A Baby of His Own

by Jennifer Taylor

  ‘I’ve no idea. I explained that Amy was in hospital and that it looked as though she had been inhaling gas from an aerosol but that was as far as I got. Mrs Marshall just cut me off and asked if Amy was all right. When I said that Amy was stable, she told me in that case she was too busy to deal with me and that’s why she employed a nanny. I never even got a chance to ask her for the name of her GP before she hung up.’

  ‘Really?’ Connor’s frown deepened. ‘It’s just not good enough. She can’t abdicate her responsibilities like that, no matter how busy she might be. Do you have that phone number? I’d like to speak to her myself.’

  ‘Here it is.’

  Lucy gave him the number and waited while he made the call. This time the receptionist refused to put him through to Mrs Marshall’s office, claiming that her employer couldn’t be disturbed. Connor asked to speak to Mr Marshall instead but got the same response: Mr Marshall couldn’t be disturbed either. He was furious when he hung up and Lucy sympathised with him.

  ‘So what do we do now?’ she asked.

  ‘Have a word with Social Services and see what they have to say. It’s an appalling situation and there is no excuse for it.’

  ‘But can Social Services do anything?’ She sighed when he looked sharply at her. ‘I know how you feel, Connor, but the parents haven’t done anything wrong. They’ve employed someone to take care of Amy so technically she hasn’t been neglected. And even if they had been at home this morning, they might not have been able to prevent this happening.’

  ‘Maybe they do employ someone to look after the child but she is still their responsibility.’

  ‘Yes, she is. But to all intents and purposes they are doing everything they are supposed to do. There is no question of neglect when the au pair is there to look after Amy.’

  ‘It takes more than paying for a stranger’s services to look after a child properly!’ he said in a voice like thunder as he got up and went to the window.

  Lucy could tell how angry he was and it surprised her to see him show so much emotion. He’d always been so controlled in the past, had always dealt with each case with the same professional detachment, no matter how heart-rending it had been. So what had changed? Had it been finding out that he had a child of his own which had unlocked his emotions? Had Izzy taught him how to love?

  The thought filled her with joy all of a sudden. If she could be sure that Connor was capable of such depth of feeling then she would have less reason to worry about him hurting Izzy. He would want only what was best for their daughter. And maybe at some point in the future he would want what was best for her, too…

  ‘Sorry to interrupt but I have a bit of a problem.’

  Lucy looked round when a familiar voice suddenly cut into her thoughts. Dee was standing in the doorway and seeing her there brought Lucy back to earth with a thump. She was trembling as she got up from the desk but it was understandable. Plummeting from the heights of euphoria into the depths of despair was bound to have had an effect. Maybe Connor did know how to love now, and maybe finding out about Izzy had been the key that had unlocked his emotions. However, it wouldn’t be she who reaped the benefits, but Dee. Dee was the woman he was planning on spending his life with, the woman he loved. Not Lucy.

  CHAPTER NINE

  ‘THERE was no sign of any water when I parked there. Mum will have a fit. She’s had that car for years and never had an accident, yet the first time I drive it, this has to happen!’

  ‘It wasn’t your fault, Dee. You weren’t to know that the car park would be flooded.’

  Connor did his best to respond with his usual calm efficiency but it wasn’t easy. He glanced at Lucy, wishing he knew what was going on. She looked so pale as she stood there by the desk that he was afraid she was going to keel over.

  ‘I’ll have to go and phone Mum.’ Dee grimaced. ‘Sorry to be a nuisance but I was just so surprised…’

  ‘You can use the phone in here,’ Lucy said suddenly, breaking her silence. As Connor watched, she summoned a smile but he could see the effort it cost her. ‘Maybe your mother has breakdown cover so you might be able to get them to tow the car out.’

  ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’ Dee exclaimed, hurrying to the desk.

  ‘Because you’d had a shock.’ Lucy managed another smile but it was even more strained than the first one had been. When she headed towards the door, Connor followed her. He needed to find out if she was all right.

  ‘Lucy, wait!’ he said urgently as she hurried towards the ward.

  ‘I’m sorry, Connor, but I can’t afford to waste any more time.’ She barely paused as she glanced back but he could see how pale she looked even now. ‘I need to make sure everything is ready for your ward round.’

  ‘To hell with the ward round!’ He put out his hand when she went to open the ward door. ‘Are you feeling all right? You look really pale.’

  ‘I’m fine. I just want to get on and sort things out, so if you’ll excuse me…?’ She looked pointedly at his hand, but he shook his head.

  ‘You’re not going anywhere until I’m sure that you’re OK. If you feel ill, Lucy, then for heaven’s sake say so. You don’t win extra brownie points for being brave!’

  If anything, she went even paler at that, although for the life of him he couldn’t think what he’d said to cause such a reaction. Tilting back her head, she looked him straight in the eyes and he was shocked to see the chill in her gaze. In the whole of the time he had known her, he couldn’t remember her ever looking at him that way before.

  ‘I am not ill. I am merely trying to do my job.’

  ‘In that case, I apologise for holding you up,’ he said, stepping back to let her pass.

  He made his way back to the office, trying to come to terms with the fact that she had looked at him with such a complete lack of emotion. He would be the first to admit that their relationship hadn’t been easy since he’d come back to England. However, even when they had been arguing Lucy hadn’t looked at him that way, as though she didn’t care.

  Maybe it was stupid to let it get to him but he couldn’t help feeling bitterly hurt. It was obvious that she felt nothing for him now, not even anger, and the pain inside him seemed to grow until it reached gigantic proportions. He would far rather she hated him than viewed him with indifference!

  Lucy had no idea how she got through the rest of the day. She couldn’t seem to stop thinking about what had happened. Connor had never loved her because he hadn’t been capable of feeling that kind of emotion when they had been together. However, now that Izzy had come into his life, everything had changed, and it was the bitterest of blows to know that some other woman would reap the benefits.

  She did the handover in record time and bade Bea a swift goodbye at the end of her shift. The queue outside the crèche was fairly short for once so it didn’t take her very long to collect Izzy. She headed for the exit, stopping when she opened the door and discovered that the forecourt was ankle deep in water. This part of the hospital was closest to the river and provided a natural run-off for the rising water. A pump truck had been sent from the local fire station to deal with the problem, but more water was pouring into the grounds as fast as they were pumping it out. There was no way that she could avoid getting wet if she wanted to get to her car so she gritted her teeth and stepped down onto the path. After everything else that had gone on that day, wet feet were the least of her problems!

  She was halfway across the forecourt when her foot skidded on a pebble hidden beneath the water and she cried out in alarm when she felt herself pitching sideways.

  ‘Careful!’ All of a sudden Connor was there, his hand closing firmly around her arm as he steadied her. He set her back on her feet then lifted Izzy out of her arms. ‘Let me carry her. It’s difficult enough to wade through all this water without having to carry a baby as well.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Lucy didn’t argue even though the last thing she wanted was to have to speak to him again. However, it seeme
d safer to let him help rather than risk slipping a second time. They reached the car park and she was relieved to see that her car was in a section that hadn’t been flooded. A lot of the other vehicles that had been parked there hadn’t fared nearly so well—one whole row was axle-deep in water.

  ‘It’s a bit of a mess, isn’t it?’ Connor said, stopping by her car while she unlocked the doors.

  ‘It is.’ She tossed her bag onto the passenger seat then turned to take Izzy off him.

  ‘Bye-bye, poppet,’ he said, brushing the little girl’s cheek with a gentle kiss.

  Lucy felt foolish tears spring to her eyes as she took Izzy from him. He would never kiss her like that, she thought miserably as she bent down to strap Izzy into her seat. He would never use such tender endearments when he was speaking to her either. Connor might love their daughter but he didn’t love her. He had given his heart to another woman and it was Dee who would be on the receiving end of all that tenderness now, Dee who would fill his nights with passion and his life with love. The thought was almost too much to bear.

  ‘What’s wrong, Lucy? And before you tell me that everything is fine, I have to tell you that I don’t believe it. Something has upset you and I want to know what it is.’

  His voice was so gentle, so caring, that she simply couldn’t cope. She would end up pouring it all out if she wasn’t careful and it was the last thing she wanted to do. She might not have his love but she did have her pride, and she would never beg him to love her. What would be the point? You couldn’t make someone love you—they either did or they didn’t. And no amount of pleas or recriminations would change how they felt. The sooner she accepted that Connor didn’t love her, the easier it would be for all of them, but most important of all, for Izzy.

  ‘Nothing has upset me.’ She closed the rear door then forced herself to look at him. ‘I’m just tired, Connor. It isn’t easy holding down a demanding job as well as looking after a baby.’

  ‘Of course it isn’t. I should have thought of that before.’ A look of chagrin crossed his face. ‘You need a break, Lucy. What if I look after Izzy tonight so you can have some time to yourself? I could come round to your flat and babysit while you go out—’

  ‘No!’ She hastily moderated her tone when she saw him start. ‘It’s kind of you but there’s no need—really, there isn’t. I’ll be fine once I’ve got home and had a cup of tea.’

  ‘But it’s only fair that I should do my share. It’s not right that you should have to bear the brunt of the childcare all by yourself.’

  ‘It isn’t a problem,’ she repeated. The last thing she wanted was to upset the plans he’d made for the evening.

  Her heart lurched at the thought of what those plans might entail. She didn’t want to think about him and Dee enjoying a romantic evening together, although it might not be that romantic if he was planning on telling Dee tonight that she was his baby’s mother. The thought immediately reminded her that she had meant to ask him to swear Dee to secrecy. Even though the last thing she felt like doing was promoting another argument, it was too important to put it off.

  ‘Look, Connor, I don’t know what you’ve told Dee about Izzy but I don’t want her telling everyone that you are Izzy’s father—is that clear?’

  ‘I haven’t told Dee anything.’ His mouth compressed. ‘Despite what the rumour-mongers might be saying, Dee and I are not having a relationship.’

  ‘Whatever.’ Lucy shrugged. If he wanted to insist that he and Dee weren’t an item, that was his business. However, she didn’t intend to become a casualty of their affair.

  ‘It’s the truth, Lucy. Why won’t you believe me?’ he said in exasperation.

  ‘If you say it’s true then it must be,’ she said with such a lack of conviction that he swore under his breath.

  ‘It’s like beating my head against a brick wall! You’ve made up your mind and that’s it. Well, if it makes you happy to think that I’m seeing Dee then carry on. I’m not going to tell you again. There’s no point.’

  He turned and walked away, and she saw him get into his car. He backed out of the space and drove away without another glance in her direction. Lucy sighed wearily. It would be so much simpler if he would just admit that he was seeing Dee. She really couldn’t understand why he was denying that they were having an affair…

  Unless he was afraid to admit the truth in case it upset her and caused repercussions?

  Her heart sank as she got into her car. Was Connor loath to admit that he was involved with another woman because he was worried about how she might react? Maybe he thought she would be so jealous that she would take out her spite on him by banning him from seeing Izzy? It was a horrible feeling to know that he believed she was capable of that and her mouth tightened as she started the engine. If she did deny him access then it would be out of concern for their daughter, not out of pique!

  ‘Right, Alan, it looks as though you’ll be leaving us very shortly. Your temperature has settled down again so, as long as nothing else happens, I should be able to discharge you on Monday.’

  Connor smiled at Alan as he handed the boy’s file to Martin Fellows. It was Friday morning and they were almost at the end of the daily ward round. So far he had seen and discharged four of the children, including the girl they had rescued from the river and Ben Roberts, the boy who’d had his appendix removed. The infection Ben had contracted had responded well to the increased antibiotic regime and he was well enough to go home, a piece of news which Ben had greeted with delight. Alan’s reaction, however, was far less enthusiastic.

  ‘I still feel funny,’ Alan muttered. ‘My head hurts and my eyes feel all funny, too. You won’t send me back to that place if I’m not well, will you?’

  ‘Of course not,’ Connor said gently. He took the file from Martin again and rechecked the boy’s obs, but everything was fine—temperature normal, BP spot on and no sign of a rash which could indicate the onset of septicaemia. Alan had made an excellent recovery and he was pleased with his progress, but he guessed that the boy’s reluctance to be discharged stemmed from his desire not to be sent back to the care home. Sadly, there was very little he could do about that.

  ‘We’ll keep an eye on you over the weekend. If you don’t feel well then make sure you tell one of the nurses. I’m going to ask Staff Nurse Adams to move you into the ward today so at least you’ll have some company there.’

  Alan still looked unhappy when they left the high-dependency unit and Connor paused outside the door so he could have a word with Lucy about him. The rest of the team had ambled off towards the ward kitchen where a pot of coffee would be waiting for them. It was the ideal opportunity to get Lucy on her own, although he could tell from her manner that she wasn’t interested in anything other than work-related matters.

  He did his best to hide his irritation. She had been very distant with him all week and he found it hard to believe that it was those stupid rumours that had upset her. Maybe he had done something else to offend her, although he couldn’t for the life of him think what it was. Not that it would take very much, of course. Just breathing the same air as her might have been enough!

  ‘Can you keep an eye on Alan for me?’ he said as calmly as he could, bearing in mind the aggravation he was suffering. ‘He’s done extremely well so far and I don’t want him having a relapse because he’s worried about being sent back to that care home.’

  ‘Of course. Is that all, Dr Mackenzie?’

  No, it isn’t all, he was tempted to say. I want to know why you’re treating me like a criminal instead of the father of your daughter! However, coming out with a statement like that would do little to improve matters.

  ‘Yes, thank you. Alan can be moved into the ward as soon as you can arrange it.’

  ‘I’ll get everything ready,’ she assured him politely. She was just about to move away when Connor remembered that he hadn’t finalised the arrangements for that weekend. It seemed easier to get it done than wait until later. At le
ast she was speaking to him at the moment, albeit in a rather chilly way, but there was no knowing what might happen in a couple of hours’ time.

  ‘Before you go, Lucy, is it all right if I come round to see Izzy again on Sunday?’ He shrugged when she looked at him, trying not to let that thought get him down. ‘Would the same time suit you? I could make it later if it would be easier for you.’

  ‘I’m afraid it isn’t convenient this weekend. I’m going out.’

  ‘Out? But you knew I’d want to see her again on Sunday. Surely you can change your arrangements?’

  ‘I’m afraid not. It’s Mark Dawson’s leaving do and he’s having a barbecue. I accepted the invitation some time ago—long before you came back onto the scene. I have no intention of backing out at this stage.’

  The expression on her face challenged him to object but Connor wasn’t about to make that mistake. He nodded, trying not to let her see how much it hurt to have her behave this way towards him. If he hadn’t been so determined to play an active part in Izzy’s life, he might have given up. But it was far too important to him that he should be a proper father to Izzy to let Lucy’s attitude deter him.

  ‘I wouldn’t expect you to. I just hope the weather improves. There’s nothing worse than a barbecue in the rain, is there?’

  He gave her a cool smile then went into the kitchen, nodding his thanks when Amanda poured him a cup of coffee. He even accepted a biscuit when Tom offered it to him, not wanting to appear too stuffy to join in. Coffee and biscuits were one of the perks the junior medical staff enjoyed after a ward round, although he usually went straight back to his office and left them to it. However, that day he felt like making a point: he wasn’t some overbearing boss who treated his staff like second-class citizens but someone people could relate to. He was, even if they didn’t know it yet, a family man with a young child. Maybe it wasn’t the image he’d once wanted to project but people could change—he had changed as he’d told Lucy more than once recently.