by Mia Ford
Just be cool, I warn myself. Be cool and everything else will just fall into place.
But as I pull up outside, I wait a couple of moments before I regain her attention. I need to calm my racing pulse, to slow down my ragged breathing to a normal place, to warm up my ice cold blood. I need to get this off to a good start. After everything we’ve been through, I think we both require that.
As soon as I think I’m there, I fire off a text. I don’t know which apartment in this block she lives in so I assume she expects me to wait down here for her to arrive.
‘I’m outside. Looking forward to seeing you xxx’
Time ticks by. I don’t get a reply for a while but I don’t know if I expect one really. I keep darting my eyes everywhere expecting to see her, and as soon as I do I slide out the car to greet her.
“Wow…” That word flies out of my mouth without me even expecting it. “You look…”
There aren’t any words to accurately describe how incredible she looks. She affects every single cell in my body. My heart leaps, my belly fills with butterflies, my underpants twitch… she’s phenomenal. Her curves, that dress, her eyes, the nape of her neck… every inch of her is like a delicious desert begging to be licked.
“You look gorgeous,” I settle on in the end. “It’s good to see you again.”
“You don’t look too bad yourself.” She rests her hands on my shoulders and pulls herself up to kiss me on the cheek. Electricity zig zags everywhere. “I like your car! Are you ready to go? I know the perfect place.”
“Oh, it’s actually my roommate’s car…” I’m starting with the word vomit early I suppose. “But yes, I can take us wherever we want to go in it if you like. I’m excited to see what you have in mind.”
She slips into the car confidently as if she belongs there, leaving me in sheer awe of her. She’s truly magnetic, she has a charisma that yanks me in, I feel like we’re similar in some ways, but in others she’s the ying to my yang. I suppose I’ll figure out more as I peel back her layers and I learn more about her. Starting right now.
8
Tamara
The candle light flickers gently between us, causing my heart to flip flop with excitement. There’s just something about Logan, something that really draws me in. I feel an undeniable connection to him like I’ve never experienced before and the more we talk the stronger that becomes. I haven’t ever been one to believe in a past life or anything like that before, but with him there’s such a familiarity it’s hard to ignore.
It’s almost as if we’ve met one another a million times before and it always ends really well.
“So, how are things at work?” I ask while forking spaghetti into my mouth. “Still as bad as ever?”
He chuckles and rolls his eyes. “You know it! But it shouldn’t be long until I’m out of there.”
A sadness tugs at my heart. I don’t want to find him just to lose him just as quickly. I know he wants to explore the world, he’s made that very clear, but does it have to be right now? It’s too soon for me to really suggest tagging along but it’s not been long enough that I feel secure in him leaving. I know that’s moving too fast I can hear my own thoughts, but this connection is off the scale. I want to cling to him and never let him go.
“Do you have any thoughts about what you might want to do when you come back?” My heart hammers as I touch on a potentially dangerous subject, showing how quick I’m going. “Or are you not thinking that far ahead?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” He waves his hand dismissively. “I don’t want to think about coming back just yet.”
His eyes obtain a misty look. I wish I could delve into his brain and see what he’s thinking. It’s been so long since I dared to dream of anything. With Pete, it was all about just keeping my head above water. I suppose now I’ve come out on top - with only a brief tumble to get me there - it’s time to figure my life out.
At least this is a huge step, I’m proud of my bravery. I wouldn’t be here without it.
His phone bleeps, I can hear it going off under the table, probably in his pocket somewhere but much to his credit he doesn’t pick it up. That’s a really gentlemanly gesture these days, to ignore the Internet or his messages for me! I’m going to take that as a sign that he really likes me because it’s never happened before. Now I can feel myself getting that misty eyed expression, and it’s all because of him. Damn it, I’m losing myself here…
“So,” I cough awkwardly, needing to reel myself in a little bit. “What do you do for fun? When you aren’t working or planning your trip around the world? Do you have any fascinating hobbies?”
I don’t know why I ask this really because eventually the question will spin back to me and I’ll be forced to admit that I don’t really do anything. I’ve become quite boring which is something I need to change. I don’t know how though. I’ve had so many upheavals all in one go that haven’t really been about having fun. This is all new.
“I don’t know.” He shrugs and chews thoughtfully. “I like the usual stuff; swimming, jogging, that sort of thing. I read a lot too and I like movies… I don’t know if that makes me boring or not.”
“No, no, I like movies too.” I leap on this connection, confirming inside my head how much this proves. “Do you have any in particular you love? I bet you’re all about the action movies, aren’t you?”
“Samurai movies, yes, which is part of the reason I’m very excited to go to Japan, but I also love a good drama too.” An image pops into my head as my brain gets carried away with itself again. Me and Logan curled up on the couch watching an endless stream of thought provoking movies then discussing them afterwards. “I’m also quite keen on horror, but I think it’s hard to find a good one. How about you?”
“Horror, yep, dramas, yep.” I giggle girlishly while tucking my hair behind my ear. “Samurai, I’ll have to try.”
As we spend some time arguing over what we consider the best movie of all time, I feel excitement and anticipation building. This is new, it’s thrilling, I absolutely love it from the pit of my stomach. Much as I keep trying to hold back, the desire for him grows, I get this feeling that today is the first day of an epic romance and as impatient as I am, I just want to skip to the end page to be there already. It feels too slow for me.
As I look at Logan, I can’t help but wonder if he’s feeling the same way too. He has the look of a man who could tip over the edge into love if pushed. He isn’t recoiling in horror as I stare at him with loving eyes anyway, he seems to be returning the expression. I hope I’m not imagining this because I have been known to be the steamroller, but if I’m running along the theme of carpe diem which is doing me well so far, then why the hell not?
Why shouldn’t I chase a romance for myself? I deserve a happy ever after, don’t I?
“I’m not even going to get you started on music,” Logan chuckles. “I bet you have some opinions on that too.”
“I do, as it happens.” I adopt a mock hoity expression. “And I’m sure my opinion is the correct one as well. I don’t have room to listen to what anyone else has to say. No one knows better than me.”
I catch a look in Logan’s eye, one that sends a powerful spark shooting to my core. I shiver lightly, wondering where that look could take me if I let it. I bet he’s an animal in bed, and my God I need some primal lust. It’s been far too long since I’ve been touched with a genuine never ending passion. I chew down on my bottom lip trying to keep my filthiness inside. That might not be appropriate for a first date. Then again… should I mind?
I imagine telling Katherine and the horror on her face… which only makes me want to go for it even more! I tried doing things her way, I attempted adulthood and it didn’t suit me. This just might.
As the waiter descends on our table with the dessert menus clutched tightly between his fingers it feels like an intrusion. I almost want to snap at him to leave us alone because I want to bask in the chemistry for a little while longer, but I don’t.
I smile up at him instead because I don’t want this to end up another disaster.
“Ooh, what are you going to have?” Logan takes his menu and devours it hungrily, almost like I imagine he’d look at me in the bedroom. “I think I might have chocolate cake… or cheese cake… or ice cream.”
“Why not get all three?” I chuckle lightly, flicking my eyes over the food. “If you do, I might do the same.”
Logan nods and we hand the menus back. “Yep, sounds good to me. Go big or go home, right?”
My pulse speeds up and I can feel a fluttering in the pit of my stomach. This is big, this whole night is massive. I’m loving every single second of it and I can’t wait to explore one step further. I stretch my hand out and take his, just needing to have that electricity bolt through me and it doesn’t disappoint. The velvety feel of his skin is intense, it brings me back to life, it unleashes something that’s been locked away. It feels right.
“Thank you for agreeing to come out with me tonight.” I can feel my cheeks blushing violently. “It’s been awesome. Today was a pretty freaky day but knowing that we could have this date cheered me up.”
“Ooh, I almost forgot to ask how your meeting went!” He claps his hand to his head. “Sorry about that.”
“No, it’s fine. It was great actually.” A big smile spreads across my cheeks. “I did really well out of it. Almost well enough to consider my own world wide trip…” Shit, that just fell out. “Or, you know, something.”
I’m supposed to be hiding my crazy not splurging it out! That’s bound to freak Logan out and send him running for this hills. Any sane person wouldn’t want to hear this on a first date. How can I retract it?
“Oh, you should. You’ll love it.” I breathe out a sigh of relief. He isn’t mad. “The world is a big place.”
He seems to accept me for just who I am, even if I can be a bit much, which I love. I crave his acceptance. Logan takes my hand again and squeezes tight, filling me with an intense and powerful warmth. I listen to Logan discuss his world plans once more, lapping each word up differently now. Maybe, if he feels this too, then it isn’t too soon to be worrying about what will happen when he goes because I might be going with him.
One dessert comes, I realize that I’ve ordered far too much because my appetite is gone now. At least it has for food. Now the craving deep inside my body is only for him. I want to see what’s underneath his clothes, I want to know how his hands feel in other places, I need the release that only he can give me.
“Did you want to go for a drink after this?” he asks me with a smile. “I know a cute little bar…” He spots me shaking my head and furrows his eyebrows in confusion, clearly missing my message. “Oh, I see.”
I tuck my finger underneath his chin and raise his eyes to meet mine. “I don’t want to go to a bar because I have drink at my place. It isn’t far so we could always go back there…”
It takes him a couple of seconds but soon he catches where I’m going with this. As realization crosses his expression his eyes almost bug out of his head. It seems he isn’t used to being near someone so forward which is fine because I’m not usually like this either. I want to be a surprise, it means he’ll always remember me.
I also like the thought that he doesn’t do this often. I don’t want to be just another notch. I want this to happen because I’m special. I want to be someone he looks at like that all the damn time.
“Oh, right sure.” A redness crosses his nose. “Yeah, that sounds good. Your place… of course.”
I giggle and give him a flirty wink. I’m like a sexual goddess, a vixen tempting him. I like that feeling, it excites me. It takes all I have to remain seated where I am while I slowly chew my food. I might not want it but I also don’t want to sit here staring at him like a freak. I have all the time in the world for that.
“Don’t worry, I won’t bite.” What has happened to me? The bump on the head has sent me crazy! But good crazy thank goodness. I like who it’s turned me into. “Unless you want me to that is…”
Logan gives me a curious look. I can see the intrigue rolling off of him in waves. I shoot him a smile and enjoy the sensation when I get one back. Soon I’ll be even more familiar with him which I can’t wait for. The closer I get to that moment, the increasingly desperate I become.
9
Logan
I don’t know what the hell is going on here but I’m following Al’s advice and going with the flow. However crazy Tamara seems it isn’t enough to put me off so I’m going with it. Maybe we’ll talk about the argument later on. Perhaps we’ll discuss it with laughter and hindsight or maybe not. At this point who the hell cares?
Tamara slides her hand into mine and we walk towards her apartment. I hope Al’s car will be okay where it is, I did clear it with the restaurant. I guess I’ll pick it up tomorrow morning if this heads the way I think it might be. It certainly seems that way judging by the way she keeps shooting me sexy glances. I sure hope so. It’s been a while and sure I didn’t exactly plan for this night to go this way, but I’m not about to complain.
“Okay.” All of a sudden, Tamara looks a little nervous. “Here I am, do you still want to come up?”
I nod and follow behind as she walks up the stairs. I stay behind her admiring the curve of her body and the roundness of her butt as she goes. She’s got my pulse speeding quicker, my body freaking out, my cock straining in my trousers… she’s brought out an animalistic side of me which I locked away a while ago.
She slides the key into the door and pushes it open, revealing more of herself as she does. I always like this part, seeing someone’s home for the first time because it shows much of who they are. I haven’t ever really experienced that in this setting but the same rules always apply. Even if they haven’t decorated the place themselves there will be elements of who they are dotted about the place. The first thing I notice about Tamara is the photographs. She has pictures of herself and her life everywhere, most of them featuring the red haired friend from the train. I almost mention her but I stop myself at the last moment in case it drags up the row.
“I like this picture.” I point to one with her in a night club with neon paint all over her face. She has her head tossed back and is laughing really loudly. “Looks like you had fun there. Where was that?”
She looks at the picture and instead of smiling her whole expression darkens. “Oh, that.” She sighs deeply as if something is physically hurting her. I snatch my hand away like I’ve been burned. “That’s the night I met Pete.”
I wince, suddenly feeling the night go downhill. Any mention of an ex is bad. “Oh… sorry.”
“No, it’s okay.” She gives me a half shrug. “It doesn’t matter now. I’m just annoyed I ever met him.”
Immediately I feel an affinity with her. “Oh yeah, I feel the same way about my ex too.” I want her to understand that I’m on the same page as her. “She cheated on me so I wish I didn’t meet her either.”
Tamara gives me a sympathetic look. “Oh, that’s horrible. At least that didn’t happen to me. He’s just an asshole. I wish I hadn’t ever laid eyes on him. Maybe I’d be a bit more sure of things if not.”
She looks all small and vulnerable. All I want to do is wrap my arms around her to hold her but I don’t know if that’s appropriate. I’m not sure if she’s the sort of person who wants a hug when she’s talking about her ex. That’s the sort of knowledge that comes later on when we’ve been dating for a while. Right now, I just need to do what I can to figure her out. I guess one thing that’s pretty universal is alcohol to ignore problems.
“Do you want a drink?” I head towards her kitchen. “I can pour you something?”
“Sure. Whatever you can find in there, thank you. There should be some wine in the cupboard…”
She looks a little glad that I’m gone while she gathers herself up, which relieves me. It means I’ve hit the nail on the head. I breathe out a sigh of relief and hope we can get things back on tra
ck soon enough. The chemistry between us is strong, it’s been flowing all night long, and now I don’t want it to end. I was enjoying it so much.
I get us both a glass of wine and take it into the living room to join her. For a few seconds, I debate where to sit but, in the end, I choose the chair next to her. If I want to get us both back in the mood then I need to make that happen. I can’t do that from the other side of her - admittedly very small - room.
“Sorry, I know I shouldn’t be talking about Pete. I don’t know what’s going on with me at the moment.” She shakes her head rapidly. “I’ve been a little wired ever since I hit my head. I blame the hospital.”
I nod wishing I could think of the right things to say. “It must have been bad.”
“I know, but it’s okay now.” She tilts her head up and smiles at me. I can see something dancing behind her eyes underneath her eyelashes which screams out to me. “Just ignore me if I go a bit loopy okay?”
I can do that. I’ve been doing that all night long. “Of course I will. Don’t you worry about that.” I dart my eyes around her room, finally drinking all of it in. “I like your movie posters. And your big book case.”
I stand up to take a closer look at it, almost as an automatic reaction, and it isn’t until I reach it that I realize she’s behind me. She stands close to me and darts her eyes in my direction as I run my eyes over her collection. It’s almost as if she’s testing me, to see how I react to her books which makes me smile. It’s probably the sort of thing I would do if the roles were reversed. I’d be unable to resist testing her.
“Well, these aren’t the books I would have…” I say while picking up Macbeth. “But I’m impressed.”
“Pfft, as if I need your approval.” She rolls her eyes and flips her hair over her shoulder.
