I pushed the thought aside, reminding myself that she was just an old woman and probably meant nothing by her comments, and sat next to her. She looked at me for a long second, and I wondered if she even recognized me.
The menu had been preplanned, and salads were brought out immediately, as well as wine glasses filled with water. I took a big sip from mine, feeling unexpectedly thirsty. I could feel Nana’s eyes on me, watching every move I made very carefully, and it made me feel nervous. Adam sensed it, and placed his hand on my knee underneath the table.
The atmosphere remained casual after the salad and then soup was served, and the waiters soon brought in the main dish; cordon bleu. I found myself looking over at Nora then, remembering that this was her specialty. She looked in the opposite direction of where I sat, as though she felt my gaze and wanted to make a point of not returning it.
“I ate blueberry pie every day I was pregnant with Cynthia’s mother,” Nana told me randomly as she carefully cut her dinner into tiny pieces. I was surprised by how steady her hands were. For some reason, I always pictured tiny elderly women as being unsteady, fragile.
“I ate hamburgers a lot,” I said. She looked at me as if I’d just said something ridiculously stupid, and I felt myself blush. “I never really eat red meat.”
Nana nodded. “Pregnancy is an amazing thing, but it’s also a real pain in the ass.” She stabbed a piece of chicken with her fork, and began to eat. I assumed the conversation was over, and turned back to my plate.
I wasn’t hungry. Before I was pregnant, I could eat soup and a salad for dinner and be completely satisfied and full. I’d forced myself to eat more throughout my pregnancy, wanting to get to the ideal weights Thea would assign for me, but today I just couldn’t stomach the thought of eating all that.
I’d gotten just about a quarter of the way through when the waiters returned to take the plates, but that was fine with me. Cynthia’s dad, a tall man with greying hair and an air of importance about him, stood at the head of the table and announced it was time to make a speech. He’d start, and whoever had anything to say could contribute after.
The speech was sweet, about a father not ready to let his daughter go, but having the peace of mind in knowing she’d made the right decision in marrying Mason. I found myself looking at my dad, wondering if he would make a similar speech at my wedding, and if it would mean anything, since it would be mostly all lies, coming from him. I wondered if he’d even bother attending my wedding.
As soon as his speech ended, Harper responded with what felt like a passionate kick. I put my hand over my stomach, feeling scared and nervous and shocked all at once. I turned to Adam, but he was looking at Cynthia’s mother, who was beginning her own speech.
A feeling of wetness started very low, and spread down my legs. I felt my face grow bright red, at the realization that I’d just peed myself. I’d read these stories, about babies leaning too far on their mother’s bladders or something, causing the mother to pee herself. I never thought it would happen to me, let alone in a place as public as this. It would be bad enough having to explain myself and getting out of this small room; after I got out, I had an entire restaurant to get through.
I felt a cool arm on my shoulder, and turned to see Nana staring at me, a look of understanding on her face. I hated that she’d noticed, and frantically turned back to Adam, but he was still focused on the end of the table, where Cynthia’s mother’s speech was just coming to an end.
“It’s time,” Nana whispered. I blinked at her.
“It’s time,” she repeated, her voice still low but a little stern. “I told you it was going to happen today, and you didn’t want to believe me, but guess what? Nana was right.”
I wanted to ask her what she was talking about, but she stood up then, picking up her wine glass and tapping it with a spoon. Cynthia’s mother stopped talking, and everyone turned to look at Nana.
“I hate to interrupt, but we have a bit of an emergency over here. This young woman is about to have a baby.”
I felt my face burn, and the panicked look on Adam’s face when he finally turned to look at me didn’t make me feel any better. “I am not,” I hissed at Nana, tugging on her dress, trying to convince her to sit back down. “I had an accident, is all.”
“You did not have an accident, child. Your water broke. I had seven children; I know what I’m talking about. Now stand up.” Her stern voice got to me, and I did exactly what she said.
Hannah practically leaped out of her seat and nearly fell over, but she made her way to me just as Nana was guiding me out of the room, Adam slowly trailing behind. Everyone else remained in their seats, looking too shocked to do anything. I made brief eye contact with my dad, but I’d already given up the hope that he would care, and decide to come to my rescue. He didn’t follow us out of the restaurant.
Adam looked strange, as if he were in a trance, and I was pretty sure I looked the same way. Hannah didn’t look nervous or worried at all; in fact, she looked downright excited. I noticed Greg was behind her, his eyes wide, and realized this was the first time I’d ever seen him look slightly out of control.
Nana led us out of the restaurant, and then turned to Hannah, Adam, and Greg. “I can’t drive,” she announced. “My license was taken from me last year after I got into five accidents in one month. Don’t ask. Who is going to be able to handle this?”
“I, uh, um…” Adam said, apparently unable to form a word.
“I will!” Hannah declared, thrusting her hand out for his keys. He reached into his pocket and pulled them out, handing them to her. My panic level rose.
“She doesn’t have her license!” I exclaimed. Adam’s eyes widened.
“Give them to me,” Greg grabbed the keys and slid an arm securely around my waist, guiding me towards the car. Hannah stomped after us, probably angry that her plan had failed, and Adam stood where he was, staring at us in disbelief.
Nana stood up on her tiptoes the best she could, but didn’t reach anywhere near his ear, so she grabbed at his shoulder and forced him down, whispering something to him. He nodded slowly, blinked a few times, and then hurried after us.
“Wait for me!” He exclaimed, running towards us as quickly as he probably could. He put his arm around my waist and Greg let go of me, running the rest of the way towards the car, Hannah chasing after him.
“It’s really time, isn’t it?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. I forced myself to smile, hoping I didn’t look nearly as panicked as I felt.
“Yeah,” I whispered back. “I think it’s really time.”
Harper was on her way.
June 22
“I don’t think I can do it.” They were the last words Adam wanted to hear, but I spoke them anyway.
One week, and life as I’d known it had changed. One week since he’d kissed me for the first time, one week since we’d multiplied that kiss by thousands, one week since he’d become the person I wanted to be around most. It took one week for my world to turn upside down, and as much as I didn’t want it to ever go back to the way it was, I was terrified of doing the final step that would ensure we could be together; breaking up with Scott.
“You don’t think you can, or you don’t think you want to?” Adam asked. We had climbed to the top of a sand dune nearly as hour earlier, and we’d been sitting there since in silence, enjoying the views and each other’s company. We didn’t always need to speak, and when we chose not to, the silence that fell over us never felt awkward. Just comfortable.
“I don’t think I can,” I replied. “I want to, believe me. I could never go back to being with Scott, not after this.”
“Don’t be afraid. It isn’t like he’s going to do anything about it. He might get mad and say some things to you that you don’t like, but that’s about it. He can’t keep you from breaking up with him.”
I knew that, and I also knew Scott wouldn’t say anything mean or cruel to me. That wasn’t his way. He’d stay silent
, taking it in, and I’d only feel worse.
I turned to Adam, taking in his profile, the way his tanned skin seemed to gleam in the moonlight, the way a smile would play on his lips when he would think of something he didn’t want to share. The day Scott left, I’d wanted nothing more than to enjoy my time away from him, have some time to myself. But instead, I’d found Adam, and I could never imagine being without him.
It was new to me, this feeling of dependence. I’d always made it a point not to depend on anyone, because I learned so long ago that it never got you anywhere but hurt. You could only depend on yourself for happiness, for security. I’d laughed at the idea of a soul mate, at finding one person that could be perfect for you. It seemed so unrealistic, since you change so much in your lifetime; no one person could ever be perfect for you for more than a few months or years at a time.
But with Adam, I was willing to believe.
“Did you break up with Maggie?” I asked, not sure which answer I wanted to hear. If he said yes, then I’d be even more obligated to end things with Scott as soon as he returned home the next morning. If he said no, I would no longer be obligated, but I’d be left with doubt I wasn’t ready to deal with.
Adam laughed. “I broke up with her about five seconds after you left the party last week,” he replied. “I had to drive her home still, remember?”
“Was she mad?”
“Yeah, she flipped out and tried to hit me at one point, but I already knew she was crazy so it was no big deal.” He nudged me with his shoulder. “If Scott tries anything like that, I’d be more than happy to step in you for.”
“He’s not going to try and hit me,” I said with a smile. “I don’t even care if he yells at me, even though I know he won’t. I just don’t want to hurt him. He isn’t a bad guy, and he doesn’t deserve this.”
“I know he doesn’t,” Adam agreed softly. “But you can’t live your life worrying about how other people feel. You need to do things to make yourself happy, too.”
“I know,” I agreed, even though I wasn’t too sure I did. I always tried to make others around me happy; I hated seeing those I cared about anything but. My own happiness never seemed too important; I had the rest of my life to be happy.
“Think of it this way,” Adam continued, leaning forward so he was whispering in my ear. I felt cool shivers rush down my back. “You could stay with Scott, and not ever have to worry about hurting him, but you’d crush me.” He brushed hair away from my ear before continuing. “And you’d miss out on a really awesome forever.”
“Forever?” I repeated, smiling. “There’s no such thing.”
“You want to bet?” Adam asked, grinning.
“Maybe.”
“Challenge accepted.”
“You can’t really believe that two people that meet when they’re like, fifteen and seventeen can stay together for the rest of their lives. That isn’t possible. Not anymore.”
“My grandparents met when they were sixteen, married two years later, and stayed together until they died,” he pointed out.
“Yeah, well maybe they were the exception.”
“Maybe we can be the exception.”
“We’ve known each other a week,” I reminded him.
“So? I knew after five minutes you were the one.”
“I bet you say that to all the girls,” I said, half-joking.
His face turned serious. “No, I don’t. Only you.”
I looked away from him, out at the ocean, wishing it would somehow provide me with answers. The week with Adam had been amazing. Waking up early in the morning to meet with each other, spending our entire days just being together, doing whatever came to our minds. Kissing. Constantly kissing, holding hands. Being closer to him than I’d ever been to anyone else, all in a week.
I rested my head on his shoulder, and he pulled me closer to him. He felt so warm, so safe and secure. “You really believe in all that?” I asked, wanting to know; because if he did, maybe someday I could, too.
“Yeah,” he said, kissing the top of my head. “I really do. I don’t think loving someone for the rest of your life is as hard as everyone makes it out to be. In fact, I think it’s the best thing a person can ever do.”
“What about the negatives?” I pressed. “If you fall in love young and stay with that person forever, then you run the risk of never falling in love again. That sounds sad.”
He lifted my face by hooking his finger under my chin, and smiled down at me. “You’re such a pessimist,” he scolded me gently. “Falling in love young doesn’t mean missing out on falling in love ever again, it just means falling in love with that person more and more every day you’re with them. And you, Lainey Winslow, I plan on falling in love with more than once.”
He kissed me then, sealing the promise. I melted into his arms, wishing I never had to leave him, never had to go past this moment. I was fine here in this moment, in this promise that if I stayed with him, I’d be with him forever. Maybe if I tried really hard, I could start to believe him. Maybe someday I could start to believe in forever, the way Adam did, the way so many other people in the world did.
“Know what I would change about this moment?” He asked, finally breaking off our kiss and staring so deep into my eyes I was certain he could see right into me, my deepest thoughts and emotions, whatever secrets I had held onto for too long.
“What?” I asked, leaning in for another kiss, but he kept his face at a slight distance, still staring.
“Nothing,” he replied, smoothing the hair from my face. “Nothing at all.”
He kissed me again, and that was how I knew. Adam meant it when he said forever, and while I might not believe in it for anyone else, I’d believe in it for him.
June 15
One Year Later
Harper Grace Montgomery was born at seven o’clock AM on June fifteenth, a year to the day her father and I shared our first kiss.
I was in active labor for twelve hours before she finally arrived, and it was the most frightening time of my entire life. I felt out of control of my own body, more out of control than ever before, and I became hysterical on more than one occasion. But in the end, it had all turned out okay.
I was able to get through it without medication, something that had lost a little bit of importance once the intense pain began, but I got through. Thea guided me through everything, and Julia was there to offer what advice she could. Hannah was also in the room, standing back and looking on wide-eyed, probably making mental notes of all the reasons she was never going to have children of her own. Adam couldn’t seem to stand still, pacing back and forth and nearly jumping out of his skin whenever I made a sound that was a little different or a little louder than the one before it.
But in the end, Harper was here, and completely healthy. She weighed six pounds and seven ounces, and was nineteen inches in length. And she was beautiful. She had a thin layer of dark hair on her head, and when she opened her eyes that first time and looked at me, I felt my heart break slightly. She had Lila’s violet eyes.
I fell asleep about two hours after she was born, though resistant to do so, in fear that she would need me and I wouldn’t wake back up soon enough to care for her. But Julia reassured me that wouldn’t happen, that they would give her a few necessary tests and then bring her right back, so she could sleep in the room with me. I finally relaxed after Adam climbed into the bed with me and held me as he fell asleep.
I didn’t wake back up until after three. Adam had left the bed and was now sitting in the chair next to me, leaning back, staring up the ceiling. I gave a quick panicked look around the room, but spotted Harper where she was promised to be, fast asleep in a bassinet.
“Hey,” I whispered, lifting my head slightly off the bed. My entire body hurt, but it wasn’t as bad as I’d thought. He looked over at me quickly, and smiled.
“Hey, I didn’t think you’d be awake this early.”
“What time is it?”
“Just
after three. Did you sleep well?”
I nodded. “I guess so. I don’t even remember falling asleep. How long have you been up?”
“I only slept for an hour. I woke up as soon as they brought her back in. She’s been asleep ever since.” He stared over at her, a concerned look on her face. “She’s really quiet.”
“I think that’s a good thing.”
“Are you sure? I thought babies were supposed to scream and cry all the time.”
“I think that’s only when her parents are exhausted and trying to sleep,” I said with a smile. “She’s giving a break for right now. Can I have her?”
“Yeah.” He stood up and lifted her carefully, as though she were the most fragile thing in the universe. It warmed my heart, seeing the way he handled her, the way he looked down at her. She squirmed slightly, but didn’t wake.
He placed her in my arms, and a rush of love washed over me, the way it had the very first time I held her. I wondered if it would always be like that, holding her. If for the rest of her life, even when she was fully grown and with children of her own, I’d feel this rush whenever I held her close to me. I hoped so.
There was a slight knock on the door, and I looked up to see Julia standing there, beaming at us. “I see everyone’s awake,” she said. “Mind if I come in and visit for a little?”
“No, come in,” I urged. “She’s sleeping, though.”
“I know. She should be awake soon. Thea is going to come back in about an hour and teach you how to feed her properly. All the tests came back good, and all she wants to do is give you one final exam, but she said there’s no reason not to expect you won’t be able to leave tomorrow.”
For a split second, I felt panicked. At least here, in this unfamiliar room, I was close to people that knew exactly what they were doing, and could step in for me if I couldn’t figure it out. But back home, I was on my own. Adam was still expected to go back to work tomorrow, and as much as I might want to, I couldn’t call on Julia every time I needed help.
The Consequences of Forever (Lainey) Page 39
