Chasing Hannah

by Melissa Ellen

  “Don’t fuck this up,” I muttered under my breath before taking a deep inhale and reaching out with a sweaty palm to pull the door to Dudley’s open. The loud music flooded through, enveloping me, the beat of my pulse thrumming in my ears with the heavy bass. The bar was already packed with the Thursday-night usuals. I searched for my own crew, relieved to see Hannah already sitting beside Leighton, a Miller Light in her hand. Thatta girl.

  If I thought her ordering the burger over a salad was one of the sexiest traits in that woman, I was dead wrong. Something about seeing a woman as refined as her kick back and enjoy a beer had all kinds of shit stirring inside me.

  Sneaking up behind her, I dipped my head near the crook in her neck, skirting my lips close to her ear. “Always knew you were meant to be a Miller girl.”

  It was cheesy as hell, but I didn’t give a damn. Watching her pale skin blush and the shiver that skated down her body, I’d deliver every fucking corny line I could if it got me that kind of reaction from her every time.

  She smirked, tilting her head to the side as she rotated it to look at me. “Don’t get cocky, Miller.”

  “Too late. You already stroked my ego back at the ball field.”

  She twisted the bottle around on the table, putting the label in her view. “I didn’t choose it.”

  “Doesn’t matter. Still looks good on you.” Same way she looked good on me.

  “What’s this I hear about stroking?” Aaron asked, clapping me on the back as he took a seat at the table, delivering another round of beers for everyone, including me.

  I slid into the stool between him and Hannah. “Just that Hannah here does a damn fine job at stroking my—”

  “Oh, god. Please stop before I start purging the beer I drank sooner than necessary,” Leighton cut me off, feigning a dry heave as she playfully gagged herself.

  Aaron and I chuckled.

  Hannah rolled her eyes. “I didn’t stroke anything of Billy’s.”

  I arched an eyebrow at her, both of us knowing that wasn’t entirely true. She’d done more than just stroke me that night a year ago. Another flush spread upward from her neck to her face as she tipped back her beer, swallowing a large gulp. She set the empty bottle back on the table, abruptly standing from her seat.

  I caught her wrist, halting her, lowering my head and voice to speak to her. “Hannah, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

  She gave me a pained smile. “It’s not what you said, Billy.”

  No. It’s what I did. We both knew that. Our pending talk was long overdue.

  She plastered on a smile and wiggled her wrist. “Excuse me. Need the ladies’ room.”

  I released her, watching her until she was out of sight. Turning back to the table I was pelted with more looks that could kill, all coming from my sister.

  “What?” I asked, taking a sip of my beer, trying to act indifferent to what just went down.

  “You’re screwing this up already.”

  “I don’t need your commentary, Leighton.”

  I was well aware I was a screw up when it came to Hannah. Drawing her attention to that night, the one she was dead set on forgetting, was a stupid move. I knew what happened early that morning was nothing more than an alcohol-induced slip of the tongue. And I knew between that and the vomiting she was embarrassed as all get out. But neither one of those things sent me running for the reasons she thought they did.

  “Well, from where I’m sitting, you need all the commentary and advice you can get. What’s wrong with you? You aren’t usually this bad with women.”

  My brow pinched in a frown as I glared right back at Leighton. Maybe because Hannah wasn’t just any woman.

  “You like her.”

  “Wow. Observant, lil’ sis.” I didn’t bother dialing back any of my sarcasm with my snort of dismissive laughter.

  “No. I mean you really like her.”

  Leaning my elbows on the table, I angled my body, scanning the room for nobody in particular. I couldn’t look her straight in the face, afraid she’d see what I was hiding. The fear.

  “You’re scared.”

  Shit. So much for that. I fixed my stare back on her, my mouth hot and dry despite the cold beer I was drinking. “What are you talking about?”

  She sighed, leaning in closer, dropping her voice. “I know you. You’re afraid to go after her. Afraid you’re gonna lose everything again.”

  I shook my head, refusing to admit that’s what it was. It didn’t matter. She and Aaron knew me better than anyone.

  “Leighton, babe. Let it be,” Aaron tried to bridle his meddling wife.

  She gave him the stink eye and he sat back, throwing his palms up in surrender, giving me the look that said he tried.

  Pussy.

  “Not everything is gonna end the same way,” she continued, determined to speak her mind whether I wanted her to or not.

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “Yeah, maybe not. But this will. She has her own life thousands of miles away.”

  “Just because life didn’t turn out how you originally planned, doesn’t mean you have to give up on everything. Your life didn’t end that day on the field. Only your baseball career did.”

  “All right, Leighton, that’s enough,” Aaron massaged at her shoulder, pulling her backwards, putting in more of an effort this time at shutting her down.

  Not needing him to come to my defense, I glared right back at her. “I’m sorry if you feel I’m not living up to your expectations for me, sis, but I don’t need your fucking lecture. Maybe you need to learn to mind your own damn business and remember it’s my life.”

  “It may be your life, but we’re family, which means it’s my responsibility to kick your ass when I see you acting like a damn fool. Especially when I know you’re smarter than that.”

  I pushed back from the table, the stool scraping as I stood.

  “Come on, man,” Aaron tried calling after me as I walked away. Unfortunately for him, he’d assumed the role of mediator between us more often than not.

  I stomped toward the back hall where the restrooms were located with only one thing on my mind: get the hell out of there. I wasn’t leaving without Hannah, though. We had some unfinished business that was gonna get taken care of. Come hell or high water, she was gonna hear me out. From there, only God knew. But if that woman chose to give me the time of day for the little time she had left in Billingsley, I was gonna take it. I’d deal with the fallout another day.

  Intercepting her just as she came out of the restroom, I pulled her to the side, pinning her to the hallway wall with my forearm pressed over her head.

  “Let’s get out of here.”

  A little shell-shocked, she glanced up at me and then toward the crowded bar. Leighton and Aaron looked to be in a heated discussion where I’d left them sitting at the table.

  “You just got here.”

  “I don’t care. I only came for you.”

  Eyeing the table once again and then the exit, the tip of her tongue licked at her bottom lip before she bit down on it. “Okay.”

  “Yeah?” I asked, feeling the need to grab her hand and run before she changed her mind.

  Looking back at me, she nodded with a nervous smile. “Yeah.”

  8

  HANNAH

  This was bad. A terrible idea. Yet, here I was, trapped alone in a truck, sitting only a few feet away from the one man who could break my heart into a million pieces at any moment. And I was a willing participant. No matter how much I knew this was a very, very, bad idea, I wouldn’t have changed my answer for anything.

  “Awfully quiet over there.” His deep, masculine voice filled with amusement broke through my train of thought.

  “Just wondering where you’re taking me.”

  With a lopsided grin, Billy glanced over at me. “You’re nervous.”

  “No,” I lied. “Are you not gonna tell me?”

  “It’s a surprise.”

  “I don’t like surprises.�
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  He smirked. “You’ll like this one. Trust me.”

  “I’m trying…” I whispered to myself, staring at the dashboard. He reached his hand across the console, giving my leg a squeeze. I tried to ignore the tingles his touch brought to my body—an impossible feat.

  The truck rolled through the dark, abandoned streets of town. The light posts overhead shone down on us, giving me glimpses of his sharp profile. He turned the truck into a parking lot, maneuvering into a space before shifting it into park. My eyebrows squished together as I took in the scene: the local supermarket.

  I looked over at him with what I was sure was a blank expression. I wasn’t sure what to think of his choice of venue.

  “Sit tight.” He smiled. “I’ll be right back.” He opened the driver’s door, stepping out of the truck.

  “Where are you going?”

  He stood outside the cab in the opened doorframe, hands propped on the rim of the roof as he leaned in, pulling his already snug tee tighter across his firm chest and arms. “Need a few things for where we’re going.”

  “You mean this isn’t our final destination?”

  He bit down on his lip, fighting back a laugh. “I admit I’ve been off my game lately, but give me some credit here, Hannah.”

  I smiled. “I guess, I’ll wait to see what you carry out of that store then, before I pass any judgement.”

  He tapped the roof of the truck, his face full of that boyish charm that made it so easy for me to fall, my tummy doing a little flip as I went. “With the stakes that high, I’ll need to know what your favorite color is then.”

  “Rainbow,” I teased.

  Displaying a wide grin, his eyes squinted with mischief. “You’re determined to make this hard on me, aren’t you?”

  I laughed. “Maybe. Or maybe I don’t have one.”

  His face straightened with a false seriousness. “Everyone has a favorite color, Hannah.”

  My lips pressed together, the smile on them impossible to hide. “If that’s true, then what’s yours?”

  “Easy. Black.”

  “Black? That’s a horrible favorite color.”

  “Says the woman who claims she doesn’t have one.”

  “All right. Fine”—I bit the inside of my cheek as I contemplated—"Red.”

  “Red,” he said the word, rolling it around in his head. “Why am I not surprised?”

  “What’s wrong with red?!”

  “Nothing at all…just very…fitting. Especially considering my plans for us tonight.” His grin was a permanent fixture on his face as his eyes swept over me.

  “Why do you need to know my favorite color anyway?”

  “I want to know more than just that, Hannah. There isn’t anything I don’t want to know about you.”

  Pushing off the truck, he took a step back. My heart thundered in my chest as I felt the slack in my jaw. I was speechless. And falling. Harder and harder every moment we spent together. He closed the door, then jogged toward the store, disappearing inside.

  Minutes later, he was walking out, his hands full with a bag and a six pack of Miller Light. I giggled as he fumbled, nearly dropping one of the cans as it slipped loose of the plastic holder, a silent curse flying from his lips. His eyes caught mine and my defenses melted a little more with his carefree grin.

  The cab door opened, and he climbed back inside, dropping his purchases on the rear floorboard.

  “Well? What did you get?” I glanced over the seat, trying to get a peek.

  “Nope. You have to wait. If all my credibility hinges on those items, you can’t see them until we arrive at the final destination.”

  “Oh, come on”—I gave him a playful nudge—“Not even a single item?”

  He scratched at the scruff on his jaw. “All right. Fine. One.”

  He angled his body, reaching into the back, sifting through the plastic sacks. Pulling out a bag of dark chocolate kisses, he handed them to me with a smirk.

  My face strained with a huge smile as I peered down at the bag of foil-wrapped chocolates in my hands. “You remembered my favorite candy.”

  The back of his knuckles coasted down from my temple, tucking a piece of fallen hair behind my ear. “I remember every word you’ve ever said to me, Hannah. There’s no way I could forget.”

  My smile faded into the moonlight. Right. Every word. Like the three words I’d accidentally said that sent him running.

  Clearing his throat and pulling his hand away, he turned over the ignition, then steered the truck back onto the road, headed toward the edge of town, our stark reality thickening the air around us.

  Billy slowed the truck, turning left onto an unmarked dirt road lined with a barbed-wire fence that I assumed marked the property boundary. The ride had been quiet since leaving the parking lot of the supermarket. Twisting the silver band on my index finger—the one I wore religiously—my chest tightened. I had to say something. Had to dispose of this heavy weight on my chest making it impossible for me to breathe.

  “I didn’t mean it!” I blurted out.

  For a beat, his gaze slid from the pitch-black road in front of us that was only lit with the narrow beam of the headlights, to look at me. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel, his face remaining impassive. “I know,” he said, taking another slight left, veering the truck off the road into a field of tall grass.

  “You know?” I pinned my narrowed eyes on him, my tone incredulous as my hands clung to the door and console, bracing myself to keep from sliding from my seat. The truck bumped and shook, jarring me as much as his response.

  A few seconds later it rolled to a stop. Billy threw it into park and shut it off. He rubbed at the back of his neck, his eyes still focused straight ahead. “I shouldn’t have left the way I did.”

  I kept my mouth closed, fighting back the insults I wanted to sling at him.

  “I know you didn’t mean to say those words. It’s not why I took off.”

  “Was it because I threw up?” I shut my eyes with my question, feeling my skin heat, still embarrassed and repulsed by what I did.

  Something between a chuckle and a snort erupted from beside me. I felt his hand latch onto mine, and I flicked one eye open, peeking over at him.

  He shook his head no, his laughter growing. “I won’t lie and say I wasn’t a little bit grossed out, but that’s not why. Shit happens. And you had a lot to drink that night…” His words died on his lips, along with the humor.

  “Billy?” I squeezed his hand, needing him to continue.

  I’d spent many sleepless nights wondering what had been going through his head that morning, besides the obvious. Because despite those two embarrassing mishaps, something had happened between us that night. Something that felt like a beginning, rather than the ending it was.

  “Shit,” he muttered, roughly rubbing his one free hand over his face and through his hair. “I’m afraid this is all gonna come out wrong.”

  “I think that’s kind of our thing, isn’t it? Doing and saying everything wrong.”

  “God, I hope not, Hannah,” he said, his eyes now focused on mine. “Because when I’m with you, nothing about that feels wrong.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat, my heartrate all over the place. “Tell me why, Billy.”

  He looked away again, drawing in a deep breath. “I panicked…when you said you loved me. I freaking panicked. But not for the reason you think…damn”—he muttered, rubbing at his neck some more—“I’m pretty sure I’ll be losing my man card after this.”

  My lips stretched tight with a suppressed laugh as I waited for him to continue.

  “I panicked because a part of me wanted you to mean it. For a split second, hearing those words from your mouth felt so fucking good. I know that sounds crazy. Even then I thought it was crazy. It was way too soon to say all that or be feeling all that. But it made me realize what I might want in the future…and then—”

  “And then I puked on you.”

 
; “Yeah.” He smirked. “Then you threw up and brought me back to the harsh reality of our situation. I needed to keep my crazy thoughts in check. You’d been drinking, and were leaving, and our time together to you was likely nothing more than a—”

  I kissed him before he could finish uttering the last of that statement. I knew what he was about to say, and it was complete bullshit. More. Our night together was so much more to me.

  His large hand splayed at the back of my head, pulling me closer, deeper. A groan rumbled in his chest as his tongue swept over mine. I weaved my fingers through the strands of his hair, gripping onto the short ends, ready to hurdle over the console and into his lap.

  “Han,” he mumbled through our pressed lips slowly pulling away, giving me a few small pecks before pulling away completely. His forehead dropped to mine, both of our breathing labored. “I think we should take things a little slower this time around.”

  I nodded against his head, knowing he was right but wanting to do anything but go slow because nothing had changed. Time was a privilege. One we didn’t have. Our time together was still limited, the same way it had been before.

  He sat back, his eyes and smile still on me. “You ready for your surprise?”

  I scanned the dark field of nothingness surrounding us. “Umm…you didn’t bring me all the way out here to leave me stranded in the middle of nowhere at night, did you?”

  “You seriously think I’d do that?”

  “I did throw up on you.”

  “True. When you put it that way…”

  I swatted at his arm with a playful scoff. He laughed, pulling on the handle to open the door. He jogged around to the passenger side, helping me out before opening the back door of his truck, grabbing the items he’d picked up earlier.

  My eyes adjusted to the stars and the moonlight, the black shadows becoming more recognizable shapes in shades of charcoal and dark blue. The largest one loomed high in the distance.