Journey of Honor A love story

by Jaclyn M. Hawkes

  When they finally made it to him, watching this reunion brought tears to her eyes. These two were closer than brothers, and their happiness at seeing each other again was overwhelming. Giselle stood to the side for a second and then Mose turned to her and picked her up in another huge bear hug. “Miss Giselle. I had plumb forgotten just how beautiful you were. It’s so good to see you made it!”

  She laughed at him through her tears. “You never doubted that we’d make it, did you, Mose? You should know Trace can do anything he puts his mind to.”

  “That I do, Miss Giselle. That I do. I never doubted for a minute, I just wondered if you needed a little help is all. The weather turned off and I thought I’d come and bring you all some warm clothes and gear. I didn’t know if you’d have your grandparents or a baby with you.” Sadly, Giselle shook her head.

  There was a moment of strained silence, and Trace wrapped his arm around her and gave her a small hug. Then he slapped Mose on the back and tried to be upbeat as he said, “You old codger! We came through fine. Giselle is so tough that a little nasty weather is nothing. She just puts her face into the wind and heads out.”

  They talked and joked for a few more minutes and then turned and headed back the way Mose had come. They got quieter as they got winded from the drifts in the trail and by dark they were still a mile or more up the canyon. They decided to keep on walking and make it into town even if they got there in the middle of the night. The moon on the snow made seeing the trail reasonable, and even though she was dead tired, Giselle continued to place one foot in front of the other. When she started to drag, Trace came up to her and put an arm over her shoulder and said, “Just think, Giselle. A real bed, just a couple more hours away.”

  She looked up at him and into his eyes. With a smile that wasn’t very convincing, she said, “That will be wonderful, won’t it, Trace?”

  He squeezed her shoulder. “Come on, Elle. You’ve wanted this for a long, long time. You’re finally almost toZion!”

  She put a mitten up to pat his. “I know, Trace. And I am glad. I’m just tired.” They’d made it to where the trail was somewhat packed down and Trace reached over and set her up on the mule again.

  “You ride for a while then. We’re almost there.”

  What time it was was anyone’s guess when Mose led them to the boardinghouse rooms that he had arranged for on the eastern edge of the town. She was glad that she was too tired to dwell on how much her heart hurt when Trace walked her to the door of her room, told her goodnight and went back out to see to the stock before coming up to the room he would be sharing with Mose. It was the first time in more than four months that she hadn’t had him beside her at night. Even as tired as she was, it was awful to go to bed alone.

  She slipped out of all her bulk y clothing and between the warm sheets and tried to bask in the feel of real walls, floor, and furniture. It really was nice. So then why did she keep having to wipe at her eyes? And why was her pillow so damp all of a sudden?

  *****

  Trace was up early in spite of being tired. For some reason he was having a hard time sleeping. He thought the reason had something to do with the look in Giselle’s eyes as he’d said goodnight at her door last night. She’d looked more sad than tired, even after finally reaching her Zion.

  He knew she had to meet with their prophet today, and it had been a pretty rough trip. Maybe nice clothes and a bath would help. He arranged for her to have bath water in an hour or two and he went out to find the general store. When he’d bought her new clothing, he stopped and checked on her stock and paid a boy to milk her cow and went back. He wasn’t sure whether she’d be awake, but he knocked on her door anyway and was glad when she opened it right up.

  She smiled a greeting, but her eyes were still sad. He walked in, laid the new clothes on the bed, and turned to take her into a hug. “Aren’t you happy to finally make it to your Zion at all?”

  She pulled back and went to look at the dress and other things he’d bought. “I’m happy. Just tired. How did you know what size to buy?”

  He laughed. “I didn’t. I just tried to describe you to the woman at the mercantile. I have no idea if they’ll fit, but I knew that you hadn’t brought much with us from the cave and that you have to meet with Brigham Young this morning. If these won’t work, I’ll hurry and exchange them for you.”

  Still looking at them, she said, “I think they’ll fit. Will you come with me to meet with Brother Brigham, or are you in too much of a hurry to leave?”

  “I’ll go with you. When do you want to go?” He pulled her toweling off of her head and began to play with her wet hair. “How long will it take you to tame this?”

  She smiled up at him in the mirror of the dresser. “It might take a while. Give me forty-five minutes. It’s a wreck. Have you already eaten?”

  “No, but I’m starving. Hurry and we’ll eat together.” He left her there and went back out to find out where Mose had gone. He’d been asleep when he left, but now he was gone. He never did find him and, in fact, didn’t see him until he and Giselle were having breakfast in the little dining room.

  Mose walked up to their table with his big, white grin. “Well, well. You two don’t even look like the same two snow monsters that I found yesterday out on that trail.”

  “Yes, well, a bath and shave and clean clothes will do wonders.” Trace remarked placidly. “Where have you been? Have you eaten?”

  “I’ve eaten and have already been about the town working on professional neighborly relations with the folks hereabout.”

  Trace smiled and asked, “What exactly does that mean, Mose? And what’s with this mysterious smile you’re wearing? You’re looking very pleased with yourself this morning.”

  Mose glanced at Giselle quietly eating her breakfast and asked, “Do you remember that day last July when I told you you looked goofy?” Trace grinned and nodded. “Well, this morning that’s exactly how I feel.”

  “Oh really?”

  Mose chuckled. “Actually, I’ve been this way for three days now. This goofy smile is positively stuck. I feel ridiculous.” Giselle looked from one of them to the other, wondering what was going on.

  Trace slapped Mose on the brawny shoulder. “Well, good for ya’all! Sit down and eat again and we’ll go out and see what you’ve found.”

  Giselle took another bite and asked daintily, “I am confused. You found something that makes you feel ridiculous, Mose? What does this mean?”

  Shaking his head and laughing, Mose said, “Oh, it’s nothing, Miss Giselle. I just really like your Great Salt Lake town is all.”

  “Don’t you believe him, Elle.” Trace smiled at her. “From that look on his face, I’d say he’s either robbed the Mormon bank or met a pretty girl.”

  She perked right up. “You met a girl, Mose? Here in Zion? What is she like?”

  His grin split from ear to ear. “I met a girl and she is prettier than a new red wagon. You’ll have to come and meet her.”

  Trace chuckled. “You’re right. You’re disgusting.”

  Giselle shook her head. “I don’t think you’re disgusting, Mose. I think you’re engelachtig when you’re in love. But what is this goofy? What does it mean?” They tried to explain it to her and she looked thoughtfully at Mose for a second and then said, “Yes, I think you are right. You look this goofy.” They all laughed as Trace and Giselle finished their breakfast.

  Mose went off again somewhere while Trace took Giselle and her package of money to Brigham Young. They found him in an office in the heart of the thriving community and his face lit up when he saw Giselle. Trace thought he’d never met anyone so dynamic when he shook his hand heartily as she introduced him. He turned back to her. “Where are Josiah and Petja, Sister VanKomen?”

  Her face fell as she had to tell him what had happened and he was genuinely saddened by her tale. He placed a huge and calloused hand on her shoulder. “I’m so sorry to hear about your grandparents, Sister. They were most wonde
rful people. I’m sorry that you’ve lost them. Where are you staying then if they are gone, now that you’re in town?”

  She made a dainty grimace. “I don’t know for sure. We just got in late last night and I haven’t gotten that far. I wanted to bring the money to you before we did anything else. Here it is and here is the list of what money is for what property. Most of it belonged to the Church itself.”

  “Yes, thank you for a job well done. Go to Bishop Syndergaard. He was your bishop back in the States, wasn’t he?” She nodded. “Go to him and he will find you a place.” He turned to Trace. “Now am I to understand that you are part of the teamster train that came in a week or two ago? Are you the man they were waiting for?”

  “Yes, I believe I am. Why?”

  Brigham pulled out a pocket watch and glanced at it. “I regret that I have a meeting right now that I’m already late for. Is there any way I could trouble you for some time to discuss a few things later this afternoon? Say two o’clock, maybe?”

  “Certainly.” Trace nodded. “Back here again?”

  “Thank you, young man. Now if you will excuse me.” He patted Giselle on the shoulder as he went out. “Once again, thank you, Sister, for all you’ve done, and I’m sorry for your loss.” He bustled out and Trace felt like the air was sucked right out of the room when he went. What a powerful personality this man had.

  They went out into the hall and looked at each other and Trace asked, “Where to now, Sister?”

  She smiled at him a little sadly. “To Bishop Syndergaard’s, I guess.” She looked down. ”And we need to find out how to go about having our marriage annulled.” She looked up at him. “When are you leaving? Do you know yet?”

  He shook his head as he watched her eyes. “I haven’t even talked to Mose or John about it. As soon as possible, I suppose. Where is this bishop’s place?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. I forgot to ask. Someone will know, I’m sure.”

  They asked some people in the outer office and then Trace took her to a home near the general store and they did indeed, find the man she was seeking. He welcomed her right in with a smile that nearly consumed his face and a veritable bear hug. He shook Trace’s hand with vigor and slapped him on the back as he turned to go after promising he’d bring the rest of Giselle’s things by later.

  The look Giselle gave him felt like it cut Trace’s heart right out, but he didn’t know what else to do other than just turn and walk away. This had been the plan for over four months and he was already committed to leaving, but it was killing him. And from the looks of Giselle, she wasn’t any happier about it than he was.

  *****

  When Bishop Syndergaard’s door shut firmly behind Trace, Giselle couldn’t help the tears that began to slide down her cheeks. Embarrassed, she wiped at them stubbornly, but she couldn’t stop them no matter how hard she tried. The kindly, old bishop led her into the parlor and seated her on the sofa and asked gently,“Who was that young man, Sister VanKomen?”

  Haltingly, she told him the whole story, from that first night with Filson down to telling Trace good bye just now. Hesitantly, she finished, “I’ll be fine, Bishop. It’s just going to take some time to get my heart over him is all. I’m sorry for being so emotional. I must be tired.”

  Gently, the bishop asked her, “If you love each other, why do you need to get over him?”

  “Oh, Bishop. It’s not that simple. Annulling this marriage was the plan all along. And he has to leave and he’s not a member and… And… And I don’t even know what.”

  “Sister VanKomen. Or actually Sister Grayson, do you not understand that true and honest love like you two have is rare and sweet and precious? Our Father in Heaven wants you to be happy. If this man isn’t a member yet, that doesn’t mean that you have to get away from him. He’s a good man. That’s very apparent.

  “Your Father in Heaven would much rather that you stay married to the good man you are in love with than that you leave him to marry another you feel nothing for. That’s a recipe for disaster. For everyone involved. And trust me; this plural marriage business is hard enough without trying to go into it without love.” He paused and continued. “Do you think your husband will someday join the Church?”

  She shook her head and the tears welled again. “He believes. At least I think he does. But he can’t abide that the Blacks can’t be given the priesthood. And the plural marriage doctrine is very troubling to him as well. I think if he was going to join, he would have already asked.”

  Bishop Syndergaard turned and walked to the window and back and then said, “Sister Grayson. You must make your own decisions, based on your own good judgment and prayer, but as your bishop, I think for you to walk away from this young man would be a mistake. You both obviously love each other. Is there any way you can try to work things out?”

  Hope flitted across her face. “I don’t know. I assumed you would want me to get away from him because he isn’t a member. We haven’t even talked about it.”

  “Well, my dear, marriage is vitally important to our Heavenly Father’s plan, and strong ones are few and far between. When you are so in love with the husband you have, see what can be done to keep him, don’t you think? Just don’t give up hope that someday he’ll want to be baptized. He seemed like a good man who would want to embrace truth.”

  Giselle stood up and hugged him. “Oh, thank you, Bishop! I don’t know if it will work, but I’d love to be able to be with him!”

  *****

  After dropping Giselle at her bishop’s, on the way back to the boardinghouse, Trace tried to lighten up his attitude, but this all felt completely wrong. He shouldn’t be planning to walk away from this girl. Somehow they could work out the kinks and find a way to stay together, couldn’t they?

  On the boardwalk ahead of him he saw some of the other teamsters who had been on the trip with them. They stopped him and asked how soon they were going to get away, and he assured them that John Sykes probably had a plan to talk to him. Trace knew he should find him as well, even though his heart wasn’t in it. They might as well get going. The weather wasn’t going to be getting any nicer if they waited. Finally reaching the boardinghouse, he turned in the door and went up the stairs to their rooms with a heavy heart.

  Mose found him there an hour later, stretched out on the bed with a scowl. “So this is where you got to. I’ve been looking for you.” He sat in the chair next to the window and quietly asked, “You’re not really planning to go on to California and leave her are you?”

  Trace made a disgusted sound. “Do I have any other options, Mose? This was the plan all along. I’ve committed to going and she’s been trying to get here for almost two years. I’m not even a member of her Church. I’m sure all those nice, old men who have welcomed her would be thrilled about that.”

  Mose went to tip back in the chair and Trace groused, “You’re gonna break the chair, you big lout. Did you see your girl?”

  Mose chuckled. “My, but aren’t we a touch irritable this morning? I have a couple of pieces of information that you might be interested in. One is that Brigham Young approached John and asked him to sell the goods right here in Salt Lake City instead of moving on to California. He actually offered better prices than if we kept going.”

  Trace sat up on the bed and asked, “What did John tell him?”

  “That he had to talk it over with you first. Apparently Brigham Young was waiting for some money to be brought in from the States, and it finally arrived today. Know anything about that?”

  “Yeah. Josiah was bringing it. I didn’t know anything about it until Giselle almost died. One day when she was so weak she asked me, if no one else made it, if I’d bring it to him.”

  “Well, it sounds like you brought the money to buy your own goods then. That is, unless you can’t stand the thought of staying here with Giselle, and insist on leaving to travel over more snowy mountains.”

  “Oh, knock it off. It’s bad enough without you hassling me. What
else do you have to tell me?”

  “Lucretia Tapp is in town. She came in on the stage a couple of weeks ago, but her father sent a teamster train out here to sell as well. They actually planned to sell it here, but they didn’t know about the Mormon health code. They brought wagon loads of tobacco and coffee and alcohol. No one’s buying and she’s not very happy about that.”

  “Have you talked to her?”

  “She did actually speak to me. Just enough to ask where you were. It seems you’re the real reason for her being here. She’d been told you’d be coming through.”

  “Oh, that’s just great! Have you got any more such wonderful little tidbits of news? Or is that the last of it?”

  Mose hesitated. “Well… just a little more. I’m joining their Church.”

  Trace got up to pace the floor and said, “No, Mose. There are some things about their Church that you don’t understand. I seriously considered joining as well until Giselle told me a couple of things about it that are awful. They are racist. Blacks can’t hold their priesthood. And not only that, but they really are involved in polygamy.” He turned to look Mose in the eye. “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you. It looked good. It really did. It felt good and right until those.”

  Mose met his gaze. “I already know about those things, Trace. And I don’t understand them, but that doesn’t change the fact that this is Christ’s Church, headed by Him. They sound awful, I’ll admit, but I asked if it was right.” He paused. “I’m joining, Trace. I don’t understand it all, but I’m going to trust God to take care of the things that don’t seem right. I have to go with my gut here.”

  Trace just looked at him, questioning, and then sighed. “You’re right, and I know it. I just hate the whole idea that the color of someone’s skin would matter to God. I can’t believe that. The God that I pray to is fair and honest. And the plural wives practice makes me sick.”

  Gently Mose replied, “Abraham did it. And a bunch of the others of the Bible. It’s weird, but not unheard of. And remember there were times when only the tribe of Levi got the priesthood. For me, it just has to come down to faith. Once I knew I was being told yes, I’ve just had to trust.”