She took a mouthful and grimaced. It burned her mouth, her throat and her stomach. She forced herself to swallow it.
‘Phoof! What is that?’
‘Grappa. It is very strong and it will help.’
‘Oh god, this is the stuff you and Dad used to drink, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, but not for some time.’ Her mother accepted a glass from Grandma. ‘But it seems that this might be the time to start again.’
‘Sophia, please explain what’s wrong as we are both extremely worried.’
‘I… don’t even know where to start.’
‘Is it to do with a man?’ her mother asked.
‘Kind of…’ Sophia sniffed, then took another sip of the grappa and shuddered. It really was potent. ‘It’s Joe.’
‘What did he do?’ Nonna downed her drink, then pushed up her sleeves. ‘I will go and speak to him. He upset you like this!’
‘No, Nonna, please don’t. You see… he hasn’t done anything wrong. It was me, I think. This has all been so confusing. I just liked him. A lot. Maybe more. I don’t know, because after Lee I was so confused, then I met Joe and he was so different, so kind and sweet. But… I think Joe has someone else. In fact, I know he does.’
‘How do you know?’ her mother asked, her voice was cold in the way it got when she was angry.
‘I saw photographs of her on his camera, which I tried to ignore, then he told me about her tonight. He has to go back to England because of her.’
‘You ignored signs? But why?’ Nonna asked.
‘I just chose to ignore what I’d seen because I wanted to believe that he wasn’t involved with someone else. I’ve never met anyone like him and I wanted to have a chance to be with him. Even if just for the summer. He made me feel so good. He made me feel alive.’ As the reality of her words sank in, she started to shiver and her teeth chattered uncontrollably. This was her fault; she had deceived herself because she liked Joe and wanted to be with him. ‘So you see… it’s all my fault really.’
‘Oh, bella.’ Her mother wrapped her arms around her and rocked her gently. ‘At least this time you didn’t get in too deep. This was probably just a rebound thing after Lee. A case of you falling for Joe because he was handsome, charming and nice to you.’
‘He was nice to me.’ Sophia agreed, then burst into fresh sobs. ‘So nice!’
‘This will pass, Sophia. If it wasn’t meant to be, then this too will pass.’ Her nonna perched on the arm of the sofa and took her hand. ‘But you never know. Perhaps… just perhaps, there is more to it than you can see or know right now.’
‘Mama!’ Sophia’s mother snapped. ‘Stop it now. She needs to deal with this, then forget about him not languish with some false hope that maybe it will all work out. I can’t bear to see her hurt by another man.’
‘I thought you were the romantico one, Stella. It was you who ran off with your lover.’
‘Yes but that was different.’
‘How so?’
‘He lov— I mean… we were together. Already. There was no one else.’
‘I just have a feeling that Joe is buon uomo. And if love isn’t worth taking a risk on, then what is?’ Nonna squeezed Sophia’s hand. ‘Don’t forget him just yet. Not just yet.’
Sophia swallowed the rest of the grappa, appreciating how it created a warm numbness in her belly that filtered through her entire body. She was devastated about Joe, but even she wondered if she’d misread the situation somehow. He hadn’t given her any signs to suggest he was with someone else. He’d seemed so honest and she’d been convinced that he had more integrity than any man she’d ever met.
Joe was a good man.
She was sure of it.
Or perhaps it was the grappa clouding her common sense…
‘I have to go to him!’ She jumped up.
‘What? No, you don’t. That’s the grappa talking.’ Her mother took her hands and held them tight.
‘I do, Mum. I have to see him.’ She shrugged her mother’s hands off. ‘I love you so much, and I’m very grateful for your support and advice, but I have to try to sort this out. I think Nonna is right, there is something else here that I don’t know about and I need to find out what it is. I have to give him a chance to explain.’
She went into the hall, blew her nose, quickly ran a brush through her hair, then opened the door.
‘Sophia, take care!’ her mother called after her, but she was already hurrying along the street, her heart beating out Joe’s name as she went to find him to ask for the truth.
It was, without a doubt, the most terrifying thing she had ever done.
*
Sophia ran all the way to Niccolo Sidoli’s hotel.
Then she hunched over with her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. And trying to work out what to say. It was all well and good imagining herself walking up to him and asking how he felt but, in reality, doing it would be something that could make the toughest person shiver.
But she had to know. She’d come here now so there was no turning back.
She went up the steps and through the patio doors.
‘Mr Sidoli?’
Joe’s uncle turned from where he was folding napkins into swans and smiled at her. ‘Ah, the bella Sophia.’
‘Mr Sidoli—
‘Call me Niccolo, please.’
‘Niccolo. Thank you. Is… is Joe here?’
He shook his head. ‘No, Sophia. He’s gone. You just missed him.’
‘Missed him? Gone where?’ Sophia gasped with panic.
‘Home. Didn’t you know?’ He frowned at her.
‘No… Uh… why has he gone home? For good or for a few days or…’ She clasped at hope but it slid through her fingers like sand in an egg timer.
‘He had bad news, Sophia.’
‘Oh.’ Her skin prickled all over and she rubbed at her arms as if she could wipe the truth away. ‘What happened? Can you tell me?’
Niccolo nodded, then gestured at the chair opposite him, so Sophia sat down. In the light from the bar she could see that he looked older than he had when she’d last seen him and his left eye twitched intermittently.
‘Joe’s mother, my sister, rang earlier. Her husband passed away this morning.’
‘I’m so sorry!’
‘Yes, me too. I have no idea how my sister will cope. She has already suffered so much and she was devoted to her husband.’
Sophia nodded though she had no idea what he meant by suffered so much.
‘But Joe is a good son and he will go home and comfort her and sort the arrangements out. I will, of course, have to go to England for the funeral. But I will wait to find out when it is to take place, then fly over. You will come too?’
‘What? Uh…’ Her heart raced. ‘I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know if he’d want me there. Should I phone him?’
‘He won’t be able to take your call until later because he’s on the plane and then he will be dealing with his mother when he lands. My sister can be a very… demanding woman. Perhaps text him first?’
‘Yes. I’ll do that.’
Sophia didn’t know what else to say to Niccolo. The way she’d left things between them, she didn’t know if Joe would ever want to speak to her again, let alone have her attend his father’s funeral. Poor Joe! And she’d stormed off, leaving him alone at the restaurant when he’d been trying to tell her something. What had she done?
‘And he will need to be there for Charlotte too. She will no doubt have taken this badly. She was very close to Joe’s father.’
Sophia stared down at her hands where they twisted in her lap.
Of course.
Charlotte.
Joe had Charlotte. So he had no need of Sophia.
‘I’d better go.’ She stood up but she had to grab the back of the chair when her legs nearly gave way.
‘Don’t forget to text him. My nephew cares about you, Sophia. I have never seen him look at a woman the way he looks at you.’
She nodded, but couldn’t trust herself to reply. Because Mr Sidoli was wrong. And this was all so contradictory because if Charlotte was so fond of Joe’s father, then what place did Sophia have in his life?
Her body ached and her mind was sluggish as she left the hotel and ambled along the lake path. She’d come to Italy to escape the downfalls of romance and had ended up getting into one hell of a mess. She hunched over like a rag doll and released a deep sigh, then forced herself to stand up straight. It was time to pull herself together and move on. She’d fallen prey to her own silly emotions and that wasn’t why she’d come out to Malcesine.
She wouldn’t let her heart rule her head again. She’d been right to give love and friendship a wide berth all these years. Because look what happened when she allowed herself to care.
As she walked along next to the lake, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and typed out a message to Joe, telling him she was sorry for his loss and that she would be thinking about him. She was going to include more detail, thanking him for the time they’d spent together, but it didn’t seem appropriate in light of his current situation, so she just signed off with a kiss.
Then she turned to face the water.
There was only one way she could stop herself from checking her phone constantly to find out if Joe had replied. Only one way to make herself move on from her old life in order to embrace the new.
She lifted her arm, then flung her mobile phone as hard as she could.
And watched as it disappeared beneath the dark waters of the Italian lake.
Chapter 23
Joe strolled through the park, hands in his pockets, hood pulled as far forward as it would go. Damn this British weather. It was meant to be summer but all he’d seen since he returned to England three weeks ago was rain.
And it suited his mood.
They’d buried his father a week ago to the day. The service had been small and tasteful with just a handful of family and friends, then they’d made the journey to the graveyard where they said goodbye to his father – close family only. Joe’s mother hadn’t wanted everyone else to join them at the graveside; she’d said it would be too painful. So it had been his mother, Charlotte and him.
He’d wondered initially how his mother would cope alone. She’d always clung to his father; he’d been her reason for living, for getting out of bed each day and breathing. But since his father’s passing from a massive stroke – which may have been linked to his suspected dementia – and since Joe’s return from Italy, he’d seen something emerge in his mother that was completely unexpected. She’d shown a strength and resilience that must have previously been hidden beneath the surface. And Joe admired her for it.
She was, for want of a better description, just getting on with it.
But as for himself, Joe didn’t think he was doing a very good job of getting on with things at all. He stopped by a rain-sodden bench, then sat down. He was soaked anyway, so what difference would it make?
He was sad about his father’s death, of course, but their relationship had been such a complicated one. Mainly because of James. His older brother had been the son their father wanted and Joe had never measured up, no matter how hard he tried. Granted, his father had doted upon Charlotte, but as for Joe, there had always been fault to be found and it was hard to love someone unconditionally – the way he had wanted to love his father – when they always met you with a barrage of criticism. But now he was gone and life had to continue; Joe and his family had to learn to adjust and live without his father around.
And Joe was struggling to get one person out of his mind.
Sophia.
He just couldn’t stop thinking about her. He wanted to talk to her about his father, to try to explain what their relationship had been like and to have her reassure him as he gazed into her big brown eyes. He wanted to hold her in his arms and to bury his face in her sweet-smelling hair. His longing for her was a physical ache for which there was only one cure.
He’d received a text from her when his flight had landed at Heathrow following his hasty return home. He hadn’t replied immediately, because he’d been caught up in his family’s grief, making funeral arrangements and appointments with the family solicitor, but when he had sent a reply, he’d expected to hear back from her. He’d thanked her for her text and given her some information about the funeral. He hadn’t expected her to come; she hadn’t even known his father, but he had hoped she’d respond or even ring him. He would have been lifted just by hearing her voice, he knew that much for sure.
Uncle Niccolo had told him he’d seen Sophia at the hotel on the day Joe had departed Italy but he’d not had any information to help Joe understand why she’d cut him off.
Was whatever there’d been between them really over? After she’d walked out of the restaurant in Malcesine, he could have taken it that way but something inside him stubbornly refused to accept that this was it, that he would never see her, never hold her and never kiss her soft lips again.
He wiped a raindrop away from the end of his nose, then stood up.
Enough of this maudlin inaction. It was time to face up to reality, whatever form that came in. He knew how he wanted it to be, but he didn’t know if Sophia felt the same.
Whatever happened, he couldn’t just sit around wondering. It was time to find out.
*
‘Coffee?’
Sophia met Phoebe’s smiling blue eyes. ‘Yes please.’
‘And cake.’
‘You know me too well.’
‘Tell you what, I’ll pop out and get us something nice.’
‘Okay, lovely.’
Phoebe grabbed her bag, then headed out the office door.
Sophia pressed send on the wedding quote she’d put together for a bride from Manchester, then pushed her chair back from the desk and stretched her legs. They’d had a busy few weeks and she knew Phoebe was glad that Sophia had accepted her job offer. The more Sophia had thought about it, the better Phoebe’s proposal had seemed.
She had the money in her savings to buy into the business and wasn’t worried about dipping into her account; she’d always earned more than she knew how to spend – even with Lee to support – and there would soon be more from the sale of the apartment. Her ex-colleague had been delighted to buy it from her in a cash sale with no chain, and she’d need to return to England in a few weeks to sign the contracts.
Sophia’s mother had returned home after a week but the relationship between her mother and nonna was much improved. The truth had actually brought them closer together and finally, after years of simmering animosity, they’d come to appreciate each other. Sophia hoped this was something that would continue and that there would be many more family visits to Italy.
So she was happy about that and happy with her new job and new life. She loved the Italian town, the close proximity to Verona and Limone, as well as other fabulous locations, and felt positive about her future.
Of course, there was one thing that made her heart ache when it resurfaced in her mind but she was getting better at pushing it aside. Throwing her mobile away had been a good move. It had, in a sense, freed her from her need to keep checking if Joe had contacted her and it ensured that she had to move on. He had most likely done the same. In fact, he probably never thought about her.
So why didn’t the idea of never seeing him again make her feel better?
Work!
She needed to keep busy, then she wouldn’t think about the man she’d very nearly fallen head-over-heels in love with. It had been a close call – and she’d certainly had some very strong feelings for Joe – but she’d learned a very valuable lesson and she wouldn’t let herself get into such a vulnerable position again.
She wheeled her chair closer to the desk and opened her emails. When the door to the office opened, she didn’t look up, thinking it would be Phoebe returning with cakes.
‘What did you get?’ she asked from behind her computer screen.
‘A long wait in Arrivals because my suitcase was the last off the plane.’
She jumped and gripped the arms of the chair.
‘But luckily, I didn’t knock any poor English women over their suitcases.’
She peered out from behind the computer.
‘Joe?’
‘Sophia.’
She got up slowly and walked around the desk. Her heart threatened to burst through her blouse and her hands shook as she smoothed down her skirt.
‘You’re here.’
‘I’m here.’
‘Wh… why?’
He shook his head. ‘Mainly one reason but before I share that with you, I really need to talk to you. Can we go somewhere, please?’
‘Uh… I’m… I don’t know… uh… I’m working and Phoebe just went out and…’
‘She’s now back!’ Phoebe put a bulging paper bag on her desk. ‘So yes you can finish early, partner, not that you need my permission.’
‘Partner?’ Joe raised his eyebrows.
Sophia nodded. ‘I decided to go for it.’
‘So can I steal you away?’
Sophia glanced at Phoebe and found her nodding furiously.
‘I’ll just get my bag.’
She retrieved her bag from the desk drawer, then approached Joe. She kept having to force her mouth closed because she was so shocked to see him.
‘After you.’
He waved his hand, so she stepped out into the warm afternoon in front of him, wondering what he had to say, and hoping that it wasn’t going to break her heart all over again.
*
They strolled down to the lake, talking about anything other than their feelings. Sophia was nauseous and she pressed a hand to her stomach to try to calm her nerves. Joe turning up had been so unexpected but so wonderful, and it made her realize how much she’d wanted to see him.
She was also acutely aware of how much she wanted to hug him and feel his strong arms around her.
But she had to be patient.
Who knows what he has to say?
When they reached the lake path, they found a bench and sat down. Joe turned slightly so he was facing Sophia, and he rested his arm along the back of the bench.
Love at the Italian Lake Page 22
