by Mia Ford
“I don’t want to get everyone all worked up…” She claps her hands together excitedly. This smile looks genuine, and that’s something I haven’t seen for a while. “But the hypnotherapy worked.”
“It… worked…” My eyes narrow in. “What do you mean? You remember everything, you…?”
Katherine wraps her hand around my arm, stopping me before I can get too carried away which I’m grateful for. I can already feel the words tripping off my tongue at a million miles an hour. I’m going to freak her out.
“I can’t remember it all, but there are bits and pieces coming back.” She stares right at me. “I can remember the train. The coffee, the accident, the spilling, I can recall little bits and pieces of it.”
An explosion of happiness bursts free, like a selection of fireworks darting and dancing everywhere. This is the absolute best outcome that I could have ever dared hope for. I wouldn’t hope for it because I was far too scared but it’s here, it’s happening, and it seems really real. Finally, Tamara remembers me properly.
“You do?” I gush while racing forwards. There’s no holding me back now. I scoop her up into my arms and swing her around. Her legs whizz through the air as she flies. “I can’t believe it, you remember us.”
“I’m so sorry for yelling,” she cried out while her head tilts back in laughter. “My first impressions suck.”
Oh my God, she really does remember. This is wonderful. “I don’t care about that, I’m still here, aren’t I? Obviously, it doesn’t matter. I like you through the terrible first impression.”
She smiles at me and for a moment I think she might lean down to kiss me. I half expect to feel that incredible sensation of her lips against mine once more. But before that can happen, Katherine grabs her for a hug.
“Oh God, it’s so good to hear that, Tamara, I’ve been so worried about you.”
As they embrace I force myself to take a step back. They look so happy which is wonderful. It’s been a few weeks of sinking misery so I cannot wait to get out of it. This really does feel like the first step.
“Well, like I said, I do have a lot of work to do, this isn’t the end, but it worked. I cannot believe that it worked, can you?” Tamara chuckles. “I was starting to think that nothing ever would.”
We share a look, one that’s filled with intense emotions. I can almost feel that buzzing between us again. I know that it’ll take a while to get there, I’m not expecting to jump right back in, but now there’s a slither of hope and that’s all I need. A tiny little bit to help me out. I get that burning sensation in my chest, it takes all that I have to keep my hands to myself, but I just about do it. For Tamara.
“Well, I think that’s worth a celebration, don’t you?” I look around at everyone. “Should we go out for dinner? The four of us? Can we handle that? We’re in a much better place now, aren’t we all?”
Katherine and Al look guiltily at one another, but they nod in unison. “Yes, we can do it.”
Tamara’s smile grows even wider. “Thank you, all of you, and of course, dinner is on me. You’ve all been through so much with me and I want to show my appreciation. Just not too much booze, yeah?”
“And no wine either,” I joke and pat my hair. “No more bumps to the head.”
“Wine?” Tamara’s confused face stuns me to the core. “What do you mean, wine?”
“I… erm, I mean, I… I didn’t mean, I wasn’t trying to… you know, wine because of…”
“Oh goodness me, you fool!” She laughs loudly. “If we can’t joke about it then what can we do? Just be prepared for a lot more memory jokes now, but it’s better than being miserable, am I right?”
We all laugh with relief, glad to have some of the old Tamara back. This is amazing. I couldn’t be happier if we tried. All the plans for the future we once had are possible again.
“Well, I don’t think that went too badly in the end, do you?” Tamara rests her head against my shoulder as the cab drives us back to her place where I intend to drop her off alone. I’m determined to take things slow. “Katherine and Alistair got on really well. Well, not really well but better than before. Not that it’s hard.”
I smile to myself, knowing that they only acted that way for her sake. They’re so happy that Tamara is okay again that they actually got along. Even with booze in their system which is amazing.
“I don’t know how they’ll cope in the cab together though without us as a buffer…”
Maybe it was dumb of me to suggest that we come back alone. I just wanted a little bit of alone time with Tamara so I can work out where her head is at. She’s been all touchy feely all night long, acting as if the last few weeks haven’t happened, but I won’t forget. Once the high goes this could all turn around again and I need to be prepared for that. I want to be around for her no matter what her mood.
“They’ll have to get used to being alone. Especially when we go on our trip…” She tilts her head up to me when I don’t immediately answer. “You still do want to go on the trip, don’t you?”
“I… I don’t want to do anything until you’re ready for it. You still have your hypnosis to complete.”
“I know, but that doesn’t mean we can’t plan, does it? I miss taking about our escape.”
It feels too premature to dive right in and grow with excitement again, even if I really want to. So instead of getting carried away I nod calmly. “Yes, I miss talking about it too. We can plan again.”
Tamara hooks her hand around the back of my neck and she drags me down until our lips crash together. I wasn’t even going to try to kiss her tonight but now she’s taken control. I have to admit I like it. As our mouths move in unison and my heart starts beating a whole lot faster, I feel an even deeper connection. God, I’ve missed this, I’ve missed her, I never want things to go this badly again, I don’t want this to end.
“Come inside with me,” Tamara gasps as soon as we pull apart.
“Erm…” I don’t know what to say to that. It isn’t what I planned but I don’t want to reject her either.
“Not for anything, you perv.” She giggles and pinches my side. “To plan again. I’m all buzzing and excited. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep after everything that happened last night. Please, don’t leave me alone.”
I can’t resist, that’s the problem. When she’s giving me those puppy dog eyes I find her impossible to ignore. I lean back down to give her a kiss before agreeing. “Okay, but it’ll be hard without my map.”
“Oh yeah, because the Internet isn’t the best resource ever.” She rolls her eyes. “Honestly.”
She dives out of the cab quickly as soon as we reach her home while tossing a bill towards the driver. Then she grabs onto my hand and she eagerly pulls me to her home. I can’t help it, I’m getting just as swept up in this as she is, even though I’m trying my hardest to keep myself intact. Now that she’s back, she’s infectious again. I can’t help getting dragged right along with her. I can finally freely think about my travels again.
“What time is it?” I chuckle while glancing bleary eyed to the clock. “We’ve been at this all night. The bright light of the computer screen is starting to do my head in. I don’t know how much longer I can keep looking at it.” I rub them to prove my point. “See? I can hardly keep them open!”
Tamara bounces up and down excitedly, not showing any sign of tiredness. “I don’t know but I want to do it all. I want to see everything in the world. You can’t honestly want to rest now? We’re just getting to the good stuff. Look, I want to show you what I’ve found in Bora Bora… we can swim with dolphins.”
“I give up.” I hold my hands up in a surrendering gesture. “I can’t do this anymore, you’ve driven me to exhaustion. I’m going to have to get some sleep before I crash. You’re too excitable for me.”
“Alright then, I’ll come with you.” Tamara wraps her arm around me while we walk into the bedroom, touching me with the same familiarity as she used to which feels wo
nderful. I love it. It might seem insane to someone else but unlocking those memories has really brought her back to me. I guess knowing our origins is useful, I just never understood how much until now. “Come on then, old man, let’s get you to sleep.”
She curls her whole body around me in the bed, clinging to me like a limpet and I hold onto her just as tightly. Today has been a roller coaster, it’s been an emotional whirl wind but at least it’s ended up this way.
“So, we’re really going again?” I murmur through the sleepiness. “The trip is happening?”
“It was never not going to happen, I just had to find myself first. And here I am. Back to normal again, thank goodness.” Her fingers clasp onto me even harder. “Who would have thought it? I’d almost given up totally.”
Her lilting laugh is the last thing I hear before I drift off into a wonderful, peaceful sleep. The first one I’ve had in ages. Tamara might think that she’s found herself, but she’s found me too. I feel rejuvenated, like I’m coming back as well. I’m out of limbo and looking forward once more.
26
Tamara
It takes a few weeks for us to really get back to where we once were, but it happens. Our comfort levels around one another grows and we get back to feeling like us again. It maybe doesn’t have that perfect sheen that I once felt with him but that’s probably a good thing. It isn’t perfect because it’s real and raw. I sort of know that we didn’t meet under the best circumstances but that’s okay because like Logan said we are still here, he has stuck around. He’s also been there through my darkest hour, bringing me back into the light.
I kept pushing him away and he’s stayed. That proves to me that he’ll stick by me through everything.
I lean across him, trying to grab his attention away from the television for just a moment. Now that we’re back to planning our trip he’s taken to watching endless travel documentaries. He’s obsessed. I like seeing that passion back in his eyes, it’s much nicer than the sadness. I can’t take any more of the sadness. Seeing Logan that way has been really hard on me, it’s made me sink deeper, but not anymore. Now, we’re free.
“That will be us soon.” He smiles and points to the TV screen. “I can’t wait, can you? With our tickets booked and the date of us leaving getting closer, it’s more exciting isn’t it? It finally feels so real.”
There are words bubbling up in my throat that have nothing to do with our trip. Well, not directly anyway. It’s something that I’ve wanted to say for a while but I haven’t yet gotten around to it. But there isn’t any reason I should hold my emotions back now, is there? There’s no reason I shouldn’t just confess all.
“I love you.” I don’t even fully decide that I’m going to say it until I do. “I love you so much, Logan.”
“You…” Logan pulls back to look at me. There’s curiosity in his eyes. “You love me?”
My heart picks up and notch and thunders wildly. I start to think that maybe I’ve said the right thing, it’s just so confusing with me and Logan, we’ve done things so back to front, I can never keep my head on straight. I just keep rolling with my instincts, whatever they may be, and tearing head first into all kinds of trouble.
“I love you too,” he finally declares as if he realizes that he hasn’t said it yet. “I’ve loved you for a long time.”
I suck in a deep breath of air and let his words wash over me. He really does love me I’m blown away. It feels incredible, I haven’t ever felt something so warm and powerful in my entire life. It makes me realize that this is how love is supposed to feel. I haven’t ever had it like this before and I’m officially in heaven.
“Who would have thought it,” Logan continues while he pulls me to him for a kiss. “Who would have believed that the crazy girl from the train would end up the woman that I’m in love with? I never would.”
“Crazy.” I give him a playful smack. “Okay, so I know I haven’t always been sane, but crazy?”
He doesn’t answer me, instead, he scoops me up and lifts me from the couch as if I weigh nothing. He carries me as if taking me over the threshold on our wedding day. I have an elation which matches that mood, and a strong sense of commitment too. We’re in love now, this is no longer just messing about. Not that it ever was.
Logan drops me to the floor once we get into my bedroom and I bounce up on my toes to drag those delicious lips of his back to meet mine. My ragged chest is filled with a deep lust, I can feel it surging powerfully within me. I desperately need my release now, and I can sense that Logan is the same.
As we kiss, Logan walks me backwards until I collapse onto my hard, wooden desk chair. I fall with a bit of a thump but the pain doesn’t trouble me at all. Not with Logan falling to his knees between my flushed, trembling thighs. He grabs his hands on my knees and pushes them further apart and he sidles in closer. I can feel the intense heat radiating off of him and it makes the pulsing inside of me much more powerful. Overwhelmingly so.
“Take your tee shirt off,” he growls while pressing his lips against my exposed throat. “I need you naked.”
As I tear it upwards, he yanks at my pajama shorts rising my butt right up. My lace panties go too, they drag down with the shorts leaving all of me cold and exposed. I crash back down but I’m nearer to the edge this time. Logan’s fingers fumble with my bra clasp and soon that’s gone too. I’m fully nude.
“Oh, God, you look so good naked.” His fingers trace down my torso. “You’re beautiful.”
I toss my head back, allowing my hair to spill all over the back of the chair. Logan’s fingers and thumbs bring out electrical sparks all over me, setting me alight. I’m on fire all over, I feel utterly intense.
“Oh, Logan.” My head lolls to one side, my eyes fall closed. “I want you so bad.”
He nestles his nose in between my thighs and inhales deeply. “Oh, you smell so good.” His words vibrate against my core, driving me over the edge. His voice tickles my clit all over. “I want to taste you so bad.”
His breath, his mouth, his tongue, I can sense it all and it’s dragging me deeper into the walls of pleasure. I reach for him, sinking my fingers into his hair as I encourage him closer to me. The anticipation is building, it’s growing to an uncontrollable level, the need is getting desperate now. I roll my hips towards him.
“Do you want me to touch you?” he asks seductively. “Do you want me to taste you?”
“Oh, fuck yes,” I rasp back. “You have no idea how badly.”
He presses his lips against my slit, my wetness soaking his mouth, then his tongue begins to consume me whole. It flicks over me at a rapid, relentless pace, tracing the most incredible feeling patterns over me. Instinct has me trying to push him away before the hot bliss gets too much for me, but he isn’t about to give up the onslaught. His sucking, his licking, his lips, his tongue, his teeth, it’s all just too damn much.
“Logan,” I cry out as the orgasm draws nearer to the edge. “Oh my God, it’s… it’s….”
The fluttering rhythm drives me and pushes me, tipping me. My butt almost slides off the seat as I cave to the sensation and I pull Logan to me. Now I want it all, I want him to send me into the oblivion, I need it.
Like a train smashing into my body, the orgasm hits. It knocks me in the stomach, winding me, and it rolls over my body like a tsunami. It’s phenomenal, agonizingly intense, exploding every cell in my body. I part my lips to scream but all the wind has been stripped from my lungs. I’m mute, completely stunned.
Just as I’m about to slump forwards with exhaustion, Logan wraps his arms around me and he lifts me to the bed. I fall back on the sheets, spilling out everywhere, while Logan crawls across me like a predator. His dark eyes filled with desire make me shiver. It runs up and down my spine like a heat. Or maybe a cold…
“You have no idea how crazy you drive me,” he growls while his nose brushes against mine. “No clue.”
I arch my back, somehow still wanting more even after everything tha
t he’s put me through. His mouth finds mine, then my cheek, then my neck, then my collar bone. I can feel his tip teasing me and I need it all. I want every inch of him. The heat of his cock is so close, yet so far away. I groan and moan with bliss.
Logan’s fingers grip possessively onto my hips at the moment I hook my legs around his waist. I think he’s trying to hold back but the pleasure is too much for him. With a guttural grunt he finally slides all the way in, giving me everything. His powerful thrust immediately sends me flying to the edge.
His cock hits my insides, but it doesn’t feel deep enough. Somehow, I want more, I want all of him. He’s massive, far too much for me, yet I want him all, so with the last bit of strength I have I push myself upright and I flip him onto his back, straddling him. He looks surprised, but happy as fuck as well. I love that look.
I grip onto his thick, muscular shoulders and I ride him. I bounce up and down hard and fast, ensuring that every thrust brushes against my clit. Greedily, I want another orgasm, I need that heady rush. Logan makes me desperate for more, always. I never get tired of him, the chemistry will never dull, I can feel it.
“Tamara.” His fingers grip onto my hips. “Tamara, it’s too much. You’re too much. You’re everything,”
My head spins, I see stars, the previous pleasure comes back around and makes this orgasm just as earth shattering. I throw my head back and let it shudder through me. It’s wonderous. I love it. I allow my body to open up to the pleasure and it becomes even more intense. I can barely stand it anymore. I might explode.
“I love you,” I murmur… or maybe I scream, I’m not too sure. Nothing makes sense. “I love you, Logan.”
He pushes himself up into a sitting position and strips the air from my lungs with another kiss. His whole body tightens, I kiss him harder as I sense him tipping over the edge, then he shatters and relaxes, crying out through the bliss. I swallow up most of his screams, but a few of them break free. The sound comes from the pit of his stomach, it buzzes and vibrates through me, I love knowing that I’m the cause of it. I can make him feel this way.
