Hall of Mosses

by Evans, Nicoline

  “Better get back,” Juniper said, standing and giving Roscoe a kiss on the forehead. She took his hand and led him back into the funeral home.

  They sat quietly in the back row as the priest said a few nice words and read the usual prayers next to Ozzie’s casket. When he finished, the crowd stood and returned to mingling. Juniper found Damien and pulled him aside.

  “I just want to make sure we’re good. I like not having you in my life and I want to keep it that way.”

  “Ouch.”

  “I came back for Ozzie, not you or anyone else. I want to return to the life I’ve made without having to worry about my past following.”

  “You need to get over yourself. You’re not that significant.”

  “I just don’t want you getting any crazy ideas.”

  “Do you still love me?”

  “No.”

  He eyed her like she was lying.

  “I don’t,” she continued. “And if you try to bother me after I leave I’ll show you how much I don’t love you anymore.”

  “Is that a threat?” He grabbed her arm and pulled it toward him. She tried to yank it back but he already had her sleeve rolled up. Her scabbed arm was exposed. “You’re pathetic.”

  “Get off me.” She ripped her arm free of his grasp and rolled her sleeve back down.

  “Looks like you haven’t changed much. Still the fragile, broken girl.”

  “Stop.”

  “It’s hilarious. You’d have everyone believe I was the cause of all your problems, but you were doing that long before you met me and it appears you’re still doing it long after I’m gone.”

  “I never blamed you for anything except the shitty way you made me feel.”

  “You were damaged before I got you. I never signed up to fix you.”

  “I never wanted you to ‘fix’ me, I just expected you to love me. Instead, you made everything worse, added new scars on top of the ones I already had.”

  “See, I’m the bad guy. You need to own your issues.”

  “So do you. Take responsibility for the hurt you place on the people you’re supposed to love. I never blamed you for the issues I went into our relationship with, but I do blame you for the new ones I’m left with because of how you treated me.”

  “If you didn’t love me I wouldn’t still affect you.”

  “This,” she lifted her arm and waved it, “had nothing to do with you.” It was a lie but essential. “You are a piece of my past I am happy to forget. Seeing you here was a terrible accident.”

  “I think it was fate.” He leaned in to flirt, but his instigative nature drove his behavior. “You’re fighting what’s meant to be.”

  Her heart raced in panic. She pushed him away and stepped back.

  “Just stay out of my life and I’ll stay out of yours.”

  “Whatever you say, princess.”

  He successfully riled her up. She turned and stormed away, searching for Roscoe’s comfort. She found him at the back of the room waiting for her.

  “Let’s go.”

  “There’s still an hour left of the wake.”

  “We’ve been here long enough. I need to get out of here if I plan to make it through the funeral tomorrow.”

  “Okay. Want to get dinner?”

  “Yes, we can go into Manhattan to eat.”

  “Awesome.”

  They went back to the hotel, changed into more comfortable clothes, and caught a subway into mid-town. She was able to forget about the day and they enjoyed a fun evening together away from the Bronx. She savored every minute knowing tomorrow’s funeral would be grueling. While she was emotionally taxed by the death of her uncle, she found dealing with the living to be much more arduous.

  Chapter 6

  The funeral service started at 9 a.m., followed immediately by the group trip to the cemetery. Roscoe stayed by her side through it all. After Ozzie was in the ground and everyone said their final good-byes, they went back to Mallory’s apartment for lunch. Damien was at the funeral and gravesite, but was not invited to the gathering afterward. Though she was able to avoid interacting with him again, it didn’t stop him from staring at her through the entire ceremony. She couldn’t escape his gaze. She tried to use Roscoe’s tall and sturdy body as a wall, but Damien always repositioned himself so she was in eyeshot. The moment he was out of her presence she was able to relax again, though Mallory’s icy attitude didn’t help. It was annoying, but much easier to absorb than the poison Damien radiated.

  Mallory ordered pizza, so Juniper and Roscoe made the walk with Ethan to pick it up. It was only a few blocks away but there was a lot to carry and he’d need the help. Juniper was happy to get out of the cramped apartment full of mourners.

  “So, do you miss the Bronx yet?” Ethan asked her.

  “Not even a little bit.”

  “I would’ve sworn coming back would have left you feeling nostalgic.”

  “Being here has brought back a lot of memories, but none I’m seeking to relive. I do miss you and Irene, though. I promise to get better about staying in touch.”

  “That would be nice. We miss you too. Even my mom and Zoe. And Damien misses you a ton. Zoe and I went out for drinks with him last night after the wake and all he talked about was you.”

  “Tell him to let it go. I’m not interested.”

  “I told him that, but it didn’t register. He just kept rambling on, no matter how many times I told him you weren’t ever coming back.”

  “Make sure he doesn’t do anything crazy.”

  “He’s harmless.”

  Juniper’s eye widened in disbelief. “Harmless? Really?”

  “That whole ordeal was an accident.”

  “Framing her and joking about hiring a hit man was an accident too?” Roscoe cut in, outraged that the threat of someone so unbalanced was being casually dismissed.

  “You told him?” Ethan asked Juniper. His expression was a mixture of outrage and horror.

  “I had to. Damien was trying to slither his way back to me through Roscoe, so I needed to explain why he needed to keep his guard up around him.”

  Ethan didn’t protest. “I just meant the murder was an accident. He never meant to kill the guy. Everything after that spiraled out of control because he was backpedaling and trying to protect himself. I’m not excusing his actions, but no one else got hurt.”

  Juniper huffed and rolled her eyes.

  “I’ve been keeping an eye on him ever since you left. I didn’t appreciate the hit man conversation either, which is why I told you because I didn’t want to keep that a secret. Little did I realize that would be the reason I lost contact with you.”

  “Can you blame me? I didn’t want any ties back to him. It was too dangerous, too unhealthy.”

  “I get it. I’ve got your back though, always have.”

  “Thank you.”

  When they got to the pizzeria, Juniper was faced with another unwanted reunion. A different ex-boyfriend stood behind the counter, rolling dough and preparing pies. She paused in the doorway and took a deep breath before entering. With her head held high she caught Marco’s attention.

  "Moving up in the world, huh?"

  "Whoa. Am I seeing ghosts?" he played. "Who's the lumberjack?" he asked pointing at Roscoe.

  "Roscoe. He's with me."

  "Nice to meet you.” He issued a curt salute from behind the counter. “I'm the guy your little lady used to date."

  "Until I caught you in bed with my supposed best friend."

  Marco faked a grimace, then laughed. "Awkward."

  "How is Larissa?"

  "Damned if I know, that ended a few months after it began. She only slept with me to hurt you. I'm just the dumbass that fell for it. Never should've ruined what we had for that skank."

  Juniper shrugged. "I needed to get out of that group of girls anyway."

  "Yeah, and back to where she belonged," Ethan chimed in and Juniper rolled her eyes. She only reconnected with her old high-s
chool acquaintances hoping they’d save her from Ethan’s crew.

  "You assholes were just as bad," Marco objected.

  "As those snobs from Riverdale?” Ethan asked. “No way."

  "Yeah, just in your own demented way. Those girls were top-notch psychos though, I'll give you that. I only got a taste of their country club life because of you," he said to Juniper. "But damn, wealth is just as bad as the ghetto, man. It's sick the way they treated each other. You're way better off, June."

  "I know."

  "I'm glad to see you look a lot better than the last time I saw you." Juniper begrudgingly smiled while recalling the memory: she was 15 pounds thinner and caught in Damien's web. "It was when we celebrated Zoe's birthday at Mazzine, right?"

  "Yup. You were there with Larissa."

  "You were already with Damien, what did you care?"

  "I didn't," she lied. She didn't care anymore, but it certainly hurt at the time.

  "We broke up the next week anyway."

  "It's all good." She interlaced her arm into Roscoe's.

  "I'm sorry to hear about your Uncle Oz. He was a good man. My dad went to all the services, so I had to hold down the shop. Sorry I couldn’t make it."

  "No worries, man," Ethan said, offering Marco a handshake.

  "Are our pizzas ready?" Juniper asked, hoping to squash the blossoming friendship.

  "Yeah, I gotta box them up."

  After he turned his back, Juniper backhanded Ethan's shoulder.

  "We aren't friends," he hissed in defense.

  "You could've fooled me."

  "I can't help that everyone likes me," he whispered. "I'm a people person, man of the town. Just cause I'm nice doesn't mean I’m a fan."

  "You're a piece of work."

  They got the pizzas and left.

  "Best of luck in life," Juniper offered Marco as a farewell.

  "You too. Take care of her," he demanded of Roscoe, who raised his eyebrows and stepped out.

  "Are you really mad at me?" Ethan asked as soon as they left the pizzeria.

  "No, it's just obnoxious when my cousin shakes the hand of a guy who just got done laughing about the time he cheated on me."

  "Alright, alright, my bad." He threw his hands up in surrender. “Terrible judgment call."

  "It's fine. I'm way over it." There was no sense in getting mad at Ethan, he was oblivious and meant no harm. And she truly was way better off than she ever was with Marco in her life. It was amazing how time and the arrival of good people helped soothe old wounds. She smiled at Roscoe, who happily returned the smile without knowing why.

  “Another winner,” Roscoe joked.

  “Yeah, I had great taste.”

  “I like to think your taste in men has improved significantly,” he teased and took her hand in his.

  “It certainly has. What’s crazy is that the worst part of that period of my life wasn’t Marco, it was my girlfriends.”

  “I told you they were bad news,” Ethan said, inviting himself into the conversation. “But you were so eager to ditch the people who had been your friends since you moved here and you wouldn’t listen to me. Had to learn the hard way.”

  “Yeah,” Juniper looked at Roscoe, “I escaped those knuckleheads just to wind up with an even worse group of friends. I went back to Ethan and the gang after Marco cheated on me, which was when Damien snatched me up. It was a series of unfortunate events.”

  “Gee, thanks,” Ethan scoffed.

  “Am I wrong, though?”

  “I guess not.”

  Ten pies, eight baskets of fries, and five containers of mozzarella sticks later, they were back at the repass with arms full.

  “Think you ordered enough?” Ethan asked his mom sarcastically as he dropped his load on the kitchen table.

  “There are a lot of people here,” she quipped back.

  “You ain’t kidding.” Ethan knocked the sunglasses from his head back over his eyes and made his way toward the basement alone. Juniper was sure he was headed somewhere private to replenish his high.

  She led Roscoe to a quiet corner in the living room where half the couch was vacant. They sat there in quiet, observing the chaos of the room. Zoe was in high-demand and being pulled in various directions by all the guests.

  “She’s a lot like Mallory,” Juniper whispered. Zoe escaped for a minute and turned her back to the party as she poured herself a vodka on the rocks. “Looks like she gravitates to the same vices as my aunt too.”

  Roscoe took note but said nothing. He laced his fingers into Juniper’s and they sat quietly again.

  Ethan reemerged from the basement, sunglasses on and sleeves rolled down. His expression was blank and he walked up the stairs with slow and staggered steps. Juniper shut her eyes in disappointment and rested her head against the sofa.

  “Juni,” Ethan slurred. She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. She didn’t want to see him like this.

  “What?”

  “I just wanted to tell you I love you. I don’t think I said that before.”

  She lifted her head to look at him. He was shaking. “I love you too, Ethan.”

  He walked away, unable to keep a straight path.

  “It makes me want to cry.”

  “There’s a fantastic rehab facility in Tacoma,” Roscoe offered, “Pacific Horizons. He needs professional help and a reason to leave this town. Maybe you can convince him to go.”

  “He’ll never leave.”

  “He respects your opinion more than I think you realize. Maybe he just needs to know you want him there.”

  “But I don’t want him there.” She buried her face back into her hands. “I know it sounds selfish, but I’m so afraid he’ll ruin everything I’ve worked so hard to build. I have a safe place out there, with nothing dragging me down. I know it would be good for him, but it could turn out to be terrible for me.”

  “After seeing what you left behind, I get it. But I think enough time has passed that you should consider letting some of the people who still love you back in. You’re strong enough to help them now, and I hate to break it to you, but I think they need you.”

  “They always need me. When I was here, after I left, now that I’m back. It’s exhausting. I’m sorry if this makes me sound like a terrible person, but I’ve been through some awful shit too, and instead of being my anchor when I found myself floating away in the grips of sorrow, they dragged me into their own troubles. As if dealing with their problems would help me forget about my own. It didn’t, it only compounded the pain I felt. I still don’t know if I’ve ever properly dealt with my parent’s death. I never got the chance to. I was thrown into this house and was turned into the maid because Mallory was always too drunk to take care of any motherly responsibilities, and Ozzie was always out working, and the kids ran rampant around town. And not long after moving here I got wrapped up in the same kind of trouble they were into. It was a mess. I felt buried for years.”

  “I know, I just think you’d be surprised how much good helping him would do you. You can’t help him while he’s living here, that’s a vicious cycle no one can break. But if you got him out and away from all his triggers, you may help turn him into the best version of himself.”

  “Maybe. It’s definitely something to think about.”

  “Sometimes I don’t think you realize how strong you are, or how far you’ve come. I can only imagine the person you were while you lived here, because the woman I’ve gotten to know over the past two years in Washington is courageous and resilient, and carries in her a radiant light. I can’t imagine you being anything but strong.”

  “Thank you. I think I’m still digesting the change. I know it’s happening, I’m just not far enough into it yet to be able to look back on the distance I’ve traveled. It’s still absorbing.”

  “I can’t wait until you see it too. It’s brilliant.”

  She didn’t need his validation, she was confident enough to feel secure on her own, but it was nice to h
ave another person notice and value the strength she carried. Unable to fight off his infectious feelings any longer, she let him in with a smile. He felt her open the invisible door to her guarded walls, just for him, and let out a deep breath, one that sounded as if he’d been holding it in for years. He squeezed her hand lightly with affection and they were suddenly on the same page without any discussion needed. The feeling was mutual and they both knew it.

  “When is our flight again?”

  “Takes off in four hours.”

  “Then let’s say our goodbyes and go.”

  Mallory and Zoe gave her chilly farewells, whereas Irene and Ethan’s hugs were tight and hard to escape. She told them both they were welcome to visit her anytime and they said they’d consider it. She said goodbye to a few others at the gathering and then left for the airport.

  “I can’t express enough how grateful I am that you came here with me.”

  “It was a little overwhelming, but I’m really happy I did. I feel like I understand you so much better now.”

  “Sorry it didn’t come in small doses like I hoped.”

  “Well, now I know it all.”

  “No, not all of it, but the bulk.”

  “Geez. I can’t even imagine what else there is to know.”

  “One day. None of it is as imperative as the Damien issue. I should’ve warned you about that from the start. I didn’t realize he’d be there.”

  “It’s alright.” He gave her a reassuring smile and finished the last bite of his sandwich.

  They killed enough time eating and chatting that when they heard their flight being called for boarding, they were shocked the hours passed so fast. They took their seats and slept hand in hand the entire flight back to Washington.

  Chapter 7

  Life returned to normal once they settled back into their daily routines. Juniper had to work Thursday night, so she spent Wednesday beginning some of her long-overdue household projects. She lived so close to the park that Roscoe was able to stop in a few times during his breaks. His continued company was a welcome treat and she was growing more and more comfortable with the idea of him being a steady fixture in her life. It had taken a while, but she finally felt ready to let him in emotionally; she trusted him.