by Nicole Dykes
Her eyes are glistening with tears and my chest aches at that sight. How the hell can I fix this? She wipes at her eyes, “Just take me home.”
“Cassie, please talk to me. I don’t want it to end like this.”
“It never started.”
With that I do something I never do. I give up and take her back to her dorm. I hurt her. After all of the shit she’s been through, I’m the douchebag that hurt her the most. I can see it on her face.
I don’t think this is something I can fix.
Chapter 23
Cassie
I burst into my dorm room when Hunter drops me off. He tried to get me to talk a couple of times on the way back, but then finally gave up. All of those times when Brent dumped me, when Logan and Brent humiliated me in front of my entire high school, when I couldn’t fall in love with Austin no matter how hard I tried; this is worse than all of them.
I lay down onto my bed, my face buried in my pillow, and just let the tears fall. When he kissed me this time I really thought he wanted me. That this was it and he was the real thing. Then he stopped everything. Again.
I cut my sobbing off when I hear the key in the lock. I sit up and try to dry my face when Dani walks in. I greet her, trying not to let my voice break, “Hey.”
Dani unwraps the scarf from around her neck and looks into the mirror to take her earrings out. “Cass, I’m so glad you are home. I swear, this date was something else. I mean after last week’s debacle I had high hopes for this one.”
She still hasn’t looked in my direction once as she slips out of her shoes. Last weekend’s date didn’t go well. Turns out she wasn’t that attracted to him and he spent the entire dinner just talking about himself and to top it off answered a phone call from his mother while they were making out on the couch. He ended the phone call with ‘I love you too, mommy’ and Dani got the hell out of there. I sniff and ask, “What happened?”
She goes over to her closet and quickly changes out of her date clothes, “Oh shit, Cassie. His dick was tiny. I’m talking smaller than a roll of quarters, like half that and that goes for length and girth. It was fucking awkward as hell. I swear I didn’t even know if it was in or not.”
I shake my head, “That’s…wow.”
She walks over in my direction, “I know right…” Then she notices my face, “Cassie, what’s wrong?”
I wipe at my face again, “Hunter and I kissed again. He actually kissed me first this time.”
She sits down next to me on my bed, “Okay, but these aren’t happy tears.”
“No. He also stopped it again.”
She sighs, “Okay, so it’s his issue then, Cassie. It’s not your fault.”
“I was actually ballsier this time and made him tell me why.”
She looks slightly surprised by that. “That’s awesome, Cass. This weakass girl routine you had been putting on has been getting on my nerves. So, what did he say?”
I roll my eyes, but know what she means, “That he can’t be in a relationship because he needs to focus on football and college.”
She looks like she is thinking that over, “Lame. Anything else?”
I actually crack a smile at that, but it quickly fades, “Yeah, he doesn’t think I’m mature enough for him.”
“Fuck him! You are plenty mature. He actually said that?”
“Not exactly in those words, but it’s what he meant. He thinks I need to enjoy my years in college and figure out what I want to do with my life before settling into a relationship.”
She nods her head in agreement, “Well, he may not be totally wrong there.”
I cock my head at her, irritated. “What?”
“I’m just saying, Hunter has his life figured out already, but you’re brand new to all of this. You don’t know what you want out of life yet. Relationship Cassie just goes with whatever her boyfriend wants to do.”
Damn, I hate that she’s right about that. She goes on. “If you and Hunter get together now, you would forget about school and just follow him around.”
“That’s not true. I’m capable of being independent.”
“Not when you are in a relationship. Hell, when you were dating Austin you were even talking about going to MIT with him someday. That’s not what you wanted and we both know you never even felt intense feelings for him. Think about what you would give up for Hunter.”
I scoot back on my bed and lean against the wall it is pushed up against. “Maybe you’re right.”
She nods, “I am, but still you’re hot and he shouldn’t have turned you down.”
I can’t help the laughter at that, “I even offered to just have sex with no relationship.”
Her face darkens at that, “Why the hell would you do that?”
“Because I want him, bad.”
She shakes her head at me. “Look, I know the first kiss was earth shattering and it sounds like this was equally panty dropping, but that’s a terrible idea.”
I look at her with total confusion, “Are you lecturing me about casual sex? You have slept with three guys, only one time each, since we got here.”
“Right, and I don’t have feelings for any of them. You on the other hand do have feelings for Hunter. If you guys would have had sex tonight and then he was just done, how the hell do you think you would have felt?”
I hate when she’s right. All I can do is agree with her, “You’re right. Besides I don’t think I’m really his type.” Even though he said that wasn’t it.
“Bullshit, Cassie. You are every heterosexual male’s type.”
“No, I think he has the perfect woman formed in his head for when his plan allows.”
She grins over at me, “Okay, enlighten me. What’s his type in your opinion?”
“I think she’s a brunette, with a lot of curves and probably short. She probably has a cute, virginal type face which is perfect since she’s never been with another man. She just saved herself for Hunter because she knew he would be along someday to sweep her off her feet.”
She makes a fake gagging noise, “That girl does not exist and if she does I would want to punch her.”
We both laugh at that and it feels good. I don’t know how she manages to cheer me up, but I’m so grateful for Dani.
She stands up, “Okay, I’m going to go take a shower and when I get back we are watching some terrible rom-coms on Netflix and digging into the ice cream in the freezer.”
I laugh at that. Our dorm refrigerator has a small freezer that literally only fits one container of ice cream, but we always keep it stocked. “Sounds great.”
She leaves and I lie down on my bed. Maybe she and Hunter are right and a relationship is the last thing I need right now.
The next morning I wake up to a text from Hannah asking to meet her for coffee. I have a slight panic attack wondering if she knows about what happened with Hunter and I, for some crazy reason. They are good friends, but I don’t think it’s something he would tell her. I reply that I would love to and she sends me the address.
I take a shower in the communal restroom on our floor and then when I get back to our room, Dani is still asleep. We stayed up late last night, talking, watching movies, and stuffing our faces with junk food. All in all, it turned out to be a fun night with my best friend, even if Hunter was in the back of my mind the entire time.
I leave a quick note on the dry erase board on our door to let her know where I’m going and then head out.
When I get to the coffee shop, ten minutes later I notice Hannah is already here and sitting at one of the tables, with her coffee. I wave to her and then order a mocha latte before joining her. “Hey.”
She beams over at me, “Hey, Cass. I’m so glad you could make it. I know it was short notice, but I just got out of church and thought it would be fun.”
“I’m glad you asked me. I’m always available for coffee.”
She grins and then takes a sip. “So, I just wanted to check on you. You seemed a little distracted
on your birthday.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I’m just getting used to college.”
She nods her head, “I get that. It’s hard at first, but are you sure there’s nothing else going on?”
I study her. Does she know? “No, I’m fine.”
She looks hesitant and then says quietly, “I know about you and Hunter, Cass.”
I stare at her stunned. He told her? Or maybe he told Cam and he told her? Does Luke know? Play it cool, Cassie. “What about me and Hunter?”
Hannah smirks over at me as she takes another drink of her coffee, “That you have a small crush on him.”
Crush? Really? I’m not twelve. “Hannah, I don’t have a crush on Hunter. He’s a nice guy, that’s all.”
“Right. Cassie, don’t worry Luke is oblivious to it and Hunter probably is too.” Wrong. “Vanessa told me you guys seemed really chummy last Saturday at his house. It’s totally normal to have a crush on your brother’s best friend.”
That’s not all he is. “I don’t.”
“Okay, maybe I’m way off base. I’ve just seen the way you look at him every time you guys are around each other and I know you guys have been spending a lot of time together.”
I trust her, but I also know Luke and Hannah tell each other everything so I need to tread lightly. “Would it be such a bad thing?”
She looks at me with curiosity. “If you guys ended up dating?”
I nod, trying to act nonchalantly like this is totally hypothetical.
“Well, Luke would lose his shit and I don’t know. I care about you both and wouldn’t want to see either of you get hurt.”
Too late. “Why would we get hurt if we were together?”
She shrugs, “Well, it’s just since I’ve known Hunter he has had a very strict plan. Intense focus that never falters. And you… well you are more free.”
“Free?”
She smiles, “Yeah, you can just go with the flow and see where life takes you. Hunt is not like that at all.”
“Well Luke and you are kinda like that. Luke does whatever he wants and you are a planner.” I point out.
“That’s true, but neither of us have given up anything really. I still have my plan here and he’s doing what he needs to in Kansas City. It’s been a real struggle.”
Luke said that too. “Do you want to marry him?”
She looks a little surprised by my blunt question, “Someday, of course, but not until we live in the same town.”
Her tone and the way she said ‘same town’ makes me think I’m right about her not caring where they live. She wants that ring now and is just repeating what Luke has said about living in the same town first.
She looks at her watch. “I have to get to work, but can I ask you something? I promise you I won’t tell Luke the answer.”
I nod my head yes, terrified by the question. “Okay.”
“Is there something going on with you and Hunter?”
Not anymore. He made that pretty clear. “We are friends. He’s shown me around town and helped me a lot since I moved here.”
She nods, looking slightly worried by my answer, “Okay, well enjoy your week. The first semester will be over before you know it.”
I smile and stand when she does, “Do you really think Luke would be pissed if there was something between Hunter and I?”
She nods her head emphatically, “Yeah, he would. I mean he trusts Hunter more than anyone. I’m sure he would see it as betrayal.” She shrugs her shoulders. “Guy thing.”
Damn. Maybe I’ve been wrong about everything. “Well, I was just curious. Even if I liked him, there is no way Hunter would go for me.”
She shakes her head, “Don’t be so sure, but I’m glad there is nothing going on.” She gives me a quick hug. “I’ll see you soon.”
I hug her back and then she leaves.
This week I throw myself into school. I try like crazy not to think about Hunter and just focus. I also do a lot of research on the different majors offered here and come up short. I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life.
When I get home Friday afternoon after my last class, I’m totally drained from the week. I wish Dani was back from class. I check my phone, my stupid heart hoping there was something from Hunter. There isn’t.
I climb under Dani’s bed and pull out a bottle of schnapps, taking a swig. Drinking in my dorm room alone again. This doesn’t bode well for me making any big changes.
I take another drink and then notice my phone, that is still on the bed is lighting up. It’s still on silent mode from me being in class. When I pick it up, I nearly drop it, shocked by the number that is popping up.
My heart beats a million miles a minute.
Maybe I shouldn’t answer it.
Chapter 24
Cassie
Why the hell is Brent calling me? Maybe it’s a pocket dial or one of his idiot friends screwing around with his phone.
Where the hell is Dani when I need her? I take a deep breath and hit the answer button, “Hello?”
“Cass, what the fuck? That was four rings. I was about to give up on you.” He pouts.
I roll my eyes and I’m short with him when I ask, “What’s up?”
“Geez, Cass don’t act so happy to hear from me.”
I’m oddly not happy. I used to jump at my phone when he would call. Now I’m cautious, “We haven’t talked for two months.”
“I know, I’ve been busy. Look, I’m in town.”
I sit down on my bed. “As in Manhattan?”
He laughs at me, “Yeah, Cass.”
How can he be so casual? “Okay…”
“Anyway, Logan is dating a girl from here and I rode up with him so he could see her. My other friend who goes here is throwing a party and I thought I would see if you wanted to go with me. Catch up.”
My heart is pounding like crazy in my chest. He wants to see me? Everything inside of me is telling him to say no, but after my recent rejection with Hunter, I just want to feel wanted. “Um…”
That’s all that will come out. He laughs, it’s an easy, familiar laugh, that isn’t mean or cruel. It actually reminds me of the few good times we had together. “Are you that surprised?”
“Well yeah. I didn’t expect to see you while I was in Manhattan.”
“It’ll be fun, like old times. I miss you, Cass.”
He misses me and he’s openly admitting that. He could be playing me though, he’s so damn good at messing with my head. “Okay.”
“Nice. Just text me your address and I’ll pick you up at nine.”
I nod my head, stupidly because he can’t see me. “Okay. I will.” Before he hangs up I gain some of my brain and ask, “Wait. What about your girlfriend? What will she think about us hanging out?”
That’s right. He has a girlfriend, Cassie. “That bitch isn’t my girlfriend. We were just hanging out. I didn’t even realize she hacked my phone for a couple of weeks. You can check my profile, it says I’m single.”
He was never really dating her? Or is that a lie? “Okay, I’ll see you later.”
With that we both hang up and I sit on my bed. This is a terrible idea. I know it, but maybe he’s changed. And me going with him tonight doesn’t mean anything, anyway. It’s just two old friends, hanging out and catching up. No big deal.
I finally stand up from my bed, still feeling like I’m in a fog. I think about what my family would think if they knew Brent was coming here. I shudder at the thought, I know exactly what they would think. I’m adult though damn it and I have to make my own choices.
I decide to send Dani a text.
Cassie: Hey, where you at?
She replies almost immediately, she almost always has her phone on her.
Dani: Decided to go to dinner and a movie with my friend Jessica from class. I might stay at her place afterward. What’s up? Are you okay?
Cassie: Nothing. I’m fine. Just checking.
She hates Brent with a passion.
If she won’t be coming back here tonight, do I really need to tell her?
Dani: You sure? You want to come with us?
Okay, I won’t lie to her, but being vague isn’t a crime, right?
Cassie: No. Thanks. I might just go to bed early.
Hey I could end up coming back here and going to bed early. Who know?
Dani: Lame.
Cassie: Have fun.
I go over to my closet and stare at my clothes. Should I change? This is just two old friend, okay exes, hanging out. I don’t really need to look hot or anything. We are going to a party though, maybe I should change out of the yoga pants and t-shirt I wore to class.
I find a cute long sleeved shirt that shows off a hint of cleavage, but it’s not too revealing and I pair it with a pair of ripped jeans. I walk over to the mirror and apply light make-up and take my hair out of the ponytail I had it in. I fluff it out a little and brush it with my fingers. There a nice, casual look.
Nine o’clock is here before I know it and Brent isn’t here yet. I’m outside of my building waiting on him and trying to calm my nerves. It’s not the good kind of nervous, like the kind I had waiting for Hunter to show up last weekend.
I sent him a message letting him know that I lived in Moore Hall and that I would be outside of the entrance. For some reason, I didn’t feel comfortable with him knowing my room number.
He finally shows up, thirty minutes late. I walk over to his car and climb inside. He grins at me, a grin that I used to find sexy. Now, it seems slightly predatory. “Hey, Cass. It’s been a while.”
I fasten my seatbelt, “Yeah. It has been.” He puts the car into drive and pulls out of the parking lot and sudden fear comes over me. I never asked where this party is. “What street is this party on?”
“Kearney. It’s not far from here.”
I sigh in relief. Okay that’s not Hunter and Cam’s street. We don’t talk as he maneuvers his car through several people walking around and crossing the streets. This is what it’s like every weekend in Manhattan. House parties, galore.
