A Baby of His Own

by Jennifer Taylor

  ‘She’s exhausted, isn’t she?’ Connor said as he came into the hall and crouched down beside them.

  ‘She is. Still, at least she should sleep tonight,’ Lucy said lightly, trying to hide how nervous she felt all of a sudden.

  Connor had stayed by her side all afternoon long and she knew there wasn’t a doubt in anyone’s mind now about his relationship to Izzy. There was bound to be a lot of gossip at work once the news broke and she had no idea how he intended to handle it. It might all depend on what that kiss had meant and she still didn’t know what to make of it. Had he been merely trying to comfort her? Or had there been more to it than that? The uncertainty was making her feel very on edge.

  ‘Ah, so there you are. We were wondering where you’d got to.’

  She glanced round when Laura and Mark appeared, summoning a smile when she saw the concern in their eyes because she didn’t want them to think they were in any way to blame for what had gone on that day.

  ‘We’re just getting ready to leave. Thank you for having us.’ She turned to Connor, deliberately including him so the other couple wouldn’t think they were still at loggerheads. ‘We really enjoyed it, didn’t we?’

  ‘We did, indeed…all three of us.’ He stood up and grinned at their hosts. ‘In fact, I’ve made a note to buy myself a barbecue just as soon as I have a garden to put it in. It’s obviously the perfect way to wear out the kids and get a bit of peace!’

  ‘I wish. If it was that simple then I’d have Mark firing up our barbie every day of the year!’ Laura replied, laughing.

  Lucy felt a bit better when she saw the relief on her friend’s face. It was obvious that Laura had been worried about any possible repercussions and she couldn’t help feeling guilty for unloading her problems onto her. Stepping forward, Lucy gave her a hug. ‘It’s worth a try, though, don’t you think?’

  ‘Anything is worth a try,’ Laura said softly, looking at her.

  Lucy smiled but she knew what Laura had meant and that it had had nothing to do with barbecues either. Laura was telling her that she needed to work things out with Connor. Whilst part of her knew that her friend was right, another part was afraid of where it might lead to. She couldn’t pretend that kiss hadn’t meant anything to her: it had. But what had it meant to him? What could it mean when he was involved with another woman?

  The uncertainty gnawed away at her as they finished saying their goodbyes. They left the house and walked up the path. Connor stopped when they reached the lane.

  ‘I’d offer you a lift but I don’t have a child seat in my car yet and it isn’t safe to hold Izzy on your knee. Maybe you could help me choose one?’

  ‘Of course,’ Lucy agreed, doing her best to match his friendly tone. Connor had claimed repeatedly that he and Dee weren’t having a relationship…what if he had been telling her the truth all along? It was a tantalising thought, yet she was afraid to believe it. She didn’t think she could face another major disappointment in her life.

  ‘Uh-oh. Here we go again.’

  She glanced up as he drew her attention to the fact that it had started raining again. ‘Oh, dear! It looks as though we’re in for another downpour, doesn’t it?’ she exclaimed, bending down to retrieve the pram cover from the shopping tray.

  ‘You’re going to get soaked,’ Connor said worriedly, looking up at the sky. ‘Don’t you at least have an umbrella with you?’

  ‘Yes, but it’s virtually impossible to hold an umbrella and push a pram,’ she explained, fastening the rain cover in place. Izzy was fast asleep and she didn’t stir when Lucy finished by pulling up the hood. ‘I’m going to make a dash for it,’ she said, turning to Connor. ‘I’ll see you at work tomorrow.’

  ‘I’m not letting you walk home and get soaked,’ he said firmly, bending down to take the umbrella out of the tray. He unfurled it then held it over her. ‘I’ll walk you home then come back for my car.’

  ‘Oh, no, really, it isn’t necessary.’

  ‘Of course it is.’ He suddenly grinned at her, his green eyes sparkling with laughter and something that made her breath catch. She had never expected to see such tenderness in his eyes when he looked at her. ‘Now we can stand here all night and argue about it, but I’m going to win in the end, Lucy. Whether you like it or not, I’m going to play the perfect gentleman and walk you home!’

  Lucy huffed out a sigh but it was purely for show. All her objections seemed to have melted away. She knew it was silly to let a look affect her, but add it to that kiss and she couldn’t help it. Was it possible that Connor actually cared about her?

  ‘If that’s what you want to do,’ she said, setting off up the lane because she couldn’t stand there while thoughts like that tormented her.

  ‘It is.’

  Connor didn’t say anything else as he strode along beside her and she was glad. She had enough on her mind without having to make conversation as well. It took them a good ten minutes to reach her flat and by that time the rain was hammering down. Although the umbrella had sheltered her from the worst of the downpour, Connor was soaked through. As she unlocked her front door, she realised that the very least she could do was to invite him in so he could wait until the rain eased off.

  ‘You’d better come in,’ she said, manoeuvring the buggy into the tiny hallway. ‘The rain should slacken off soon so there’s no point getting another soaking, is there?’

  ‘I’m not sure if I could get any wetter,’ he said wryly. ‘I don’t think I was this wet after I dived into the river last week, in fact!’

  Lucy smiled at that. ‘You don’t seem to have had much luck lately, do you?’

  ‘Oh, I wouldn’t say that.’ He closed the door and her breath caught when he turned to face her. She couldn’t recall seeing such yearning on anyone’s face before.

  ‘I think fortune has been smiling on me recently, Lucy. I feel like the luckiest man alive because I have everything any man could dream of having.’

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CONNOR knew he shouldn’t have said that. It was too soon. He’d already decided that he would bide his time yet seeing Lucy standing there had been too big a temptation. She looked so beautiful with her hair curling damply around her face that he would have needed a heart of stone not to have felt anything. Now all he needed to do was to convince her that he was serious.

  ‘Lucy, I know this might be—’

  He stopped when Izzy suddenly woke up and started crying.

  Lucy hurriedly bent down and unfastened the rain cover.

  ‘I’d better get her out of there before she screams the place down,’ she said, her voice quavering.

  ‘Of course.’ Connor sighed. It was obvious that she was relieved to have an excuse not to listen to him. Just for a moment he found himself wondering if he was mad to hope that he could get her back. Lucy may have loved him in the past but she hadn’t given him any reason to think that she still loved him now. She might be glad that she’d had Izzy but it didn’t mean that she wanted him as well.

  It was a sobering thought and one which he knew that he had to consider very carefully. Even though he loved her with all his heart, he wouldn’t try to force her into a relationship she no longer wanted. She had to love him too for it to mean anything, and the thought that she might never feel that way about him again filled him with anguish. He was the one who had put his career before everything else—including her. And it was his fault if she had stopped loving him!

  ‘I’m going to change Izzy and put her in her cot. There’s fresh towels in the bathroom if you want to dry yourself off.’

  ‘Thanks.’ Connor forced his thoughts to the darkest reaches of his mind because he couldn’t deal with them right then. Knowing the blame lay squarely with him was more than he could bear. He dredged up a smile. ‘I’ll put the kettle on after I’ve finished. What would you prefer—tea or coffee?’

  ‘I don’t mind—you choose.’

  She gave him a quick and decidedly impersonal smile as she disa
ppeared into the bedroom, and his sagging spirits sagged even more. That she could behave that way towards him just seemed to confirm his fears. Lucy no longer loved him and it was all his fault. He had thrown away his chance of happiness for the sake of his career and it was hard to deal with the thought of how different his life might have been now if he’d realised sooner what was really important.

  The thought hung over him like a cloud as he went into the bathroom. His sweater was soaked so he took it off and dropped it in the bath, then towelled his hair. His shirt was damp but he left it on, preferring not to parade around the flat half-naked. He doubted if Lucy would take kindly to him making himself at home!

  It was another deflating thought so he went into the kitchen and switched on the kettle rather than dwell on it. By the time Lucy appeared he had a pot of coffee ready and waiting.

  ‘I made coffee,’ he told her, glancing round.

  ‘Oh…right. Fine.’

  ‘I could make some tea if you’d prefer it,’ he suggested, because she hadn’t sounded very enthusiastic about the coffee.

  ‘No, coffee’s fine,’ she said, avoiding his eyes.

  Connor frowned as he put the pot on the table. She looked so uncomfortable that he couldn’t help wondering what was wrong…unless she didn’t want him there and didn’t know how to ask him to leave?

  ‘Look, Lucy, you only have to say the word and I’ll go.’

  ‘Of course I don’t want you to leave! Why should I?’

  ‘You tell me.’ He shrugged. ‘You just look a bit…well, uptight, I suppose, is the best way to describe it.’

  ‘You’re imagining things,’ she said sharply, walking over to the fridge. She took out a carton of milk then edged around him to get the milk jug, which was on the top shelf close to where he was standing.

  ‘Here, let me get that for you,’ he offered. Turning round, he went to take it off the shelf then froze when his hand accidentally brushed against hers as she reached for it as well.

  Connor breathed in sharply when he felt a surge of energy race up his arm. It felt as though he had poked his fingers into a live electrical socket. He glanced at Lucy and could tell that she had felt it, too. The question now was what should he do?

  Lucy didn’t say a word when he handed her the jug but he could see that she was trembling as she placed it on the worktop. She didn’t look at him as she filled it with milk and the fact that she couldn’t even bear to look at him was more than he could stand.

  ‘I wish I could put things right, Lucy, but I can’t. I can’t turn back the clock, no matter how much I might want to do so.’

  ‘I know. Even if we could go back, there’s nothing to go back for, is there?’

  The emptiness in her voice tore at his heart. ‘Don’t say that! We were good together, Lucy—you know we were.’

  ‘Do I?’ She smiled sadly. ‘I used to think we were but I was wrong. If we were so good together then why did you leave me?’

  ‘Because I thought it was what I wanted. I honestly believed it was the best thing I could do—for you as well as for me.’

  ‘So you were trying to help me by leaving?’ She laughed and it was all he could do not to sweep her into his arms when he heard the hurt in her voice. ‘Well, I have to say that I’ve never thought about it that way before. Silly me. I thought you left to further your career, but obviously I was mistaken.’

  ‘You weren’t mistaken. That was all part and parcel of it,’ he grated out. ‘I had a plan, you see, goals that I’d set for myself, and working in America was one of them.’

  He ran his hands through his hair, wishing he could explain how hard it had been to stick to those plans he’d made. He had wanted to stay with her so desperately but even if he told her that now, why should she believe him? Words were easy, as he knew to his cost—actions said far more. And his actions at the time had convinced her how little he had cared about her. No wonder she found it impossible to believe in him!

  The thought filled him with dread and he took a step towards her but she held up her hand. ‘No! Whatever you’re planning on doing, please, don’t. I don’t want you to try and persuade me that what you did was right for me. I remember how I felt after you left and I’m never, ever going to feel that way again.’

  ‘It was hard for me, too, Lucy,’ he said, his voice catching as he remembered all the nights he had lain awake, wishing she had been there beside him. If only he’d been honest with himself at the time then things might have been very different now, but he’d been afraid to admit to his feelings in case they had got in the way of his goals. And it was the bitterest punishment of all to know that he had brought this on himself.

  ‘I didn’t just fly off to Boston and forget all about you,’ he said quietly.

  ‘Maybe not, but you didn’t try to contact me, did you? If it was that hard to leave then the very least I would have expected was that you would have phoned me.’

  ‘I thought about it,’ he admitted. ‘But each time I decided it wouldn’t be fair to you.’

  ‘Because you weren’t prepared to put our relationship first and your career second?’

  ‘Yes.’ He sighed wearily. It was a terrible admission to make, but he wouldn’t lie to her. ‘I’ve always put my career first and I thought I always would. But not now. I’ve realised now that there are more important things in life than being successful.’

  ‘Meaning Izzy?’

  ‘Yes, Izzy…and you.’ He looked at her then and felt his heart jolt when he saw the surprise in her eyes. He’d obviously shocked her by that admission so would she be prepared to listen to him now? It was just the tiniest glimmer of hope but it was enough to spur him on.

  He captured her hands and held them tightly, needing to convince her that he was telling the truth. ‘You mean such a lot to me, too, Lucy. It isn’t just Izzy who has changed my life but being with you again. It’s made me realise how much I lost when I went away.’

  ‘Please, don’t say that if you don’t mean it,’ she whispered, her eyes brimming with tears. ‘I don’t think I could bear it if you hurt me again.’

  ‘I will never, ever hurt you again,’ he said thickly.

  ‘Promise?’

  ‘On my life.’

  The words were barely out of his mouth before he was reaching for her. He knew he should have waited but he had to convince her that he was sincere and this was the best way he knew. Their mouths met in a kiss which should have felt clumsy because of its lack of finesse yet he groaned when he felt the passion it held. There was no way that he could hold back now when he wanted her so much but, amazingly, Lucy didn’t seem to want him to.

  They kissed each other with a hunger that stemmed from desperation. Connor knew that he was trying to show her how much he loved her through his actions in case words weren’t enough. People had told him things and not meant them, but this kiss would tell her everything he needed it to.

  She meant the whole world to him because she had given him the promise of a future he had never dreamt of. Home and family was a concept he had no experience of, but Lucy had shown him how wonderful it could be. If he could have her and Izzy then he wouldn’t want anything else: his life would be complete.

  The thought was unbearably moving and his lips gentled, passion turning to tenderness in the blink of an eye. Where once he would have tried to guard his emotions, now he wanted to share them with her—wanted her to know how deeply he felt. The kiss was like nothing he had experienced before because this time he held nothing back. He laid bare his heart and his soul and everything he was, and she responded with an openness that filled him with joy. Even after the way he had hurt her, she still trusted him!

  His hands were shaking as he swept her into his arms and carried her into the sitting-room and it was another first. He’d always been a confident lover in the past, but this was different. He had never loved this deeply before, never needed to prove his worth as a man and not just his prowess as a lover, but he needed to do so now
. He wanted Lucy to love him for what he was—all his bad points as well as the good—and that made him feel more than a little afraid. But if she could trust him after what he had done to her, then he most definitely could trust her!

  He laid her on the sofa then knelt on the floor beside her and kissed her mouth, her jaw, her cheeks. Her skin was warm and flushed, slightly damp from her tears, and his desire grew with each kiss. He wanted to brand her with his lips, make her his until eternity, and it was such an elemental feeling that he found himself smiling in amazement. Another day like this and he would turn into a real caveman!

  ‘What are you smiling about?’ she whispered.

  ‘Me. I’m turning into a caveman.’ He kissed her again, his lips skating down the gentle slope of her nose and hovering just above her mouth so that he could taste the sweetness of her breath when she laughed.

  ‘Oh, I see. So does that mean you’re going to drag me back to your cave and have your wicked way with me?’

  ‘I might—if I had a cave to drag you back to.’ His mouth moved lower, his lips barely brushing hers, yet he could feel the contact in every pore in his body. He breathed in deeply, forcing his senses to quieten down while he savoured the moment. It had been a long time since he’d been this close to her and he didn’t want to rush things when he could take his time…

  His mouth seemed to move of its own volition, swooping down to steal a kiss, making a mockery of his plans, and he groaned. How could he be patient when he wanted her so much that every bit of him ached?

  The kiss ran on and on so that they were both breathless when he finally managed to prise himself away from her. ‘See what I mean?’ he muttered. ‘You make me come over all macho even when I don’t intend to.’

  ‘Oh, so it’s my fault, is it?’ She cocked a silky brow at him and he laughed, loving the fact that she felt confident enough to tease him.

  ‘Of course it is!’

  ‘In that case, maybe we should go back to the kitchen and have that coffee,’ she suggested sweetly. ‘I wouldn’t like to make you do anything else against your will.’