Man Up Playboy

by Danielle Sibarium

  "The problem is when I'm in your arms like this, I believe in love and fairytales and happy endings. I believe in all those things I'm smart enough to know don't exist."

  "Maybe they do." I lean my head over her shoulder and rest my cheek against hers. "Maybe when you’re in my arms I believe in those things, too. And when you're not in my arms I count the minutes until I get you back in them. I haven't been with anyone else since we're together, Selene. I haven't wanted to. I just want you."

  "Yeah, but for how long?"

  "I don't know." I answer honestly and swallow down the lump in the back of my throat. "But all you ever have to do is ask, and I promise I'll tell you the truth."

  Chapter 12

  Noah settles into the seat next to me. I think about keeping my eyes closed, but don't. I'm glad he's here because those early memories of Selene are eating away at me.

  "I knew from the beginning she was no good for me. She made me feel something besides emptiness and loneliness."

  "I disagree. I think she was, is, perfect for you. Besides, I think she probably feels the same way about you. I mean she's already forgiven you for a mountain of shit people don't usually get forgiven for in a lifetime, let alone less than a year."

  I know he's trying to make light of the situation and cheer me up, but it's not working. Instead he's reminding me of what a shit I've been to her.

  "You ever wonder what would've happened if she went home with you that night instead of me? You ever wish it shook out differently?"

  "I was pretty happy with the thought of leaving with the twins. Until I realized they were so pissed at you the only action I was going to see was their asses as they walked away."

  I cover my mouth with my hand and let out a long sigh. My chest is fucking killing me. Each breath brings with it a sharp burning pain on the left side. I wonder if it's a heart attack. Talk about poetic justice. I discover I have a heart only to feel the excruciating pain of having it self-destruct.

  "I'm such a piece of shit. She doesn't deserve a son-of-a-bitch like me. She should've been with you all along. You're the better man. Always were. Always will be."

  "C'mon, Coop." Noah shoves my shoulder. "I've never seen you like this. You need to pull yourself together."

  "Just answer the fucking question! Do you regret giving her up and letting me take her home?"

  "No." He shakes his head.

  "You could've made her happy."

  "But she loves you. And I love Lexi."

  "No, man she doesn't love me. She can't possibly. I fucking blew it with her over and over."

  "The great thing about love is that it's forgiving."

  "This isn't like Lexi forgiving you for something you never did. This was me being me, a selfish prick, afraid to be honest about what I felt. And the truth is, I don't deserve forgiveness."

  "That's bullshit. The first thing you need to do is cut this pity party short. Because this isn't you. And when we get back, she needs you to be strong and help her, no, force her to pull through."

  "But I'm not strong, and she knows it. I'm a fucking coward." I scrub my hands over my face.

  The fasten seatbelt sign lights up as the captain's voice sounds throughout the plane. "Looks like we're heading for a bumpy patch, so please be sure to fasten your seat belts and remain seated."

  "Go. I'm sure Lexi would feel better if you're sitting with her."

  I turn away expecting my friend to get up and leave me. Instead, I hear the clicking sound of the seat belt in the seat next to mine fastening.

  "She's fine. And she has your dad. Right now I need to be here. With you."

  He pats my knee.

  "I swear you're such a fucking woman."

  "Cut the shit, Coop."

  "Did I ever tell you about the flight to Italy?"

  "No. You laid on the bullshit story about what happened before you left Italy."

  "See, it's my first instinct to lie. And it's not like that story made me look better than the truth. I came off looking like a fucking dick head. And to you of all people, you're the one person that doesn't judge me, the one person that's stuck with me through all the shit and helped me wade through it. And I still fucking lied to you."

  "At the time, I wasn't exactly the poster boy for truth and honesty. Maybe you sensed something in me was off. Maybe your subconscious needed to know I wasn't with Lexi before you could trust me with the truth."

  "You're just like Selene, making me out to be something better than I am."

  "No man. I'm telling you like it is. Why don't you put your self-improvement plan on hold for the moment, and tell me about the flight."

  "You think I can really do that?"

  "What?"

  "Change? Be better?"

  "Depends." He shrugs. "I think if it's what you want, then yes. But it has to be something you want, not something you're doing because you're feeling bad or guilty."

  I nod. Not sure I believe him, but considering the possibility that I could make it happen. "She was working the flight, so I had to sit alone. She made sure I had an aisle seat, to make it easier for me to move around."

  "You had sex on the plane? In that disgusting bathroom? How could you even both fit in there?"

  "You think I'm that classless that I'd even ask her to do that?" He raises an eyebrow in response. "Besides, she had access to the crew rest area. She knew when they'd be going on break and told me how to open the door to get up there."

  "Crew rest area?"

  "It was awesome. They have these small little cubbies, each with a cheap, little mattress for the crew to lie down on during the flight."

  "Didn't she worry that she'd get caught?"

  I shrug. "Worry? Not so much. Besides. They were partitioned and each spot had a privacy curtain. We settled into the one in the far corner."

  "No one came up while you were there?"

  I chuckle, "She knew when it would be empty."

  "So how was it?"

  "How do you think? It was like sex always is with her, out of this fucking world."

  I close my eyes a minute and remember Selene on top me, moving her hips back and forth and giggling as she whispered in my ear.

  "You need to quiet down."

  "I'm sorry, but this is so hot, and you look so beautiful right now. I'd love to tie you up, strip you down and tease you until they all come up here for a rest. Then I'd finish the job, and you wouldn't be able to hold back. Everyone on this plane would hear you scream."

  "Cooper!" She scolds.

  "What? I bet if we did that, and they all heard how unbelievably erotic you sound, we'd leave here and find every one of them with a hand down their pants."

  "You're so bad, Cooper." She whispers covering my mouth with her hand and lifting her hips up to the point that I'm almost completely out of her and coming all the way down again, making sure the penetration is as deep as possible.

  Heaven.

  She's in control, dominating me. Happy to oblige I lay back and enjoy it. My body shudders as waves of pleasure rock me. My goddess has given me a first. She has me cumming thirty thousand feet in the air.

  I can't say the words, but I know at this moment, no one will ever come close to what Selene means to me.

  I turn back to Noah and swipe at the annoying tear streaking down my cheek. "I loved her. I did."

  He nods, "I know. You never would've went groveling back to her if you didn't. The question is how do you feel about her now?"

  Chapter 13

  We arrive in Italy early in the morning. Selene looks beat even though she swears she napped during her break. I'm thinking it has more to do with the fact that she hasn't worked much in the last month due to her ear infection and the stomach virus that followed shortly after. She still has a problem eating. I think her body is just worn down and tired.

  "We'll take a nap once we check in at the hotel," I suggest while taking in the sights around us as the small cab works its way through the crowded streets.


  "I'm fine," she yawns. But the heavy bags under her eyes tell me otherwise.

  "Well I'm not," I lie. "At least you got to lie on something flat, I was stuck in that shitty seat. And unless you want to be dragging my cranky ass around for the next few days I need to catch up on some sleep."

  "And by sleep you mean sex?"

  "Give me a little credit. There was no need to come all the way here just to have sex when we could easily do that at home. I can wait a few hours."

  She smiles, and Italy is that much more beautiful.

  "You really need a nap?" She narrows her eyes at me,

  "Of course. Why the hell else would I want to stay in?"

  "Okay," she gives in, resting her head against my chest.

  *

  Eight hours later, and I'm going out of my mind in the hotel room. Selene's still passed out on the bed. And she barely stirs when I nudge her. It's making me nervous. What if there's something wrong with her? I run my hand through my hair wondering who to even call if something is wrong. My mind races to all the worst possible scenarios. Drugs. Cancer. Brain tumor. I try to fight these demons and stomp the life out of them by keeping myself busy looking through all the brochures and planning our days here, but it's not working. I have a niggling feeling that something's wrong.

  "I just want to close my eyes for a few minutes. Are you sure you don't mind?" She asks once we make it up to our room.

  "Nope. It's all good, go rest."

  Her stare burns into me. I feel like she's sizing me up, making some sort of judgement. She looks like there's something she wants to say. Her mouth opens, and I wait, because whatever it is, I can see its importance in her eyes.

  "Cooper?" She sucks her bottom lip between her teeth. My heart races. Something is wrong. I fucking knew it! "Will you hold me? At least until I fall asleep. I'm so much more relaxed when I'm next to you."

  I let out a relieved breath, then reach for her face. My eyes take in every nuance of her creamy skin. It's perfect. Like porcelain. I brush my thumb back and forth over her cheek. "Were you afraid to ask me? Do you think I could say no to you?"

  She shrugs, "I don't do needy well."

  I pull her into my arms. "This isn't needy. This is lo . . ." I stop myself. I won't say it. My heart is racing to a frenzied beat. I. Will. Not. Say. It. "Come on." I lead her to the bed and kiss her neck as I help her out of her skirt.

  "I thought you said you could wait for sex," she smirks.

  "I can." I give her a quick peck on the lips as my fingers work the buttons on her shirt. Once she's in nothing but her bra and underwear I pull the covers back and pat the bed. "I'm just motivating you to fall asleep quickly. The sooner you regain some strength and stamina, the sooner I can wear you out again."

  *

  "I'm so sorry, Cooper," She says stretching her arms overhead. My eyes drop down to her tits. I pay attention to how they're filling out and pressing against the material of her bra.

  "It's fine. You just had me worried for a while."

  "It's the flying and the different time zones. I'm always wiped out after a trip, maybe it was worse this time because it's my first time on such a long flight?"

  I don't mention that I was on the same flight, and I'm not half as tired as she is. "It doesn't matter, as long as you're okay," I say leaning against the dresser of drawers in front of the bed.

  "I'd be even better if you were closer."

  "Oh yeah?" I raise my eyebrow. "How close do you want me?" I ask suggestively.

  "This close," she answers getting out of bed and walking over to me. I hold back from wrapping her up in my arms until I've regained control of my shaking hands. I'm still wrecked from worry. Five minutes ago I promised myself if she didn't wake up I was going to call the concierge and ask for a doctor to check on her. I don't want to have to admit how freaked out I was.

  Selene doesn't notice. If she does, she doesn't say anything. Instead she presses her mostly naked body against me, but I resist, determined to pay her back by not giving in. Not even when she meets my lips with hers and clasps her hands behind my head. I don't respond immediately.

  The kiss isn't lusty and passionate. To my surprise it's slow and tender. My disobedient lips can't help but react to it. She deepens the kiss, melding her lithe body against mine. I don't hold back anymore. I give in, completely, wrapping my arms around her and hoping she can feel my emotions through this kiss the way I feel hers.

  I grab her hair and pull her head back gently, breaking the contact of our lips. "Don't ever do that again," I growl. I wish my voice didn't sound so gruff, that it didn't hold so much emotion in it.

  "What?" She asks with a teasing smile.

  "Scare me," I say pulling her head to my chest and smoothing her hair. "Don't ever scare me like that again," I whisper.

  Chapter 14

  Everything here is beautiful. The hills and mountains. The people strolling through the streets. The intricate architecture that holds more love, pride, and culture than the finest buildings I've seen in the states. The majority of windows and entrance ways are arched, giving them a fancy, lacy look. Now I understand why Italy is often referred to as the "old country." It's unlike anything I've ever seen.

  Looking around, I know I'm in the present, but if feels like I've stepped into past. Everywhere I look, every church, every fountain, every stone on the street; they all feel like they have their own story to tell. A story that began hundreds of years ago in which the ending is not yet written.

  I marvel at the genius of taking muddy, swampy lands and turning them into one of the most well-known and sought out tourist attractions in the world. Who can vacation in Italy and not seek out a ride through the waterway running through the streets of Venice?

  Selene and I are lucky enough to score an empty gondola. We sit cuddled close on the bench while the gondolier paddles. I kiss the top of my girl's head while he looks on and flashes us a smile before filling the air around us with song. I don't have a clue what he's singing because I don't understand the language, but it doesn't matter. It's beautiful and adds to the atmosphere.

  He stops singing every now and then to call out "Oye," I didn't get it at first, but after the fourth time, I realize it's traffic control. He does it every time he makes a turn.

  My mind is totally fucking blown. It doesn't happen often, but this place is beyond impressive. I've never been a history buff, never cared for sightseeing and all the bullshit that goes along with it, but everything here feels different. Magical. I want to immerse myself in all of it. I want to experience everything possible, and the fact that I'm doing this with Selene makes this the best trip of my life. It's a million times better than spending the week on the beach with Noah. I don't know if it's the enchantment of Italy, or if I've been in denial, but I realize all the fear, all the anxiety I've had since I met Selene is because I've been falling. I've been falling fast and hard since I saw her in that coffee shop, and now, doing all of this with her makes me never want to leave here. Or her.

  She looks up at me with a soft smile. I don't miss how much better she seems today than yesterday. I'm shocked at how relieved I am. I really thought something was wrong. I shouldn't panic, shouldn't jump to the worst possible conclusion, but this whole relationship thing is uncomfortable for me, and all I have to work off of is my past with Luna. And that right there is reason to panic.

  "What's wrong? You look lost in thought, and so sad," she says bringing her hand up to my cheek.

  "Nothing." I smile down at her. "I'm just amazed at how lucky I am to be here with you."

  Once our ride comes to an end and our feet are back on the ground, Selene pulls me by the hand with the excitement of a five year old. Her enthusiasm reminds me of my sister when she was a young girl and we'd go to the carnival. She'd pull my father off in one direction, but before she'd reach her destination, she'd let go of his hand and grab my mother's, heading to a totally different area. Selene made a list of the tourist sites she wants to hit. S
t. Mark's Basilica is top on the list, and our first stop.

  Selene looks around, her mouth open wide in awe and wonder as we study the brilliance surrounding us: the mosaics, columns, and murals all made more spectacular by gold embellishment. Next we go for lunch before visiting the Doge's Palace. Once again we are taken back at the splendor of this ancient treasure trove. While we spend hours at each attraction, I feel it's cutting it short. I'm certain we could spend days in each, and still have more to see and learn in every nook and cranny.

  In the early evening we, like most of the people around us, just walk around and take in all we can in the quaint town. I can see that Selene doesn't have the same bounding energy she had earlier in the day. She seems to lose more by the minute through dinner. The bags under her eyes are back, and her lids look so fucking heavy, I wish I could hold them open for her.

  In an attempt to help her regain some of her vigor, I insist we stop off at a cafe and listen to the musicians entrance us with their music. I excuse myself to use the restroom. Selene's eyes are closed when I return. She's asleep. She actually fell the fuck asleep.

  "Sorry I'm not better company," I say sliding into my seat across from her at the little cafe and rousing her from her nap.

  "Huh?" She answers with a yawn. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

  "It's been a long a day," I answer feeling little beads of sweat form on the back of my neck. An internal war begins. Something is wrong. It's obvious. I should ask her what it is. But I'm not sure I really want to know, because once I do, I have to make a decision.

  It doesn't matter what decision I make, I'll hate myself in the end. If she's sick, if there is some awful disease like cancer ravishing her body, making her weak and frail, I'll feel obligated to stay by her side. That would be the right thing, the good thing. But I rarely make those choices, and I can't be certain I won't bail instead.

  What if I do stay and I resent her? I'll make her miserable, I'll hate her and eventually she'll hate me. What the fuck is the point of standing by her side if she's going to hate me in the end anyway? And what if I choose to run? What if I let my feet push me fast and furious, as far from her as they'll take me?