Losing It

by Audra North

  “I’m starting med school in the fall. Also at U of T, actually.”

  We were going to be at the same school in a couple of months. A thrill rolled through me at that, though I tried my best to ignore it and come up with something noncommittal to say. Thankfully, I was saved from having to answer when, a few seconds later he pulled into the driveway of a tidy one-story home and shut off the engine. The sudden silence reminded me of what we were here for.

  I smiled to myself.

  Maybe I hadn’t found the guy I’d come here looking for, but for the moment, I was satisfied with the one I’d ended up with.

  * * *

  Ryan

  “You smell so good.”

  I whispered the words against the soft pink folds of Emery’s pussy, enjoying the way she moaned when my breath hit her skin. I was lying between her spread legs, my hands pushing down on her thighs and anchoring her to the bed as I flicked my tongue out, lightly licking her labia apart.

  Her hips bucked, but I tightened my grip, holding her in place as I licked again, this time deeper…longer…lingering over her damp opening, teasing, until she let out a cry of need.

  “Ryan, oh my God. Please. That feels so good. Please.”

  Fuck, I loved the sound of my name on her lips. I lifted my head and grinned at her, taking in her flushed complexion and dazed look. Her dark hair was spread out over my comforter—I’d tossed the pillows off the bed when we’d tumbled into my room, removing our clothes as we’d half walked, half kissed our way through the front door and down the hallway. Now she was naked and ready—so ready—beneath me.

  But I was going to make her wait.

  “Please what?”

  She reached out and put her hands in my hair, gently pulling at it, trying to get me to slide up her body. “Come up here. I want to kiss you. I want you inside of me.”

  I almost obeyed. But the way she’d said please, just a moment ago...

  I shook my head. “I want to kiss you first.”

  And then I dipped my head back down and sucked her clit, gently, making her gasp and writhe against my mouth. I brought one hand up to stroke around the sides of her opening, up and down until she was so slick with her own arousal that I was able to easily slide a finger deep inside of her sweet, wet pussy.

  “Yes. Like that, Ryan. Like that.”

  Fuck. She was so hot. The way she responded to me…I might not have been with tons of girls in the past, but I’d been with enough to know that the way it was with her was, well…special.

  Shut it, Miller. You sound like you’re in a soap opera.

  I slowly stroked my finger in and out of her body and flattened my tongue against her clit. I felt her inner muscles squeeze in response at the same time she let out a moan of pleasure, and I added another finger, moving them in and out in time with the pulse of pressure from my tongue.

  Within a minute, she was crying out with her climax, inner muscles pulsing around me as I slowed my strokes, bringing her all the way through the orgasm until she was boneless with pleasure.

  I slowly slid my fingers out, intending to wipe them on the comforter, but she grabbed my wrist, pulled my hand up to her mouth, and licked them clean.

  Holy shit. It was the sexiest thing any girl had ever done to me. I moved to kneel next to her, watching her tongue slide between those two fingers, up and down the same way I had run these very fingers along her sweet little slit. I couldn’t keep myself from bringing my free hand to my cock, fisting it hard, up and down, up and down, mimicking her motions.

  Her eyes bored into mine as she sucked one finger into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the tip before letting it go and reaching for me, putting her hand over mine as I continued to stroke myself. She sat up to join her mouth with mine, and I could taste her juice between us.

  Up and down, squeezing my fist just right. I could come like this, so easily, but I didn’t want to. Not yet. I wanted to be inside of her when I did. When she rubbed her hand over the tip of my cock, spreading the moisture there over the head and down my shaft, I had to ease away, removing my own hand and scooting back on the bed so that she couldn’t reach me.

  I was too close.

  I leaned over and opened the top drawer of the nightstand, fumbling for the condom box inside. I’d bought them a few days ago, right after she and I had hooked up the first time, and I hadn’t opened them yet. I tried to rip open one side, but came away with only a thin layer of the box, the rest of which remained shut.

  “Fuck.” I muttered it under my breath and she laughed, moving closer to me before taking the box from my hands.

  “Here.” She pushed me down on the bed where she’d been lying, and I let her take the lead, tearing open first the box, then the condom packet. She knelt next to me and slowly slid it on, gently squeezing the base of my shaft and my balls when she was done.

  It was the best kind of torture.

  “Emery.”

  She must have heard the plea in my voice, because she positioned herself over me and sank down halfway before I had time to register the hypnotic sway of her breasts, the slow breath she let out as she continued to push down, taking me all the way…

  I didn’t dare look down at where we were joined. The heat of her alone was already nearly killing me. She’d barely begun to move, to work her body on my cock, but I could feel my balls tightening, getting ready to release.

  I grabbed her hips, trying to still her, to hold on to the last thin thread of my control, but she rose up until the head of my dick was barely inside, then sank back down on a sigh.

  “Oh God. Emery. Shit. I’m gonna come so fast.”

  That didn’t have quite the effect I’d expected. She made a sound that was almost—excited, maybe?—and stared riding me hard, fast, breasts bouncing, mouth open and moaning, pussy clenching—

  “Fuck!” My orgasm hit me, and I arched and thrust my hips up, grinding them between her legs. I had to shut my eyes, the feeling was so intense, and her hands on my chest were the only thing that seemed to be anchoring me to my own body.

  Finally, when I was done, left panting with her still straddling me, I opened my eyes to see her grinning down at me.

  I laced my fingers through hers and gave a weak smile. It felt like every last ounce of energy had just drained out of my body through my cock. I’d have to move soon, I knew, to take care of the condom, but I was too boneless at the moment to do anything.

  She squeezed my hand. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” My eyelids drooped.

  I heard her chuckle softly and then felt her body shift. Her fingers slipped away from mine and moved to hold the condom in place as she slipped from my body. She stretched out on her side next to me, one arm wrapped around my chest. It felt so comfortable, so right. It made me feel full of…of life. How was this possible, when I barely even knew her?

  “Hey, Ryan?” Her whispered words caressed my neck.

  “Yeah?”

  “Um, what’s your last name?”

  I could hear the smile in her voice and it made me grin, given what I’d just been thinking. I shifted so that I was on my side, too, facing her.

  “Hi. I’m Ryan Miller. I’m twenty-two years old, I just graduated from University of Alberta, grew up in here in Deerfield and—like I mentioned before—moving to Toronto in a few months.”

  She giggled. “It’s nice to meet you, Ryan Miller. I’m Emery Phillips. I’m twenty-one, I grew up on Prince Edward Island—” She smacked my shoulder playfully when I gave her a suspicious look, teasing in not so many words over the stereotypes about the islanders “—but I did not grow up on a potato farm or with Anne of Green Gables posters all over my room.”

  “Well. It’s nice to meet you, too, Emery Phillips. Did I also mention that I like brunettes with killer bodies and great smiles?” I ran a hand down her side, coasting over her ribs, smoothing over the curve of her hip…

  “You didn’t. But I figured it out.” She shifted forward a bit and kissed me,
a sweet, almost chaste kiss compared to what we’d been doing just a couple of minutes ago.

  “All those things and brilliant, too. Everything I didn’t even realize I wanted.” I said it lightly, joking, but as soon as the words left my mouth, I knew.

  It was the truth.

  Chapter 7

  Emery

  It felt so good to sleep in.

  I kept my eyes closed for a moment, still waking slowly. Light was pouring into the bedroom, bright even through my eyelids. What time was it?

  I opened my eyes and blinked at the clock. Nine in the morning.

  After several days straight of seven a.m. wakeups and what felt like nonstop cleaning, sleeping this late felt like the greatest luxury I’d ever experienced.

  Especially when it meant waking up next to someone like Ryan.

  He was lying on his stomach next to me. I could feel the heat of his body warming my side and as I stretched, he stirred a bit, making a soft sighing sound in his sleep. It made me smile.

  I’d had a good time with him last night. We’d had sex, talked, and he’d made me laugh a lot. In fact, it had been the most fun I’d had in a long time. The sound of music cut the silence—the digitized version of a pop song that I used for my ringtone—and I gasped, scrambling out of bed to get to the phone before it woke Ryan.

  I grabbed it out of my pants pocket and answered the call, tiptoeing quickly out of his room before speaking.

  “Hello?” My voice was hoarse with sleep.

  “Oh, sweetheart, I woke you. I’m sorry.”

  It was my mom. I hadn’t called her since the morning I arrived and got the maid job. “No, it’s okay. I woke up a few minutes ago. I was just…lazing around.”

  I wandered away from Ryan’s room, wrapping an arm around my naked body as I walked. I hadn’t asked him last night if he had roommates, and right now I was desperately praying that he didn’t. Or if he did, that they wouldn’t wake up and get an eyeful. One arm over my breasts was not exactly good coverage.

  “I’m glad to hear that. I’ve been worried about you not getting enough rest ever since you left for Deerfield. Is today your day off?”

  I walked down the hall and into the foyer. On the other side, it opened up into a living room. “Yeah, but I’m working a wedding later.”

  My mother made a sound of disapproval. “Emery, is this—?”

  “And I’m going to Calgary in a few days to see if I can make any progress finding Ted’s son. One of the other maids said that sometimes the online listings get the people’s ages wrong, so I figured I’d just start by following up on all the results for Theodore Chambers that show up in searches—”

  “Are you sure that’s safe?”

  I walked into the living room. A sliding glass door lined the far side of the wall, facing the neighbor’s backyard on the other side. Shit. Not the best place for a naked girl to be standing. I stepped back into the foyer.

  “Safe enough. I’m not going to do anything creepy. I tried calling the phone for one of the listings in Calgary, but no one has answered for a few days. I figured I’d go down there to see if I can find him in person.”

  “I don’t like the sound of this.” Mom sighed. “But you’re thousands of miles away and I know my disapproval won’t stop you. Just…please at least take someone with you. Is there another employee who would go with you? Anyone trustworthy?”

  I immediately thought of Ryan, but just as quickly brushed the thought away. It was one thing to have a little fun with him. But asking him to do something like that for me?

  It was more risky than going alone. Which I had every intention of doing.

  Still, I had to say something to get my mom off my back.

  “Actually, Mom, I have made a couple of friends here.” There. I would hint at bringing someone, but wouldn’t commit to actually doing it.

  “Oh?” The surprise in my mother’s voice was obvious.

  I rolled my eyes and went back down the hall, passing through a small doorway into the kitchen. Good. The only windows in here were regular ones and covered with curtains. I also spotted a coffee maker on the counter.

  Perfect. I was going to need a bowl of coffee after this conversation. “Yeah. Friends. Not that I’m just out partying all the time. I’m here to work, after all. But I know a couple of people.”

  “Any boys?”

  Mom was so not subtle. I gave a wry smile, even though I knew she couldn’t see it. “I’m not here to get let down, Mom. I’m here to save the house.”

  I’m here to do what you and Dad could never do. I’m here to show you what real love is about. I’m not going to let you down like you always let me down.

  The thoughts stunned me for a moment. I’d never thought those things about my mom. About my dad, sure, but Mom? I admit that I’d been disappointed by her, but until recently, I hadn’t put her in the same category as my father.

  And I had to suppress the sudden, wild desire to say all of that out loud.

  I cleared my throat, trying to dislodge the words before they escaped and hurt her. She trusted me. And trust could never, ever be broken.

  “Hey, um…how’s Dad?”

  The change of subject was obvious, but Mom didn’t protest. “He’s okay. He has been really down the last couple of weeks. He feels really bad about the house thing. Now that he finally has medication that’s working, his past is catching up to him in some terrible ways.”

  Serves him right.

  “I’m sorry, Mom.”

  “It’s not your fault, baby.”

  Then how come it felt like everything in my life was wrong?

  I turned and looked through the archway on the other side of the kitchen that connected to what must be the dining room.

  Holy. Shit.

  Through the opening, I could see piles and piles of—well, I couldn’t even tell. It just looked like a room full of junk. Boxes, papers, clothes…all kinds of weird knickknacks, piled on top of each other, spread on the floor, stacked on what I thought was a dining table under all that stuff.

  Whoa. Was Ryan some kind of hoarder?

  “Emery?”

  I realized I’d just been standing there in shocked silence, staring at the crazy in front of me. I snapped out of my daze. “Listen, I better go. I’ll call you after Calgary to tell you what I find.”

  “Okay. Remember, take someone with you! I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  I hung up the phone and picked my way forward through the mess in the dining room, perversely fascinated by what the mounds of paper, clothes, and electronics grouped in seemingly random order all over the table. There was also an ornate sideboard along the closest wall and a bench under the window, both covered with junk, too.

  So weird.

  I noticed a few picture frames stacked on the bench and it dawned on me that, throughout the rest of the house, there had been no pictures on the wall, nothing displayed on tables or shelves. Hell, there weren’t even any shelves, in the first place. At least not in the living room or in Ryan’s room.

  It was like the dining room was a vortex of crap.

  “Good morning.”

  Ryan’s voice behind me had me jumping in surprise. I whipped around to see him standing in the archway wearing only a pair of worn basketball shorts. In the morning light, he looked even more incredibly sexy.

  “Good morning. That was—my mom—sorry I woke you.” I was speaking like a crazy person, halting and stuttering, but I wasn’t really sure what else to say. Did he realize he had a problem with organizational skills?

  “It’s okay. Sorry for scaring you.”

  I was still standing there, completely naked, amidst piles of random junk, and he was acting like it was no big deal.

  I blinked. “So, uh, do you rent this house or something?”

  A shadow crossed his face, and he finally seemed to see what I was seeing, because he gave me a sheepish smile and shook his head.

  “No, actually.” He
gestured toward the table. “It was my mom’s house. I mean, I grew up here, but I went to college and…”

  He trailed off, and for a moment I was still so stuck on the weird crap all over the dining room that I was confused. Why was he swallowing all weird all of a sudden? Why was his head all scrunched into his neck like—

  And then I remembered. His mom had died. This was probably all of her stuff. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize—”

  He waved one hand in the air and turned to look out one of the windows in the kitchen. “It’s cool. I should have cleaned things out much sooner. But it…took a while. And now I’m running out of time.” He still didn’t look at me. “I have to get the house sold before I move to Toronto.”

  Oh God.

  I thought about what he’d said to me that first night. My mom died last year and I feel like I’ve spent the entire time since then, feeling like that.

  Lonely. That’s what I’d told him, that night, right before he’d said that.

  It’s what I’d thought about when I’d seen him last night, sitting alone in front of the bonfire. For all that I struggled with my own parents, I couldn’t imagine one of them not being there anymore. I hated that he would have to go through this, that he would have to feel this. I wanted to take away the loneliness and make him feel good again.

  Are you sure it isn’t the other way around? That you want him to take away your loneliness?

  I ignored my stupid inner voice and focused on Ryan, closing the distance between us and wrapping my arms around him. I dropped gentle kisses on his neck. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know how you’ve managed it. What about your dad? Is he helping?”

  Ryan’s shoulders were stiff in my embrace. “He ran off a long time ago.”

  Fuck. I really stepped in it. What a mess.

  But before I could say anything in sympathy, he sighed, his body relaxing just a bit. “I’ve been meaning to sell the house, but I hadn’t really had a chance with school and stuff. And, well, maybe I’ve been putting it off a little, too.”