‘Sure. And thanks so much. I’ll have a think about your offer, too. I’m delighted that you thought to suggest it and I promise I’ll let you know ASAP.’
‘Wonderful, thank you.’
‘Bye!’ Sophia blew a kiss at Phoebe, then went out into the balmy heat of late afternoon.
As she walked back to her grandmother’s, she tried to forget what Phoebe had said about the pictures but it was hard to drown out her words.
Because Sophia had liked hearing them.
And though she was scared to admit it, she hoped with all her heart they held some truth.
*
‘How did it go?’ Sophia asked the question as soon as she walked into the kitchen.
Her mother turned from where she was washing up at the sink.
‘Oh hello, darling. How was the wedding?’
‘I asked first.’ Sophia pulled out a chair, then sat down but kept her eyes on her mother.
‘It was… interesting.’
‘Mum, just tell me please, I’ve been so worried about you all day.’
Her mother pulled out the chair opposite and lowered herself onto it, then sighed and folded her hands on the table top.
‘I went to the address that Nonna gave me.’
‘And was he there?’ Sophia scanned her mother’s face for signs, but she just looked pale and tired.
‘Not exactly.’
‘Not exactly?’
Her mother shook her head. ‘But his wife was.’
‘Oh.’
‘I know, oh… Exactly what I said when she answered the door.’
‘And?’
‘Well he wasn’t there and hasn’t been for some years.’
‘Where is he?’
‘He’s gone, Sophia.’
‘Gone?’
Her mother nodded and took Sophia’s hands. ‘He died.’
‘Oh, Mum! I’m so sorry.’
‘Not your fault, bella. Not anyone’s fault except perhaps his own . Heavy smoker all his life, developed lung cancer, had treatment but refused to quit smoking. Cancer came back. His wife was very matter of fact about it.’
‘I’m taking it that she didn’t tell you all this while you were on the doorstep?’
‘No. I knocked and explained who I was but she said she recognised me. Said there was no mistaking the daughter of the woman who broke her heart all those years ago.’
‘Who broke her heart? She knew then…’
‘Yes, apparently. Said she had seen her husband talking to Maria and had a feeling her husband was cheating early on in their relationship, but back in those days it was harder to divorce someone. Besides, by then she’d had her son and didn’t want to be a single mother, so she told him to quit cheating and he said he would.’
‘Did he?’
Her mother shrugged. ‘He said he had and she said she felt she had no choice but to believe him.’
‘What an awful way to live.’
‘We’re talking about over fifty years ago and this is Italy. It would have been difficult for her and for her son.’
‘So you have a half-brother?’
‘Did.’
‘Oh, Mum!’
‘He died when he was sixteen but would have been a year older than me now. He had a weak heart, the doctors told her, and he just passed away in his sleep one night. How sad is that?’
‘Terribly.’
So Sophia had lost a grandfather and an uncle she never knew; but her mum had lost a father and a brother in one day.
‘These days, they might have picked that up when he was born or even before, when he was in the womb, but back then it was different.’
‘That poor woman.’
‘She was very nice too. Quite reserved but kind and she told me everything she could. She said she lives quietly and has done for years. Her husband left her well provided for, so at least there’s that. She told me a few other things about him, like he was really stubborn and wilful but that he also made her laugh a lot. Obviously, the infidelity hurt her but she said it was a long time ago so the pain was no longer as sharp. Although she’d never forget, of course.’
‘That’s understandable.’
‘I wish I’d had a chance to know him, just a bit, you know. She also said he’d suspected he might have another child out there somewhere, but that for her and my half-brother, he wouldn’t try to find out.’
‘And she could live with that?’
‘It’s surprising what people can live with, Sophia. The versions of themselves and their loved ones that they create sometimes keep them going. If we examine the truth too closely, it can lead us to make devastating changes.’
‘You’d prefer to live an honest life though, wouldn’t you, Mum?’
‘Oh yes, bella. I couldn’t live like that; it would drive me crazy. But for some people, it’s the only way they know. They live in a kind of selective ignorance. And that’s what she did.’
‘Do you know where he’s…’
‘Buried?’
‘Yes.’
‘I do. After I left her, I went to the graveyard she directed me to, so I could… just say hello… or goodbye.’
‘Are you okay?’ Sophia turned her hands in her mother’s and squeezed her fingers.
‘I think so. It’s out of my control and I suppose that’s helped with the acceptance of it.’
Sophia hoped that her mother would be okay with this long term. It could be that it hadn’t all sunk in yet and that in a few weeks or even months down the line, the reality of her loss would hit her and she’d break down. But there was no way of knowing, so she had to push the thought away for the time being and to be reassured by the fact that whatever happened, her mum still had her own family who loved her and would support her.
‘It could have been worse… if you’d shown up and he hadn’t wanted to see you.’
‘There is that.’
‘And you know, Nonno did love you.’
‘Like you were his own flesh and blood.’ Nonna had entered the kitchen and she sat next to Sophia. ‘He loved you so much. If you’d been our biological child, he couldn’t have loved you more.’
‘Thank you.’ Sophia’s mother lowered her eyes to the table top and a tear trickled down her cheek.
‘And neither could I, Stella, my tesoro. I’m so sorry that you found out like this but there was never going to be an easy way to tell you. I have no excuses for keeping the secret for so long, other than to say that as time went on it became harder and harder to bring it into the open. I didn’t want to be the one responsible for making you question your identity, for filling your heart with disappointment and confusion.’
‘It’s not your fault, Mama.’
‘Mama?’ Nonna looked at her daughter. ‘Am I…’
‘Of course you’re my mama. You always were and Sophia is your granddaughter. That hasn’t changed and I’m sorry for making you think it might have done.’
Sophia watched as the two women hugged.
‘I can’t deny that I’m sad things are as they are, you know. I wish I hadn’t been Maria’s child and that you had given birth to me, but wherever I came from initially, you brought me up, you showed me right from wrong… you and Papa did. I really thought about it today, you know, how much worse my life could have been if I’d been brought up by Maria, not having a father at all and pining along with her for the love of a man who never wanted either of us. How awful would that have been? Instead, I had genitori who loved me and only wanted the best for me. Yes, we clashed, but so do most children and their parents at some point.’
‘I’m sorry for not being more understanding when you fell in love with Marco. I just… I feared that he wasn’t good enough for you and this sounds very bad now but I desperately didn’t want you to leave Malcesine.’
‘As a mother, I can understand that now. But I knew I loved Marco with all my heart and I had to be with him.’
‘Of course you did and that’s the way it should be.’
<
br /> ‘Thank you.’ Sophia’s mum wiped her eyes.
‘What for?’ Nonna asked.
‘For everything.’
‘Il piacere e tutto mio.’ Nonna sniffed. ‘Always my pleasure. Now, who wants coffee and cake?’
‘I’ll help you with that, Mama.’
Sophia sat at the table as her mother and nonna pottered around, cutting cake and making coffee. Her heart was full of love and happiness. If they’d been unable to work things out, then she had no idea how she’d have coped. It would have been truly awful to be torn between them and to see them hurting.
Of course, she’d be an idiot to think life would return to the way it was now that her mother had met her stepmother and visited her father’s grave. Nothing could be solved that quickly and it would take time for it all to sink in properly. There would no doubt be some difficult days along the way. But what her mother had just expressed was gratitude for the love she’d enjoyed as a child and a genuine love for Stella that was completely reciprocated.
So come what may, sunshine or rain, Sophia had a feeling that the relationship between her mother and nonna was about to get a whole lot better.
Chapter 22
Sophia sipped her iced water and gazed out at the lake. Joe had asked her to meet him for dinner the following evening and she was glad because she wanted to tell someone about what her mother had found out. He’d said that they needed to talk about a few things in his text and that filled her stomach with butterflies, but she couldn’t tell if it was down to nerves or anticipation.
What would he want to discuss? Was it the idea of them both staying and working in Malcesine? They’d shared some lovely moments, yes, but Sophia knew that there were still things she didn’t know about Joe and then there was the annoying voice at the back of her mind that kept warning her not to get too involved. Not to take a risk. Not to expect – or long for – more than a summer fling.
‘Evening.’ Joe’s voice sent a little shiver of delight down her spine and she turned to meet his clear green eyes.
‘Evening.’
‘Thought this would be a good place to eat. I love how we can sit here against this… what is it, a Perspex screen?’ He tapped the screen behind him. ‘Nope, that’s glass. As I was saying, I love that we can sit here and eat and watch the lake and the skyline as dusk descends.’
‘That’s quite poetic of you.’ Sophia smiled.
‘Why thank you, Miss Bertoni.’
A waiter appeared and took a drinks order, then handed them menus.
‘How are you feeling today?’ he asked.
‘About?’
‘Lots of things. The job offer, for one.’
‘A bit mixed-up.’ She shrugged. ‘Excited. Nervous. Wondering if I’ve got the courage.’
‘Courage for what?’
‘To move out here long term.’
‘What’s stopping you?’
‘Nothing really.’
‘Would you miss England?’
‘Well, yes. It’s been my home for thirty-odd years and my parents and brothers live there.’
‘It’s not far away though, is it? And they can visit you too.’
‘I suspect there’ll be more visiting going on in the future.’
‘Good news?’
‘I think so. My mother and nonna seem much closer now everything’s out in the open.’
‘Well that’s fabulous. Sometimes secrets need to be aired, eh?’
‘I agree. So I would miss my family but it’s not just that. I’m afraid too.’
‘Why?’
‘In case it doesn’t work out. In case I screw up. In case I disappoint everyone. In case I really am as much of a disaster – and as easy to dislike – as I’ve always thought.’ She bit her lip. ‘That sounds so self-pitying and as if I’m searching for compliments, doesn’t it? I wasn’t, I promise. Just thinking aloud.’
He shook his head. ‘For starters, that won’t happen. You’re a bright, warm, funny woman with a knack for this wedding planning lark. And what you don’t know, Phoebe will teach you. This is a great opportunity for you, Sophia.’
‘I know. I just need to summon my courage.’
‘You can do it. I believe in you.’
‘Thank you. Apart from my parents and teachers, no one has ever said that to me before.’
‘Well they should have done. Everything’s scary until you do it. And I think you have a chance to be happy in Malcesine. Plus your nonna will be delighted to have you here, won’t she?’
‘She will.’
‘So what happened with your mother? Is she okay now?’
Sophia filled him in on her mother’s trip to Verona and the cemetery and he listened carefully then said he definitely thought it was the right thing to do. There was nothing worse than not knowing the truth, than allowing the mind to create scenarios that may well have no solid foundations.
The waiter took their orders then they sat and watched the sky as it turned from lilac to purple and stars appeared like shimmering diamond dust.
‘What about you, Joe?’ Sophia asked the question that made her knees tremble. ‘Are you going to accept Phoebe’s offer?’
He sighed and put down his wine glass. ‘I don’t think I can.’
‘Oh.’ She felt as if a weight had just landed on her chest.
‘I know. It’s just such a great prospect for me too, but I have responsibilities back home and I can’t just up and leave them.’
‘To your parents, do you mean? How is that different for me?’
‘Because you’re a free agent. But I have to think of Charlotte too.’
There.
He’d said it and the world spun around Sophia’s head, making her as giddy as if she’d drunk too much wine. She grabbed the arms of the chair to steady herself.
‘Charlotte?’ The name brought a foul taste into Sophia’s mouth.
‘Yes. See… I didn’t explain properly before.’
‘Joe, you don’t owe me an explanation. There’s nothing lasting here between you and me, we agreed on that, and no doubt when you go back to England, it will just disintegrate like… like… ashes on the breeze.’
‘Is that what you really think?’
Sophia swallowed hard, then nodded. She couldn’t stand to hear him say that he was in love with someone else. The pain in her chest was threatening to shoot up and explode out of her mouth and she knew she had to get out of there and quickly. ‘I need the bathroom.’ Her voice was taut with strain.
‘Sophia… you need to know something about Charlotte. She’s not my—’
‘I don’t want to know.’ Sophia got up, scraping her chair across the tiles. ‘Goodbye, Joe. Thanks for… for everything.’
She grabbed her bag and hurried out of the restaurant, stumbling past tables and diners, shielding her face from waiters and bar staff. When she was out on the street, she ran all the way back to her grandmother’s and didn’t stop until she’d closed the door behind her.
Then she sank to the floor and moaned with the sheer agony of her pain. For all that she had imagined there being between her and Joe. For all that could have been had circumstances been different. And for all that she had allowed herself to feel for him, when he wasn’t hers to keep.
*
Joe watched Sophia flee from the restaurant but he didn’t know what to do. Half of him wanted to chase her, grab hold of her and tell her everything, but the other half kept repeating what she’d said to him.
There’s nothing lasting here between you and me, we agreed on that…
If that was what she truly believed then there was no point trying to explain anything to her. He found it hard to accept that they’d agreed on that. Why had they? He had feelings for Sophia, he couldn’t deny it now – proper, deep feelings – and he was trying to be open and honest. He did have things he needed to go home for, things to sort out, but if Sophia had let him finish, he was going to tell her that he’d try commuting for a while and see how that wor
ked out. Because he wanted to ask her to try to see a future for them. He knew he had no right to ask that, but he’d hoped that they could get to know each other better, over a longer period than just a summer, before making any commitments.
And he did want to commit to her. Sophia was so special. But he owed Charlotte a face-to-face discussion before he made a decision this big. It was about her life too. Although he was almost certain she’d be fine about it. She could come visit him and she had her own life now anyway, a life that would include him less and less as time wore on.
But Sophia, the woman he’d trusted when she told him she believed in him, had just told him there was nothing lasting between them and it hurt. So bloody much.
What now?
The waiter arrived with the food and raised an eyebrow. Joe shook his head. ‘My friend didn’t feel well. Il conto per favore.’
‘Si signore.’
Joe got some euros out of his wallet to pay for the food that he couldn’t stomach. He should go after Sophia, he couldn’t leave things like this, it wouldn’t be right. In fact, he would go after her.
Right now.
Then his phone started to ring, so he swiped the screen.
And what he heard next made everything else slip from his mind.
‘Okay, Mum. Try to stay calm. I’m on my way.’
He stuffed a wad of notes into the waiter’s hand then dashed out of the restaurant and headed for his uncle’s hotel.
Speaking to Sophia would have to wait, even though the thought of leaving things as they were wounded him deeply.
He had no choice now. He absolutely had to go home.
*
‘Sophia!’ Nonna hurried down the stairs. ‘Whatever is wrong?’
Sophia shook her head, then buried her face in her hands.
‘Oh, bella, it cannot be that bad.’
‘It is…’ Sophia wailed as she allowed the elderly woman to help her to her feet.
‘Come into the salotto and I’ll get tissues and a drink.’
‘No… I… don’t want anything.’
‘You need a little something, bella. To calm you.’
‘Mama, what is it?’ Sophia’s mother appeared in the doorway. ‘Goodness, Sophia, what happened?’
Sophia sobbed into her hands as her mother sat with her on the sofa and handed her tissue after tissue. Then a glass was pressed into her hands and she was told firmly to drink it.
Love at the Italian Lake Page 21
