by Mia Ford
“Oh right.” I can tell by Katherine’s tart tone that she’s trying to hide her attraction. It’s almost as if she doesn’t know that I can see right through her, honestly, how long have we been friends? “He seems okay. But I’m not going along for that, I’m just coming to check on Logan. See if this is all okay, you know? I’m taking care of you. I want to make sure that everything is alright. You know? I’m just being a good friend.”
“Wonderful, thank you. So, tomorrow night suit you okay? I thought we could go for pizza.”
“Tomorrow night is just fine. I will be there. I’ll come to yours’ before, shall I?”
“Yes, that sounds perfect. I look forward to it already. It’ll be awesome, honestly, just trust me.”
Once Katherine hangs up the phone I cheer loudly and dance around the room like an idiot. Not so long ago, everything felt bad, I thought my life was sinking hard and fast down the toilet, but now it’s perfect. I have everything I could have ever wanted and more. It can only get better.
“Oh, God, I’m far too nervous.” As we take our seats in the restaurant, Katherine finally gives up the pretense that she’s only here for me and she slides right into double date mode. She tugs at her little black dress, tugging it up over her breasts and she pats her cheeks anxiously. “Do I look alright? This is nuts, I shouldn’t be here.”
I laugh loudly, shaking my head in amusement. “You look fine… especially since you’re only here to help me out, remember?” I give her an accusatory look. “You’re just going to check up on Logan, am I right?”
Her face stains with embarrassment. “Oh, I don’t know. I keep looking at the picture you sent me and it’s hard to not notice how gorgeous he is. What’s his name again? I know you told me but I was distracted…”
“Alistair.” Going with his full name seems like the smartest thing to do. “He’s nice, right?”
I can feel an anticipation building, I’m about to really lose control in a moment. This is just the best thing ever. I’ve got happiness now, and I’m more than pleased to share it. I have an image in my mind about how incredible this night will be and I can just see it coming to life. This just has to work out, it has to.
“Oh, look, there they are.” I point towards the door. “Logan and Alistair, can you see them?”
Katherine’s face pales and she darts her eyes rapidly between me and the boys, looking slightly panicked. I smile as brightly as I can to reassure her. This is going to be fine! I know she hasn’t been on a date for a while, but this is going to be fine. It can’t be awkward anyway because me and Logan are here. We can keep the conversation flowing and make sure there aren’t any tense moments associated with first dates.
“It’s okay.” I take her hand and wink. “It’ll be fine, just trust me.”
Logan sits beside me and Al takes his seat next to Katherine. I feel like a proud momma bear as they share an awkward smile. This is the start of something amazing, I can’t wait to see it bloom.
“So, Katherine, this is Logan and Alistair, and this is Katherine.”
It’s a bit weird as they all shake hands, everyone else seems to be experiencing some tension that I can’t quite see for myself, but it’ll be fine. I’m not too worried. It’ll break, I’ll find a way to make it good for everyone again.
“I have a good idea.” I smile around the table. “Let’s get a bottle of wine.”
What the hell happened here? I clutch onto my head in distress while I watch the scene unfolding in front of me. I think it’s safe to say that the wine was a bad idea. It was good at first, it loosened everyone up and we all started having a real good time. Then Al made some silly comment about politics and it set Katherine off. It seems that while they have a lot in common making them well suited, it’s also a bad thing. They’re hot headed, argumentative, and cannot seem to let things go and the more they drink the worse it gets.
“I don’t think you understand what you’re talking about.” Katherine shakes her head, fury exploding across her expression. “You have no idea. You’re just pulling facts out of your ass right now.”
At first, I thought it might be sexy arguing, the sort with an undertone of sexual fission, but it very quickly escalated into something so much more. Something highly unpleasant. I can barely stand to be around it.
“Ever heard of a cell phone?” Al drags his phone out of his pocket. “You can just look it up right now. It’s a fact. You just cannot hack the fact that you’ve lost. What is wrong with you?”
“I’m not wrong and just because something is on the Internet doesn’t make it true.”
“But being right makes it true! It doesn’t mean it isn’t right, either. Don’t be crazy””
“Don’t be so stupid. You’re just saying stuff for the sake of it. You’re an idiot.”
“I’m an idiot?” Al spits. “You’re just being stubborn. I’ve never heard anything like it. You have such a closed off mind, you should just open up a little bit. Try and see things from somewhere other than your ass.”
“So, because I don’t agree with you, I must be wrong? And I’m narrow minded?”
“Yes, you are! You’re narrow minded because you hate losing and you won’t accept it.”
“Urgh you are ridiculous. I cannot begin to even speak to you. You’re just too dumb.”
“Maybe we should talk about something else…” I interrupt lamely, but neither of them seem to hear me. They are locked in a battle that’s completely out of control. “We could discuss, I don’t know, anything else…”
I give Logan a look as the argument escalates. This isn’t what I wanted for tonight, it’s going horribly wrong. I just thought it would go well, I had this amazing idea in my brain and it’s collapsed. I suppose the only good thing to come from this is that Al is making Logan look a lot better by default so I can’t see Katherine having any issue with us anymore. I don’t need her permission, but I’d like to have her blessing.
“You are ridiculous.” Katherine starts banging her fists down on the table. I suppose we’ve given up decorum now. I dare to look around just to see if everyone is watching us, which they are. It’s discrete, they are all looking out the side of their eyes, but I can feel it prickling over me. “You’re just a stupid idiot.”
Al jumps to his feet and glowers at all of us. “Right, I’m not going to sit around here to be insulted. I’m going to the bar. I need a fucking drink if I’m going to deal with this bullshit anymore.”
He storms off leaving a trail of destruction behind him. Katherine looks so furious I think she might pop a vein in her forehead and me and Logan probably look as dumb struck as one another. We haven’t ever had any sort of argument like that, or any disagreement at all really, and this is quite unpleasant. I’m glad we don’t have that sort of drama filled life. thigs might have moved very quickly between us but it’s always been smooth.
“Erm, I suppose I’ll go and try to calm Al down.” I push myself into a standing position because I feel responsible for the whole night. “Will you two be okay here? Hopefully it won’t take me long.”
Sadness sinks in my chest as I walk across the restaurant. I so wanted us to double date, I so wanted it all to be awesome. I suppose it doesn’t matter though, we can still all be friends. As long as there isn’t any alcohol around it should be just fine…
19
Logan
This has been awkward, real awkward all night long. And surprisingly, that has nothing to do with the half drunken arguments circling the room. That’s actually a pretty good distraction. The main problem I have is the odd looks Tamara’s friend keeps sending me, and I have a feeling that I know why. Now that we’re alone, I think it might just come spilling out and that makes me anxious as all hell. I don’t know what Katherine will say.
“So…” I chuckle awkwardly, taking a swig of my drink to cover up the redness. “This is a bit nuts, isn’t it?”
“I presume you aren’t talking about the yelling?” She rolls her eye
s and purses her lips. “No, I guess we’re talking about the first time we met. On the train.” When she says that I feel a tight knot in my chest loosen. It feels even better than I thought it would to talk about it. It acknowledges that it’s real. It happened. I don’t know if there was a small part of me doubting it ever happened. “Have you discussed it with Tamara, yet?”
I shake my head vigorously. “No, I keep sort of trying to, but she shoots me down every time.”
“Almost like she doesn’t remember it?” I nod, thank God I’m not alone in this. “Yeah, she’s been like that a lot and it’s frustrating her.” Katherine leans in closer to me, sharing a secret. “Has she told you about the fall that happened right after the disastrous job interview she had? Don’t worry, that wasn’t your fault, the spilled coffee had nothing to do with it. I know that she massively overreacted to that. She just bombed, I don’t think she really wanted to get the job and that came through so they weren’t ever going to hire her no matter what.”
I nod slowly. “Well, she told me that she had a fall but I don’t know too much about it.”
“She fell down the stairs and hit her head pretty hard.” I sort of knew this, it’s why she has money. “She lost a lot of her memories. The doctor called it short term amnesia so I don’t know what we can do about it.”
“Wait.” I clutch onto my forehead allowing this to sink in. “So, you’re telling me that she doesn’t actually remember me? This isn’t just a thing that she doesn’t want to talk about. She doesn’t know it happened.”
That changes everything. Absolutely everything. Now it’s like a whole piece of our history has been erased. Not that it’s a good part of it, but it was our first meet. That’s strange. I don’t know how to take it. It puts me all on edge. Now as I dart my eyes towards Tamara while she talks to Al at the bar it seems like everything is based on a lie. I have a strong recollection of something that she doesn’t know happened.
“Wait, hold on a minute.” I knot my eyebrows together in confusion. “Why did she come and speak to me on the train? She walked over to me as if she knew me which I thought meant that she remembered…”
“I don’t know.” Katherine shrugs helplessly. “She just told me that she saw a cute guy on the train. I know she doesn’t usually act in such a forward way, so maybe she remembers you a bit…” When this doesn’t bring a smile to my face she tries a different tactic. “I mean it must mean that she really likes you, right? To do that. Perhaps she just felt a spark with you. She’s certainly been very enthusiastic about you which is great…”
It doesn’t feel great, it makes me feel empty and sad about everything. I don’t know why I can’t just be happy about the good things between us, but here I am again, unable to let something go. I’m a lunatic.
“What has she forgotten? It can’t just be meeting me?” I start to feel increasingly desperate with every passing moment. “And did the doctor say anything about when her memories will come back?”
“She has forgotten all sorts of random little things. I think she makes out that she can remember more than she can as well because she’s embarrassed about it, I don’t know why, but no there wasn’t any clue.”
“What if she never remembers?” My heart sinks, I don’t know if I’ll be able to move past it. To have something so monumental in my mind that she doesn’t know about it weird. “Is there anything that I can do to help her?”
Unfortunately, Katherine doesn’t get the chance to answer me because at that moment, Tamara comes back with a very sheepish looking Alistair. He does actually look like he’s humiliated by how he’s acted.
“I think Alistair has something to say,” Tamara tells the table in a motherly tone of voice. “Don’t you?”
“I’m sorry,” he grumbles like a petty teenager. “I shouldn’t have been such a dick.”
“No.” Katherine’s face hardens again. She really doesn’t like Al at all. I suppose I can understand it. he’s great for me, I like him a lot but I can see how he would rub people up the wrong way. Especially this fiery red head. “You shouldn’t have been such a dick, I agree with you. You should have just listened to me, heard me out.”
I have a feeling that she knows this will wind up Al again, which is does. His cheeks stain red and words fly out of his mouth with spittle in among it. “I cannot believe you, I’ve just been forced to say sorry, and you can’t even…” He waves his hands in a disbelieving manner. “This is ridiculous. I take it all back.”
“Oh no.” Katherine folds her arms. “You can’t take it back now. The sorry has been heard. I accept it.”
I bolt upright, screeching my chair backwards to silence them. I cannot go through this again. “Right, I think it’s time to go, don’t you? This has been a terrible idea, never to be repeated, am I right?”
I roll my eyes and snort, trying to make a joke out of this because I cannot stand to think about the amnesia right now. I’ll worry about that when I’m no longer in public and having to deal with other people.
“I’ll get a cab now.” I pull my cell phone out. “We need to escape before glasses get smashed.”
Katherine and Al share an angry look and Tamara darts her eyes everywhere as if she’s fearing as much as I do. The staff probably feel the same way, I know I would if I worked here. This night is done. I’m going to have to get these staggering idiots in a cab before they can cause any more problems.
“That was wild, wasn’t it?” Tamara practically whispers to me as we slide into my bedroom once Al has crashed to sleep on his own bed. We dropped Katherine off first then all came back here. I wanted to use the time home to try and wrap my head around what I’ve learned tonight, but the arguments only got worse in the car. My ears are ringing and my head banging under the strain of it. “I cannot believe how that went.”
She flops onto the bed with her eyes up at the ceiling. I can almost feel the disappointment burning off of her which gives me pause for thought. I don’t think I should bring up the amnesia right now.
“Well, Katherine seems to like me.” Mostly because she’s met me before. “That was the point, wasn’t it?”
Tamara rolls onto her side and gives me a look. As she leans her head on her hand her hair falls like a sheet behind her. “You want me to be honest? I thought they might like one another.”
I’m horror struck by this suggestion, obviously I haven’t talked about Al and his reputation enough. If she had told me what her plan was I immediately would have shot the idea down. How can she be so nuts?
“Alistair isn’t right for your friend, I’ll tell you that much already. He’s a player who doesn’t want to settle down. I know that he pretends he’s just waiting for the right woman but I don’t want Katherine to get caught up in the journey.” Mostly, I don’t want it to get in the way of me and Tamara… if there is still a me and Tamara. “Honestly, it’s for the best that they fell out. If they end up sleeping together it’ll cause issues.”
“Hmm.” Tamara pouts. “I don’t know, I thought it could be kinda perfect. I’m sad it didn’t work out.”
I climb on the bed next to her and circle my arms around her. We’re both too weary to even take off our evening clothes, never mind anything else. But that’s okay, I’m happy to just lie here. Soon, Tamara will drift off to sleep and I’ll get that much needed peace to try and work this out. I need to decide what I’m going to do.
Amnesia… memory loss… might not ever come back…
Terrifying words that I’m not too sure what they mean flood my mind. I need to learn more…
Once I notice Tamara’s breathing has grown heavy and thick I slip my hand out from underneath her and I grab my laptop from the side. If I’m going to help Tamara then I need to learn all that I can. This isn’t something that I’ve ever had any experience with and I don’t want to be utterly clueless.
The first thing I do is look up the definition of the term which is unfortunately very unhelpful. A partial or total loss of memory. That�
��s what I knew already, that doesn’t give me anything. I think I might get more out of it if I learn about what I can do to help. Moving forwards is the best idea for both of us anyway.
“Cognitive behavioral therapy?” I mutter to myself as I read the words. “What’s this? Oh, it involves a therapist. How will that help?” I don’t know why I’m talking to myself aloud but I can’t seem to stop. “By talking about it?” I glance down at Tamara feeling sorry for her as she sleeps. “How can she talk about what she doesn’t remember?” I feel weird about all the times I’ve tried to talk about the coffee incident now and she hasn’t responded. “If she was going to recall, surely she’d do it as soon as I started to talk about it?”
I give up that idea and scan my eyes over the rest of the ideas. There is a lot of medication on offer but it seems to have some terrible side effects which I don’t think is helpful. Especially since it seems to only be a smaller problem really, not something that requires too many harsh chemicals pumped into her body.
Then I come across other ideas, things I can actually do. One of the biggest things seems to be preventing further bumps to the head, so I’ll need to do whatever I can to make sure that doesn’t happen. She won’t go down the stairs alone and I’ll keep all doors open so she can’t clumsily walk into them. Then there are many brain training games to get the brain working harder. That’s supposed to bring things out. Physical exercise too. It doesn’t seem like much and I’m not totally convinced that it’ll work, but I have to do something.
I just want to help, I don’t like this useless feeling. I want to do whatever I can to make it okay again. Including telling her. Once she wakes up in the morning I’ll confess that Katherine told me then maybe we can work through it together. I hope so. I can’t imagine her getting mad, even if she is embarrassed.
“I’ll help you,” I promise Tamara determinedly. “I’m not sure how yet, but I will.”
I lean down and rub her cheek, just wishing that she could know everything about us. I’m scared that she might turn her back on me when she learns the truth. I don’t want to be hated by her.
