White Ute Dreaming

by Scot Gardner

  ‘Nah,’ she said. ‘Might be the last time I get to risk my life like this for ages. Some people go to theme parks, you know, and go on all the scary rides. They’re nothing.’

  We rode up to the caravan park and grabbed the crazy yellow dog. Dad made a few limp jokes and Kerry laughed when she was supposed to. I told Dad we were taking Ernie for a walk to the flat to pick up some stuff. He said tea would be ready around six.

  The sky was heavy and blue-grey like any minute it was going to bucket down but I took it easy going home. Kez insisted on cleaning up the backyard so I helped. It’s funny but the only things that make Ernie run away are the smell of his own poo and the sight of me with the hose. I’ve never squirted him or anything but he gets a bit toey when I wash the little broom and shovel.

  We went inside and Ernie snuffled around on the kitchen floor licking up breadcrumbs or whatever, like the biggest mouse that had ever lived. Kerry flopped onto the couch and I turned the TV on.

  ‘Nah. Turn it off,’ she said softly, and patted the seat next to her. ‘Haven’t got time for that.’

  I pushed the button on the remote and sat down with her. She snuggled under my arm, pulled my shirt out of my pants and put her hand on my stomach. That lit the fire. It felt like ages since we’d been that close. Maybe it was the right time. I kissed her temple and she raked her nails over my chest. I sighed.

  ‘What?’ she asked.

  ‘Nothing. That’s nice.’

  ‘Nice?’ she said, and brushed my nipple.

  ‘Well . . . delicious. Yummy. Very nice.’

  ‘Oh?’ She lifted my shirt and kissed my belly button then wriggled so she was straddling me, her eyes half closed. We kissed. First like a few drops of rain falling on a tin roof. Then like a thunderstorm. I had a hard-on that felt like it was going to burst any minute and the way Kez was moving didn’t help, wriggling like she couldn’t get comfortable. Could she feel that? Oh, God. I reached my hand under her shirt and slid my fingers over the softness of her bra. I cupped her breast and she put her head on my shoulder and breathed on my neck. There was a hard nipple in there, trying to escape. I rolled it between my fingers and she kissed my ear. Sorry little nipple, I couldn’t get you out if I tried. I couldn’t undo a bra with two hands let alone one shaky one. Kez sat up and reached both hands behind her back. Next thing her top and bra were on the floor and she was helping me wrestle with my shirt. She sat back and looked at me. Red on her neck and face and the sweetest naughty smile. Looking at her beautiful body made me feel useless. Right at that moment she was so perfect, you know. I could never live up to that. Fact is I’m not perfect. For a start, she has two awesome boobs and I have one hand. As that feeling started to burn me up, she took hold of my stump and rested it on her naked breast. I wanted to pull away. I didn’t want to gross her out. She moved my wrist over the side of her breast and it felt so smooth and luscious.

  ‘That’s nice,’ she whispered.

  ‘Nice . . .’ I said, and smiled.

  ‘Totally erotic and goes straight to my . . . you know.’

  She tilted her head back and I stroked the other breast as well. She wriggled and I wondered if those layers of clothing would be enough to stop her getting pregnant if I exploded. We were going somewhere we had never been before.

  The phone rang. Kez jumped and looked around for her clothes.

  ‘It’s only the phone,’ I said as she got up.

  ‘Yeah, I know. You’d better answer it.’

  I don’t have to, do I? Come back!

  It was Mum. ‘I thought you might be there. What are you up to?’

  ‘Nothing. Just came over to get some clothes and that.’

  ‘Can you water the plants while you’re there, love? The two in the lounge and the maidenhair in the bathroom.’

  ‘Yeah. Okay.’

  ‘Everything okay?’

  ‘Yep. Fine.’

  ‘All right. Don’t do anything stupid. I’ll see you on Tuesday some time.’

  ‘Yep. Right. See you.’

  ‘And the plants. The little watering-can is under the sink in the kitchen.’

  ‘Yep. Okay. Bye.’

  ‘How is it, staying with your dad?’

  I shifted feet. ‘Yeah. Fine. No worries.’

  ‘See you on Tuesday. Look after yourself.’

  ‘Yep. Bye,’ I said, and hung up.

  The fire had gone out. Kerry was dressed and Ernie was scratching at the door.

  ‘We’d better get going,’ she said, and pointed to the clock on the microwave. 5.47. I’d reset it and gone past the right time by twenty minutes and I couldn’t be fagged going through the whole process again.

  ‘That clock’s fast,’ I said, but it didn’t matter. Kez had grabbed Ernie’s lead and all that was left of our heat was my crumpled shirt and a cold spot in my undies. I got dressed and locked the door behind me. Fuck the plants.

  Kez huddled close to me on the way back to her place. We didn’t say much to each other, we didn’t have to. She said they’d be leaving about lunchtime and that I should come over to wish them goodbye. I said I would but it sounded like hard work. A huge van was parked in their drive and a couple of bright lights had been set up in the yard. A fat bloke and a skinny one struggled through the front door with the mattress from a double bed. The fat bloke was sweating and I could see his head shining from the road. He used his blue singlet to wipe his brow as he thumped inside for another load.

  ‘Going to come in for a while?’ Kez asked.

  ‘Nah. I’ll get going. I’ll probably see you before you go tomorrow though.’

  She nodded and hugged me around the neck. She planted a cool kiss on my lips and ran inside. It started to rain.

  I puffed a bit harder than I needed to when I got back to the van. I was soaked to the ball bag and so was Ernie. He had a wild look in his eyes like he’d been swinging off the clothesline. Dad made a bit of a fuss and dried my hair with a towel but he wasn’t pissed that we were late. The van stunk like vomit. He’d made spaghetti bolognese and had got a bit heavy-handed with the Parmesan cheese. Spaghetti block-a-nose more like it. It was good. He’s a good cook when he tries.

  I walked up to the shower block and had a shower of power after tea. Must have been in there for half an hour and the water was still hot. My knob went off while I was cleaning it—that’s the honest truth—and I had to wash the shower stall as well. Can thank Kez for that. There is so much I’ll miss about her.

  We watched a movie that night, the three of us lying on Dad’s bed. In the first lot of ads Dad dragged a couple of VB cans out of the fridge and offered me one. I was still full from tea and I had to say no to the beer.

  ‘Have you got a smoke?’ I asked.

  Some beer went down the wrong hole and he coughed and spluttered. ‘What for?’

  ‘Oh. Just have a smoke,’ I said awkwardly. What else do you do with the bloody things? ‘Mum lets me. Every now and then.’

  He shook his head. ‘Nah. Sorry mate. Don’t smoke any more. Haven’t had a choof for . . . oh . . . four months now.’

  I sat up. ‘Fair dinkum?’

  He nodded. ‘And if you want my honest opinion, if you smoke you’re fucked in the head.’

  That was a slap in the face. Four months ago he was Mr Chimney now he’s on a health kick and anyone who smokes is ‘fucked in the head’.

  He bent down and looked me in the eyes. ‘It will kill you.’

  Whatever. It’s not that important. ‘Can I have that beer?’

  ‘Yeah, sure,’ he said, and fished me out a green can.

  The movie was funny. It was about a bloke who gets dumped with a little kid who has to pee all the time. At the end, it got a bit gooey with dads hugging their kids and that. That was a bit off. Dad was lying there beside me and I could feel his leg jiggling. Mine was going too and I stopped it.

  Lying in my bed later, I thought that being in the van with Dad was pretty cool. I was sleeping in the same room as his
popping snores but that didn’t bother me. Sort of like we were camping together. In luxury. I dunno. It was cool anyway.

  Dad had to get up before light again to go to the dunny. I got up and did the sprinkler thing off the doorstep onto the grass. Chick, chick, chick, chick, brrrrr. Chick, chick, chick . . . I was dressed before Dad got back.

  ‘Where you off to?’ he croaked.

  ‘Dennis and that are shifting today. I said I’d go over and say goodbye.’

  ‘It’s not even six o’clock,’ he said, and scratched his scruffy head.

  ‘Yeah, I’m going to go to the flat first. Mum said to water the plants and that.’

  He nodded and crawled back into bed. Ernie jumped out and I looked around for his lead. He stretched and pissed and shook then jumped back into the van. I stuck my head inside to call him and he was already curled up with Dad. Didn’t need the lead after all.

  At the flat later, I lay on my bed and listened to the radio. I thought about my English assignment for the holidays and next thing I knew I was elbow-deep in text-books at my desk. I fluffed around and screwed up pages with three lines on them until the nine o’clock news. I started writing.

  Dear Kez,

  I miss you already. My guts hurt and I don’t need to go to the toilet. I’ve been thinking that it would have been easier if we never started hanging out. Easier but not better. I was thinking that I should get you a bunch of flowers but how stupid is that for someone who’s shifting house? Then I thought chocolate but you’d probably have to share that with Den and I wanted it to be something just for you. So I got you this . . .

  I LOVE YOU

  You don’t have to wear it all the time and if you eat it all at once it will definitely give you zits. Keep it with you for emergencies. See you.

  Love Wayne

  I almost screwed it up. I found an envelope in the pantry and folded the letter neatly and slipped it inside. I nearly put the whole thing in the bin. I stuck it in my pocket and rode around to the Humes’. The truck had gone. The station wagon was loaded to the hilt and had a huge hire trailer on the back that looked like it normally had a Formula One racing car in it. All covered in stickers and shit. Gracie was stuffing some bed linen into the back seat of her little Honda. She looked a bit grey.

  ‘Hiya Wayne,’ she said, and slumped against the side of the car. ‘I didn’t know we had so much stuff.’

  I laughed and put my bike against the fence.

  ‘What’s happening to the house?’ I asked.

  ‘We’re going to leave it empty for the moment and if everything works out in Fishwood, we’ll sell it or rent it out.’

  I followed her up the steps to the porch. Gracie took a deep breath as we went inside. It was so clean. There were a few garbage bags on the floor in the lounge but everything else echoed with emptiness. Jesus the cat sat near the pile of bags with his tail slashing across the wooden floor and his eyes part closed. Poor bugger. I squatted next to him and patted him until he was purring and rubbing against my leg. Kerry snuck in and draped herself over my back. Kissed me on the neck and started purring as well. I stood up and we hugged properly. God, saying goodbye is hard. I needed to sit down but there weren’t too many options. My throat got tight and I lifted Kez off the floor. Her back cracked and she groaned. Closer. Just a bit closer.

  Barry appeared from the kitchen. ‘There he is,’ he said sternly. ‘I’d like a word with you please, Wayne. In the kitchen. Now.’

  I dropped Kez on her feet and scurried into the kitchen. My heart was racing as he closed the sliding door.

  ‘I don’t know how to say this,’ he grumbled. His face had no expression. ‘This is a difficult time for us all . . .’

  I nodded and looked at my boot.

  ‘I don’t need any hassles right now.’

  I looked at him and his face broke into a smile. ‘Would you mow the lawns for us until we work out what we’re doing?’

  I couldn’t hide my sigh of relief and he laughed.

  ‘Yeah. Sure,’ I said, and my voice squeaked.

  ‘Good,’ he said, and slapped my shoulder. ‘Now get back in there and finish your goodbyes. We’ll be leaving soon. Well, sooner or later.’

  He opened the sliding door and growled, ‘. . . so don’t do it again. All right?’

  ‘Yes, Mr Hume. I won’t do it again,’ I said, and he kicked me in the arse. Kez would have been worried but Baz nearly ripped the door off its runners trying to stay upright after kicking me and we both burst out laughing.

  ‘I’d better get out of your way,’ I said, and Kerry frowned.

  ‘Why don’t you wait until we’ve gone?’

  ‘Oh, I’ve got a few other things to do. Mum told me to water the plants at the flat and the lawn needs mowing and that . . .’

  ‘Yeah, and we won’t be living here in half an hour,’ she said flatly.

  There was a hole in our conversation that echoed like the empty lounge room.

  ‘I’ll . . . I’ll say goodbye to Den.’

  He had the vacuum cleaner going on the carpet in his bedroom. Unfaded blocks of paint stared down from where his posters were last week.

  ‘Hi mate, bye mate,’ I shouted.

  He turned the vacuum cleaner off and dropped the hose so it clattered on top of the dying motor. He hugged me. That was out of the blue. I looked around but it was just him and me. I patted his back and he hung on.

  ‘Hope it all works out all right and that,’ I said, and he let me go.

  ‘Yeah. Me too.’ He leant against the wall. ‘I suppose you’ll come and visit every now and again?’

  ‘Yeah. I reckon. I want to come and check out the massive goldfish. And the sixty-four-bedroom house.’

  He chuckled. ‘Seven.’

  ‘Right,’ I said, and punched his arm. ‘See you.’

  He nodded.

  I walked out then darted back in and gave him the letter for Kez.

  ‘Can you give this letter to Kez when you get there? Just a soppy love letter . . .’

  ‘Where’s mine?’

  I laughed. ‘You know you’re my best mate. Kerry has doubts.’

  He nodded and stuck it in his pocket.

  Chapter Twelve

  I DIDN’T CRY OR ANYTHING BUT THEM LEAVING KICKED THE shit out of me for a few days. I did homework and zombied around. Watched the cartoons. I had all this time without Mum harassing me and I wasted it doing normal shit. I remembered to water the plants on Tuesday afternoon. One in the lounge was looking a bit suspect but the others were okay. Mum got home a couple of hours later. I hadn’t brushed my teeth the whole time she was away. She came in the door, plonked her bag down and told me the flat was a pigsty. Yeah, I missed you too, Mum. Welcome back. I hid in my room and watched the TV while she unpacked. Ernie wanted to go out so I had to make an appearance later. Mum was at the sink. I grabbed a tea towel and dried cutlery. It’s awkward but it’s possible.

  ‘How did it go at the solicitors and that?’

  She stared at the soapy water for a while then screwed up her nose. ‘Okay. Not a very nice job.’

  ‘How’s Uncle Ted?’

  ‘He’s all right.’

  I grabbed another handful of wet silver. I can play the game, too. All you have to do is wait when the telly’s not on. She’ll eventually talk.

  ‘Don had quite a bit of money saved up and hadn’t even touched his superannuation. He said in his will that he wanted us—me and Ted—to divide it up between us. There was one little surprise.’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘He left fifty thousand dollars to a woman we’d never heard of.’

  I tried to look surprised. ‘Really? Fifty grand? Shoot.’

  ‘Yeah. Ted and I tracked her down. She and Don were in love. No doubt in my mind. She was a bit younger than me. Lovely. She didn’t want to take the money but Ted told her it was what Donny wanted so she took it. The place was clean but fifty thousand would help her along a bit. For certain.’

  ‘Wha
t about his house? All his stuff?’

  ‘Ted and I are going up next month to have a big sale—like a garage sale—and then sell the house. That will be the hardest work of all, going through all his stuff.’

  Does that mean they’ll sell all the stuff in his garage too? Yeah, of course. Damn. There goes the lifetime supply of reading material. Some lucky punter will pick up the whole stack for three dollars.

  ‘Could I help with that?’ I asked.

  Mum looked at me. ‘Yes, Wayne. That would be lovely.’

  There was hope yet.

  We were watching Sale of the Century when Kez called. Mum answered it and she was chatting like it was one of the girls from work. I almost jumped down the phone when she said it was for me.

  ‘You made me cry, bastard,’ she said instead of ‘Hello’.

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘That note. I read it and I cried for a day.’

  ‘Sorry about that. That wasn’t meant to happen.’

  ‘Yeah, right. It said that you love me.’

  ‘Yeah, I do.’

  ‘I’ve never heard you say it.’

  I laughed. ‘I just did.’

  ‘No you didn’t, you said “I do” not “I love you”.’

  ‘Cor, that’s a big difference . . .’

  ‘It is . . .’

  The phone ticked like a clock for a long time.

  ‘How is it up there?’ I asked.

  ‘It’s awesome, Wayne. The kangaroos come into our backyard and eat all the grass down so we never have to mow.’

  ‘Cool. Maybe I could get a few for your old place. Save having to mow there. What about school?’

  ‘What about it? We’re on holidays like you.’

  She asked about Ernie. She asked about Mum and the stay at the van. Not much had changed in the couple of days since they had left.

  ‘Uncle Don had a girlfriend.’

  ‘Don’t tell her that, Wayne,’ Mum spat.

  ‘He what?’ Kez asked.

  ‘He had a girlfriend,’ I whispered into the mouthpiece. ‘He left her fifty thousand dollars in his will.’

  ‘Fifty thousand?’ she whispered.

  ‘You don’t have to whisper,’ I said.