The Consequences of Forever (Lainey)

by Kaitlyn Oruska

  I laughed at the thought of my dad using his indecisiveness for an excuse as to why he had married three times, and expecting the world to believe him and take his word for it. It wasn’t too far-fetched, unfortunately. “Maybe not. But what about college? I thought you wanted to go to Florida.”

  “I thought so too, but things change. I think I’m just going to go somewhere here in North Carolina, somewhere close enough I can drive home on the weekends. By the time you’re in college I’ll be two years in, so I can transfer wherever you want to go.”

  “You can’t decide your life around someone else, Adam,” I argued.

  “You’re not going to change my mind,” he said, the tone in his voice telling me it was pointless to even try.

  I sighed and rested my head against his chest. He continued rubbing my back, and it felt so good I could almost fall asleep there. This wasn’t the first time we’d had this discussion. Our relationship was just over a month old, and he was already so bent on planning our futures together. It was intimidating, and yet comforting all the same. I never thought I’d find someone who wanted me enough to wrap their lives around me.

  Adam lifted my chin with his forefinger and started kissing me. I melted into him, the way I always did, and let him move me from his lap so that I was laying on the couch. He climbed on top of me, guiding my legs so that they wrapped around his waist. My mind reminded me that this was how the fast few times had started, when the boundaries started to fade, when I started to question myself about why waiting was supposed to be so important. My mind warned me, but the rest of my body didn’t want to listen.

  Adam pulled away first, his forehead resting against mine. His breathing was heavy. I instinctively reached up and placed my hand on his still bare chest, feeling the way his heart pounded. “I love you,” he whispered, kissing me again. It wasn’t the first time he’d said it, but it still felt new; so wonderfully new.

  “I love you, too,” I whispered against his throat before placing a kiss there.

  “Maybe we should stop,” he suggested, pulling himself back to a sitting position.

  “Maybe,” I agreed, letting him pull me up.

  “Want a tour of the house?” He asked after a few minutes of awkward silence. “It isn’t much, but it’s pretty nice.”

  I nodded and stood up quickly. My legs felt shaky. He took my hand and guided me down the hallway, where there were three closed doors. He opened the first one and led me inside.

  “This is the master bedroom, I guess you would call it,” he said. It seemed a little small, but that could be because there was a queen sized bed right in the center of it, as well as two dressers, one with a TV on top.

  He pointed to a door. “That leads into the bathroom, but there’s also an entrance from the hallway.” We walked back into the hallway and he opened up another door.

  “This is another bedroom.” It was smaller than the first, with two twin beds on either wall, a nightstand in the center of them, and just one dresser. “I don’t think it’s ever actually been used by anyone before, but I guess Dad figured if he was going to design a guest house, there might as well be two bedrooms.” We left the room and he pointed to the last door.

  “That’s the bathroom. It’s nothing exciting so I’m not going to bother showing you it.”

  I smiled. “So how many girls have you given the grand tour to?” I asked.

  “Just you.”

  “Really?” I was surprised, and a little skeptical. Adam and I never talked about it in great detail, but I knew he had experience with other girls, and a guest bedroom with limitless privacy seemed too good to pass up on.

  “Yep. I told you you were special.”

  “Clearly,” I headed down the hallway, back towards the living room, and he grabbed me from behind, guiding me back into the first bedroom.

  “We’ve never made out on a bed,” he said, flashing me that famous Adam grin and closing the door behind him.

  I raised my eyebrows at him. “There’s probably a good reason for that.”

  “Probably,” he agreed, climbing onto the bed and pulling me down with him. We laid like that for a moment, him on his side, me on my back, gazing up at the ceiling. The lights were off, but it was still warm, almost to the point of stuffiness.

  “It’s too hot in here,” I told him.

  He laughed. “Take your shirt off, then.”

  “Adam!”

  “What? You’re wearing a bathing suit underneath. That’s totally allowed.”

  I scowled at him. “Oh, quit it. I’m not going to act like I don’t think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world just because it embarrasses you. Besides, I’ve seen you in a bikini before. Do you not remember that we’ve spent half our relationship at the beach?”

  “That’s different,” I tried to argue, even though I realized that maybe it wasn’t all that different. But still.

  “Okay, then there’s no reason not to take your shirt off. I took mine off.”

  I forced back a smile. “I know, but that’s different, too.”

  “It’s always ‘different’ when you don’t agree,” he sighed, feigning frustration. “What am I going to do with you?”

  “Let me back into the air conditioning?” I suggested.

  He shook his head. “Not likely to happen.” He put an arm over me and tugged me until I moved closer to him.

  “Just do it this once,” he pleaded. “I’ll never ask you to again, I promise.”

  “Never?”

  “Scouts honor.”

  “You weren’t a boy scout,” I reminded him. “I think scouts honor only counts if you were.”

  “Then you’re just going to have to trust me.”

  “Fine. Close your eyes.”

  “I’ll do you one even better,” he claimed, rolling over so that his back was facing me. I quickly pulled my shirt off and put it on the side of the bed, and then climbed under the covers, hoping they had been washed recently. Adam felt the movement and sat up quickly.

  “That wasn’t part of the deal,” he protested.

  I smiled innocently. “You asked me to take it off, and I did. You said nothing at all about me not covering up with something else.”

  He shook his head. “Well, you’re the one going to die from heat exhaustion,” he said. “It’s got to be at least ninety five in here.”

  “Then when I pass out you can feel guilty over causing it,” I said.

  He grinned, a mischievous gleam in his eyes, then grabbed the other end of the covers and climbed under them before I could do anything to stop him. “Maybe I can’t see but I can still feel,” he said, climbing on top of me again. Before I could think of my next move, he began tickling me and I squealed, struggling to get away from him.

  It didn’t work. Instead, he stopped tickling me only to hold me down and start kissing me again. My body responded, instinctively wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing back.

  This time I broke the kiss off first, pushing him back a little. “Maybe I should go home,” I said softly. He smoothed my hair away from my face and studied me with his deep brown eyes.

  “Maybe we should stop trying to plan everything and just let things happen,” he suggested.

  “I’m no good at that,” I reminded him. “Everything needs to be planned and everything needs to happen at the right time.”

  “You’re never going to know if it’s the right time if you need to plan everything,” he pointed out. “Just let me kiss you.”

  I did. I kissed him until I didn’t even notice the blankets being pulled away. I kissed him until I didn’t register where his hands were traveling. I kissed him until I stopped caring.

  “Do you want to stop?” He asked, after what felt like an eternity. I wanted to tell him that I wanted the world to stop, that I wanted time to pause until I could decide. I knew from the beginning that this moment was inevitable, not because of who Adam was but because of who we became together. I knew that this was what I
wanted with him, but I’d never allowed myself to really imagine it, really think about when and how I wanted it to happen.

  “I’m scared,” I said instead. It was the most honest thing I could think to say. He smiled and kissed me gently, his lips trailing from mine, over my cheek and finally resting on my ear.

  “Me too,” he whispered. I wanted to ask him why, but something told me that the time for questions had ended. Maybe it was time to stop talking about it, stop overanalyzing it. My mind screamed that six weeks wasn’t long enough, but another part of me didn’t think there should be a time limit on something like that. I loved Adam. Maybe I didn’t know exactly what that meant, but I knew it as well as I knew anything.

  I didn’t try to stop him after that. I let his hands go where they wanted, let his lips kiss wherever they landed. I held onto him as tightly as I could, as if loosening my grasp ever-so-slightly could cause him to slip away from me. For once, I let myself feel everything, and tried my hardest to stop my mind, to stop overthinking everything that happened and everything that was going to happen. I let myself want Adam, and not think about the consequences. Maybe I would regret that later on, but in that moment, I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to let myself care.

  The first time was nothing like I imagined it to be. It wasn’t magical. It hurt, but not as bad as I’d anticipated. When it was over he held me and asked me if I were okay, but I didn’t answer because I didn’t know what to say.

  We fell asleep together, and woke up too late to do anything but hurry back into our clothing and get into his car. He kissed me goodnight at my doorstep, and I hurried inside without as much as a quick goodbye.

  That night was the start of everything that was to come, but at that moment in time, lying in a too-hot bedroom with a boy I barely knew, it was just another milestone in a long lifetime. I’d given myself to someone else for the first time, and there was no turning back from that.

  Chapter Three

  I smoothed my skirt over my legs and took a deep breath. It was seven o’clock on Saturday night, and all the guests had finally arrived at Bella Vista for Nora and Erin’s fundraiser. Hannah and I stood by Nora’s side at the front of the foyer, waiting for her to make her speech.

  “Thank you all so much for attending,” she began, beaming at the crowd. A light round of applause followed, and she bowed her head slightly, as if embarrassed. I grinned at Hannah, thinking to myself ‘like mother, like daughter.’ Hannah rolled her eyes in response, as if she’d read my mind.

  “My husband, our daughters and I are so very happy to welcome you all to Bella Vista tonight. As you all may know, Bella Vista is not only a business to us, but also our home, and one we are all extremely proud of.” She paused for effect.

  “We are holding this benefit tonight in an effort to raise money that will go towards the families that were greatly affected by Hurricane Donovan. Having been in Haven just a few years, I am told the people of Haven were very fortunate to have minimal damage done to their properties in comparison to what past hurricanes have done, but any damage due to a storm is too much, in my humble opinion. All of the money you spent on tickets to attend tonight will be donated in full to a fund the community center started back in August after Donovan passed through, and will be handed out accordingly to those in need. We also have a donation jug at the dessert table, in case you decide you want to donate even more.

  “I would also like to thank Erin Foster, my dearest friend, for her help in getting tonight off the ground. This entire thing was actually her idea, and I couldn’t have possibly done it without her. Please, a round of applause for Erin Foster.” Everyone complied, and Nora beamed even brighter.

  “Now, the food is set up buffet style in the living room, and there are seating arrangements throughout all of the downstairs. Please eat as much as you like, and pile your dishes in the kitchen so they can be taken care of as the night goes on. I hope you all enjoy thoroughly, and again, thank you so much.” Another round of applause, and then the guests all disappeared into the living room. Nora turned to us, looking anxious.

  “Did I do alright?” She asked.

  “You did a great job,” I replied quickly, shooting her a reassuring smile.

  “I’m hungry,” was Hannah’s response, and she followed the crowd of guests into the living room.

  Nora sighed and watched her go. “I wish I could get that girl excited about something other than boys and clothes,” she complained.

  “She’ll grow out of it eventually,” my father said, appearing out of nowhere. He readjusted his tie and grimaced. It was Nora’s idea to have the fundraiser be a formal event. She loved getting dressed up, and complained that she hadn’t had an excuse to do so since her wedding day, nearly four years ago.

  “And I suppose you’re an expert in teenaged girls?” Nora asked.

  My dad winked at me. “Well, I did marry two of them,” he replied. Nora shook her head in disbelief and I held my hand over my mouth, trying to hold back a laugh. Nora took off after the guests and my father stepped closer to me, draping his arm over my shoulder.

  “How did she do with her speech?” He asked.

  “Great. You weren’t here?”

  He shook his head. “Nope, missed it. I was having too many technical difficulties with this damn tie.”

  I smiled and reached over, straightening it for him. “You look really nice, Dad.” My dad was a handsome man, though not in the traditional way. He was a few inches short of six foot, more lanky than muscular. I had inherited his coloring; the fair skin, strawberry blonde hair and light blue eyes, but not his charisma, which was likely what had led to him having three wives in the span of twenty years.

  “Thanks, but you, my dear, are the exact portrait of loveliness.” He bent down and kissed my cheek. “I couldn’t have envisioned a more beautiful daughter.” Something in his face softened for a moment. “You know, you’re starting to look more like your mother every day.”

  I swallowed against the lump that had just formed in my throat. “I don’t know if I should be happy or insulted,” I replied, releasing a small laugh.

  “No, it’s a compliment, sweetheart. Your mother was beautiful. Probably still is.”

  An awkward silence fell between us, one that had become all too common, whenever the subject of my mother was brought up. I didn’t like to talk about her, and while my father had to have known this, it rarely stopped him sometimes.

  “Now go get something to eat before Hannah takes all the good stuff,” he said finally, breaking the silence. It didn’t seem like a bad idea.

  I squeezed his hand before leaving the foyer and heading into the living room, where I nearly walked directly into Hannah. “It’s a madhouse in here,” she complained. I glanced at her plate, which was already full of just about everything on the menu. “To share,” she explained, noticing my look.

  I picked up a tea sandwich that looked vegetarian and took a tentative bite. I’d wanted to give up eating meat for a while now, but Nora’s response every time I brought it up was “not in my house.”

  “Oh, yum,” Hannah remarked. I glanced up at her, surprised, because she wasn’t eating anything.

  “What?”

  She raised her eyebrows and motioned with her head back to the foyer. I glanced over and felt my face redden; Adam had just entered, his mother by his side. Julia, as usual, looked stunning in a simple white dress, her honey blonde hair left loose around her shoulders, slightly curled. And Adam looked amazing in his simple black and white suit.

  “I hope you appreciate what you’ve got,” Hannah said with a wistful sigh.

  I shot her a warning look and placed my half-eaten sandwich back on her plate. “I have to go do something,” I said, ignoring her protests. I hurried past her, spotting Teagan standing by the salad bar Erin had set up earlier that day.

  Teagan had been living at Bella Vista since August, a few days after the hurricane hit. She was young, only twenty-one, and not in school. Sh
e was in between jobs at the time she came to us, and asked if she could stay on for a monthly basis, instead of weekly. Nora wasn’t happy with the idea at first, but had eventually relented, mostly because my dad insisted. He claimed he knew what it was like to be young and lost, and any help he could offer others in the same situation was well worth the money they would lose.

  Teagan had found a job waitressing at the Haven Café soon after, and was saving up to rent a place of her own. I was starting to like having her around; it was almost like having an older sister.

  “Hey,” she greeted me with a smile. “Is this dressing homemade? It’s amazing.”

  “Probably,” I said, leaning against the table next to her.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head. “Nothing, I’m just not crazy about all these people being in one small space.”

  Teagan nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I’m glad I got the night off, though. I think all of our regulars are here instead; it would have been so boring being stuck in an empty diner.”

  I turned my back to the crowd, surveying the salad bar. It didn’t look like it had been touched too much.

  “I’m going to get something to drink,” Teagan decided. “Want me to bring you back anything?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, a water, please.”

  “Sure thing.”

  I watched as she disappeared back into the crowd of people. My eyes met with Adam’s, and he started walking towards me. I felt panicked. I’d lost count of all the times he’d called since the night before, all of them going unanswered. I figured I’d make up an excuse by the time I saw him again, but now that the time had come, I had nothing.

  I turned quickly and hurried towards the stairs, deciding to hide in my bedroom until things calmed down a little. I’d talk to Adam, sooner or later. Maybe even that night after everyone else had gone home. I’d have an excuse about why I was acting so weird by then, and that would keep him happy until I figured out a way to tell him the truth.

  I ran up the steps as far as the small heels of my shoes would allow, and ducked into my bedroom. It was a disaster area, thanks to Hannah pulling out just about every article of clothing she owned in an attempt to find the perfect outfit. The Reeves’ weren’t even expected to be in attendance, but she claimed you never knew where Nolan would pop up, and had to look her best. I was just about to start cleaning up when I sensed I wasn’t alone.