cole, I’m serious, can we please go somewhere private to talk?”

  His fists hit the table, rattling the china. “Look, Jordan, I’m not going anywhere so if you have something to say, then just say it! If not, shut up and let us eat.”

  “Don’t think I won’t, McCall.” She crossed the carpet in three strides and stood across from him again. Stubborn fool. Her gaze fell to each of the silent onlookers. “I apologize in advance for what I am about to say. It may seem harsh but it needs to be said. It’s not my wish to do this in front of you all but since Cole won’t leave...”

  She noted identical frowns on Connor and his father, while Mrs. McCall clutched the napkin on her lap and bit her lower lip. Jordan’s parents and sister, on the other hand, all sat back with a nod.

  Her gaze returned to Cole. He was not going to like this but she had to do it. Jordan straightened her spine and her heart stopped as she forced the hard truth from her lips.

  “Cole, Bess is dead.”

  He paled and dropped his fork. Someone sucked in a breath but the rest remained quiet. She continued with his lesson on harsh reality.

  “Bess is dead, but you’re not.”

  Leaping to his feet, Cole’s chair flew backwards with such force it skidded across the wooden floor and crashed into the wall.

  “Jordan, I swear to God if you were a guy I’d punch your lights out!” His hands curled into fists at his sides.

  She was thankful for the table between them because by the time she finished, Cole probably wouldn’t care what gender she was.

  Connor stood and grabbed his brother’s arm. “Cole. Calm down. I think you should listen to what Jordan has to say.”

  “I will not stand here and listen to any more of this.” He shook Connor off and twisted to raise a white-knuckled fist at his brother. “Back o
ff.”

  “Yes, you will, Cole.” She waited until his focus returned to her.

  “Give it a rest, Malibu.”

  “No. I’m not done with you.” She held his glare.

  He cursed and stepped closer. “Just who the hell do you think you are, Jordan?” Both fists connected with the table, sending the plates and silverware into the air again before they set down with a jolt. “What makes you think you know what I need? You don’t know the first damn thing about pain!”

  Her heart froze mid-beat. Don’t know pain? Blood rushed through her ears with magnum force as it swiftly drained to her toes. My God, he was asking for it! She sucked air into her lungs before exploding.

  “Don’t you dare tell me that I don’t know pain!” Her voice was low and hoarse as her fingernails bit into her shaking palms. “I know what it’s like to watch the person you love die right before your eyes. I know the horrible, helplessness of not being able to do anything about it!” Her stare never wavered from his face as she pointed to herself. “And I know…I know what it is like to be covered with his blood as I watch him take his last breath. So don’t you dare stand there, Cole McCall, and tell me I don’t know pain.”

  Silence filled the room as a single tear fell down her cheek. She thrust her finger at him and continued, “About time, my friend, you realize you don’t have the corner on that market.”

  When he remained quiet, she went on with a little less anger.

  “You also have to realize, like I did, that you need your family.” She moved to stand behind her sister and placed her hands on Kerri’s shoulders. “It was only with their help that I made it through those horrible times. Don’t you see, Cole? Everyone here has felt a loss.” She stepped back to her spot and when he looked blankly at her she continued with more compassion. “Your brother lost a sister-in-law and your parents lost a daughter-in-law, whom they all loved very much. And Cole,” her voice wobbled as she placed her hands on the table and leaned toward him. “Somewhere along the way, they lost you too.”

  Her heart cracked open and bled as understanding dawned and emotions filled his eyes.

  He turned to his family. “God, I’m sorry. I had no idea. I didn’t realize…”

  His mother and father rose at the same time and pulled him into an embrace.

  “It’s all right, son. It’s okay,” his dad reassured.

  “We miss her too, Cole.” His mother buried her face in his shoulder and they grieved together.

  Connor joined the embrace, looking over their heads at her, gratitude lining his face as he mouthed a thank you.

  She nodded and turned to slip out the door with her family, praying her legs had the strength to carry her from the room. Once in the hallway, she collapsed in the nearest chair and began to shake.

  At least now, the McCall’s could finally begin the long process of healing.

  Chapter Seven

  Screen door shut and balcony door opened, Jordan crawled restlessly into bed that night, hoping the breeze might help calm her quaking nerves. It was going to take a hell of a lot more than that. She’d learned long ago there was no remedy. In fact, given her history, she was pretty much guaranteed a crappy night.

  She didn’t want to go to sleep.

  No. Dredging up the past like she had at dinner was a sure-fire trigger to her nightmare. God, I wish Bullet was here.

  Maybe, by some miracle, it would pass tonight. With her arms folded across her stomach, she listened to the soothing sounds of the night, willing the tension from her body. Her last thought was a prayer for Cole to have an easier night than the one she knew lay ahead for her.

  Sure enough, a little while later, Jordan screamed herself awake.

  Dammit!

  Sitting up, she fought to breathe, tears rolling off her chin in a steady stream.

  “Jordan? Are you all right?” Cole’s voice hit her ears, along with the sound of the screen door sliding into place.

  “Yes.” She tossed her legs over the side of the bed, drew in another shaky breath, and stood. “Just give me a minute.”

  Suddenly claustrophobic, she charged passed him onto the balcony outside, the slight breeze cool on her heated flesh. Was this ever going to stop? Leaning on the rail, she closed her eyes, and breathed deep, until her trembling subsided.

  Once a semblance of control returned, she twisted around and looked at Cole who stood just outside her room. Squinting through the semi-darkness of the night, she studied him.

  With his hair falling loosely onto bare shoulders and wearing nothing but silk pajama bottoms, he appeared more human than he had the whole trip.

  “I’m sorry, Cole. Did I wake you?”

  “No, you didn’t.” He nodded. “I couldn’t sleep so I was just sitting out here thinking, when I heard you scream.”

  She dropped her gaze as embarrassment stabbed her heart. “Sorry about that.”

  He made no sound and she hadn’t realized he’d moved until his feet came into view in front of hers.

  “Hey, don’t be sorry.” He bent at the knee, dipped down, and fingers under her chin, gently tipped her face to bring her gaze to his understanding brown eyes. “How long have you been having the nightmare?”

  She swallowed. “Ever since Eric died. How about you? Are you plagued by them too?”

  He hesitated, then nodded before he dropped his hand and moved to the railing. Her heart literally ached at the thought of him going through the same hell. She joined him, and together they looked over the moonlit land, blue bonnets appearing white under the glow.

  “Have you told it to anyone?”

  “No.” He turned and walked to a hammock where he lay down.

  Waiting to see if he’d offer on his own, she watched as he slung his hands behind his head and stared at the stars. She glanced up; seemed like a trillion lit the night sky. She missed their brilliance in California. Her gaze settled back to earth, and Cole.

  Wanting to tread softly, she chose the chair closest to him and sat down, unsteady legs thankful for the respite. She lifted her hair and dropped it over the seat before leaning back and closing her eyes. This felt almost like old times.

  And like old times, she had to try to get him to talk. Heart back in her throat, she willed a calm to her voice and took a chance. “Do you want to tell me?”

  After a few minutes of silence, Jordan figured Cole wasn’t ready to reveal that pain yet, which was okay. It had been worth a shot.

  Her pulse jumped when his low voice filled the night.

  “I’m sitting in my office, working at my desk. Then all of the sudden, I’m driving a semi and I can’t see because there are computers and codes and CD’s falling from the sky. I flip on the wipers to try to clear my window but it’s too late. By the time I see the car coming I can’t even swerve to avoid it.”

  He fell silent.

  She slid off the chair and knelt down by the hammock, the balcony cool on her knees and shins. Her fingers curled around the hand he’d placed by his side and she squeezed in silent encouragement.

  He drew in a deep, shaky breath, then exhaled. “After pulling over, I run to the car and Bess is there in the driver seat, barely conscious. She looks up at me and whispers, “Why Cole? Why?”...and then she dies.”

  Jordan closed her eyes and swallowed around a lump in her throat as tears burned hot and heavy down her face. God, how she’d give anything to make this better for him. The thought of all his pain and self-loathing was too much. She laid her head on his arm and squeezed his hand again.

  “Cole, if I could take this pain from you, I swear I would,” she choked out.

  His breath hissed and his hand squeezed back. Knowing there was nothing else she could say to ease his pain, she remained silent, holding onto him while he came to terms with his emotions.

  A few minutes later, he placed his free hand on her head and gently played with her hair. “What about you, Jordan? What’s your nightmare?”

  She swallowed again, and nodde
d into his arm. It was only fair to share and it might help him to know he wasn’t the only one plagued with guilt.

  “It’s night, and Eric and I are at the corner store picking up a few things. All of a sudden, he stops and looks at me with a horrified expression. I glance down and the bread and peanut butter I’d been holding turn into a gun and bullets. Shots are fired.” She closed her eyes against the full force of her dream.

  The hand playing with her hair stilled before warm, gentle fingers grazed her shoulder, as if waiting for her to continue.

  She drew in a breath, tightening the vise clamped around her chest. “The can he’d been holding rolls straight to me through his pooled blood and then I lower my spent weapon.”

  Releasing him, she twisted her back to the hammock and sat with her arms around her bent knees, hugging them tightly to her shaking body. When her tears dried and her shuddering subsided, Cole lightly touched her hair again. “What really happened. How did Eric die?”

  She leaned her head back and looked up at the stars. “We finally both had the same weekend off. It was eleven o’clock at night and we decided to run to the corner store for a couple of things. I did have bread and peanut butter in my hands and Eric was at the cooler when the robbery started. God, I can still see his face through that glass door, worried about me because we were unarmed.” Fresh tears wet her face. “This crack-head yelled to the cashier, then turned his gun on Eric and shot. Just like that, no warning. Glass shattered, Eric flew backward into the cooler, then slid to the floor. I ran to him, the cashier was screaming, the guy grabbed the money, looked at me as I cradled my husband in my arms, then he left. He just left. Why didn’t he shoot me too, Cole? Why the hell didn’t he shoot me, too?”

  That very question had plagued her life ever since that night.

  Pain and misery rushed through her body and propelled her to her feet. She picked up a chair and threw it. “I don’t get it. He looked at me…he had the gun…why the hell didn’t he shoot me too?” Strength suddenly left her legs and she crumbled to her knees.

  Cole was by her side in an instant, grabbing her shoulders and bringing her to her feet before he crushed her into his solid chest. “No, Jordan. God…don’t think like that. Don’t ever think like that.” His arms wrapped around her tight, surrounding her with warmth as she cried into his neck.