Tooter Pepperday

by Jerry Spinelli

  “You’re gonna regret this.”

  “We are?” said Mr. Pepperday.

  “Yeah,” said Tooter. “You can drag me out of here, but there’s one thing you can’t make me do.”

  For the last time, the Pepperday family left their house in Morgantown.

  “You’re not giving me the silent treatment, are you?” said Mr. Pepperday.

  There was no answer. Tooter’s lips were clamped tight.

  Books by Jerry Spinelli

  Chapter books

  Tooter Pepperday

  Blue Ribbon Blues

  Books for older readers

  Crash

  Milkweed

  Stargirl

  Text copyright © 1995 by Jerry Spinelli. Illustrations copyright © 1995 by Donna Nelson. Cover illustration copyright © 2004 by Donna Nelson. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. Published in the United States by Random House Children’s Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto.

  www.randomhouse.com/kids

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Spinelli, Jerry. Tooter Pepperday / by Jerry Spinelli; illustrated by Donna Nelson.

  p. cm. — “A Stepping Stone book”

  SUMMARY: Hating to leave her familiar surroundings, Tooter resorts to sabotage when her family moves from their suburban home to Aunt Sally’s farm.

  eISBN: 978-0-307-83022-7

  [1. Moving, Household—Fiction. 2. Behavior—Fiction. 3. Farm life—Fiction.

  4. Humorous stories.] I. Title. PZ7.S75663To 1995 [Fie]—dc20 94-25689

  RANDOM HOUSE and colophon are registered trademarks and A STEPPING STONE BOOK and colophon are trademarks of Random House, Inc.

  v3.1

  For Jim Trelease

  I am grateful to the Katkowski family—Moses, Fred, and Jean—and to Leslie Jones for their assistance; and to Shauna Pepperday for lending me her name.—J.S.

  Contents

  Cover

  Other Books by This Author

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  1. Never!

  2. The Silent Treatment

  3. Kicked Out

  4. Do I Believe This?

  5. You’re Nothing Without Me

  6. Woe Is Me!

  7. Right Where You Want to Be

  8. Punishment

  9. Poop

  10. Countdown to Hatch

  11. Better Be Careful

  12. Two Tooters

  13. The Longest Night

  About the Author

  1

  Never!

  “Tooter,” said Mr. Pepperday. “I’ll ask you one more time. Where is the key?”

  When Mr. Pepperday was mad, his nose got red. His nose was now as red as a strawberry.

  Tooter Pepperday snarled. “I’ll never tell. Not even if you torture me.”

  They were in the bathroom.

  Mr. Pepperday stepped back to the doorway “The truck is loaded. Your mother and brother are waiting. We are leaving. Are you coming with us?”

  “Never!”

  Mr. Pepperday turned and went down the stairs. His footsteps echoed off the bare walls and floors. The house was empty.

  The U-Haul truck was at the curb.

  Mrs. Pepperday looked down from the driver’s seat. “Where’s Tooter?”

  “She’s not coming,” said Mr. Pepperday. “She doesn’t want to go.”

  Mrs. Pepperday groaned. “We already know that. The whole world knows. Why didn’t you just drag her out here?”

  “I can’t.”

  “You can’t?”

  “No. She’s handcuffed herself to the pipe under the bathroom sink.”

  Mrs. Pepperday rolled her eyes to the sky. “Help me.”

  Chuckie Pepperday was Tooter’s little brother.

  “Go, Tooter!” he yipped.

  He jumped from the truck and ran into the house for a look.

  “Don’t handcuffs have a key?” said Mrs. Pepperday. “Where’s the key?”

  “She won’t tell. Not even under torture, she said.”

  Mrs. Pepperday looked up at the bare windows of the red brick house.

  “Torture, huh?” She nodded. “We’ll see.”

  Mr. and Mrs. Pepperday went into the house and up to the bathroom. They found Chuckie standing in the doorway. He was stone still, staring. Tooter was sitting on the floor under the sink. She was hugging the water pipe. Her right wrist was joined to the pipe with Chuckie’s toy handcuffs.

  “Pull her away from the pipe,” said Mrs. Pepperday to her husband. “I want the armpit.”

  Chuckie saw what was coming. He shuddered. “Uh-oh.”

  Tooter’s eyes bulged in terror. “Oh no!” She squeezed the water pipe. “Oh no you don’t!”

  Mrs. Pepperday’s voice was calm. “Are you going to tell me where the key is?”

  “Never.”

  “Peel her off.”

  Mr. Pepperday peeled Tooter away until her only attachment to the pipe was the handcuffs.

  “Pull the arm out straight.”

  He pulled the arm out straight.

  Chuckie fled from the bathroom. “I don’t wanna see!”

  Mrs. Pepperday knelt down.

  Tooter screamed, “No! Don’t!”

  But her mother was out of mercy. She zeroed in on Tooter’s armpit and tickled—

  “No! Stop! Ha!”

  And tickled—

  “Help! Police haha!”

  And tickled—until Tooter could only howl with laughter.

  At last she gasped, “Shoe! Shoe!”

  Mrs. Pepperday stopped tickling.

  Mr. Pepperday pulled off Tooter’s sneakers. A thin tin key clinked to the floor.

  “Yahoo!” Chuckie ran back in. He unlocked the cuffs.

  Tooter was free.

  Mr. and Mrs. Pepperday each took a hand and walked Tooter downstairs.

  Tooter growled, “You’re gonna regret this.”

  “We are?” said Mr. Pepperday.

  “Yeah,” said Tooter. “You can drag me out of here, but there’s one thing you can’t make me do.”

  For the last time, the Pepperday family left their house in Morgantown.

  “You’re not giving me the silent treatment, are you?” said Mr. Pepperday.

  There was no answer. Tooter’s lips were clamped tight.

  2

  The Silent Treatment

  “Bye, old house.”

  Chuckie waved as they drove off. He rode in the truck with his mother.

  Tooter and her father followed in the car. Tooter did not wave. She did not even look. She grumped in the backseat.

  The Pepperdays were moving to Aunt Sally’s farm, two states and three hundred miles away. They were moving because they could live for free at Aunt Sally’s.

  Living for free was a good idea, because the Pepperdays did not have much money.

  Mr. Pepperday had quit his job, and Mrs. Pepperday did not earn much driving a school bus.

  Aunt Sally had said they would all be “happy as hogs in slop.”

  Mr. Pepperday was happy. Now he could spend all his time writing books for children.

  Mrs. Pepperday was happy. Now she could live on a farm.

  Aunt Sally was happy. Now she would have help with the chores. And she could give more time to her beekeeping.

  And Chuckie was happy. Now he would get to sleep with Harvey. Harvey was Aunt Sally’s rusty, shaggy dog.

  “I’m a hog in slop!” Chuckie kept laughing.

  Everybody was happy but Tooter. Tooter had a perfectly good life in Morgantown. McDonald’s. The tire tunnel at
the playground.

  Saturday morning yard sales. T-ball. Her friends. Especially Matthew Kain, her sidewalk skating buddy.

  Tooter had no desire to move to a stupid farm. Farms didn’t even have sidewalks. And what did she want with hogs in slop?

  She did not speak as her father drove past her favorite snack shop:

  PETE’S DELI, HOME OF THE WORLD’S

  BEST BARREL PICKLES

  She did not speak as he drove past the sign that said:

  YOU ARE NOW LEAVING MORGANTOWN.

  COME BACK SOON!

  She did not speak when they stopped for lunch.

  She did not speak during the long drive that afternoon. Or when they arrived at Aunt

  Sally’s. Or while they unloaded all their things into the farmhouse.

  Or during dinner.

  Aunt Sally was coating a biscuit with honey when she looked at Tooter and said, “Are you sick?”

  “Not sick,” said Mrs. Pepperday. “Just not talking.”

  “The silent treatment,” said Mr. Pepperday.

  “He hates the silent treatment,” said Mrs. Pepperday.

  “I hate the silent treatment,” said Mr. Pepperday.

  “Well now,” said Aunt Sally with a sly grin. “Maybe I kinda like it. Maybe well have some peace and quiet around here.”

  “Tooter didn’t want to move,” said Chuckie. “She hates the farm.”

  Tooter glared at her brother.

  Chuckie rolled on: “Tooter says farms are smelly and ugly and stupid. Tooter says farm kids are always stepping in cow poop. She says the pigs eat your fingers off while you’re sleeping. And the big reason she hates the farm is because Matthew Kain isn’t here. She loves him. She wrote him a love letter and she hid it in her suitcase and she’s gonna send it to him.”

  Tooter yelled, “I am not! I do not! I did not!”

  She threw a biscuit. It bounced off Chuckie’s forehead.

  “He lies, the little brat! All I ever did was go roller-skating with Matthew Kain!”

  She stopped. Everyone was grinning at her. She mashed her hand to her mouth. But it was too late.

  Mr. Pepperday raised his fist in victory. “She talks!”

  3

  Kicked Out

  Next day, after breakfast, Tooter found her father at his computer.

  She stood beside him. He kept pecking at the keyboard. With each peck, a new letter appeared on the screen.

  She coughed to get his attention. He kept pecking. When Mr. Pepperday was writing, he forgot the rest of the world.

  “New book?” said Tooter.

  No answer.

  “Am I in it?” Tooter always asked him that. He had not yet put her into one of his books.

  No answer.

  She sat on the computer table.

  He did not notice.

  She sat on the keyboard.

  He noticed.

  The screen went crazy. Mr. Pepperday went crazy. His nose glowed red like a Christmas-tree bulb.

  He bellowed: “ TOOTERRRRRR! Scoot!”

  Tooter scooted.

  She decided to check on her mother. She found her downstairs, unpacking glasses.

  “What did you do to your father?”

  “I sat on his keyboard.”

  Mrs. Pepperday groaned. “And why did you do that?”

  Tooter shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s the farm. Ever since I got here I’ve been feeling goofy.”

  Tooter’s right hand rose slowly until it was beside her head. A finger pointed, then stuck itself into her ear.

  “See?” she wailed. “See?” She removed the finger with her left hand. “Who knows what I might do next? We better move back before I do something really weird.”

  “You better stop this silliness,” said Mrs. Pepperday. “Before I do something.”

  Tooter’s left hand made a fist, swung upward and bopped herself on the head.

  “Tooter—out.”

  Tooter frowned. “You’re kicking me out? I’m getting a strange farm disease. I need help.” Two fingers crawled up her nose.

  “In five more seconds, young lady, you’re going to get what you need, and it won’t be help. Now, go explore the farm.”

  “I don’t want to explore the farm.”

  Mrs. Pepperday pointed to the door. “Go.”

  Tooter went, mumbling. “Kicking me out of the house. My own mother.”

  Outside, Chuckie came running with Harvey. “Tooter! Come on! Come see all the bees!”

  “I don’t want to see bees,” said Tooter.

  “Aunt Sally will give us honey. You love honey. Look!”

  He held up a finger gleaming with golden honey. He licked some of it away. Harvey licked off the rest.

  Chuckie pulled at Tooter. “Come on.”

  Tooter would not budge. “I don’t love honey. I hate honey. I’ve hated it since the minute I got here. I’m sick of farm food. I want a Big Mac.”

  “Where are you going to get a Big Mac?”

  “McDonald’s. Where else?”

  Chuckie looked around. The only buildings they could see belonged to Aunt Sally. The house, the barn, the chicken coop, the honey house. Beyond that all they could see were fields and trees and bright blue sky.

  “Where’s McDonald’s?” said Chuckie.

  “There’s always a McDonald’s around,” said Tooter.

  She was desperate for a taste of the old neighborhood.

  “All you have to do is walk down a road.” She started walking. “You coming?”

  Chuckie yipped, “Sure!”

  Harvey yipped, “Arf!”

  Off they went down the road.

  4

  Do I Believe This?

  Mrs. Pepperday stepped out to call everyone in to lunch. A pickup truck pulled up to the front door. In the back were six bales of hay, three young pigs, and two young Pepperdays.

  Chuckie jumped out squealing. “I want a pig!”

  Tooter got out holding her nose.

  The man at the wheel wore a straw hat and a friendly smile. He opened the door. Harvey popped out.

  “These yours?” he said to Mrs. Pepperday.

  “They’re mine,” she said.

  “Sally told us she had a family moving in,” he said. “I’m Burt Tolen, your neighbor. A mile down the road.”

  “Greta Pepperday.”

  They shook hands.

  “Well,” he said, “I’m due home for lunch. I’ll let them tell you about it.”

  Mr. Tolen drove off.

  Chuckie blabbered, “Mom, we walked for a hundred miles and we didn’t come to a single McDonald’s! Not one! Then Mr. Tolen picked us up. Just when my feet were gonna fall off.”

  Mrs. Pepperday glared at Tooter.

  Suddenly Aunt Sally’s voice rang out: “You dumb chicken! I know rocks that are smarter than you! If I ever catch you, I’ll—”

  Mrs. Pepperday and the kids dashed across the barnyard.

  A brown chicken came flying from the coop.

  Aunt Sally followed, shaking her fist. “You’re drumsticks! You hear? Drumsticks!”

  “What’s the trouble?” said Mrs. Pepperday.

  “Trouble?” snapped Aunt Sally. She led them inside the coop. She pointed. “There’s the trouble.”

  On the dirt floor of the chicken coop were four hen’s eggs—smashed.

  “I’m trying to raise a handful of chicks,” said Aunt Sally. “That mess of feathers out there is supposed to be a brood hen. But every once in a while you get a looney-tune.”

  She pointed to a shelf near the ceiling. “That dumb drumstick knocked her own eggs off the roost.”

  She climbed a ladder for a look into the nest of straw. “Well, well. Guess I got here just in time.” She held up a brown-shelled egg. “One left.”

  Cupping it in both hands, Aunt Sally carried the egg into the kitchen.

  “You going to scramble it?” said Tooter.

  Aunt Sally laughed. “No, I’m going to inc
ubate it. You want to hold it for a minute?”

  Tooter drew back. “Not me.”

  “I’ll hold it,” piped Chuckie.

  Aunt Sally gave the egg to Chuckie. She showed him how to keep it covered with both hands.

  “We have to keep it very warm,” she explained.

  Aunt Sally set to work. She fetched a shoebox and stuffed it with an old pillowcase. She set the shoebox on the floor in a corner of the kitchen. Then she rigged up a bare light bulb so that it hung over the box. She turned on the bulb.

  “Okay,” she said to Chuckie. “Lay ’er in there. Careful, now.”

  Carefully, Chuckie laid the egg on the pillowcase.

  “This is how we incubate an egg when the mother is a looney-tune,” said Aunt Sally. “If all goes well, in about twenty days we’ll have ourselves a chick.”

  “Can I have it for a pet?” said Chuckie.

  “Well see,” said Aunt Sally. “But first I need a baby-sitter. Once a day somebody has to give the egg a quarter-turn. So it stays warm all over.”

  “Me! Me!” yipped Chuckie.

  But Aunt Sally was looking elsewhere. “The boy already did one chore. I think this one belongs to his sister.”

  “I don’t,” said Tooter.

  “I do,” said her mother.

  “Good,” said Aunt Sally. “You’re hired.”

  “What if I don’t do it?” said Tooter.

  Aunt Sally looked straight at her. “Then the egg will never become a chick.”

  Tooter slumped away grumbling. “Do I believe this? I was kidnapped away from my happy home in Morgantown. I was smuggled all the way out here. Why? To baby-sit an egg. That’s why.”

  5

  You’re Nothing

  Without Me

  Next day Mr. Pepperday sat down to his computer. He punched up the chapter book he was working on. Here is what appeared on the screen:

  Tooter Pepperday was a wonderful girl. She was kind and friendly and nice to everybody. She lived in Morgantown. She loved her home. She loved to play with her friends.

  And then her mean and cruel parents took her away to a smelly old farm and there was no McDonald’s and Tooter had to baby-sit an egg.