Losing It

by Audra North

  I lowered myself on top of him, and we kissed for a while longer, his hands roaming down my back, squeezing my ass, and stroking over the backs of my thighs. After a minute or two, he rolled me over so that I was now lying on my back on the bed and then ran one hand from my neck to the curls between my legs, stroking one finger down between my folds before pushing it inside of me.

  “Oh yeah,” I gasped, thinking of that big cock and wishing he were pushing that into me right now. I was so wet that I could feel the slickness already all over my thighs. Please give it to me. Please, I silently begged.

  I’d never wanted anything so badly. I’d completely forgotten my exhaustion from earlier, and all I could think of right now was how desperately I needed this guy. I needed someone to hold me. To be inside of me. To be close to.

  He bent forward and kissed me, open-mouthed and dirty as his finger stroked even deeper.

  “I want you.” I finally found the words and reached out, trying to pull him atop me, but he resisted long enough to rip open the condom packet and slide it on. Once that was done, he positioned himself on top of me, the head of his cock nudging my entrance, making me buck up and whimper at the contact.

  He pushed. The tip of his dick breached my pussy. I could feel his heat inside of me, pulsing. He stopped for a second and swallowed hard, and before I even knew I was doing it, I’d spread my legs further so that he slipped a little deeper and gasped.

  “Oh God. Oh God oh…yeah. That—” His words broke off when he increased the pressure and slid inside a couple more inches. His hips pumped up and down in shallow, tight movements. “What’s your name, anyway?” It came out like a growl as he ground down and pushed a little further.

  For a second I blinked, trying to remember it. “It’s Emery.”

  Was that really my voice? Wow. I was breathing fast, feeling the pull and stretch where we were joined as he thrust a little deeper. “What’s yours?”

  His mouth curved open around a row of straight white teeth. “Ryan.” And then he surged forward, until he was all the way inside of me and I was moaning in earnest.

  “Ryan. Yeah. Oh yeah that feels so good.”

  He began to thrust fast and hard, and in a matter of seconds, I was close. So close that I was almost crying at how good it was. I brought my hand down where we were joined, touching myself, rubbing my fingers over my clit in small, fast circles. He stared at the place where we were joined, where that thick staff of his was sliding in and out in deep thrusts. His arm muscles were big and bunched near my face and we smelled like sweat and sex and—

  “Oh, shit, Ryan I’m coming. I’m coming I’m coming.” I was practically wailing it, hips surging up to meet his, as my passage clenched around him. He grunted and ground into me, circling his hips as his own orgasm began. I could feel his cock swelling and jerking with his release, again and again, meeting every one of my pulses in a pleasurable, painful squeeze.

  Yeah. Oh yeah.

  When he finally collapsed on top of me, all I could think was that I’d just had the best sex of my life with a hot guy named Ryan, and even though I didn’t even know his last name, I hadn’t felt this close to anyone in a long time.

  * * *

  Ryan

  When I woke up, it was dark. Shit. I must have fallen asleep right after I’d rolled off of the hot girl—Emery—because someone had turned off the overhead light and covered us both with the blanket. From the lack of light coming through the window, I guessed it was somewhere around two in the morning, maybe three.

  We were lying close together on the narrow bed and my dick was pressing into the soft indentation between the firm globes of her ass.

  Man, I wanted to fuck her again. Earlier it had been so good that I’d forgotten everything about my life for the past few years and had just…lived. I couldn’t explain how good it felt, even, but I knew that right now, all I could think about was parting her thighs, grabbing the curve of her hip, and thrusting my dick inside that wet, welcoming pussy.

  She shifted in her sleep and arched against me. Shit this was killing me. I wanted her so much. Again and again and—I had to get out of here.

  I started rolling away, meaning to get out of the bed, dress, and leave without waking her, but she hummed softly when I moved and I felt a hand on my thigh, stroking up, fingernails scraping over the hair on my leg.

  She was awake.

  And judging from the way she was rolling her hips, rubbing her ass against my dick, she wanted the same thing I did. This time, I rolled away just long enough to grab the remaining condom I’d dropped on the nightstand earlier. Bobby had pushed those on me at the Cave, insisting that I needed to get laid. I’d taken them just to shut him up, but I hadn’t thought I’d actually need them.

  Thank God for good friends.

  I ripped this one from its wrapper and rolled it on. And then I was behind her again, both of us lying on our sides as I thrust between her legs. She moaned when I pushed in halfway and my eyes nearly rolled back in my head at how tight and intense it felt from this angle. So intense that it was threatening to send me over the edge, fast. But I had to hold on. I had to. I wanted her to come all over me, just like last time. I wanted to feel her pulse and squeeze and—

  “Oh, Ryan. That feels so good.”

  The sound of my own name surprised me. And then I thought to myself that it had never sounded so good, all breathy and needy like that, and I surged into her, so hard that my balls pushed into the backs of her thighs as I worked a little deeper, a little stronger.

  Damn, I hoped I wouldn’t embarrass myself. Should I pull out and touch her? She didn’t seem to be objecting to this, but I wanted her to come.

  She repeated my name on a long sigh, and the way she said it hit me with a rough jolt of pleasure. My eyes dropped shut, removing everything but the smell and sound and feel of her. Intensifying the pleasure.

  “Fuck that feels good. Fuck. You’re so tight and wet and hot.” I tried to keep my voice even, but it wasn’t so easy when I was all the way inside the sexiest woman I’d ever known. She started arching even more, rubbing against me, until I couldn’t help but start pumping in and out of her in long, slow strokes that got faster and faster with every thrust.

  Before long, she was gasping out an orgasm, her inner muscles squeezing my cock as she moaned and shivered against me, and that was it. I went over the edge, holding her hip tightly to me as I came even harder than before until my body was sagging back on the bed with a heavy satisfaction and I was wondering what the hell I’d gotten myself into.

  Chapter 5

  Emery

  I woke alone in my room to the sound of the alarm blaring. Thank God I’d had the wherewithal to set it before I’d fallen asleep last night in Ryan’s arms after that second time. I never would have gotten up on time on my own after only four hours of sleep.

  I should have been exhausted, given how worn out I’d been when I walked into my room last night, but now I was feeling more refreshed than I had in days.

  So that’s what great sex with a hot total stranger will do.

  The thought reminded me of what I’d said in the conversation with my mom a couple of weeks ago. I promise I won’t elope with anyone when I’m in Deerfield. Or bring a stranger home.

  I felt a sort of sheepish guilt creep up on me. Although…technically I didn’t bring him home. I mean, it didn’t count if he was already there, right?

  Even though he was gone now. He must have slipped out while I was sleeping. Either way, I’d certainly had no intention of eloping with him.

  Of course, I hadn’t planned to have sex with him, either. It’s just that…I’d been so exhausted and feeling confused by that weird sense of loneliness, and then feeling so sorry for him for losing his mom. Sex had seemed like a natural thing to do, to make that feeling go away. Now, in the daylight, I realized that it seemed possible that I hadn’t been feeling lonely at all. Just horny. That strange feeling of wanting to be close to someone had probab
ly been about wanting to have sex, not wanting to actually know someone. It was almost certainly a result of being in this weird, unexpected situation. Definitely.

  He’d been in the right place at the right time, and I’d availed myself of the opportunity.

  I frowned at that thought. No, wait. That didn’t sound right. That made it sound like I’d used his body and didn’t care about him at all.

  You move from guy to guy, you don’t have any close girlfriends…Dad’s not a special case, here. You don’t have a real relationship with anyone!

  I wished my mom would get out of my head. No way did this have anything to do with my feelings about relationships. I’d been tired and horny. End of story.

  I shook it off. I didn’t have time for this. Whether or not I had used Ryan for sex didn’t matter. I had something more important to do. I got up to dress in my Stone Cliff uniform. The shirt was still in pretty good shape, but the pants were a bit wrinkled. Oh, well. I didn’t have time to iron them, though a part of me hoped I wouldn’t run into Ryan looking so disheveled.

  He’d said he was a resort affiliate, though. What did that mean? Was he going to be hanging around today? Should I take the time to iron them? What if I did run into him again?

  I wished I would have gotten his number. Or at least his last name, for goodness’ sake.

  So much for not having time for this.

  I rolled my eyes at myself and pulled on my clothes, brushed my teeth and put my hair back, then left the room, determined to pretend that last night had never happened. Instead, I focused on the plan for finding Theodore Chambers, Jr. I’d secured a job and a place to stay. Now it was time to start my search in earnest.

  I began the work day with a quick breakfast alone in the common kitchen. Some of the staff I’d met yesterday were there, but they were all busy with food prep and talking about their schedules, so I ended up eating by myself. Martine, one of the other maids who, like me, was on summer break from university, accompanied me again for an hour to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything from yesterday, then left me on my own.

  Even though being on my own meant that I didn’t have to make useless small talk or turn down an offer to go to the movies or grab a beer, it also meant I had too much time alone with my thoughts.

  Which kept coming back to Ryan. I even broke down at one point and, during my break, I asked Claudette if she knew him. He’d said he was an affiliate of the resort, and I assumed he would be around, but now that I thought about it—what did that even mean? But Claudette wasn’t sure, either, and I’d kicked myself afterward. I should have been asking about Theodore Chambers, not Ryan the Resort Affiliate.

  I couldn’t believe I’d fallen for that line, even for a moment.

  Trying not to think about him was more exhausting than thinking about him, and after another full day of cleaning rooms, by the time I finished my shift—at the more reasonable hour of six o’clock, this time—I was feeling considerably more tired than I had that morning.

  Maybe Jared, the concierge, might have heard of Theodore Chambers. I headed over to reception, determined not to get distracted again, but Jared was busy with a customer when I approached.

  I shifted direction a bit, walking up to the desk where Mike was working alongside a lovely girl with dark hair and a dazzling smile. Mike looked up, smiled and waved at me. “Hey, Emery. How was your second day?”

  “It was pretty good. I’m really tired, but I’m getting used to the routine. Maybe by the end of the week I won’t feel like I want to lie down on the carpet and sleep for a few years.”

  Mike laughed and shook his head. “The maids work really hard here. That’s why Laura quit, actually—she got a job as a waitress at one of the other resorts and was psyched to get out.”

  Great. So waitressing was less exhausting than being a maid?

  He must have seen my disappointed look, because his expression sobered. “Anyway, I’m sure you’ll be great at it. Have you met Amy, by the way?” He gestured to the brunette next to him, and she gave me a warm welcome before excusing herself to go into the office and make some copies.

  Mike turned his attention back to me. “Did you need something?”

  I looked over at Jared, who was recommending different restaurants in town to a couple, then looked back at Mike and shrugged. “Actually, I’m looking for someone. His name is Theodore Chambers. You’re from around here, right? Have you ever heard of him?”

  He shook his head. “I’m from Edmonton. My parents moved here right after I started college. I can look this guy up for you, though. Is he a guest here?”

  I sighed. “No, forget it. He’s—I think he lives here in Deerfield, but I’m not sure. I can’t find him online, or anything, and I was hoping that being here would help a little, but—”

  “Whoa. You’re not sure he lives here? You came to all the way out to Deerfield from PEI to find a guy you think lives here? Have you ever even met him before?” Mike was looking at me like I’d just sprouted an extra head.

  I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling defensive. This is exactly why I didn’t discuss my private life with other people.

  “No. But what does that matter? And I came from Toronto, not PEI.”

  He opened his mouth as though to say something else, but when I scowled at him, he shut it and shook his head.

  I blew out a breath and uncrossed my arms, slumping against the reception desk. “Look, I know it’s a long shot, but I need to find him for something really important.”

  “Find who?” Jared had finished helping the couple and was standing just behind me, listening in on the conversation with Mike. Jared was the same height and had a build similar to Ryan’s. Despite myself, my mind wandered to memories of the night before. The way Ryan’s solid weight felt atop my body…how his bicep flexed when he thrust hard…

  “Some guy she doesn’t even know.”

  “He was already in my bed when I got there!”

  Distracted, I forgot that they’d just been talking about something completely different. Both guys looked at me in surprise, and Mike laughed so hard that he turned pink.

  “Whoa! I thought you said you’d never met him!”

  Jared was laughing, too, though I could tell that he was trying not to. I groaned in embarrassment. Yet another prime example of why I never made friends with people who wanted to talk about anything too personal.

  “Oh, God. Nevermind. Just—forget it.” No way was I going to explain about Theodore Chambers to Jared now, much less what had happened last night. That would just be opening myself up to even more ridicule.

  I scowled and Jared immediately stopped chuckling and reached out to gently squeeze my shoulder. “Hey, Emery. I’m sorry. A lot of us come back here every summer to work, so we’ve known each other for a while, and we feel comfortable ragging on each other. It can be a bit tough for new folks to take.”

  He was looking at me with concern, which for some perverse reason ended up annoying me. Damn it! My stupid emotions were all over the place right now. I should have been glad to be an outsider. But I found myself hating the way his words made me feel, like I didn’t belong.

  No. Enough. You’re being ridiculous.

  I didn’t need to belong. Didn’t want to. None of these people could do anything for me at the moment if they didn’t know Theodore Chambers. I could be polite and friendly, but I didn’t need to belong.

  I had a sudden, intense desire to see Ryan again, which threw me even further off balance. Sure, I’d been thinking about him just a minute ago, but I wasn’t particularly horny at the moment.

  No, but you’re lonely.

  This time, it wasn’t my mom’s voice, mocking me in my mind.

  It was my own.

  God, I had to get some sleep.

  I forced a smile. “It’s all right. I’m just totally wiped out, I think. Guess this new job will take a little longer to adjust to than I’d hoped. In fact, I’ll probably grab some dinner and head to bed to
catch up on sleep.”

  “Okay, new girl.” Jared smiled at me, but I could see the worry behind his eyes. “You get a pass on the Cave again tonight, but tomorrow you’re definitely coming out. We have to initiate you.”

  My eyebrows rose. “What kind of place is this Cave, anyway?”

  Jared laughed. “It’s just a spot on the beach where the locals hang out and have a bonfire every night. There’s a natural rock formation on one side that makes it feel kind of cave-like, but it’s pretty open. Everyone who lives in Deerfield is welcome, and seasonal workers, resort staff—but no tourists allowed.”

  “I don’t know. It sounds like maybe not my thing…” As in, pointless and full of people who will want to know too much about me.

  Jared looked disappointed at my rejection. I shouldn’t have cared—it was nothing personal against him—but I still felt like a jerk. “I mean, I don’t really know anyone here and—”

  Mike chimed in. “You know us. That’s a start, right?”

  A start? He said that like it was a good thing. Like it was the beginning of something good.

  And it appealed to whatever this thing was—the something deep and hungry inside of me that kept insisting I was lonely. Ryan’s face flashed in my mind. Hmm…the Cave was a spot for locals. Maybe I’d run into him again there…

  I smiled. “Okay.”

  As soon as the word left my mouth, I felt lighter somehow. “Okay, you’re on. I’ll come to the Cave tomorrow. I’m off to catch up on sleep tonight, though.”

  Mike beamed and Jared grinned. “We’ll drive you up there after your shift is over tomorrow. It’ll be fun, I promise.”

  Fun. Everything in my mind protested that fun wasn’t what I’d come here for, but for some reason that message wasn’t getting through to the rest of me, because I nodded and actually laughed a little before turning to walk away.

  After a few steps, though, Mike called after me. “Wear a swimsuit!”