Horrible Harry and the Battle of the Bugs

by Suzy Kline

Song Lee stood up. “Mary!” she scolded. “You are being mean! When I got lice, I felt bad, but the worst part was having people like you make fun of me. That’s not being a friend! What if it happened to you?”

  Mary blew up her bangs in a huff. “It wouldn’t happen to me!” she snapped. “I always keep my hair clean!”

  When Song Lee sat down, no one said another word.

  Everyone just ate their lunch.

  Silently.

  Ten minutes later, the bell rang, and kids headed outside for the playground. Song Lee lingered with Harry and me.

  As the three of us walked slowly up the stairs together, I realized how great it was to have two loyal friends.

  The Battle Begins

  Mom picked me up shortly after lunch. When we got home, she washed my hair in the kitchen sink with a special shampoo the doctor had prescribed. She used a tiny comb to get the nits, or eggs, off each strand of my hair. “They like to be near your scalp,” she told me.

  I kept my eyes closed. The whole thing grossed me out!

  When there were a familiar three knocks on the back door, Mom called out, “Come in!” Her hands were soapy.

  “Hey, Dougo!” Harry said as he bounced in. “How’s it going?”

  “Slow!” Mom answered. “It’s a long and tedious process. Real nitpicking!” She giggled.

  “Very funny, Mom.” I groaned. “Thanks for coming over, Harry.”

  “Hey, this is where the action is!” Harry exclaimed. “It’s time to begin the battle of the bugs!”

  That made me smile for the first time that afternoon.

  “I brought my special weapon: Grandma Spooger’s terminator comb!” Harry said. “It has really thin silvery teeth.” He pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to Mom. “Grandma told me to tell you she just washed it in very hot water to make sure it’s completely clean.”

  “Thanks, Harry!” Mom chuckled. “So you had lice, too?”

  “Oh yeah!” Harry replied. “I got it three times one summer after camp! You didn’t know me then.”

  “Three times?” I said.

  “Yup! Grandma finally saved enough money to buy that terminator comb. It’s metal and lasts forever. She didn’t want to use the lice shampoo because it has chemicals in it. She used mayonnaise instead.”

  “Mayonnaise? No kidding, Harry?” I said.

  “Yup! My cousin used olive oil when he got lice, but we didn’t have any. The mayonnaise was kind of neat, actually. It felt so silky smooth on my scalp. I kept a shower cap on my head for a couple of hours. We smothered those buggers! You should have seen all the nits and dead lice she combed out with that weapon! I think that’s when I first got interested in bugs.”

  It made me kind of sick. I didn’t think I’d ever want to put mayonnaise on my sandwich again.

  “Fascinating, Harry,” Mom said, handing him back his comb. “I’ll do this side of Doug’s head, and you can do the other.”

  “Aye aye, captain!” he replied. “It’s time to go to battle!”

  Mom chuckled. “Thanks, Harry. Humor helps!”

  Harry flashed a toothy smile, then got to work. He used his magnifying necklace to look closely at my scalp. “Every time I spot a nit,” he said, “I use my metal comb like a sword and spear that bugger away from a strand of hair.” When he blotted the comb onto a paper towel, I could see some of the teeny tiny nits. They were yellowish tan or white.

  “I think I’ll get a magnifying glass, too,” Mom said. “You’re making better progress than me, Harry!”

  It took more than an hour to comb my whole head. Finally, Mom used the sink sprayer to rinse out my hair and then dried my head with a towel.

  “How about some ice cream, boys?” she said.

  “Yeah!” Harry blurted out.

  Mom scooped chocolate and strawberry ice cream into cones for Harry and me.

  As we were licking them in the kitchen, I was thinking how good it was to be home, and to have Harry over.

  I decided that I was never returning to school.

  And then the phone rang.

  “It’s for you, Doug,” Mom said. “It’s Song Lee.”

  I took the phone in my left hand because I had my ice-cream cone in the other.

  “How’s it going?” Song Lee asked.

  “Well, today’s treatment is done,” I said. “The doctor said we have to do one more in ten days just to be sure we didn’t miss a single live egg and have another round of lice start.”

  “But the hard part is over,” she said.

  “No,” I said. “The hard part is returning to school.”

  “I know,” she said. “I wanted to go back to South Korea.”

  “Well, I’m looking at Siberia.”

  When we both laughed, Mom gave me a concerned look.

  “Thanks for calling, Song Lee,” I said.

  My mom patted me on the head as I hung up. “I’m taking you to school tomorrow, dear,” she said. “I want Mrs. Cherry to check your hair after our treatment today.”

  I just groaned. I didn’t mind seeing Mrs. Cherry anymore. She was nice. But I didn’t want to go back to school. What if the kids were still whispering about me?

  Harry swallowed his last bite of ice cream, then grabbed my wiffle ball and bat next to the back door. “Time to play ball, Dougo!”

  “You’re right,” I replied. I felt like whacking something.

  The Nurse's Room

  The next morning, Mom wouldn’t let me go to Siberia. She said it was too far away.

  She forced me to get into the car.

  “How about Timbuktu?” I said. “It’s a little closer.”

  “Douglas, it costs thousands of dollars to fly round trip to those places. It costs ninety cents for gas to get to school.”

  I needed to rob a bank.

  “This will all be over soon, dear, and next week everyone will forget what happened!”

  “Oh yeah, sure!” I grumbled.

  Mom tried to change the subject. “I packed some banana bread in your lunch. And some grapes. You like those.”

  I didn’t want to think about fruit right now. It reminded me of the nurse’s office and being back at school.

  Mom parked the car by the playground just as the bell was ringing. I could see my friends in a tight huddle at the kickball diamond. There were kids from other classes joining them. Usually I’d be in there with them. I wondered if that was how I got my lice. From someone else’s head in that huddle.

  After we entered the main doors, we walked down the hall to the nurse’s little room. Mrs. Cherry greeted us at the door. Today her blouse had blueberries on it.

  When I sat down, she examined the back of my neck, and the hair behind my ears.

  “Great job,” she said. “It’s hard to get every single nit, but you got the ones close to the scalp. There are only one or two down farther along the hair shaft that are just dead eggs. They’ll eventually wash out.”

  Mom sighed. “Oh, good.”

  Then Mrs. Cherry added, “I’ll be talking with Mrs. Flaubert’s class this morning. I want to make sure the kids are not uptight and anxious about lice.”

  “Thank you!” Mom said. Then she gave me a kiss and left. I wanted to go with her. But she insisted I stay at school and wait for “the L talk.”

  The L Talk

  It came about ten thirty that morning.

  The L Talk.

  My class turned quiet when Mrs. Cherry began speaking. “Some of you may know we’ve had a few cases of lice at our school.”

  The only ones who looked at me were Ida, Sid, Dexter, and ZuZu. Mary was not there. That was a relief!

  Mrs. Cherry continued. “There is no need to panic. Lice is treatable. There are special shampoos and fine-toothed combs that can help you and your parents get rid of it.
The lice do not spread any kind of disease. They are just pesky bugs that can only crawl. If you don’t have head-to-head contact with other people, you won’t get it. The important thing is to remain calm, and be understanding toward someone who has it. The worst thing is to tease someone about it.”

  Yes! I thought. I wished Mary had heard that message!

  Mrs. Flaubert went to the front of the room with the nurse. “If any of you entomologists want to learn more about lice, Mrs. Michaelsen, our librarian, has offered to do a special study group in the library today.”

  Harry and Song Lee immediately raised their hands. I had to think about it.

  Then Mrs. Cherry asked if there were any questions.

  “What if I keep my hair clean?” ZuZu asked.

  “Getting head lice is no reflection on your own personal hygiene,” Miss Cherry explained. “People who are very neat and clean get it, too.”

  “Can you get it from a jar of Parme-san cheese?” Sid asked.

  When some kids giggled, the nurse smiled. “I’m glad you asked that, Sidney,” Mrs. Cherry replied. “There are a lot of crazy ideas about lice. But in order to survive, a louse must stay on a human scalp. That’s where it gets its blood supply to live. It doesn’t care about cheese.”

  “How do you get it, then?” ZuZu asked.

  “From head-to-head contact,” the nurse said.

  “What about sharing combs or hair ribbons?” Ida asked.

  “Or sharing hats?” ZuZu added.

  “It’s not a good idea to do that,” Mrs. Cherry explained. “So be extra safe, and don’t.”

  Then she passed out pamphlets about lice that had more information, and left.

  Afterward, the class worked on identifying the insects we’d found in our nature center yesterday. When Harry and Song Lee pushed their desks together, I stopped by to see what they were doing. They were sketching an insect on a big piece of paper. It was a picture of one louse crawling out of its egg on a strand of hair. They were adding facts from the nurse’s pamphlet.

  Mrs. Flaubert came over. “Doug? Would you like to join Harry and Song Lee?”

  “Okay,” I said.

  “Great!” the teacher replied.

  When I returned to my desk to get my pencil kit, there was a note on top. It was decorated with monarch butterflies.

  After I read it, I looked across the aisle at Ida and said, “Nice butterflies.” She smiled.

  I survived that first day back. I was glad I didn’t rob a bank or go to another continent. ZuZu, Dexter, Sidney, and Ida even joined Harry, Song Lee, and me for lunch, just like usual.

  The best part was that the three of us collected some important facts about lice. Mrs. Michaelsen, the librarian, helped us a lot. She showed us some websites to go to for information. She was so impressed with our hard work and research that she suggested we do a science project about head lice for the county science fair!

  Up until the last five minutes of our school day, I was starting to feel good.

  And then Mrs. Flaubert came to my desk and asked me to do something.

  Going to Mary's House

  It was just before the dismissal bell that the teacher appeared at my desk. “Doug, Mary’s mother called and asked if you could drop by her house with Mary’s homework. She said you live just around the corner.”

  Oh man, I thought. Are you kidding? Go to Mary’s house? She probably wouldn’t want to touch the papers I brought.

  I didn’t answer.

  Song Lee and Harry did for me.

  “I can go with you,” Harry said.

  “Me too,” Song Lee added.

  “What a good idea, kids!” the teacher exclaimed. “Mary needs some cheering up after being home sick.”

  I took Mary’s folder of papers from the teacher, but I wasn’t happy about it. Mrs. Flaubert had clipped a note on the front with a smiley face.

  “Thanks,” the teacher said, and then she called out, “Okay, class, time to get your things together and line up.”

  After the final bell rang, the three of us made our way to Mary’s house. I carried her pile of papers. It included her bug journal and that pamphlet the nurse had handed out.

  “Thanks for coming with me, guys,” I said.

  “We have to stick together,” Harry replied.

  “That’s what friends do,” Song Lee agreed.

  After turning the corner, we were on Mary’s street. Her green-and-white house was the biggest one on the block. As we got closer, we could see her yard was perfectly mowed. Rosebushes of every color lined her walkway. Her mailbox was huge. There were even bird feeders and a birdbath.

  When we walked up the steps onto the wide porch, there was a swing with flowered pillows.

  Harry rang the doorbell.

  “Nice-sounding chimes,” Song Lee said.

  Mrs. Berg showed up right away. “Oh, thanks for stopping by with Mary’s papers.”

  “How is she?” Song Lee asked.

  “Very tired. She didn’t sleep well last night. I’m letting her rest today.”

  “MOM!” Mary screamed from the top of the stairs.

  Mrs. Berg looked embarrassed. “She is very irritable. I don’t know what’s the matter,” she said.

  When Mary appeared at the bottom of the stairwell, she was scratching her head.

  “You might want to read the pamphlet from the nurse,” I said. “She came to our classroom today to talk about . . . head lice.”

  Harry patted me on the back. I’d finally said the L word. Now that it was my science project, I figured I shouldn’t be scared of saying it anymore.

  “Oh dear! Head lice!” Mrs. Berg groaned. “I remember my brother getting that when we were growing up. Then I got it! Well, there are a lot worse things that could happen.”

  Mrs. Berg was very understanding.

  “MOM! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” Mary screamed again. “You had lice?”

  When Mrs. Berg turned around to look at Mary, she noticed her scratching. “Does your head itch, dear?” she asked. Mary took off upstairs.

  “I think I better check on things,” Mrs. Berg said. Then she gave us a wink. “Thanks, kids. See you later.”

  “Well, that was kind of fun,” Harry said as we scooted down the steps. “Mary will find out what lice are like if she has them.”

  “Yeah.” I grinned.

  “I don’t think she’ll tease people about it anymore if she does,” Song Lee said.

  Halfway down the street, Harry stopped walking. “You know what?” he said. “I just figured out how you could never get lice ever!”

  “How?” I asked.

  “Just live by yourself the rest of your life. The only way you can get head lice is from head-to-head contact. There wouldn’t be any other head around.”

  As we continued walking, we all thought about it.

  “I think I’d rather risk it, and hang out with you guys,” I said.

  “Me too,” Harry and Song Lee agreed.

  lt All Comes Out in the Wash

  Mary did have head lice.

  She had a professional come to her house to do the hair treatment. She also put her stuffed animals in a plastic bag for two weeks, and washed all her brushes, combs, and bed linens in hot water. I was glad Mary returned to class the next day. I felt kind of bad for her.

  When Mary saw me, she came over right away.

  “I’m mad at you, Doug!” she snarled. “You gave me lice!”

  “What? You think you got it from me?” I replied.

  “Yes, I do! Maybe from one of our kickball huddles, or when we were working on our bug project together. That’s when I had head-to-head contact with you.”

  “Well, maybe I got it from you, Mare!” I snarled back. “Did you ever think of that?”

  Mary didn’
t have an answer for me.

  “How do we know we didn’t both get it from someone else in that kickball huddle? Lots of kids join us at recess from all grades,” I said.

  “I guess we never really will know for sure,” Mary said thoughtfully.

  “No, we won’t,” I replied.

  Then Mary changed her tone of voice. “I shouldn’t have teased you or whispered about you, Doug. That was mean. I wouldn’t like it if someone made fun of me for having lice,” she said. “I even thought touching a bottle of Parmesan cheese would give it to me! Really! Then I read that pamphlet Mrs. Cherry sent home about lice.”

  And that was when I knew we should include Mary. “Do you want to join Song Lee, Harry, and me to do a science project on lice? Mrs. Michaelsen is helping us find more information. She even said we could enter the project in the county science fair next month.”

  Mary beamed. “How exciting! We could share our experiences with head lice and get out the real facts!”

  Song Lee and Harry came over. “You’re going to do it with us?” Harry asked.

  “I’d love to,” Mary replied. “It’s my chance to be a real entomologist!”

  “All right, Mare!” Harry said, slapping her five.

  “We can save kids all over the world from the embarrassment of getting head lice,” Mary continued. “They need to know it all comes out in the wash. Got lice? Shampoo and comb, comb, comb the nits away. Don’t freak out like I did!” Mary was waving her hands in the air!

  “We could mention some of the myths about head lice,” I suggested. “Maybe that will help people realize the things about lice that aren’t true!”

  “Yes!” the girls replied.

  “I know one myth I want to attack first,” Mary said. “The idea that neat people don’t get head lice.”

  “Yeah!” Harry added. “And I know one fact I want to add. Olive oil or mayonnaise can help get rid of the lice!”