The Consequences of Forever (Lainey)

by Kaitlyn Oruska

  “I’ll have the same.” We handed our menus over to Teagan, who looked noticeably relieved.

  “I’ll be right back out with all of that.” She hurried away and I took a long sip of my water, gazing at Adam.

  “You look great today,” I told him. He looked the same as he did every other day, but for some reason, it seemed more noticeable to me. I reached across the table and grabbed his hand, tracing the lines in his palm with my thumb. I’d never believed in psychics, but I wonder what they’d say if we had our palms read. Could you tell if two people were meant to be, just from looking at their hands? It was a crazy though, but I pushed it away the best I could.

  He grinned, tilting his head to one side and studying my face. “Thanks. You’re in a good mood.”

  “That’s because I’m tired of being in a bad one.” It had dawned on me yesterday, that I was so sick of being so unhappy. I needed to take a stand, realize that I’d made a mistake, and live with it. I couldn’t let Nora’s anger at me and my father’s sudden absences overshadow the fact that I had some pretty amazing people on my mind, people that were going to make sure everything was going to be okay.

  “The weekend was pretty awful, huh?” He looked sympathetic, and I was relieved. Although I understand and appreciated his anger, it could sometimes be draining for me, since there was nothing I could do about it.

  “You have no idea. Nora and I were literally screaming at each other at one point.”

  Adam looked surprised. “I’ve never heard you scream at anyone. Not even Hannah, or me, for that matter.”

  “That’s because I don’t. But she’s so dead set on me not having this baby, it’s like she won’t even listen to what I want.” I’d received more information on abortion and the consequences of having a baby too young than I’d ever want or need to know. It was like Nora refused to believe that I actually understand what having a baby at sixteen meant, that I had no idea how much my life was going to change. What she didn’t realize was that my life already had changed, and it wasn’t the first time.

  “What about your dad?”

  “That’s what’s even weirder. I literally have not seen him since Friday night. It’s like he disappeared.”

  “Maybe Nora killed him and has him locked away somewhere at Bella Vista.” Adam suggested, wigging his eyebrows mischievously. I envisioned that happening, and knew that if anyone could find a way to get away with murder, it would probably be Nora. Hannah had to have learned her devious ways from someone, and they always say you learn from the best.

  I grinned. “I hope not, but it seems entirely possible with the way she’s been acting.”

  “I wouldn’t be surprised. Listen, my mom really wants to talk to you about finding a doctor, and soon.” His voice turned serious, and I felt that same jittery anxious sensation forming in my stomach.

  “Random,” I said, looking away from him, playing with my straw instead. I wished Dr. Foster would have done some more tests or something, given me an ample excuse not to have to see anyone else for the foreseeable future. For all of its awkwardness, at least I knew Dr. Foster well enough to know he wasn’t going to do anything too terrifying to me.

  “Not really. I told her how much you hate going to the doctor and how you won’t even take aspirin for headaches, and she wants to talk to you about making going with a midwife instead of an obstetrician.”

  “What?” At the mention of a midwife, my mind automatically went to history class earlier in the year, when we were talking about the turn of the century, and how most women gave birth in the home, with the help of midwives. I shuddered at the thought of some random woman coming into Bella Vista and guiding me through labor, with nothing but a bucket full of warm water and a rag.

  He shrugged. “I have no idea. That’s why I think you should talk to her about it.”

  “Is she home now?” I knew she probably was, but hoped that she randomly had plans that particular day, so I could have time to think of an excuse not to meet with her and talk about this particular topic.

  Adam nodded. “Yeah, she should be. Want to go after school?”

  “No, let’s go after we eat.” I’d never skipped school, not once in my life, at any of the different schools I’d gone to before we moved here, and it wasn’t something I ever envisioned myself doing, but that seemed to be a theme in my life lately; getting myself involved in situations I never would have predicted.

  “We still have three classes,” Adam reminded me.

  “I don’t care if you don’t.”

  He raised his eyebrows, but looked interested in the idea. “Rebellious Lainey. I never thought I’d live to see the day.”

  I placed a hand over my stomach and grinned. “Comes with the territory,” I said.

  Our lunch arrived and we ate quickly, before I could change my mind. I was nervous about the idea of skipping school and the punishment that would follow, but somehow a lecture or even detention didn’t sound that scary. Something told me I’d already survived worse, and was in for much more.

  Needless to say, Julia was surprised to see us.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be at school?” She asked when we walked in the front door.

  “Yep.” Adam plopped down on the living room couch, pulling me into his lap. I wondered how much longer I’d be able to sit there without crushing him. “I told Lainey you wanted to talk about doctors and stuff, so she suggested we come now.”

  Julia looked at me, even more surprised. “It was your idea?”

  I nodded. “I have a 4.0 GPA and haven’t been absent since early freshmen year when I had the flu, so I don’t think there’s much they can do to me if I miss half a day.”

  “She’s a new, rebellious version of herself,” Adam informed her.

  Julia smiled, but still looked puzzled. “Okay, well, I don’t know that I necessarily agree with this, but since you’re here we might as well take advantage of the time. Have you put any thought into what kind of care you want to receive, and how you want to give birth?”

  I shook my head. “Nope. It still doesn’t even feel real yet.” I traced a finger over the lower part of my stomach, but nothing felt any different than it had a month ago, or even a week ago. Maybe a little swollen-feeling, but that could easily just be me imaging that.

  “It will once you start to show,” she smiled. “Trust me.”

  “Adam said something about a midwife, but I’m not really sure what that means.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what it meant, either, but it was worth a try. The more she told me about things, the more I didn’t have to make decisions about them.

  Julia nodded. “I’ve been doing some research, and with your dislike of doctors and medication, I think maybe a midwife could suit you better. I’ll be right back.” She got up and left the room, returning moments later with a stack of papers.

  “Read through these,” she advised. “It should be enough information to help you to make a decision, and when you think you know, call me and I’ll set up an appointment for you. Do you have insurance?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, but I don’t know what it covers exactly.”

  “That’s not a problem. Ned and I have discussed this, and we’re willing to pay for anything and everything you’re going to need.”

  I looked up at her, shocked. “I can’t accept that,” I protested.

  “It’s not an offer. We insist. I know that it’s expensive to run a bed and breakfast, and Ned and I are more financially capable of taking on this extra expense. I prefer neither of you to work while you’re in school, so this is our way of ensuring Adam finishes high school on a good note, and you can keep up your grades.”

  “That’s too generous, Julia,” I insisted. I slid off of Adam’s lap, seated in-between him and Julia. She reached over and took both of my hands.

  “It isn’t, Lainey. I told Adam from the start that his father and I were going to help out, and that’s exactly what we’re doing. This is our grandchild, after all. Our first
one.”

  I smiled at Julia. “You’re too young to be a grandmother,” I said.

  She grinned. “Keep telling me things like that and your baby will end up with a gold plated crib!” We all laughed.

  “In all seriousness, though, I really would feel better if you got to a doctor soon. I understand you went to your family doctor over the weekend, but he didn’t really give you an exam, did he?”

  I shook my head. “No, just a prescription for prenatal vitamins. He said he prefers to leave the other stuff to people who know exactly what they’re doing, but I think it was really just as awkward for him as it was for me.” I glanced at Adam, who rolled his eyes. He hadn’t been overjoyed to find out I’d gone to Scott’s father for an exam, but he knew it hadn’t been my choice, and didn’t hold it against me.

  “And you’ve been taking them regularly?” Julia asked.

  I nodded. “Yes, and he told me I’m about ten weeks along.” I glanced over at Adam, who looked like he was holding back a smile, probably trying to remember whatever he could about the night of his birthday. I wondered if he’d remember that he actually locked me in his car and feel bad about it.

  Julia looked concerned. “That’s a bit far to have not seen a doctor yet. Do you want to go through these papers now so I can make an appointment soon? If you go to one and feel uncomfortable, we can always switch later.”

  “Okay,” I picked up a packet of papers labeled “Midwives and Natural Birth” and skimmed through it. “I don’t want a home birth,” I said immediately, looking up at Julia with a panicked look.

  “Oh, God,” Adam groaned. “Could you imagine Nora’s face if you decided to give birth at Bella Vista?”

  I clapped a hand over my mouth, trying not to laugh. “Right in front of all the guests?”

  Julia shook her head, but she looked amused. “This isn’t funny, kids,” she warned. “Time to be serious.”

  Adam smiled at me, but his eyes looked solemn, and a little worried. Julia was right. Now that some of the worst was over, it was time to get serious.

  Chapter Twelve

  The rest of the week went by slowly. Naturally, the school reported my cutting classes to Nora, which resulted in another screaming match, which eventually led to awkward silences whenever we were in the same room together. By the time Friday arrived, I was exhausted, mentally and physically.

  Adam was visiting family that lived a few hours away that night, and although I was invited, I declined because I didn’t want to risk another argument with Nora. Hannah had plans to hang out with Nolan, surprisingly enough, so I was on my own for the night. I didn’t mind it all that much.

  I ate dinner alone and in my bedroom, something that was usually not allowed but another thing Nora tended to ignore now that we weren’t on speaking terms. It was probably better than having to see me. She finally seemed to be coming to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to get an abortion, and had started sliding pamphlets about adoption under my door. I just slid them back, leaving them in the hallway, and then they’d reappear somewhere else. With Thanksgiving approaching, we were slowly getting more guests, so I had faith the pamphlets would disappear completely soon enough.

  After I ate I did my own dishes and put them away, then headed back to my bedroom for a shower. I made it a long one, letting the steam build up in the bathroom until I could barely see through it, then wrapped myself in a towel and let my body mostly air dry, skimming through a book Ms. Freeman had recommended for me earlier in the week.

  Things at school had managed to stay pretty quiet, surprisingly enough. Nolan hadn’t told anyone, probably because he didn’t feel it was newsworthy enough to tell, and Hannah was too caught up on the fact that Nolan was finally paying attention to her to be bothered with spreading the news. Scott had gone from glaring at me occasionally to not looking at me at all, so I could only assume my secret would remain safe with him.

  After I had dried off the best I would, I dressed into a pair of sweatpants and a lose t-shirt, combed through my hair once, grabbed the book and headed out the deck. Bella Vista didn’t have a pool, but we did have a decent view of the ocean, and the deck was one thing my dad had hired a construction crew to add on after we bought the property. We had an assortment of different lounge chairs out there, as well as a pretty substantial sized grill that Nora used a lot in the summer. With our closest neighbors being all rental properties, it tended to be really quiet and peaceful out there during this time of the year. The perfect place to read.

  I turned the outside lights on, then got comfortable on one of the couch chairs, and opened the book. I had only gotten a few pages in when I heard the sound of the door opening behind me and someone stepping out. I closed my eyes and counted to three, wishing Nora would just leave me alone. When I opened them, I nearly fell off my chair.

  “Dad?” I asked, as though speaking to a ghost. It was literally the first time I’d seen him since the disaster of a birthday dinner the week before. The only way I’d known he was still around was because the bananas were still the first fruit to disappear from the fruit bowl, and there was always a current newspaper lying around.

  “Hi, sweetheart,” he said, sitting down next to me as if his sudden reappearance was nothing but normal.

  “Where have you been?” I asked.

  He looked at me, surprised. “What do you mean? I haven’t gone anywhere.”

  “I haven’t seen you in a week,” I pointed out.

  He nodded slowly. “Yes, well, you know how I am, sweetheart. I like to steer clear of conflict.”

  If I wasn’t already used to him and the way he handled things, I might have been angry about that last part. Deep down I knew he should have put aside his dislike for conflict and stuck around to defend me, but I knew that wouldn’t happen, and there was no point in getting angry with him over it. As far as blood went, he, this baby, and an older brother I barely knew were all I had, and I felt an intense desire to hold onto that, no matter what.

  I wanted to ask where exactly he’d been hiding this entire time, but decided against it. It didn’t matter. He was here now. Maybe that should count for something.

  “What are you reading?” He asked, reaching for my book. I handed it over to him and watched as a smile spread slowly over his face.

  “This Side of Paradise by none other than F. Scott Fitzgerald. Is this your first time?”

  I nodded. “Ms. Freeman lent me a copy. She wanted to teach it to the class, but apparently the school board wouldn’t let her, for whatever reason.” I suspected Ms. Freeman had been something of an activist back in her day, though she never revealed much about her personal life, other than being unmarried with no kids. She’d been enraged when the school board passed on her suggestion to change the reading material this year, and offered the books to anyone that was interested. Unfortunately, I was fairly certain I was the only one who came forward.

  “It’s one of my favorites,” my dad declared. “You’re named after one of the characters, you know that?”

  I was surprised. “I am?”

  “Yep. Your middle name, anyway. Rosalind Connage. Have you gotten to her part yet?”

  The name didn’t sound familiar, other than Rosalind being my middle name; one I’d always thought strange compared to Lee like Nora, and Grace like Hannah. I shook my head. “No, I’m only a few pages in.”

  “Well, you’ll get there soon enough. There’s no real reason you were named for her, it was just the only name your mother would agree to. I really wanted to give you a literary name, something with substance, but she was dead-set on naming you after your grandmother. Not that she really did that right, considering you’re Alaina and your grandmother is Elaine, but I stopped questioning her after about the twentieth argument we had about it.”

  I glanced out at the ocean, completely dark now and endless. I hated when he casually mentioned my mother, like it was no big deal. I’d prefer her not being mentioned at all.

  “I’m
Lainey,” I told him, as if that somehow altered my identity. I hated that my mother had chosen my name, and I hated that she’d name me after a woman I had no memories of at all. I didn’t feel like an Alaina. I’d been called Lainey for all long as I could remember, and at least that was somewhat away from the name she’d given me.

  “You would have been Scout, if I had my way,” my dad chuckled.

  I look at him, somewhat amused. “Scout?” I repeated. “As in To Kill a Mockingbird?”

  He nodded. “That’s the one.”

  “Wow.” Suddenly Alaina didn’t sound so bad, reason behind it or not.

  He grinned. “Yeah, I tend to be a little exuberant when it comes to names. Probably why I haven’t been allowed to name anyone yet.”

  “Yet?” I smiled slightly.

  “Well, I’m here if you need any help,” he offered. I didn’t think I would, especially if Scout would be a possible suggestion, but it was nice to know he cared enough to offer.

  “You’re not joining the Give Lainey’s Baby Away to the Closest Bystander campaign?”

  He let out a deep breath and glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “I love Nora, Lainey. She’s arguably the best thing that’s ever happened to me, to either of us. But every day that I wake up here at Bella Vista, and think of how it all came together, is a day I regret not giving you the chance to get to know your grandfather. I don’t want to make the same mistake by not getting to know my own grandson or granddaughter.”

  All I knew about my grandfather was that I’d met him a few times when I was really little, too little to remember. He’d come out and visit us while we lived in Oregon, before his health got too bad. I don’t know why we never went to Delaware to visit him, but for whatever reason, we didn’t, and when he died, my dad was devastated.

  Jackson Winslow left almost everything he owned to my father, his only child, and a small amount of money for Mason. While he didn’t leave anything for me, exactly, he made it clear in his will that my dad was to use the money to provide a more stable life for me. He was always concerned about that, apparently, that I wouldn’t have the stability I would need, with no mother and my father as my only parent. I’ve always suspected that maybe my grandfather might have expressed these wishes during his lifetime, which could have been why he wasn’t an active part of my life. My dad might be easygoing, but he did have a tendency to be easily offended on certain subjects.