The Consequences of Forever (Lainey)

by Kaitlyn Oruska

  “She’s a bit of a difficult eater,” Nora explained. “She always has been.”

  “I see,” Beatrice looked unconvinced, and maybe even a little annoyed. She was used to getting her way, I decided, even in the smallest of situations.

  The turkey made its way to Beatrice, and she put a healthy portion of it on her plate. “It looks wonderful. Are you sure you don’t want to consider?” She stabbed some with her fork, and without waiting for a reply, tossed it on my plate. The smell attacked my nostrils, and before I could control what I was doing, I jumped up and fled the room, barely making it into the hallway powder room where I bent over the toilet and lost my breakfast.

  I sat there for a minute, feeling stunned. I flushed and then rested my head against the cold porcelain of the toilet seat, feeling worse than I had in a while. It wasn’t the first time the sight of or smell of a certain food made me feel sick, but it was the first time I hadn’t been able to control the impulse to throw up because of it. Nora was going to kill me.

  I made my way back to the dining room, where everyone was silent. I sat back in my chair, hoping everyone would take that as a sign I was perfectly fine, but everyone continued to stare at me.

  “Sorry about that,” I managed to say. “I haven’t been feeling all that well lately.”

  “You might want to see a doctor,” Beatrice advised, staring at me as if she could see right through my lies. “It could be something serious.”

  “I am tomorrow, actually.”

  Nora shot me an angry look, which made no sense to me, since I hadn’t told Beatrice what kind of doctor I was going to see. “Lainey, maybe you should go upstairs and lay down for a bit,” she suggested.

  “The girl just threw up, Nora. I think the last thing she needs is rest. She needs something solid in her stomach to hold whatever’s wrong down,” Beatrice argued.

  “Mother –” Nora began, but Beatrice wasn’t having it.

  “Here, eat a biscuit.” Beatrice took one from the basket and put it on my plate, along with a thick slab of butter. “That should help.”

  “I’m actually not hungry at all,” I admitted. “I think I will go lay down.”

  “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” Beatrice demanded.

  “Mother! What gave you that idea?” Nora exclaimed before I had a chance to react.

  “I’ve been pregnant twice in my life, Nora. I know what a pregnant woman, or in this case, girl, looks like.”

  “Well in this case, you’re wrong, Mother,” Nora started to stand up. “And frankly, Lainey and I are insulted you would ever think that.”

  “Oh Mom, shut up,” Hannah groaned. “Will you get over yourself already? Grandma Bea, Lainey is pregnant. Three months so, actually. And she’s keeping it, but Mom is in complete denial over that.”

  Nora sat back down, looking stunned. “Don’t you ever speak to me like that, young lady,” she said in a low voice. Hannah stared at her, unaffected.

  “I’m sick of the way you treat Lainey,” She stated. “I’m sick of you trying to control everything. Lainey is pregnant, and in six months, there’s going to be a baby here, and you’re just going to have to deal with that.”

  “Over my dead body!” Nora declared.

  “Don’t tempt me,” Hannah replied.

  “Okay, enough!” Now Beatrice was on her feet, holding a steak knife up for emphasis. “What in God’s name is going on here? How dare you talk to your mother like that, young lady!”

  Hannah stood up, meeting Beatrice’s eyes with a stony resolution clear in her own. “Lainey is pregnant by her boyfriend, Adam, who is pretty much the best boyfriend ever because he’s supportive and loves her, and wants to raise the baby with her, and my mom is a complete monster who won’t get over herself and is trying to control the entire situation, and keeps telling Lainey she isn’t keeping the baby when clearly she is and isn’t going to change her mind about it.” It all came out in one breath.

  “I should have known you’d let something like this happen,” Beatrice said, shaking her head at Nora. “I should have known.”

  “What?” Nora exclaimed. “You’re going to blame me for this?”

  “You’re the only mother this girl has, are you not?”

  “She’s not my daughter!” Silence fell over the room like a heavy blanket. I sat there, shocked, not sure if I wanted to cry or scream or just sit there forever, wishing the moment hadn’t happened. Despite the decline of my relationship with Nora, I’d never expected her to say something like that.

  Hannah jumped to her feet, somehow knocking her plate off the table in the process. “Then neither am I,” she declared.

  She reached for me and I let her, somehow convincing my feet to lift my body and then follow her out of the dining room and up to our bedroom. The room behind us remained silent, and that was something that would stick with me for a very long time.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Isn’t this the cutest thing ever?” Hannah lifted up a tiny ballerina outfit, equipped with a sparkly pink tutu and a pair of slippers, her eyes full of admiration.

  My own eyes widened in something closer to horror than fascination. “Hannah, that’s horrible.”

  “What?” She studied the outfit and shook her head. “You have no taste, Lainey. This is the cutest thing ever. Can I get it?”

  “It’s fifty dollars,” I protested, catching a glimpse of the tag. And that was the sale price.

  “I know. It’s a steal.”

  “What if I have a boy? I don’t think he’ll be happy years from now, looking back on his baby pictures, and seeing himself dressed in that.” I almost laughed out loud at the image; a baby version of Adam, handsome and decked out in a ballerina costume.

  Hannah sighed and put it back on the rack. “True. Well, if you find out today I’ll come back and get it.”

  “It’s way too early.”

  “You never know.” Hannah, the ever-optimist. At least, when it suited her.

  I walked away from the clothing section and towards the crib section, amazed at how many different varieties there were. I vaguely recalled a picture I had seen once, of my mother holding an infant version of myself, standing beside a white crib. It was simple and yet stunning in contrast to the brightly colored orange walls behind them. My mother looked young and tired, but happy. I smiled to myself at this sudden memory of a picture I hadn’t seen in years.

  I found a white crib that looked similar to the one from my memory, and cringed. Five hundred dollars. I had more than that saved up from my allowances, but it would still put more of a dent in it than I’d wanted to. And besides, the crib was too big. There was no way Hannah and I would manage to fit that into our bedroom unless we traded our two twins in for bunk beds, and I wasn’t sure she’d go for that.

  “Expecting a little brother or sister?” A woman appeared from out of nowhere, smiling brightly. I was caught off guard.

  “Um, no.”

  “Niece or nephew?”

  “No,” I said again.

  “She’s pregnant, okay? If you have a problem with that, we’ll gladly take our business elsewhere.” Hannah was suddenly by my side, hands crossed over her chest. The woman blinked in surprise.

  “I don’t have a problem at all,” she assured us. “Please, let me help you. Are you looking for anything in particular today?”

  I shot Hannah a warning look before turning my attention back to the sales lady. I appreciated Hannah’s desire to defend me, something that had only grown since the night before, but I wanted a loyal stepsister, not a vicious attack dog. “I don’t know what I’m looking for,” I admitted.

  The woman smiled. “Well, my name is Victoria, by the way. How far along are you?”

  “I’m Hannah, and this is Lainey. And she’s exactly twelve weeks today,” Hannah answered for me.

  “Well then, I don’t think a crib is something you need to worry yourself over too soon,” Victoria said.

  “I guess it’s a little
too early to start shopping,” I admitted, feeling embarrassed.

  Victoria quickly shook her head. “Oh no, not at all. Plenty of women start early, even earlier than you in some cases. Babies can be expensive and most women don’t have all their needs already fit into their current budgets, so it’s good to start buying early, spread the expense over time.”

  “That makes sense,” I agreed.

  “Do you have a certain amount of money you plan on spending on everything total? If you give me numbers, I can find a way to work them for you.”

  “Um, is five hundred possible?” If I could get all the necessities for the baby for less than five hundred, I’d have a decent amount left over to buy other things he or she might need later on.

  Victoria looked doubtful. “That’s a little low,” she admitted. “Do you have any wiggle room?”

  “Her boyfriend’s rich,” Hannah put in. “I have no idea why she’s trying to start so low.”

  “He isn’t rich,” I protested.

  “Are you kidding? I mean, he’s not Nolan but he’s not exactly driving around a used, century old truck, either.”

  Poor Scott was never going to be allowed to forget about that truck. I pictured he and Hannah in their eighties, sitting together in front of a fireplace, her nagging at him for buying a truck all those years ago, and making her drive around in it with him. Victoria looked back and forth between us, amused.

  “I’m the expectant aunt,” Hannah informed her, as though she’d asked. “I want to make sure this baby has top quality everything, even if it costs a little extra.”

  “Well, I can certainly show you what we have on the lower side of things, but if you can expand your budget, I’d very much recommend doing so. Just like most things, you can get by with getting the cheapest version of certain items, but others you’ll end up paying more for if you have to replace it within a few months.”

  “Do you earn commission?” Hannah wanted to know, immediately suspicious.

  “Hannah,” I hissed at her, but she ignored me. Victoria smiled, not looking insulted.

  “No, I don’t earn commission. But I am the mother of two, so I do have some experience with trying to buy things for a baby on a budget.”

  “Any help you can offer is great,” I said quickly, before Hannah could add anything else.

  “I guess it’s too early to know if you’re having a boy or girl, right? Well, it doesn’t matter. A lot of people I know are actually waiting to find out at the birth, so they go with mostly neutral things.”

  “I think that’s what I’ll do,” I agreed. I was sure there were plenty of women who couldn’t wait to find out the gender as soon as they discovered they were pregnant, but I wasn’t one of them. I was perfectly fine with waiting. “I really like that white crib over there.” I pointed back to the crib, and Victoria nodded.

  “White doesn’t sell too much here, but it is very nice. Maybe you’ll come into some extra money before the baby is born.”

  “Maybe,” I agreed. She showed us around the store some more, offering ideas on where to splurge and where to cut back on money. By the time the tour was over and we were leaving the store, I felt like my mind was spinning.

  “Hungry?” Hannah asked, heading towards the food court before I could answer.

  “Sure,” I agreed. We found a table and I waited there while Hannah went in search of food. I took my phone out of my pocket and checked my messages. There were none.

  I hadn’t told Adam about the disaster of Thanksgiving yet, mostly because I didn’t want him to have another excuse to hate Nora. There was nothing he could do about it but complain to me, and I didn’t need any more of that right now. I put my phone away just in time to look up and see Scott walking towards me.

  “Hi,” he said, coming up to the table and staring at me.

  “Hey,” I replied, surprised he was actually talking to me. We hadn’t said a word to each other since that time at the lunch table a few weeks earlier, and I assumed it was going to stay that way.

  “Here with Adam?”

  “No, Hannah. Who are you here with?”

  “My mom, but I lost her about an hour ago.” He didn’t seem too upset about it, but I couldn’t blame him. Erin always meant well, but I couldn’t just imagine the kind of nightmare shopping with her could turn out be. Even worse than Hannah, maybe.

  “Want to sit down?” I offered.

  He looked like he was debating it for a moment, but the pulled a chair back. “Christmas shopping?” He asked.

  I shook my head. “No, not really. I think Hannah mostly comes for the excitement, and I come to keep her company.”

  “I’m surprised this table isn’t overloaded with bags,” he remarked. I was too, now that he mentioned it. We’d been there for a few hours already, and Hannah had yet to buy anything. That wasn’t like her at all, unless she simply didn’t have money. But if that were the case, she would have mentioned it at least twenty times.

  “Maybe she’s changing,” I suggested, smiling slightly.

  Scott smiled at the idea, and we made eye contact. He quickly broke it off. “Look, Lainey, I um, I wanted to apologize.”

  “Apologize?” I repeated. “For what?”

  “The way I treated you, after I found out. I was really upset and I took it out on you and I don’t think that was fair.”

  “It’s fair,” I replied. “I hurt you, Scott. I know that.”

  “Yeah, but that was months ago and you have other things to worry about now besides how you hurt an ex-boyfriend.”

  “I’m sorry you were upset about it.” I could never really regret choosing Adam, but I’d always hate the way it had hurt Scott. He was a good guy, and had always treated me well; he hadn’t deserved to be cheated on, and then left.

  “He’s not good enough for you, you know,” He told me, and it seemed so abrupt and so out of thin air that I didn’t really know how to react.

  I looked down at my hands, not wanting to hear this again. “Scott –”

  “He isn’t,” Scott insisted. “Regardless of how you might feel about the situation you’re in right now, this isn’t what you wanted for yourself. At least not what the Lainey I knew wanted for herself.”

  “This isn’t entirely his fault,” I insisted.

  “I know, but he could have prevented it.” He cleared his throat. “When we were together, we didn’t even talk about… that step. We were just happy being together. I don’t understand why that was different with him.”

  “I don’t understand, either,” I admitted. “It just was.” I knew it wasn’t what Scott wanted to hear, but it was all I could say. I didn’t know why my feelings for him didn’t go as far as they’d gone for Adam. It wasn’t like I hadn’t tried.

  “I really loved you, you know.”

  It sounded so matter-of-fact, so natural. For a split second I wished I could say it back, but that was one lie I wasn’t willing to tell.

  “I’m really sorry, Scott.”

  Scott sighed and looked at the ceiling. “Well, that’s all I really had to say. I’m going to go try and find my mom again.”

  “Why don’t you stay and eat with us?” I suggested. “Knowing Hannah, she probably bought way too much food.”

  “I don’t know.”

  I reached out and grabbed his hand. “Please, Scott?”

  He looked down at our hands and then back up at me, smiling slightly. “Alright,” he agreed. “I’ll stay for a bit.”

  Hannah returned then with two trays loaded with what looked to be a sampling of everything available. She placed them on the table and looked at Scott in surprise. “Oh, hi Scott.”

  “Hey, Hannah,” he said, looking amused. “I’ll go get drinks.”

  Hannah turned to me as soon as she was gone. “What is he doing here?”

  “Shopping, apparently.”

  “That’s odd,” she shrugged. “You’re not going to get into a fight or anything, are you? I don’t know what it is about y
ou, Lainey, but you seem to get into arguments with people whenever there’s food around.”

  I laughed, realizing she was right. The argument with Scott at school during lunch, my birthday dinner, Thanksgiving. “I’m giving a new twist to food fights,” I explained.

  Hannah rolled her eyes. “Good one, Lainey. Don’t quit your day job, okay?”

  “Alright, but I’ll have to find one first,” I sighed and glanced back to the baby supply store, where a Help Wanted sign sat in the window. Add yet another thing to the list, I thought to myself.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “You’re not getting a job, Lainey,” Adam said, barely giving me a chance to finish my sentence.

  “Why not?” I asked. “The baby supply story I went to today is looking for workers. That would be perfect, because I’d probably get a discount.”

  Adam shook his head, unconvinced. “Yeah, a discount would be nice but when are you going to find time to work? You still have to go to school seven hours a day, and aren’t pregnant people supposed to rest?”

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. “But either way, walking around a store helping customers isn’t going to break me. And besides, I wasn’t asking for your permission.”

  Adam sat forward in his chair, leaning closer to me. “I’m not saying you need my permission, but I really don’t want you to do this. I’m getting a job right after graduation, and I’ll take care of all of us. All you need to worry about is yourself and the baby.”

  “What job, Adam?” I persisted. “And what about before you graduate? The baby could be here by then, and we’re going to need money to buy things before he or she gets here.”

  “Lainey, people are starting to look at us. Can we please talk about this later?”

  I glanced around and noticed that people were, in fact, starting to look at us. I blushed and rested back in my seat, covering my stomach with my arms. I was pretty sure I still wasn’t showing, but being in a room with women who were clearly pregnant made me feel a little more self-conscious.