The Consequences of Forever (Lainey)

by Kaitlyn Oruska

  I believed it. After the incident on Saturday night, Maggie’s father had called Nora to complain about Hannah punching her. Apparently Hannah hadn’t mentioned it to Nora, so it came as a shock, and led to Hannah being punished until further notice. She was taking a huge risk coming to the appointment today; she’d told Nora she was going to Scott’s house to study. Scott was willing to cover for her this one time, but it would still be easy for Nora to find out the truth.

  “You really didn’t have to come today,” I reminded her. “Adam’s here, I would have been fine.” I squeezed Adam’s hand and he smiled at me, but he looked distracted. I wondered if he was as nervous as I was.

  I’d opted out of the ultrasound during our first appointment, back in November, since things had seemed fine and there wasn’t really a need for once. Hearing the heart beat was one thing; seeing an actual image of the baby growing inside me was another, entirely. I was almost scared to see.

  “Like I would really miss out on this,” Hannah replied. “I’ve been waiting for this day since you told me you were pregnant. Well, since I found out, anyway, since you didn’t actually tell me.”

  “I remember that day,” Adam recalled. “You practically attacked me. After last week, I realize how lucky I am.”

  Hannah made a face at him and he laughed. I forced a smile.

  We got to the birthing center a little late, and were immediately taken to the same room as my last two appointments. I nervously sat on the examination table, letting Adam and Hannah take the two available seats. Thea arrived a few minutes later.

  “It’s nice to see you again, Lainey,” she greeted me with a smile. “You too, Adam, Hannah.” She examined her chart briefly before placing it on her desk.

  “So, today is the big day, huh? Hopefully, anyway.”

  “Hopefully?” I repeated.

  “Yes. Sometimes, even at twenty weeks, the baby isn’t positioned right for me to be able to determine their gender. But hopefully everything works out fine, and you’ll be able to start your shopping if you haven’t already.”

  “What if I changed my mind?” I asked suddenly. All three of them looked at me in surprise. “What if I don’t want to know?”

  Thea studied me for a second. “Well, that’s your decision,” she replied. “Some women prefer to wait until the birth.”

  “I want to know,” Adam spoke up. “I don’t want to wait that long.”

  I wanted to tell him that twenty more weeks wasn’t long at all, but refrained. I didn’t need to remind myself how soon it actually was.

  “Me, too,” Hannah spoke up. “I already know it’s going to be a girl, but I want it confirmed.”

  Thea looked at them and then back at me. “If you want, I can tell them in private,” she offered. “That way, if you change your mind later on, they’ll be able to tell you.”

  I hesitated. There was no way Hannah would be able to keep that big of a secret, and despite Adam’s recently discovered secret-keeping ability, I didn’t think he would be capable, either. “No, it’s okay. I’ll find out today.”

  Thea smiled. “I’m happy to hear that.”

  She gave me the same brief examination she always did, checking my weight and blood pressure and asking me how I was feeling lately. I didn’t reach the goal weight she’d assigned for me, but I was close enough to make her happy. She wrote down a new goal weight and showed me before ripping it up and tossing it in the trash.

  “Have you been feeling any movement at all?” She asked.

  I nodded. “A little bit. It feels fluttery, though.”

  “That’s normal,” she confirmed. “As the baby gets older and a little stronger, so will the movement.”

  I’d felt the baby for the first time earlier in the week, or at least what I’d thought was the baby. I’d just gotten done eating a peanut butter and jam sandwich for the first time since I was maybe eight, and felt it a fluttering cross my lower stomach, as if a butterfly had brushed across it. It was one of the strangest moments in my life, the first time I’d ever felt this baby move inside me.

  “Ready?” She asked, and I wasn’t, but I laid down anyway. Thea prepared the ultrasound machine, and lifted my shirt so she could rub some gel on my stomach. I cringed at how cold it was, and she smiled apologetically.

  “I always forget to put it in the warmer,” she explained. “This is the worst of it though, I promise.” She turned to Adam and Hannah and motioned for them to come stand around me. “You won’t be able to see much of anything sitting over there.”

  I looked out the window, at the clear blue sky. It had finally stopped raining, just a few days ago. Again, I found myself wondering if that were some sort of sign, that everything was going to be okay. And again, I was surprised at myself for feeling the need to see a sign for anything.

  Thea placed the wand-looking thing on my abdomen, a transducer, I remembered her calling it before, and an image appeared on the screen beside us. I stared at it in surprise. It actually looked like a baby, in a way. I hadn’t been expecting that.

  Thea smiled at the screen. “Everything looks great,” she said. “And definitely in the right position. Do you want to make a guess before I tell you?”

  I stared at the screen, taking in the tiny features. I had no idea what to really look for, how to tell. I’d read about women feeling that they just “knew” what the gender of their baby was without needing an ultrasound, but I’d never felt strongly about a boy or girl one way or another. I shook my head.

  “I have no idea,” I admitted.

  Thea turned to Adam. “How about you?”

  Adam grinned sheepishly. “A boy?”

  “Well, I already know it’s a girl.” Hannah interrupted. “There’s no way it isn’t. Right?”

  Thea smiled at her. “Right.” she agreed.

  Hannah’s eyes widened, and her confidence quickly turned to surprise. “Right?” She repeated. “I was right?”

  Thea smiled and laughed. “You were. It is definitely a little girl.”

  The feeling that washed over me was similar to the way I felt the first time I saw my positive pregnancy test. Shock, panic, calm, all rolled into one. Except this time, an odd feeling of joy. It was a girl. I’d thought that I wanted a boy, preferred a boy, but it was a girl. I was going to have a daughter.

  I turned to Adam, and the way I felt resonated on his face, except he was smiling. “Wow,” he said, shaking his head.

  “Have any names picked out?” Thea asked. She pressed a few buttons on the screen. “I’m having pictures printed out, so you can bring them home with you and show your family.”

  Names. I hadn’t even realized, up until this point that the baby was going to need a name. The responsibility of that choice was overwhelming, maybe even more so than the image of the baby itself. A name. What was more important than a name? It would carry them through life, their very identity. And I needed to choose it.

  “No,” I managed to say. “We’ve never talked about names.”

  “You still have time,” Thea reassured me. She handed me a tissue to wipe the leftover gel from my abdomen, and patted my shoulder. “I’ve had a few patients that waited until the baby was born, and named them the first name that came to mind when they saw them.”

  Could I do that? Probably not. As changed as I might have become in the last few months, I was still Lainey. I still needed a plan.

  “You can always name her after me, if you can’t think of anything,” Hannah suggested with a grin. “I’d be perfectly okay with that.”

  I smiled back at her, though her words barely made sense to me. I was having a girl.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Needless to say, Julia was overjoyed. Although she never would have admitted it before, she probably wanted this baby to be a girl even more than Hannah did. She’d never gotten to have the daughter she always wanted, but now she got to have a granddaughter.

  Ned, as always, was hard to read. He’d congratulated us briefly b
efore disappearing into his home office. Adam seemed a little disappointed by his lack of excitement, but Ned had made it clear from the beginning that he would support us, but that didn’t mean he had to be happy about the situation. Julia was happy enough for the both of them.

  She insisted we have people over on Saturday to celebrate. Nothing major, just a few close friends and maybe some pizza, before Sylvia stepped in and insisted she’d come an extra day and make something. I’d gotten to know Sylvia a little since I’d moved in. She was very grandmotherly; at least, what I imagined grandmotherly to be.

  It was also Julia’s idea that I invite my dad and Nora. “Even though you haven’t spoken to them in a while, they’re still your family,” she reminded me. “And even though they haven’t been supportive up till now, there’s always a chance that could change. It won’t hurt to try.”

  I didn’t necessarily agree with that last part, but I decided to try anyway.

  I called the landline, the number that was usually reserved for guests to call in and schedule a stay, because I knew they would answer it. Nora picked the phone up after the second ring, and I felt myself freeze. I cleared my throat, trying to disguise my voice.

  “Um, is Mr. Winslow available?” I asked. There was silence for a second, and then Nora answered, her voice sounding stony.

  “One minute, please.” There was silence, and then finally, my dad.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Dad.”

  He paused before answering. “Lainey? Is that you?”

  So Nora recognized my voice when I tried to disguise it, and my own father didn’t when I spoke normally. Typical. “Do you have another daughter?” I meant is as a joke, but my voice came across sounding somewhat bitter.

  “No, I suppose I don’t. What are you doing? Why are you calling this line, don’t you have my cell phone number anymore?”

  “Yeah, but I was afraid you wouldn’t answer.”

  Another pause. “I would have, Lainey. You’re still my daughter. I still love you.”

  I cleared my throat again. “I’m calling to invite you over for dinner tonight, at the Montgomery’s. We found out that we’re having a girl, and Julia really wants to celebrate it.”

  “You’re having a girl?” My dad repeated, sounding surprised. “You found out already?”

  “Yesterday,” I confirmed, hoping he wouldn’t put two and two together and realize where Hannah had really been. He didn’t.

  “Wow. I didn’t realize you could find out that early. Your mother was about five months along when we found out about you.”

  “I am five months along, Dad.”

  “You are?” He sounded genuinely shocked. “Wow, time goes by fast, doesn’t it?”

  Yeah, especially when you aren’t around to witness anything that’s happening, I thought, but didn’t say it out loud. I didn’t want to alienate my father any more than he was already alienated from me.

  “I’d really like you to be here,” I told him. “And Nora, too, if she can get away for the night or if she wants to.”

  “I’ll see what I can do,” my dad promised. Likely another empty promise, but I didn’t want to think about that. “What time is it?”

  “Seven.”

  “Alright, I’ll talk to her. But Hannah will be there. She’s still grounded, but I’ll convince Nora to let her out for the night.”

  “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. I love you, sweetheart.”

  “I love you too, Dad.” Then there was silence.

  I put the phone down and took a deep breath. I didn’t expect him to show up. I hadn’t from the moment Julia first suggested it, and yet I knew it would hurt when he didn’t. It was difficult, being let down by people you fully expected to let you down.

  “Even if they don’t come, at least you can rest easy knowing you tried,” Julia said, coming up behind me. I smiled up at her.

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  Julia brushed my face from my face and smiled back at me. “Tonight is going to be a good night either way, okay? I promise.”

  I nodded. “I know. And I know you’re really excited. You finally get a granddaughter. I know how much you always wanted a daughter, and it isn’t the same thing, but its close.”

  “I am excited,” she agreed. “But you’re wrong, you know.”

  “About what?”

  “I already do have a daughter. I might not have given birth to her and I might have missed out on the first sixteen years of her life, but she’s still my daughter, and I happen to love her very much.”

  I felt tears rush to my eyes, but happy ones, for a change. Julia laughed softly and embraced me. “Don’t cry, honey. It’s a good thing. I just want you to know how much I really do care for you and that I’m always going to be here for you, no matter what.”

  “I know,” I managed to say. “And I love you, too.”

  Julia rubbed my back. “I know you do.”

  We stayed there for a few minutes, holding on tightly to each other, until my tears subsided. I pulled back, wiping at my eyes, and forced a smile. “I think I’m going to go get ready,” I said. Julia nodded at me and I excused myself, hurrying up the stairs and into the guest bedroom that was finally really starting to feel like mine.

  Mostly everyone that had been invited arrived at seven on the dot. It wasn’t much; just Hannah, Scott, Paul, and even Nolan. No sign of my dad or Nora, but that wasn’t surprising.

  Sylvia ended up making homemade pizza, one with every topping arrangement imaginable, and they all tasted better than any takeout I’ve ever had. We all sat around the table, eating, talking and laughing, and once we were done, Julia pulled out a book.

  “I grabbed this for you two earlier, since I know you haven’t really been discussing it much.” She handed me the book and I studied it, smiling. It was a baby name book.

  “I grabbed the biggest one I could find,” she explained. “Any name under the sun should be listed in there. If nothing else, it might give you some ideas.”

  “Thank you,” I said, holding the book to my chest. Simple things like this meant more than the big things at times, I realized.

  “No problem,” she said.

  “Does this mean you’re really not going to name her after me?” Hannah demanded, sounding hurt. Everyone laughed.

  “Well, now that things have gotten all that much more serious, I need to know; can I count on you to come work for me after you graduate?” Paul asked, directing his question at Adam. “We can discuss what you’ll start at, but I promise you it’ll be more than you’d get anywhere else. It’s hard work, but it’s rewarding.”

  “You don’t have to ask me twice,” Adam replied. “I’m in.”

  “Glad to hear it.” They both stood up and shook hands across the table. I smiled to myself. Maybe things were going to end up okay, after all.

  “I have an announcement to make, too,” Ned announced, clearing his throat. Everyone turned to him, and for whatever reason, I began to feel a little nervous. He seemed to catch onto this, and smiled reassuringly at me.

  “It’s nothing bad, I promise. I wouldn’t ruin a celebration like this with anything bad. But since we’re discussing the future, this seems to be a better time than any other.” Julia nodded, clearly already knowing what he was going to say. I felt a little more at ease.

  “Julia and I have been discussing the future, with the baby coming and all, and what will be best for everyone, and we think that you should move out to the guest house.”

  He held up his hands. “Now, we’re not kicking you out at all, so don’t take it that way. Obviously this house is big enough for the two of you and four more kids, so that isn’t the point. The point is, if you two are serious and want to be a family, you need to put yourselves in a family environment, and Julia and I think the guest house might be the best place for that.”

  “It’s big enough for the two of you and the baby,” Julia spoke up. “It has two bedrooms, so the baby will
get her own room, and obviously the two of you will share a room. I know that that hasn’t been the rule here so far, but the two of you have shown an incredible amount of maturity throughout all of this, so we’re going to trust you to not make the same mistake twice. Not that we consider the baby a mistake, of course, but you know what we mean.”

  Adam nodded slowly. “What about Greg?” He asked.

  “Greg is one person, and he doesn’t live here most of the time. When he comes home to visit, he can stay in his old bedroom,” Ned answered. “This is the best solution for everyone because the two of you can get the privacy you need, and learn more about responsibility, without being weighed down with all the extra bills that come with living on your own, and without being too far away from us, for when you need the extra help. I’ve already spoken to Paul about this, and he’s going to get to work next weekend on having a small room added on to it, for laundry purposes. That way it’s like having your very own small house right on our property.”

  “Do you want us to pay rent?” Adam asked.

  “No, no rent. You’ll buy your own groceries, obviously, and other necessities, and I expect you to support Lainey and this baby entirely once you start working. Lainey, I want to make it clear that Julia and I don’t expect you to find a job; your focus needs to be on finishing high school and taking care of this baby, once she arrives. Adam will make enough money to take care of everything financially, and Julia and I will still be here to help out with everything else.”

  I nodded slowly, trying to take this all in. The guest house, where everything started. It felt perfect, and frightening, all the same.

  “Having the laundry room built in and the house cleaned out and ready for your stuff will probably take about a month, so we’re aiming for you to move in around March. That way you can get yourselves settled in and used to living there before the baby arrives, and it gives us plenty of time to turn one of the bedrooms into a nursery. Adam, clearly you won’t be able to start working until summer, so your allowance will continue until then.”

  “This is great,” Adam said, looking grateful. “I never even would have thought to ask to move into there, but it’s a great idea.”