Gone With the Nerd

by Vicki Lewis Thompson

  "That shows what you know," Jeff said. "Bigfoot is, like, a major tourist attraction."

  "Then where are all the tourists?" Luanne planted her hands on her skinny hips. "We've had exactly two this year, Tony and Vera!"

  "But my man Tony has a plan." Jeff beamed at him. "Right, Tony?"

  "A possibility, at least." Flynn pulled cash from his wallet to pay for the flashlight and sleeping bag. His credit card happened to be issued to Flynn Granger, which would cause some problems.

  Luanne plopped her People magazine on the counter and flipped it open to a picture of Zoe and Trace at a Hollywood party. "I want you to see this, Tony." She pointed to the picture. "Doesn't Vera look exactly like her?"

  "There's definitely a resemblance." Flynn should probably buy a copy of the magazine and tack that picture of Zoe with Trace on his bedroom wall at the cabin, to remind himself that she was involved with someone. He didn't care what she said about the level of involvement Trespassing was trespassing and he didn't want to do it.

  "Zoe and Vera could be twins. Even the smile is the same, and that's the part that usually is so different When you see a movie where a person is playing the part of somebody famous who died, when they smile it really looks fake."

  Flynn thought this munchkin was getting too close to the truth and needed to be diverted. "They say everyone has a perfect double somewhere in the world. That means that somewhere an exact replica of Luanne Dunwoodie is walking around this very minute."

  Jeff snorted. "There's a sickening thought. One is bad enough. If there are two like her, I'll have to kill myself."

  "You're in a heap of trouble anyway," Luanne shot back. "Janice called this morning after you went to work."

  Jeff tensed and his glance shifted. "What did she want?"

  "To tell you that she couldn't go out until eight tonight on account of she has to watch her little brother until then."

  "Oh. Okay. No problem." Jeff's expression relaxed again.

  "There's a problem all right. I asked her if you guys had fun last night, and she said you guys didn't go out."

  Jeff groaned. "Luanne, you have a really big mouth, you know that? And how come you didn't tell me this when you first came in here this morning? Now Janice is probably madder than ever!"

  "She thinks you're two-timing her with Becky. So are you?"

  "No! No, I am not. Becky is nothing to me. Wow, I need to call Janice and explain." He reached for the phone behind the counter.

  "This I want to hear." Luanne crossed her arms. "You told Mom and Dad you were out with Janice last night. Something fishy is going on."

  And Flynn didn't really care what. At least Luanne was off the subject of Zoe look-alikes. He also didn't want to leave Zoe out in the car for too much longer. Somebody might proposition her, for one thing.

  He picked up the flashlight and sleeping bag. "Thanks for the help. I need to be going."

  "Wait." Jeff looked distraught. "I didn't put it in a bag or anything."

  "That's okay. I don't need a bag." He wanted to leave before Luanne asked for a ride back to her house. Much more time with Zoe, and Luanne was going to figure out the disguise. "See you later."

  As he went out the door of the trading post, he wondered if he should be concerned about where Jeff had been last night, after all. He'd met the guy out in the woods. Jeff could have come back later and put the bees under the porch, which would explain why they'd suddenly appeared first thing in the morning.

  But suspecting Jeff of such a thing made no sense. Unless Flynn had become a lousy judge of character, Jeff wasn't a vandal, and he'd have no other motivation for doing something like that. Early that morning, though, Flynn had heard soft footsteps right next to the cabin. Someone could have been out there.

  Ah, he might as well forget it. Nothing was adding up. And he had more important things to worry about, like why Zoe was in deep conversation with some bald guy who was leaning down to talk with her through the car window. Sunlight glinted off the top of the guy's head as he nodded enthusiastically.

  Flynn was surprised by his surge of protectiveness. If Zoe had some dirty old man trying to convince her to have sex with him, Flynn was ready to haul the guy up by his shirtfront and tell him to leave well enough alone. This woman was with him.

  Determination in every step, he walked up to the guy. "Can I help you?"

  The man glanced around, took note of the sleeping bag tucked under Flynn's arm and the flashlight in his other hand, and smiled. "Glad to see you're supporting our cause."

  "Um, right. Sorry to cut your conversation short, but we have to get back to the cabin, Mr...."

  "This is Ray," Zoe said. "He owns the Sasquatch Diner, plus he's the mayor of Long Shaft."

  "Oh. I see." Flynn still didn't feel like being friendly, even though he now knew the guy's credentials. Ray also was married to Fiona, who only gave him sex when the moon was full.

  Granted, that wasn't very often, but he'd just had it, according to Margo, so he had no business trying to proposition Zoe this morning. And he was the mayor, for God's sake. How did that look? Zoe seemed to be trying hard not to laugh, but Flynn saw nothing funny about it.

  "Ray has a proposition for me," Zoe said.

  "What?" Flynn couldn't believe she'd say it straight out.

  "He thinks I should leave my current profession and promote myself as a Zoe Tarleton look-alike."

  Ray looked Flynn over. "From your expression, you don't cotton to the idea, and I'm not clear what your arrangement is with this young lady, but she could have a real career instead of selling herself to the highest bidder, if you know what I mean."

  "I don't think that's—"

  "Hear me out," Ray said. "As the duly elected mayor of this fine town, let me say that Long Shaft would love to launch that career. She'd be a great complement to our Bigfoot campaign. I've even thought of a slogan: 'Beauty and the Bigfoot.'"

  "I've told him I really can't consider the offer, wonderful as it sounds." Glints of laughter danced in Zoe's blue eyes.

  "And I've been trying to convince her otherwise," Ray said. "I have the feeling that you, sir, are the obstacle to the plan." He glanced at the sleeping bag. "Notwithstanding your contribution to our coffers with your recent purchase. I do appreciate that, but I have my eye on a bigger prize."

  Flynn still thought Ray could be angling for a chance to sleep with Zoe. The mayor might be going at it obliquely, but if he thought she was a prostitute, then he might figure on some fringe benefits if he could hire her to do this impersonation thing for the benefit of Long Shaft. No telling what Ray thought Flynn was, though.

  "Actually," Flynn said, "I am an obstacle to your plan. Miss Parsons and I are business associates down in LA. We both have obligations there, so I'm afraid she's not available."

  Ray appealed to Zoe. "Is it ironclad, this business arrangement? More important, is it legal?"

  "Perfectly legal," Zoe said. "Tony's my legal counsel."

  "He is?" Ray gazed skeptically at Flynn as if to say, And I'm Bugs Bunny, but kept his mouth shut. "Well, if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me. Have a good day." With one last disapproving glance at Flynn, he walked away.

  Zoe grinned at Flynn. "What is that thing under your arm?"

  "A sleeping bag."

  "But it's furry, and it has feet sticking out the end."

  "I know. Pretty cool, huh?" Flynn opened the back door and deposited the sleeping bag on the seat.

  Zoe started to laugh. "It's a Bigfoot sleeping bag, isn't it?"

  , "Uh-huh." He walked around the back of the car and up to the driver's door. "And that's not all." After climbing behind the wheel, he held up the Bigfoot flashlight and twisted the feet.

  "Oh, my God." Zoe whooped with glee. "That is too funny. Let me see it."

  Flynn handed it over and stuck the key in the ignition.

  "I love this." Zoe twisted the feet back and forth, turning the light on and off. "I want one." She grabbed her
purse. "Don't leave yet. Let me give you some money so you can go back in and get—"

  "Not right now. You can have that one if you want." Flynn started the car and backed out. If necessary, he'd return to the trading post later and buy another flashlight for himself.

  "That's not fair. I'll bet you love it, too. I can't take your flashlight."

  "We'll work it out. The bottom line is that I'm not leaving you alone again. No telling what might happen next time."

  "I thought I did a very good job handling Ray's proposition. I did wonder what was taking you so long, though. I thought you were never coming out."

  "I got caught up in the whole Bigfoot marketing thing. You should have seen the camping supplies they have. I think if they got some publicity, it might start a craze down in LA."

  "I'll bet you're right." Zoe continued to play with the flashlight. "So Luanne's brother works in the trading post, huh? I'm curious about him, now, after hearing Luanne describe him as Frankenstein. Is he a big guy?"

  "Pretty big." Uneasiness settled in Flynn's gut as he revisited the fact that Jeff had told his family he was going on a date with his steady girlfriend and then hadn't done that. But he didn't want to share those thoughts with Zoe, because there was no real proof that Jeff had had anything to do with the bees.

  So he decided to talk about something else. "Luanne was in the store, too," he said. "She had a copy of the latest People."

  "So?"

  "So she slapped it down on the counter and pointed to a picture of you and Trace. She said you and Zoe Tarleton could be twins."

  Zoe leaned her head back against the seat with a sigh. 'This is getting very tricky. I didn't think it would be. I thought you and I could come up to this tiny place no one had heard about and I could get some nerd coaching. But it hasn't been that simple, has it?" "Not exactly."

  When Zoe didn't say anything more for quite a while, Flynn began to worry that she was depressed about how the trip had turned out so far. "Everything will be fine," he said. "I bought some microwave meals that can be heated in a regular oven, and I got us some cheese to replace what we used for George. Once we're back at the cabin we'll start working on the script."

  As she turned her head to look at him, the flashlight lay forgotten in her lap. "I've been trying to think how to tell you this, but I guess I'll just have to tell you. We have a problem." No doubt about it, she was definitely upset about something.

  He grasped the first thing that came to him. "If it's the sexual attraction, we'll deal with that, too. After seeing a picture of you with Trace, I'm back on track myself. We—"

  "That's not the problem. Well, maybe it's part of the problem. When Margo had the bees removed, she found out they'd apparently been placed there deliberately, probably sometime last night."

  Flynn's gut clenched. "Deliberately? Why?"

  "Your guess is as good as mine."

  "How did they know it was deliberate?"

  "There was a man-made hive under there, and they checked with the landlord, who said in no uncertain terms there hadn't been a hive there yesterday, or any time that he'd owned this cabin."

  Flynn wrestled with the concept. The soft footsteps he'd heard early this morning echoed in his head. If only he'd roused himself enough to go out there, he would know who had planted the bees. "So did they collect any evidence? Footprints or anything?"

  "I didn't think to ask Margo about that."

  "Well, we should ask, damn it! If somebody's playing pranks on us, then we need to get all the particulars." But it was too late to gather evidence now, after other people had walked around the area. "I might have an idea who it was," he said, "although I hate to think they would do something like that."

  "You think it's Kristen, too?"

  Flynn nearly drove off the road. "Kristen? Why in hell would I think it was Kristen? Besides the fact it's completely ridiculous, she's hundreds of miles away!"

  "Maybe not," Zoe said.

  "I don't know what you're saying." Flynn pulled up outside the cabin and turned off the engine. "You're making no sense. Kristen would no more put bees under somebody's porch than she would dance naked on Sunset Boulevard. But even that doesn't matter, because she's at a convention in Chicago."

  "At the Sheraton, right?"

  "Right!"

  "If you call there, you'll find she's not registered." His eyes narrowed. "You called?" "No, Margo did."

  Flynn was ready to chew nails. "So that's why you were so interested in what hotel! You wanted to spy on her! That's a hell of a thing, suspecting someone you don't even know. And why should I believe what Margo said?"

  Zoe shrugged. "So don't. Call the hotel yourself." "I damned well will!" Flynn yanked his cell phone from his belt. But he didn't have the Sheraton's number

  there. For that, he had to pull out his PDA. He was so furious he nearly dropped it. Then he misdialed and got what sounded like an adult toy store.

  Finally he managed to connect with the reception desk at the Sheraton. They told him Kristen Keebler was not registered with them. "But she has to be," he said. "You have a convention going on there, the New England Association of Legal Professionals. She's one of the presenters."

  "Yes, we do have that convention this weekend," said the desk clerk. "But unfortunately I have no Kristen Keebler registered at the hotel."

  Flynn thanked the clerk and hung up. "She changed hotels," he said. "That's the only explanation." Or she's on her way here.

  "Maybe you're right," Zoe said. "Call her and see."

  "I will." He speed-dialed her number, but all he got was her voice mail. Earlier he would have been happy about that, but now he wanted to talk to her. He wanted her to tell him that she'd changed hotels and hadn't thought it was important because they'd be communicating by cell phone.

  He left a message for her to return his call and clipped his phone back on his belt. Then he stared out the window at the cabin and the porch where this morning bees had swarmed, bees that could have put Zoe in the hospital.

  Kristen would never be involved in something like that, even if she had been a little upset about him spending the weekend with a movie star. She was a lawyer, someone who believed in coloring inside the lines. He'd never seen her lose her temper, let alone be capable of physical sabotage.

  No, it hadn't been Kristen, and there was some explanation for the hotel situation. All he had to do was talk with her, and everything would be straightened out. He was certain of it. Almost certain anyway.

  "If it helps any, I don't think it makes sense, either."

  He glanced over at Zoe. "But somebody planted the hive of bees." He decided he'd better tell her about Jeff's mysterious behavior the night before.

  When he'd finished, Zoe shook her head. "I can't see Jeff as the culprit, either. Why do that? What's the payoff? You'd have to go to a lot of trouble, and for what? I suppose he could be a mental case, but you didn't get that impression, did you?"

  "No. He seems like a normal eighteen-year-old to me." He glanced at the porch again, then back at Zoe. "But if this weekend is getting too weird for you, we could head home."

  "I've thought of that, but I really believe that you can help me get ready for the audition."

  He felt honor-bound to give her alternatives. "We could work in LA."

  "No, we couldn't. I can't make a move there without it becoming a big deal." She gazed at him. "If you're willing to stay, I'm willing to stay."

  As he returned her gaze, he was forced to admit to himself that he didn't want the weekend to end just yet. Sure, part of that was the chance to catch a glimpse of Bigfoot. Most of it was about spending time with Zoe.

  He cleared his throat. "I'll stay."

  "Thanks." Gratitude shone in her eyes.

  He accepted that gratitude with way too much pleasure. Maybe she only wanted him around to prep her for the audition, but he thought it might be more complicated than that. If they left now, he could pretty much guarantee nothing more would come of their at
traction. But they weren't leaving.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Zoe wanted to believe that Kristen had simply changed hotels. God knows Zoe had changed hotels before, like when the media descended like gulls over a garbage dump. Kristen wouldn't have that reason, but she might have a perfectly good explanation.

  She might have a picky, nerdlike reason. Zoe was willing to think that Kristen was picky because that eased her conscience about the sexual liberties she'd already taken with Kristen's main man, Flynn. Maybe the hotel shower massager didn't have enough settings. Maybe the Internet connection wasn't right for her laptop or the minibar had Keebler cookies, which gave her hives.

  But speaking of hives, Kristen switching hotels didn't explain where the bees had come from. Zoe picked up the flashlight in her lap and twisted the feet a few times as she considered the matter and looked for answers.

  "I can't figure this out," Flynn said.

  "I can't either... unless... wait a minute. Luanne said there isn't anything to do in Long Shaft."

  "You don't suspect Luanne, do you? I know she's a pain, but she wouldn't do something like that."

  "I don't think so, either, but there must be other kids around here. Bored kids who had nothing to do last night, saw the lights on in the cabin, knew we were tourists, and decided to stir up the city folks." She was proud of her conclusion.

  "I suppose they might have."

  "Did I think that out like a nerd?"

  He smiled at her. "You did. And you could be right, too." He opened the car door. "I would love to know the truth, but we may never find out."

  "Maybe it was Bigfoot."

  Flynn paused, his hand on the door. "I don't think there's ever been a recorded instance of Bigfoot playing that kind of prank, but maybe we need to consider that possibility. When you're asleep you lose your sense of smell."

  "I was kidding!" The idea freaked her out. "You don't really think that's the explanation, do you?"