Her Fated Cowboy (Harland County Series)

by Donna Michaels

  “Deny what?”

  Cole pushed away from the window with another curse. “Jesus, Kevin. Go away.”

  “No.” The man with a death-wish moved with him. “Deny what, Cole?”

  “That I love her, okay?” Cole twisted back to face Kevin. “There. I said it. Are you happy?”

  “No. I’m not. And neither are you.” Kevin frowned, clamping a hand on Cole’s shoulder. “You’re my friend. You’re like a brother to me. I hate to see you hurting. Jordan’s my friend too and it sucks that you’re ripping that girl’s heart out over some misguided sense of something or other.” Cole grumbled and made to move but Kevin’s grip tightened. “People die whether you’re with them or not, Cole. Life is too damn short not to take what comes your way and enjoy it before it’s too late. Before you screw up. No one knows that better than me.”

  Now Cole felt like a complete ass. Some of his irritation dissipated with his friend’s statement. Kevin was speaking from experience. He’d waited too long to ask his college sweetheart to marry him. Back then, his friend had been taken care of his invalid mother, teenage sister and was trying to keep the family ranch afloat at the same time. Thinking he was doing the girl a favor by not wanting to saddle her with his problems, he didn’t give her the commitment she wanted so she found someone else. He never had a serious relationship since, even though his mother had long passed, his sister was happily married and the ranch was booming.

  Cole sighed. “I can’t go through it again, Kevin. I can’t open up and let her in only to lose her.”

  Kevin’s head jerked back. “What makes you think you’ll lose her?”

  “She’s a cop, for Christ’s sake!” Cole shook out of Kevin’s grasp and brushed past him. “She’ll always be in danger.” He’d worry constantly. Hell, they weren’t together, she was several states away and he still worried about her on the job.

  “So, ask her to quit.”

  “What?” Cole reeled around to gape at his friend. “Hell no. That’s her choice. It’s who she is. I’d never ask her to choose between me and her career.”

  His buddy leaned back against the window, crossed his arms and studied him quietly. “Because she’d choose you in a heartbeat. Then what would you do?”

  Cole frowned. “I don’t follow you.”

  “I know Jordan. She’d give her eye teeth to have that choice. Yes, she’d gladly choose you. And you know this. So…what’s really eating at you, Cole?”

  He sank down in his chair, pressed his fingers and thumb to his eyes and released a long, drawn out breath. There were only three people Cole could never pull one over on. Jordan, Connor and Kevin.

  “I don’t want her dying because of me.”

  Kevin uttered a curse. Then another. “God, Cole…you’re not still blaming yourself over Bess?”

  He dropped his hand and stared up at his buddy now standing next to his chair.“Of course I am. I always will.”

  “Then stop.” Kevin frowned down at him, his expression as fierce as Cole had ever seen. “It wasn’t your fuckin’ fault. You weren’t driving the damn truck.”

  Cole’s breath hissed and stomach clenched while the nightmare flashed through his mind. Only…it was the one with Jordan in the car.

  “It was me she was coming to see. And you know full well Jordan would be no different. Hell, she was already here several times.”

  And he refused to think about that last incredible visit.

  “So?” Kevin shrugged. “That’s what happens in relationships. People generally drive to see each other. Even in friendships. Don’t sit there tell me you’d feel the same way if I was hit by a drunk driver on my way to your ranch?”

  “Christ, Kevin,” he snapped. “Why are we even on this subject?”

  “Because you’re being a stupid ass, that’s why. Now answer the damn question.”

  Cole grated his back teeth together. “Yes, I would feel responsible if it were me you were coming to see.”

  “Well then, listen up.” Kevin leaned against the table and stared down at him, arms crossed over his chest. “You are not responsible for other peoples actions. Not now. Not ever. You need to worry about you, and what you do. Not what other people do.”

  “Not going to happen.”

  “Then you need to pull out your responsibility, whack it against the damn table a few times to shake out the misguided sense of duty and shit, then shove it back in and get the fuck over yourself.”

  And wasn’t that just the problem. Cole was born with a misguided sense of duty and shit. He didn’t possess the ability to turn a blind eye. It was ingrained in him. Imbedded. By no one in particular, although he was told it was a McCall trait. Passed down generations from the first McCall who fought to claim the land they call Wild Creek Ranch, then provided for those he conquered. No. His misguided sense of duty wasn’t something he could easily shake.

  Or could he?

  Walking into Megan’s family room, Jordan felt some of her tension dissipate. The past seven weeks had been difficult. She wasn’t sleeping, barely had an appetite, couldn’t focus. All detrimental and potentially deadly in her profession, not only to her but to her partner and those around her. So she did the only thing she could…took a leave of absence. Still unsure how she felt about that because she certainly was no quitter, she just knew it was the right thing to do.

  When Eric had died, she’d turned to the job, threw herself into her work, buried herself in case after case. But not this time. The job held no appeal, no promise to lure her away from her problems and heartache. No, it wasn’t going to work. She was pretty much shattered. And a shattered cop was a liability. She was much better off splitting her time between Comets’ and Megan’s. Especially now that the baby had arrived.

  Snapping out of her funk, she handed her friend a blue and white bag with playful dinosaurs on it. This was quickly becoming her favorite time of the day. She could hardly wait to see the little guy.

  “Where is that cute little godson of mine?”

  “Oh, Jordan, he’s only four weeks old and you’ve already got him spoiled.” Her friend smiled. “He’s taking a nap but should be waking up soon.”

  Eric Shawn Corbett had arrived a week early on September thirtieth. Honored and touched, Jordan had cried happy tears when Shawn had named his son after her dead husband—his late partner. Her heart swelled. Eric would’ve been so proud.

  “I enjoy doing things for him and you,” she replied.

  Jordan and Kerri had pitched in wherever possible. Her sister happily cooked meals and froze for reheating later—a task even Shawn could handle.

  Since the birth, Jordan had made a point of running to the store and doing any errand her friends required during her free time. Not only did this give Megan time to bond with her son but also occupied Jordan and kept her mind off Cole.

  “Hey, it’s not every day that a cute guy comes into my life.” Jordan stole the bag back from Megan. “Besides, little Eric told me the other day he just had to have this costume for his first Halloween. Apparently, it’s all the rage among his peers this year.”

  “Costume!” Her friend swiped the gift again. “Let me see! Oooh…” Megan gushed when she pulled out a pumpkin-faced little orange sleeper with a matching hat topped with a brown felt stem. “Jordan, it’s perfect. Wait till Shawn sees this! He’s on duty right now, but I know he’ll love it, too.”

  “Well, your little one does have good taste.” Her grin broadened as the baby monitor carried his cries down to them.

  Megan chuckled. “What did I tell you? I swear he knows when you’re here, Jordan.” Smirking, her friend went upstairs to get her son. Ten minutes later, she carried the wriggling bundle into the family room. “Okay, Auntie Jordan. Here he is, all changed and fed.”

  Arms outstretched, she waited for Megan to transfer the fidgeting baby boy and carefully supported his head. “Hey there, handsome. I get the fun part. The rocking.” Smiling at the little sweetheart, she began her duty, marv
eling over the small miracle when his tiny hand grasped her finger. Cries subsided, he fell asleep within seconds.

  Megan smiled. “Jordan, you look so natural. You’re going to make a great mom.”

  She felt the blood drain from her face and settle in her tight chest. “I hope so,” she managed to say, never taking her eyes off her godson.

  Since his arrival, her maternal instincts had kicked in big time. If only Cole and I had created our own miracle. Pain squeezed hard at her heart. More than once this past month, Jordan thought about their unprotected sex and the possibility of having a baby. Granted, the circumstances weren’t perfect, but she would’ve loved to have carried his child. Fate, as usual, had other ideas and time had supplied the proof. Immense loss hollowed her gut. Again. She clenched her teeth and forced those unhealthy thoughts aside.

  “You’ll hear from him, Jordan. I know it,” Megan said softly, laying a hand on her knee.

  “I hope so,” Jordan repeated. “It’s been seven weeks. I thought Cole would’ve cracked by now. I guess he wasn’t as in love with me as I thought.” She sighed. “Once again, it was all on my part.”

  “No. It wasn’t just on your part. We all saw how he looked at you and acted around you. That night at the party, Jordan, you had that poor guy going nuts. He didn’t know whether to run from you or to you.”

  “Well, it looks like he’s chosen the former and I don’t know what I’m going to do.” She shook her head. “I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since we got back because I keep having dreams with Cole in them.”

  Megan stiffened. “What kind of dreams?”

  Continuing to rock Eric, Jordan glanced at her friend and wondered if she should answer.

  “Jordan?”

  “Alright.” She nodded. “The nightmares are back, but now, instead of Eric lying there...it’s Cole.” Closing her eyes she saw her strong Texan plain as day, lying in her arms, blood everywhere…

  “Let me take the baby and put him down so we can talk.”

  “Don’t. Please.” Jordan looked into the face of the sleeping angel with the dusting of red hair. “He’s been the only comfort I’ve had these past few weeks.”

  “Alright.” Megan sighed, then squeezed Jordan’s knee again. “I’ve got a few phone calls to make, if you don’t mind?”

  She smiled. “No. I don’t mind. Go ahead. We’ll be fine.”

  Megan left the room and Jordan closed her eyes, cherishing the comforting snuggles of the innocent little boy in her arms.

  Since his bags were packed for his annual Tokyo trip with Kevin and three others in the morning, Cole spent the better part of the afternoon tackling ranch chores. It was Wednesday, but he had no reason to head to the office. Besides, he needed physical labor right now. He was edgy. So damn edgy. His presentation was cultivated, tight…perfect. McCall Enterprises would be well represented at the Software Development Expo. God, he looked forward to a change of scenery.

  As for other business, there were no budgets, projects, programs, outlines, awaiting his approval. Hell, he’d even tackled next year’s projected expenses. He was tapped out. Done. Completely depleted. Finding material to occupy his mind was becoming more and more sparse. Not that any of it had worked, anyway. Christ. There wasn’t a day…not one damn day that Jordan hadn’t haunted him. The memory of her laughter, warm brown eyes, sweet smile…wicked grin, sexy little mews, panting breaths, throaty sounds of approval when he thrust deep inside—they all followed him, shadowed, invaded his subconscious at every turn.

  So, no. He needed to put his back into some physical work. Once again, he turned to the Wild Creek Ranch and Connor’s to-do list. Nothing better than throwing himself into repairs. Exactly what he needed to go brain-dead for a few hours. At least, he hoped so.

  Whack! The nail slipped easily into the post at the insistence of the hammer gripped tightly in his hand. A crisp, November wind blew away the echo.

  “I think that one’s in far enough, Cole—unless you want to hammer it clear out the other side?” Connor laughed as he slid off his horse.

  Great. Just what he needed, the peanut gallery.

  Ignoring the grinning man, he grabbed another nail and began to beat the next post into submission. Finally, he’d found an outlet for his pent-up energy, and it was useful, too. He wasn’t about to let his brother ruin it, even though he could feel Connor watching as he repeated the process three more times.

  “Cole, why don’t you just call Jordan?”

  “Son-of-a…”

  Thumb throbbing, Cole twisted his lips and grit his teeth against the pain of inadvertently substituting an appendage for the nail he had been pounding.

  What the hell was his brother’s problem?

  Connor shook his head in amusement. “I know. I know. She has that kind of effect on you.”

  “Fuck,” Cole ground out, looking at his swollen thumb. The fingernail already began to purple from the blood trapped underneath. “Thanks a lot, Connor! Why’d you even mention her name?”

  More laughter met his ears, but with a lot less mirth. “Because you’re too damn stubborn to swallow your pride and call her.” Connor grabbed for his hat before the wind knocked it off.

  He’d like to knock it off, along with his brother’s head. “Pride has nothing to do with it. Mind your own damn business.”

  Again, with the laughter. Was the idiot looking to get punched? Because Cole was only too happy to oblige. Hell, he was barely holding back.

  “Sorry, but I can’t do that, little brother. It’s been two months since she’s left and you’ve been a bear ever since. You don’t eat, I doubt that you sleep and I think this has gone on long enough.”

  He simmered quietly as Connor stood there, gaze intense as he gave a sermon.

  “Everyone could tell you love her and she loves you. It’s high time you came to terms with that instead of running from your feelings.” Arms folded across his chest, Connor dared him to deny the claim.

  There’d be no denying. He’d already been through all this with Kevin a few weeks back. He didn’t deny he loved Jordan, because he did, with all his heart. Call it a matter of self-preservation, survival, whatever. He just knew Jordan was the key to both his happiness and destruction. Why didn’t anyone get that?

  “It’s because of my feelings for Jordan that I won’t call,” he explained with all the patience of a nat. “I can’t get involved with her and it’s not fair to string her along.”

  Irritation skidded across his brother’s face. If Cole hadn’t been in so much pain, both physically and emotionally, he would’ve taken stock in the very rare occurrence.

  “Ah, for the love of Pete! Why can’t you get involved with her?” Strong hands clamped like a vise around his upper arms and dug into his skin. “What the hell is going on in that head of yours, little brother?”

  What indeed. He yanked free and stomped back a few feet. “You don’t understand.”

  Christ, it was deja vu all over again.

  If only Stella had been present during his Kevin conversation, she could’ve taken down the minutes then forwarded them to Connor and he could have avoided a repeat discussion. It was painful enough the first time. Gaze skidding across the pasture, he wondered if he could make it to his horse before Connor let loose.

  “You’re right, Cole, I don’t understand. It doesn’t make a lick of sense why you’re not jumping at this chance you’ve been given.” His brother narrowed his eyes and apparently decided it was okay to get back in his face. “Don’t you see how lucky you are? Not once, but twice you’ve found a terrific woman who loves you with all her heart. Some men don’t even find that once in a lifetime, no matter how hard they try.”

  The last sentence—spoken with envy, stopped him cold. Yep, another repeat, complete with guilt over how damn inconsiderate he’d become toward others. Connor had three failed engagements. Not something he wanted his brother to dwell on, and Cole hated the fact he was the cause of the reminder. Exhaling lo
ng and deep, he took off his hat. He hadn’t meant to be insensitive. Jesus, he had no focus lately. Thrusting his uninjured hand through his hair, he shivered as the breeze cooled his head.

  “You’re right. I have been lucky.”

  After spending several of the most incredible days of his life with Jordan, he’d barely found enough strength to let her go. And that goodbye kiss? Damn. She’d given herself so freely and completely, it touched him deep down. He’d felt…worshipped. In turn, he’d done his best to show her how much he loved her before he let her go. He had to let her go.

  “Then why don’t you make things right?” Connor’s brows dipped.

  Ah hell…

  “No! Don’t you see?” He jammed his hat on his head, and this time, grabbed his brother’s arm. “I can’t be loved like that and then have it ripped away from me again. I just can’t. I didn’t do so well the first time. I’d never survive a second. Not with Jordan.” God, never with Jordan. He released Connor and swallowed back his threatening emotions. “The further from me she is, the safer she’ll be.” She was better off without him and he had to live with those terms.

  Connor scratched his temple and stared at him. “What makes you so sure Jordan’s going to die?”

  Jesus!

  Cole sucked in a breath but his tight throat wouldn’t grant passage. “Christ, Connor.” Cole gripped the beam and breathed through the indiscernible fist punching his gut. “I’m not. But I can’t take that chance.”

  “I see.” Once again, Connor closed the space between them and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Cole, I need you to answer me truthfully.”

  He grunted. Hell, he still hadn’t recovered from that last question. “What?”

  “If you knew ahead of time that Bess was going to die, would you have gotten involved with her in the first place?”

  “Yes,” Cole answered without hesitation.

  Remembered touches and special feelings filled his heart with gratitude. Their relationship had made him a better person. The time they’d shared was special. He wouldn’t trade it to avoid the heartache. No way in hell.