Return to Us

by Corinne Michaels

  Instinctively, I walk toward it, almost as though it calls to me.

  “Grayson,” I say, my breath leaving my lungs in a gush. “It’s incredible.”

  “It needs a ton of work.”

  “But the bones are good, right?”

  He nods. “It’s structurally sound.”

  I think about the house he built on our mountain. “Why didn’t you fix this house?”

  Grayson looks at Melia and smiles. “This isn’t where I want to live.”

  “No?”

  He lifts up his daughter, holding her tight. “It’s where I plan to work.”

  It’s dark, everything feels as if it’s on the periphery and the fog is thick. I can see it, but I can’t touch it.

  The sounds are the same. The scraping, the bending of metal. The crunches and banging as we hit the ground, but it fades as the dream wears on.

  I fight against the memories, and they start to dissipate slowly. It’s as though the plane isn’t hitting the ground, but hovering. I work harder to shove the dream back.

  It’s not real. It’s not real.

  I tell myself as something wraps around me tighter. I hold on to the feeling of being held together.

  I can do this.

  There’s pressure against my neck, warm heat pushing through the ice-cold panic that the dream injects into my bones. My limbs tingle as it starts to thaw me. I can feel the muscles relaxing into the comfort.

  I see the house on the lake. The way the water glints off the sunlight. This is new. This place, it’s beautiful and bright. There’re no planes here, just Grayson and Melia, smiling as we talk about their plans.

  Yes, it’s working.

  It’s hard to see the plane now. It’s dissipating as the light—that beautiful, warm sunlight—takes over the darkness. The house is there, the clouds framing it again, and I want to weep because it’s disappearing too.

  I open my eyes to see Grayson looking down at me, his hand on my cheek, holding my face against his chest.

  “Are you okay?” His voice is thick with concern.

  Once again, Grayson chased away my nightmares, but there is a new fear gripping me. I wrap my arms around him, clutching tightly. “I’m okay.”

  “The dream?”

  I nod against him. “Always. Well,” I stop, turning my face to see him better, “when I’m with you, they’re not as intense and things are changing.”

  By the slow grin that spreads across his face, it’s clear he likes that. “Good.”

  “I should go back in the guest room.” My arms don’t move away from him though.

  “You should. Amelia will be up soon.”

  “It’s so early.”

  Grayson laughs and then lifts me slightly, bringing our lips together in a sweet kiss. “Trust me, I don’t want to let you go either.”

  “I’d rather her not catch us again.”

  “At least we had a late dinner after the lake and could use the excuse of being too tired to drive.”

  “You know in, like, two years that won’t fly with her,” I break it to him.

  “Are you planning to be around in two years?”

  My heart starts to race because my initial instinct is to say yes. That I want to be here. I want to be in his bed, his life, and his heart. However, I don’t know if that’s the best option for me. What if I do get cleared and I can leave? While staying here has never been in my plans, everything is . . . unclear. I want things. Things that aren’t centered around a life in Willow Creek Valley, but then there’s Grayson and Melia. I want them. I just worry that, at some point, I’ll regret not going back to the hopes and dreams I once held.

  The life I was living before coming back was full of possibilities. If I didn’t like where I was, it was simple to make a change.

  Here there are no choices.

  It’s the factory, the inn, or some other shit job where I’ll be working just to live.

  “Hey,” Grayson calls my attention as I push away. “Why are you doing that?”

  “Because I don’t know how to answer that in a way that doesn’t hurt.”

  He sits up. “Then don’t say anything.”

  I get out of the bed, getting dressed just in case Amelia wakes a bit earlier. “But that’s the thing, Gray. I want to answer it. I want to tell you that I will be here—with you and Amelia. I want to be able to say yes, but there’s this part of me that is screaming inside.”

  “Telling you to pull away,” he finishes.

  “And I don’t want to pull away. I feel like I’m being ripped apart.”

  Seeing the place that Grayson wants to renovate into being his own inn was . . . too much. I still can’t fully understand how he’s owned this property for years and never showed anyone other than Melia.

  He shakes his head, standing and pulling his shorts on. “I don’t want to tear you apart, Jess. I want to be the man who keeps you together.”

  “Which is what you’re doing, but it’s terrifying.”

  He touches my cheek. “It’s why I said slow.”

  I give him a sad smile. “Right. But how do I slow down what I feel? None of what we’re doing is slow.”

  I can see the hesitation in his eyes. “I’m trying too.”

  “I know that, but tell me. Tell me, how do I slow my heart from calling out for you?”

  “You don’t.”

  “That doesn’t freaking help!”

  He sighs deeply. “Jack said some shit about life being about the moments, and he’s right. We may only have months or maybe longer, but no matter how much time we get together, I want it all. I want to kiss you, make love to you, talk to you when I can because we’ve gone without each other.”

  I nod as a tear falls. “I knew that the minute I saw you again, I would be right here and I’d never want to leave. I knew that I would love you so easily because you have always been the man I wanted. I also fear what it means because I struggle to reconcile the two parts of me.”

  “I’m not trying to trap you, Jess. I don’t want to take from you, but I won’t lie to you about how I feel. I’m not going to let opportunities like this pass.”

  “I know. It’s the fear of what it means to stay here,” I tell him. “What my life would look like and what it means for you too.”

  His head jerks back slightly. “If you’re talking about my family . . .”

  “Of course I am. They hate me. Your mother has made it abundantly clear I’m not welcome. What kind of a future is that for us?”

  “Why do you think that matters?”

  This sweet man. He is nuts to think that none of that will affect us. We both work for the company his father still owns. It would be so easy for them to ruin everything for him just to get at me.

  “Because we both know it does.”

  He runs his hand through his hair. The nervous habit he’s had since he was a kid. “Let me worry about them.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “Nothing is simple, but what’s the alternative? We walk away from this? From us?”

  I can’t let myself think about that right now. Not when he makes me feel this way. Grayson is filling the holes in my heart. Each day, each kiss, each time he looks at me like I’m the reason he breathes is healing me.

  Already, the idea of leaving him hurts too much.

  I walk to him and press my open palm over his heart. “No, we just . . . we live in the moment, like you said. We temper our desires and be realistic about what it all means.”

  “I showed you the future, Jessica. I gave you everything you needed to see yesterday. The fears you have about my family aren’t mine.”

  My breathing grows more intense as I stare up into his eyes. “So, you’d just walk away?”

  “For you?”

  His hand moves up my spine, sending waves of delicious heat through my limbs. “I’ve never stopped loving you, Jessica. Not one single day. I would tell you, but . . .”

  “But what?” The dryness in my
throat gets so intense that I barely manage to get the question out.

  “Slow, Jess. We go slow.”

  There’s no slowing down what I feel. I keep trying to remind myself of my plans, but I’m standing in this room, surrounded by everything that made me happy, and I can’t breathe.

  Grayson kisses me reverently. The emotions that were boiling from arguing are gone as his tongue strokes mine. The kiss is warm, and I want for him to lay me down and love me until I can’t think anymore.

  My lips press against his throat, and when I reach his ear, I let him know exactly what I want. “If Amelia wouldn’t be waking up, I would beg you to take me again . . .”

  Grayson’s hands slide down my sides, a low groan emanating from his chest. “I see bribing my sister for another night of babysitting in my future.”

  “Yeah? And what would you do if we were alone?”

  He leans down, his mouth grazing my ear as he speaks. “I will strip you down, kiss every single inch of you, and make you scream until you have no voice left. And then, then I plan to do it again.”

  God help me, I may not have the strength to leave.

  Chapter 24

  Grayson

  I wake up to the tones going out on the radio.

  Shit.

  I rub my eyes and get up, grabbing for my clothes I keep ready for this very reason. It’s one in the morning, and the tones are just ending.

  “Attention all Willow Creek Fire, we have multiple reports of an explosion and visible fire at the old railroad building. All units respond.”

  This means it’s not just some bullshit call. I need to be there. Normally, I would call Stella and either bring Melia there or ask her to come here, but she went to visit Alex. After the last time I saw my parents, that’s not an option.

  My phone rings, and it’s Jack. “Hey,” I say, slipping my pants on.

  “Hey. You going?”

  “Yeah, I need to find someone to watch Amelia.”

  “Shit, Stella is away.”

  “How did you know that?” I ask.

  “She mentioned it. What about Jess?”

  The radio cues up, and this time it’s Chief’s voice.

  “All units, be advised, I’m on scene. We have multiple homes burning, and I’ve advised dispatch to call for other towns to assist.”

  This is bad, and as the truck’s captain, I can’t bear the thought of not being there for my guys.

  “I’ll call her.” I disconnect with Jack, and Jess answers on the first ring.

  “Grayson? Is everything okay?”

  “There’s a fire, and I need to respond. I hate to ask this, but can you watch Amelia?”

  I hear rustling behind her. “Of course. I wasn’t sleeping anyway. Do you want to bring her here?”

  “Can I?”

  “Yeah, she can stay here until you’re done. Winnie will be by to get me for work, so I’ll just bring her with me.”

  “Thanks, Jess.”

  “No problem.”

  I grab my stuff and grab Amelia, who doesn’t stir as I get her in the car. She sleeps soundly as I make my way to Jessica’s house. When I pull into her driveway, she’s waiting on the porch, hair a mess, and wearing a pair of shorts and tank top.

  “I appreciate this,” I say as I carry Amelia in.

  “Bring her up to my room, she can sleep there.”

  As soon as I lay Melia in Jess’s bed, she makes a soft noise, curls onto her side, and is out like a light.

  “I envy her,” Jess says with a soft laugh. “I’d give anything to sleep like that.”

  I kiss my daughter’s head, and when we’re out in the hall, I pull Jess into my arms. “I missed you.”

  Her breath hitches. “I missed you too.”

  “I have to go, but maybe tomorrow night you can sneak over to my place?”

  She nods. “I’d like that. Winnie owes me a favor.”

  I give her a quick kiss before we head back downstairs. “There are some clothes for her in the bag, and if you need anything, I hate to say it, but call my mother. She has a full wardrobe for her, and—”

  “Stop it,” she cuts me off. “Go, we’ll be fine. Call me when you’re done.”

  “I will.” I start to back away, not quite ready to take my eyes off her.

  “Be careful, Gray. I love you,” she says and then she clamps her hand over her mouth.

  My heart, which had been pounding from the adrenaline, is now racing for another reason. I walk toward her, long strides eating up the distance between us. When I get to her, I take her face in my hands. “I love you too.”

  “I didn’t mean to say it . . .”

  “Did you mean it?”

  “Yes,” Jessica admits.

  It may only have been three weeks of sneaking off with Jessica, kissing in hallways, and pretending we’re not falling in love, but it’s been there since the first time I kissed her at the beach.

  We said slow, but it’s impossible to reduce the speed of a bullet.

  My heart feels like it’s found the missing puzzle piece that fits perfectly.

  I love this woman. I always have, and then I wonder, what if I showed her how great our life could be? Would she stay then? If I don’t try, I’ll never forgive myself.

  “Let’s go away this weekend,” I say to her.

  “Go away? Where?”

  “The beach house.” As if there were any other place for us.

  “Do you really think that’s a good idea?” she asks, worry in her eyes.

  “Why wouldn’t it be?”

  She replies with one word. One word that is the only thing that could make me pause.

  “Amelia.”

  “We spend the weekend as friends as far as Amelia sees, which I’d like to think we are. She loves you and has been asking about you nonstop. We’ll go, have fun, keep it light, and just enjoy a vacation. You just admitted you love me.”

  “I did.”

  “And I love you,” I tell her again.

  “You do.”

  I kiss her again. “What do you say? Come to the beach with me and let me love you.”

  Her eyes are warm as she nods. “All right.”

  Relief spreads through me. I want to spend as much time as I can with her. When she’s near me, I feel alive again. “Good. I’ll pick you up Friday after work.”

  “We’re going as friends if anyone asks, right?”

  I nod. “During the day, absolutely. At night?” My voice drops. “Well, at night, you’re mine, and I’m going to show you exactly what that means—repeatedly.”

  Jessica’s lips lift as a coy smile plays on her lips. “I look forward to our first night.”

  “Me too, love. Me too.”

  “And then, my daddy said that I didn’t have to wear the pink leggings, I could wear the white ones, but Mrs. Butler was so mad.”

  Amelia hasn’t stopped talking for more than three seconds the entire ride. One hour of her peppering Jessica with stories of dance, daycare, dinners, conversations that she heard, and what she wore. How Jess hasn’t thrown herself from the car yet, I’ll never know.

  Hell, I’ve debated it.

  We pull into a gas station, and Jessica takes Amelia to the bathroom. I watch as the two of them walk hand in hand, smiling as though they’ve known each other from day one. Amelia stops at the door and then wraps her arms around Jessica’s hips.

  I can see it now. The future—this, her, us as a family, and it’s terrifying me.

  Everything feels frozen as I stare at the two people I love. Amelia is my world, and Jessica is my soul. How is this my life? How did just a few months change everything?

  “You all right, son?” a voice asks from beside me.

  “Huh?”

  “You look a little lost,” the older man says.

  “No, I’m fine.”

  He turns, seeing where the girls just entered the store, and then looks back to me. “I see.”

  “See what?” I ask.

  �
��You were standing there, looking at something, and I thought maybe you didn’t know what you were looking for, but now I see I was wrong.”

  I grab the handle to the pump and shake my head. “No, I’m not lost.”

  “How long have you been married?” he asks.

  “No, no, she’s not my wife. I’m not . . . she’s a friend.”

  He laughs once. “A friend, eh?”

  Great, even complete strangers can see we’re more than friends. “Yeah, friends.”

  “If you say so. You looked like part of your heart was walking away.”

  I clear my throat as the lever pops, letting me know I’m filled up. “The little girl is my daughter, so I guess that’s partially true.”

  And also only partially a lie. They both hold very special parts of my heart.

  This was a bad idea. The more I fall back in love with Jessica, the more this is going to be agony in the end. But Jack was right, if I were to walk away to protect myself, I’d regret that as well.

  The old man puts the handle back in the slot and then tips his hat. “Good luck convincing yourself that’s what you were looking at, son.”

  A second later, Melia comes running out of the store with Jessica. “Daddy! Guess what? Miss Jessica bought us snacks!”

  Jessica gives a sheepish grin. “Sorry, she was so cute, I couldn’t resist.”

  “It’s fine,” I assure her. “But we don’t eat in my truck.”

  I hear the snort from Jess and turn. “What?”

  “Oh, nothing, different truck, same rules.”

  Melia tugs on Jessica’s arm. “He doesn’t let anyone eat in the truck. No matter how hungry I am.”

  Jessica squats down. “I’ll tell you a secret.” She leans in so I can’t hear what she says, but Melia giggles.

  “Okay!”

  “What did you say to her?” I can’t stop the smile from forming as I look at Jess.

  “Nothing.”

  “Liar.”

  “Okay, nothing that I’m going to tell you.” She sticks out her tongue as she walks with Amelia to the driver’s side before helping buckle my daughter in.

  Once my daughter is secure, Jess straightens and looks at me from over the roof.

  “You’ll pay for that,” I warn with a hint of amusement.