Second

by M. C. A. Hogarth

  "Oozing more like it," Taylitha said, blushing. "It's nothing."

  "Did you come through that river?" the woman asked sternly.

  "Well . . ."

  "Get a second stretcher!" the woman yelled.

  "I can walk!" Taylitha exclaimed, though her knees felt wobbly.

  "Be a hero later," the healer said. "Trust me, you'll thank me for it."

  Meekly, Taylitha let herself be guided to the stretcher. She didn't remember closing her eyes, nor did she remember the ride to the clinic.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Taylitha’s hands surprised her by being sliced too deeply for a common skin-sealer. The wand used on them took longer and hurt more than she expected; though she tried to hold as still as Alysha had for her ministrations seeming ages ago, she still twitched and jumped through the process. The healer didn't seem to notice, though. She checked Tayl over, pronounced the other scrapes and bruises trivial and left them untreated so she could go check Alysha.

  "You're good to walk around," the woman said on her way out. "Just don't do anything strenuous. Wash up, if you want, the shower's down the hall. At least change. We have dry uniforms in the hall closet."

  Taylitha ran her stiff hands over the bump on her side and winced. She'd gotten worse bruises at holoblade practice, but only when someone whacked her hard with a wooden blank. How had she gotten so banged up without noticing? The only thing she really wanted to do was curl up and sleep.

  Well, and get clean. That was enough incentive to push her off the bed.

  Taylitha had never had a shower that felt as good as the shower she took at the canoe station in the staff space behind the reception area. She didn't even peel out of her wetsuit before hopping into the steamy chamber, stripping it after the water had warmed her bones. Since no one yelled for her to come out, she sat on the shower floor and let the hot spray roll over her fur and hair until some of the tension dissipated and her hands no longer felt creaky when she opened and closed them.

  It took fifteen minutes for her to convince herself to get out of the shower. Once she dried off, Taylitha dressed and tiptoed to the clinic to see if the healer was done with Alysha. There were no medical personnel to be seen, so she slipped onto the stool next to Alysha's bedside. It was strange, Taylitha reflected, how kinds of unconsciousness could rest so differently on people's faces. Alysha sleeping had looked troubled, or thoughtful, as if her dreams didn't allow her much rest. Alysha under sedation looked relaxed.

  Satisfied that the other woman was resting, Taylitha scrounged around the room until she uncovered some magazines. She flipped through them until she found The Eagle's Flight, the Fleet news-zine she usually received electronically. She didn't welcome the reminder that her own data tablet was now lying on the bottom of a river, but better her data tablet than pieces of her body. She'd just gotten to the part about the newest human officers to be inducted into the admiralty when Alysha opened her eyes.

  "Feeling better?" Taylitha asked.

  "Much. How's the rest of the team?"

  Taylitha blinked. "I hadn't thought to ask. I told the rescue personnel that they were coming down the river, and they left to stop them. I was less worried about them than about you."

  Alysha said nothing, and only looked at her.

  "You want me to go find out," Taylitha guessed.

  Alysha grinned.

  "Well, it's better than you trying to haul your body around," Taylitha said, sliding off the stool.

  "I feel fine," Alysha said.

  "Right, Miss Invulnerable 'My-Body-Always-Works and I-Never-Get-Hurt.'"

  Alysha laughed softly, didn't disagree, and in fact closed her eyes again and drifted off.

  The front of the cabin offered a sharp contrast to its peaceful rear: when Taylitha found her way to the reception room, it was packed with anxious team-mates, some being ushered past her on stretchers, others mobile but disheveled, dripping and upset, with still more being escorted in by the rescue team. She inserted herself into the crush in an attempt to get everyone to calm down and tell her what had happened. Cawdori was crying, so Taylitha wrapped her arm around her. The people still standing looked shaken.

  "Oh, gods," Cawdori said through her tears, "I thought we were going to die!"

  "I know that one," Taylitha said ruefully. "The rescuers?"

  "They pulled us out before we got too much further," Cawdori said.

  "I thought Beringwaite and Jender were supposed to be behind us, not you two . . . what happened to them?" Taylitha asked.

  "Beringwaite decided to walk the canoe down the trail around the rapids," Roben said, toweling off his head. "The rescue team just located them on the trail. They had no idea the rest of us were in trouble."

  "Anyone else get seriously hurt? Who else was on the river?" Taylitha asked.

  "All the rest of us!" Roden said. "Though only Cawdori and Damien were in serious trouble. Kristil and I swamped out long before then, and the rescue team plucked us out of the water. The others were pretty far behind, so they didn't get to the bad parts before they got directed to get out. Injuries . . . " He looked at the others.

  "Dami's with the healers," Cawdori said of her partner, the long-eared Aera that Taylitha now noted was absent. "And I think Terry is too. They don't think it's bad."

  "Where's She?" interrupted the Seersa Taylitha remembered from the tent, Delin. "Where's Forrest?"

  "In the clinic with three broken ribs," Taylitha said. "We were lucky to get out in one piece."

  "Speaker-Singer!" Delin said, ears and tail falling. His were not the only set. "She'll be okay?"

  "Thank God and Her Partner, yes," Taylitha said. "I am telling no lie when I say we were lucky. Very very lucky."

  "No question of that," said a voice behind them. Herville Candesse, the head of their rescue team and owner of the voice from the comm station, was standing behind them with a shocked-looking Beringwaite and exhausted Jender. "We've lost six people to that river in the fifteen years Quickwater's been renting canoes. It only gets worse from the place we fished you people out, without a break to breathe."

  "Six people dead?" Taylitha said with a squeak.

  "Six. Dead." He eyed them all. "Sheryl told you not to take that route specifically, and for good reason. That you only had one serious injury . . . . " He shook his head.

  "What do you mean one serious injury?" Beringwaite demanded, recovering himself and pushing into the circle around Taylitha. "Who got hurt?"

  "Alysha broke three ribs," Taylitha said, watching him. Was he really upset on her behalf? Had he actually figured something out? But no, his face showed only anger.

  "You were supposed to be scouting!" Beringwaite shouted at her.

  "We were supposed to be on another river entirely!" Taylitha shouted back.

  "Enough!" Candesse said. "I'm going to take those of you who aren't injured down the mountain. Form up outside."

  "But what about the mission?" Beringwaite said.

  "Didn't you listen to the lecture at the beginning?" Candesse said, irritated. "One of your team got hurt. The mission is forfeit."

  "But we—"

  "No buts," Candesse said. "Go outside."

  "What about the rest of us?" Roben interrupted. "He made the choice."

  "But you followed him blindly. That's enough! You'll be debriefed once you get to the bottom, as a group and individually. Move!"

  They moved, Taylitha included. She was surprised when Candesse touched her on the arm. "Not you, Basil. Stay and wait for your partner."

  "Right, sir."

  The hours Alysha spent sleeping off the healing session seemed to stretch twice as long as warranted. Taylitha spent the time on her stomach in the bed next to Alysha's, thumbing through The Eagle's Flight and pretending to read it. She was too angry to concentrate. Beringwaite's stupid choice had gotten their entire exercise thrown, and none of them had had the strength to stand up to him. She gave up on the newsletter and instead sought out all the literature
the rental cabin had on their routes, particularly the information on Route D. She listened to the officers discuss the tally of broken canoes, lost equipment and injuries in the hallway.

  By the time Alysha woke, Taylitha could barely speak she was so upset. She helped the other woman to her feet and waited with a patience that surprised herself as Alysha changed into a clean uniform and made the slow walk out to the transport down.

  Once they were seated and belted in, Alysha said, "Tell me."

  "The entire team effort was forfeited," Taylitha said. The transport's engine coughed to life and then settled into a smooth hum that vibrated through her backside and legs. "Everyone got out of the river safely, but a couple of groups lost their canoes. Some bumps and scrapes. A lot of scares. The river route Beringwaite chose was interdicted for the retreat. It is the fastest route down, but the last half of it is a long stretch of very difficult rapids, like the ones that did us in but worse. It's usually reserved for only the most experienced of riders."

  "Forfeited," Alysha murmured. "That's a shame. Hopefully Beringwaite learned something from this."

  "Beringwaite! He's thick as a concrete block. I'm sure he didn't learn a thing," Taylitha said. "He didn't care that anyone had gotten hurt. All he cared about was that you and I weren't scouting the way we said we would, and that the mission's been scrapped."

  Alysha looked out the window, and Taylitha didn't need to see her expression to know she was sad. That, if anything, infuriated her the most. "But enough about Beringwaite," Tayl said. "What I want to know is if you learned anything."

  "Plenty," Alysha said. Her hand lightly traced her ribcage, though Taylitha was pretty certain she wasn't actually thinking about the injury.

  "The right things," Taylitha pressed.

  "Which would be?" Alysha now looked guarded, an expression Taylitha hadn't yet surprised her into.

  "It didn't work," Taylitha said. "Your plan to manipulate people into doing the right thing. You can't protect people from everything that way." She waved a hand. "You can't protect people from everything, anyway, but you didn't succeed this time. If we hadn't gotten the rescue team out there . . . Lieutenant Candesse says that six people have died on that river, two of them rescuers. The injury list for route D is terrifying. Comas, broken bones, soft tissue injuries, people getting pulled apart like taffy . . . that could have been us. That was almost us!"

  The guarded expresion had fled, leaving something darker, more morose. Taylitha's ears flattened. "No, don't do that. I'm not trying to make you feel powerless."

  "What is your intention, then?" Alysha asked quietly.

  "To see you not do this again. To make you see this was too important to sit out on," Taylitha said, struggling to put her feelings into words. "It's true that there will be a time you can't take the place of someone who's not capable of safe leadership, but this wasn't one of those times. You shouldn't have let everyone suffer Beringwaite just so you could learn something!"

  Alysha stared at her. Her ears flipped backward. "This wasn't supposed to be a dangerous outing."

  "Anything can be dangerous, if someone's in charge who doesn't understand how to be in charge," Taylitha said.

  "Beringwaite had the local expertise," Alysha said. "It should have been enough."

  "But it wasn't, and you should have known it because it was his ambition and his pride that were his downfall, and you saw those immediately."

  Alysha pressed a hand to her forehead. "Taylitha—"

  "You gave Beringwaite a chance," Taylitha said. "Maybe you shouldn't have."

  "Everyone deserves a chance," Alysha said.

  "Do they? Alysha, Beringwaite would have gotten us killed. You know that, right? We survived by accident! More experienced people have died on that route. You think a group of green ensigns with no paddling experience would have made it through miles of whitewater like that?"

  "I make mistakes," Alysha whispered.

  "I know," Taylitha said, suddenly feeling horrible for her outburst. "I didn't mean to yell at you. In fact, I feel pretty awful because I'm holding you to a standard I'm clearly not holding myself to. Someone should have stood up to Beringwaite, but no one did. I'm not even sure if anyone could have . . . except you." She looked down. "I guess that makes all the rest of us even worse."

  Alysha shook her head. "There's nothing wrong with being willing to follow someone."

  "But this wasn't about that," Taylitha said. "It wasn't that we were willing to follow someone . . . well, maybe it was that in the beginning. It was that we were all afraid to say 'no' to him."

  "There's nothing wrong with being afraid either," Alysha said, her voice softening.

  "There is if your fear is leading you into danger and you can't bring yourself to stop it." Taylitha's ears drooped. "You're not the only one who makes mistakes."

  "You're allowed," Alysha said. "Striving for perfection is all to the good, as long as you don't hate yourself for not reaching it."

  Taylitha glanced at her. "I'm allowed, but you're not?"

  A crooked smile tilted Alysha's mouth. "I don't have time to make mistakes. There's too much I need to do." She looked out the window again. "You're right, though. I did make a mistake. I won't make this one again."

  Somehow the hard determination, touched with the faintest of sorrows, wasn't what Taylitha had been aiming for when she'd begun her tirade. Her ears wilted, and she followed Alysha's gaze out the window. "Looks like we're about to land. I guess we'll show up for our discipline and that will be the end of this."

  "Not the way I'd planned to spend this retreat," Alysha said.

  "Me neither," Taylitha said with feeling. She turned back to Alysha. "I'm sorry."

  "You spoke your mind," Alysha said. "And you weren't out of line. It's okay." She looked past Taylitha at the trees that were drawing closer. "I'm still trying to learn. I have too much to learn, and sometimes I feel like I'll never have enough time."

  Taylitha patted her arm, tentatively. "You already know more than most people I've met." When that got no reply, she added, "And I bet you think that's not enough."

  That won her a chuckle.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  They disembarked on a landing pad not far from the Quickwater compound and proceeded to the mess hall in search of their harried lieutenants. Their superiors were nowhere to be found . . . but the rest of their team was in the mess hall, drooping over hot chocolate, kerinne, coffee or tea. The strong words bouncing off the walls warned Taylitha about their welcome well before they actually entered the room.

  "So here you are! Finally decide to join us after getting us thrown out?" Beringwaite stood in the middle of the room, glaring past the tables at them. Taylitha bristled, expecting Alysha to make some genteel excuse. Bad enough that she'd accidentally scraped Alysha raw on the ride down . . . but to add Beringwaite's abuse? She stepped toward the man.

  Alysha touched her on the shoulder, stopping her instantly. The other woman lifted her chin, and the anger in her voice shocked Taylitha into swallowing her protests.

  "We did not get our team's efforts thrown out, Beringwaite. You did, by choosing a route the station staff told you was interdicted."

  "If we'd made it down, they would have rewarded us for our initiative—"

  "You broke the rules," Alysha said, advancing. Her voice rose. "You risked our lives for nothing more significant than your ambitions. You put your pride before our safety. You failed, Beringwaite, and this time you can't blame anyone else for it. Are you going to take it like an adult, or are you going to somehow try to convince yourself that one of us is to blame?"

  "How is it my failure when you can't handle a canoe?" Beringwaite asked.

  "Because the trial you failed wasn't climbing a mountain, or paddling downstream. It wasn't knowing how to pick the best trails or how to rough it without help. The trial was leadership. The trial was taking care of your people!"

  "Leaders don't take care of people," Beringwaite said. "Leade
rs make decisions. People follow or they fail in their duty."

  "You're wrong," Alysha said.

  "Fleet is not a nursery!" Beringwaite yelled. "Fleet is winning! Fleet is for the strong!”

  "FLEET IS NOT A CONTEST!" Alysha's voice rang through the entire hall. Her body nearly vibrated with the intensity of her anger. "Fleet is about protecting its charges! Fleet is about preserving the ideals of the Alliance! Fleet is not about tyrannical officers who ignore the strengths and weaknesses of their units and then sacrifice them on the altar of their own vanity! You are a failure, Beringwaite . . . and so am I, for letting you abuse everyone in this room."

  Beringwaite stepped toward her, hand lifted.

  "Hit me, Mister Beringwaite, and you'll regret it," Alysha said. "Stronger men than you have tried me."

  The cold that radiated off her was so intense even Taylitha backed up a step. Beringwaite trembled for a few seconds, then turned away.

  "You're all washed up, Forrest. No one will ever make you a captain."

  From the table, a voice said unexpectedly, "They'd better. Because I'd follow her before I followed you any day."

  Taylitha blinked as the Seersa man she'd shared foot-pad woes with stood and bared his teeth at Beringwaite. "You're a Speaker-damned fool, is what you are," Delin said.

  "Brave man," Beringwaite said with a sneer. "Took you long enough to say anything."

  "Shut up," said Jender. The Tam-illee shot Beringwaite a venomous look. "You've done nothing but yell at us, insult us, use us and condemn us since you put yourself in charge. The only useful thing I've gotten out of this entire exercise is a healthy skepticism about people who try to stir up our enthusiasm for something we're not ready for."

  Beringwaite began to back away from the tables. "Whatever. You think I was such a bad leader? Fine. You take over."

  "Nice try," Alysha said. "But you started this expedition and you're ending it. You've earned the reprimand you're going to get from the officers . . . we're not taking it for you."