Blind Faith

by Kimberley Reeves

  ***

  Serena fought the nausea that was still threatening to bring her dinner back up. It was childish to let what she’d overheard upset her so much, especially since McKinley had been talking about something that happened years ago. She’d overreacted, but it wasn’t only the shock of discovering Will and McKinley had been an item back in high school that stabbed at her heart, it was the sinking feeling they had been on the verge of reviving their relationship when she interrupted them. She didn’t have to see them to know they were standing within inches of each other; their voices had come from almost exactly the same position, and McKinley’s silky tone was far too intimate to assume anything else.

  She couldn’t really blame Will for wanting to be with a whole woman, but why did it have to be McKinley? And why did they have to carry on like that when they both had to have known she could walk in any moment? Unless…unless Will had wanted her to overhear them. Was it possible he’d guessed the depth of her feelings for him? Had she misread the interest he had taken in her life, mistaking the close relationship they’d developed as something more than what it was? The irony of it hit her like a ton of bricks; the first man she trusted enough to open her heart to had just soundly slammed the door on it.

  Will must have seen this as his opportunity to let her know he didn’t want anything beyond friendship without having to come right out and say it. As much as it hurt to acknowledge, Will hadn’t refrained from kissing her because he was patiently waiting until she was ready; he hadn’t kissed her because he didn’t want to. The cold, hard truth was that he chose to be with McKinley, a woman he could barely tolerate in high school and hadn’t seen in years rather than being with someone he actually had things in common with. She didn’t have to ask herself why; McKinley made it blatantly obvious she could offer him things Serena wasn’t capable of at this point in her life.

  Something deep inside her began to wither. Will had given her hope, made her believe it was possible to overcome the fears and doubts so that one day she would be able to put it all behind her and learn to love. Now she was beginning to understand she had pinned too much on him, relied too heavily on Will to show her how to live again.

  Serena’s shoulders slumped. She’d let herself down and in the process she had let him down too. By consuming so much of his time she had robbed him of the opportunity to find companionship with other women, and because of that Will was defenseless against the onslaught of sexuality McKinley had thrown at him. The noble side of her wanted to hold them both blameless, but there was a selfish side that wouldn’t be silenced. It screamed that Will belonged to her, that in time she could have made him happy. But she’d blown that, hadn’t she? Stupid, naïve, scared little Serena had let the one man who made her feel whole again slip right through her fingers.

  Blinking back the sting of tears, Serena crossed the room to the sliding glass windows and stepped out onto the small deck. Bracing her hands on the banister, she tilted her head back and let the night air fill her lungs. She was not going to cry. She’d let the fantasy of falling in love with Will and having those feeling returned override reality and it had come back to slap her in the face. But he was in for a rude awakening too if he thought McKinley was capable of loving him. How many times had she heard that same syrupy sweetness in her sister’s voice when she introduced Serena to her latest fling?

  Sex. That’s all McKinley thought of; seducing a new man into her bed when she’d grown bored with the last one, and how lavishly they would pay for the privilege of being there. Serena had never really concerned herself with McKinley’s loose lifestyle before now, but it made her sick to her stomach to think of Will being used that way. McKinley would string him along for awhile but once she discovered he didn’t have any money, she would move onto her next victim and leave him totally devastated by it.

  “Why should I care?” she mumbled to herself.

  If Will was foolish enough to become entangled in the web McKinley was spinning for him then he deserved what he got. Except he wasn’t a fool and Serena knew it. Which meant he was only in it for the physical gratification too. Anger and resentment rose hard and sharp, the bitter taste of it hardening her resolve not to cry over a man who chose lust over love. My God, were all men like that? Were they all so easily distracted by the prospect of having sex with a woman like McKinley that they couldn’t see what they were throwing away?

  A harsh sob tore from her throat. Will wasn’t throwing away anything. What was she compared to McKinley, or any other woman for that matter? She was damaged goods in both mind and body, someone to be pitied or fretted over like a wounded animal that had been abandoned on the roadside. She hated herself for feeling this way, and she hated McKinley and Will for the raw pain that sliced through her whenever she thought of the two of them together. But she wouldn’t cry and she would never let either of them know how much they had hurt her.

  ***

  Will tapped on Serena’s bedroom door, more than a little shocked by the upbeat lilt to her voice when she called out for him to come in. At best, he had hoped to find her withdrawn but approachable; at worst, he was afraid she would be in tears and unwilling to discuss it. What he hadn’t expected was the bright smile and calm exterior she greeted him with. It was unnerving and concerned him more than if he’d found her crying or even hostile towards him.

  “If you’ve come to let me know you and McKinley are going out, you shouldn’t have bothered,” Serena said as she came back inside and stood at the foot of her bed. “I figured you two would want some time alone to catch up, that’s why I left so quickly.”

  “Serena…”

  “It never even occurred to me how selfish it was to monopolize all your time until McKinley showed up. I realized I was keeping you from going out and enjoying yourself instead of being cooped up here with me.”

  “I like being here with you…”

  “And I’m glad about that, but I would hate to think our friendship is interfering with your love life.”

  Will’s frown deepened. “What love life? I don’t have one, and I don’t…”

  “I know you don’t have one, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. Will, I understand a man’s need for female companionship and I am not going to be upset if you want to start dating McKinley. She’s a beautiful, desirable woman, and from what I overheard there was a…mutual interest in renewing your relationship.”

  If he didn’t think it would do more harm than good, Will would have taken her by the shoulders and tried to shake some sense into her. Like hell she understood a man’s need for female companionship! She was running scared, and attempting to pawn him off on McKinley was a defense mechanism, plain and simple. Hearing that he’d kissed her sister had no doubt come as a shock and this was Serena’s way of dealing with it, but he didn’t believe her magnanimous gesture was any more sincere than McKinley’s denial that she was jealous.

  “There is nothing to renew,” he replied as patiently as he could. “Your sister has a vivid imagination and she made a lot more out of what happened between us than there really was. I’m sorry I never told you before, but now that you know, I think I need to explain a few things.”

  “Don’t be silly,” she waved a dismissive hand in the air. “You don’t need to explain anything. I think I would have been more surprised to find out that you hadn’t kissed McKinley considering how determined she was to snag you back then. I’m happy you have someone you can go out and fun with. Besides getting you out of the house, it will give me time to catch up on some things I’ve been neglecting since you moved in.”

  Will had to applaud her effort, but she wasn’t nearly the accomplished liar McKinley was. “What things would that be?”

  “What…oh, just some new history lessons I’ve been meaning to work up.”

  “I see. So you’d really be okay with being left here alone while I go out on dates.”

  “Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

  She was still smiling at him and h
er tone was downright cheerful, but if she was so thrilled with him dating other women, Rufus wouldn’t be eyeing her with that same soulful look he’d had the night Will came to her room when she was having a nightmare. He wished he could put his arms around her and confess his own feelings but didn’t think this was the right time for it. With no other options left to him, Will played the one card he felt certain would prod Serena out of the protective shell she was hiding behind.

  “Just so we’re clear here…it won’t bother you if I go out with McKinley?”

  Serena’s plastic smile faltered for just a fraction of a second. “Not at all. You deserve to have some fun after working so hard on your studies. Go on…you don’t want to keep her waiting, do you?”

  “No…no, I wouldn’t want to do that.”

  Will bit back the disappointment that rolled through him when she made no attempt to stop him from leaving. Maybe he’d been wrong to sit back and wait for Serena to realize what she felt for him was more than friendship. Maybe what she needed was to be nudged into acknowledging she didn’t want him dating McKinley or anyone else. The performance he just witnessed was practically flawless, and if it wasn’t for Rufus and his own gut instincts, he might have conceded that she didn’t reciprocate his feelings. But Will wasn’t buying it and he was not giving up without a fight.

  He left the house and started walking with no particular destination in mind. There was a lot to think about, a million different avenues he could take, but none of them with big flashing neon signs that said, This Way. Should he let her think he was dating someone else and hope she would be jealous enough to admit she was falling in love with him, or would it just reaffirm her belief that she wasn’t worth loving? No, Rose had warned him Serena’s self-esteem was practically non-existent; playing mind games wasn’t going to do anything but complicate matters and make her feel even worse about herself.

  What then? Tell her the truth? She would probably order him out of her life before he got more than two sentences into it. Of course he would have to make a full confession sometime, but not until he was sure she would listen to the whole thing first. So how did he reach her? How could he get past that concrete wall around her heart if she rebuilt it as quickly as he tore it down? It was frustrating as hell, and for the life of him, Will couldn’t figure out a way to get through to her. He hated to admit defeat but what he needed was a woman’s perspective.

  Will crossed the street and headed east, picking up the pace the closer he got to her house. Now that he’d made the decision to ask for help, he was anxious to get there and soak up whatever words of wisdom she could offer. Twenty minutes later he was standing on her porch with his he finger hovering over the buzzer when the door swung open.

  “Will?” McKinley pushed the screen door open, a broad smile on her face. “I knew you would feel bad about our little row, but I never dreamed you would want to kiss and make up so soon.”

  Caught off guard, it took Will a minute to assimilate the fact that not only was McKinley here, but that she’d slipped back into the role of sex kitten and was about two seconds away from plastering herself against him. He stepped backwards just as she reached for him and was immensely glad he had done so when Rose appeared in the doorway behind her. His relief was short lived. Undaunted by his evasive maneuver and with a live audience to perform for, McKinley swiftly closed the distance between them and slipped her arms around his waist.

  “What did I tell you,” she said to Rose, though she was gazing up at him with feigned adoration. “We’ve barely been apart for an hour and already Will has managed to track me down.”

  “So I see.” Rose greeted him with a warm smile. “It’s nice to see you again, Will. McKinley was just telling me how she’d run into you while visiting Serena and that the two of you really hit it off.”

  McKinley’s eyes dared him to deny it. “Instant fireworks, wouldn’t you say?”

  “Something like that,” he muttered. Sparks had certainly been flying, just not the type she was eluding to.

  “Shall I leave you two love birds alone or are you coming inside?” Rose was holding the screen door open, apparently oblivious to his lack of enthusiasm at having her niece suctioned to him like a limpet.

  Will started to deny there was anything going on between him and McKinley when it struck him that Rose’s casual acceptance of their supposedly budding romance seemed extremely odd. His gaze briefly met hers before McKinley’s clinging vine routine demanded his attention, but it was enough to discern the almost imperceptible shake of Rose’s head and the undeniable amusement in her eyes. Unbelievable; the woman was actually enjoying this!

  “I have some things to discuss with Rose,” he said, gently but firmly prying McKinley’s arms from around his waist.

  McKinley looked genuinely surprised. “With Rose? You mean you didn’t come here looking for me?”

  “Well, I…” From behind her, the shaking of Rose’s head became more pronounced. “I knew she would have your number,” he finished lamely, “but I have other things to discuss with her as well.”

  “I’ll wait for you then,” McKinley replied with a tight smile.

  “Oh, dear,” Rose jumped in. “This is about the repairs to the roof, isn’t it?” The sympathetic look she turned on McKinley was almost as impressive as the story she wove to explain why he was there. “I’m sorry to hone in on your time with Will but I completely forgot I asked him to stop by and help me go over the estimates I received for the roof. It was damaged during that last storm and it seems squirrels have found their way into the attic. You know how sensitive Serena’s hearing is; the sound of them scurrying around up there is disturbing her sleep and I promised to get the repairs done right away.”

  “The hole needs to be fixed before they cause any more damage,” Will added when McKinley didn’t look convinced.

  “I really am sorry,” Rose apologized, “but I’m going to be out of town for a few days, and with Will’s studies keeping him so busy, this is the only time we’ll have to get it done. If it’s not too late when we finish, maybe you two can get together afterwards?”

  Will could have throttled her for making the suggestion but it did seem to appease McKinley. He wasn’t sure why Rose was trying to keep him from saying anything that would dispel the illusion he was interested in McKinley but trusted she had a good reason. With both of them staring at him expectantly, Will had no choice but to play along. Forcing a smile wasn’t nearly as difficult as sounding sincere when he told McKinley he would call her when he was done. He even handed over his cell phone so she could enter her phone number, although he was careful not to volunteer his own number.

  “All right,” she reluctantly agreed, “but I’m holding you to your promise. Don’t keep him too long, Aunt Rose. Will and I didn’t get to finish our conversation earlier and we left some things hanging in the air that he is obviously as anxious to clear up as I am.”

  Will groaned inwardly. He was getting in deeper and deeper with each passing minute, and right now the only thing he was anxious to do was get rid of McKinley so he could find out what she’d said to her aunt to make Rose act so peculiar. He was even more perplexed by Rose’s insistence that he walk McKinley to her car but he was also thoroughly annoyed by it; a feeling that was exacerbated when McKinley slipped her hand into his as they headed down the walkway.

  “I’m glad you changed your mind about us,” she said when they got to her car. “And there’s no need to apologize for the awful things you said to me; the fact that you were going to ask Rose how to reach me is proof you felt bad about it.”

  “McKinley…”

  “Honestly, it’s okay. I forgave you the moment I opened the door and saw you standing there. Look, Will, I know you feel sorry for Serena and want to help her get over what happened. I pity the poor thing too, and if there was anything I could do to make it all go away, I would. But denying the attraction you and I feel for each other isn’t going to do anything but cause us both to
resent her.”

  Will’s brows drew together. “You think I moved in with Serena because I feel sorry for her?”

  “Don’t misunderstand me; I don’t think any less of you for it. We all feel sorry for her, and it’s incredibly noble of you to put your own life on hold for her sake, but she needs to realize that the people around her aren’t going to avoid getting into a relationship just because she’s terrified to take that step herself.”

  The woman was certifiably nuts if that’s what she truly believed, but Will had a sneaking suspicion there was a lot more going on in her head than the delusion he was secretly carrying a torch for her. Oh, he had no doubt McKinley thought he wanted to sleep with her because she had probably never met a man who didn’t lust after her sexy little body. He thought it entirely possible it was beyond her realm of comprehension that any male could resist her once she targeted him with her seductive charms, but Will had been immune to her even when his teenage hormones were running rampant. He had no desire to be with her then and was even more repulsed now by the idea of going to bed with a woman who had more partners by the time she was seventeen than he’d had in his entire life.