She seemed to sense my panic, because she brushed her hand over my forehead tenderly. “It’s all going to be fine,” she reassured me. “You’ll be surprised with what is instinct, all the things you’ll know how to do without even being aware you knew to do them. And everything else, I’ll be here for you.”
“Is she awake yet?” Hannah came rushing into the room then, and her eyes widened when she saw me sitting up in bed. “Finally!” She hurried over. “Oh my god, she’s so pretty.”
“You haven’t seen her yet?” I asked, surprised. I remembered Hannah being in the room while I was in labor, but realized I didn’t remember seeing her before I fell asleep. I didn’t remember seeing her leave, but then, I’d been pretty understandably distracted.
“No, only after she came out. But she was all red and gross looking then, no offense. My mom came and made me go home and sleep but obviously I couldn’t, so I made Mason drive me down. He and Cynthia are in the waiting room. “
“Well, she isn’t red and gross looking now,” I said with a smile. “She’s beautiful.”
“Yeah, she is. Too bad we’re not blood, or I’d take all the credit.”
“I have a feeling you will anyway.”
“So what’s her middle name?” She asked excitedly. “Did you go with Hannah after all?”
“No, we didn’t.” Adam and I exchanged a glance. “We went with Grace.”
Hannah’s face lit up. “My middle name.”
“Yeah. Harper Grace Montgomery. It’s a good, strong name.”
“It’s perfect.” Hannah leaned over and kissed Harper’s forehead. She swung a tiny hand slightly, but didn’t wake up.
“Do you want to hold her?”
Hannah looked nervous for a minute, but nodded. I allowed her to lift Harper gently from my arms, and watched as she melted. “I’ve never held a baby before,” she admitted.
“Me neither.” We both laughed at that, how insane it was that the first time in my life I held a baby, it was my own.
“I’m going to go talk to Mason,” Adam decided, standing up and kissing my forehead, then Harper’s.
Julia nodded. “So am I.” She gave us both a smile and then followed him out of the room, allowing Hannah and I a few minutes to ourselves.
“I’m really glad you gave her my middle name,” Hannah told me, sitting down where Adam had been, still holding Harper. “I was mostly joking before, but I think it’s pretty cool.”
“You’re her aunt,” I said. “You’re always going to be a part of her, no matter what. And I have no idea how I would have gotten through all of this without you.”
“True,” Hannah grinned, but then her smile slowly disappeared as she looked down at Harper. “It just sucks. Michael announced today that we’re leaving tomorrow.”
My heart sunk, but I’d been expecting this. “That’s soon.”
“I know. We’re going to be away until the end of August, right before school starts. I’m going to miss the entire first few months of Harper’s life.”
The thought made me incredibly sad, but I tried to push it aside. There was no sense dwelling on it, and I had so much else to worry about, to plan for. I had a baby now. A tiny human being that’s entire life depended on me.
“I’ll call every day, though,” Hannah promised. “And you can hold the phone to Harper’s ears so she can get to know my voice, and I won’t feel like a stranger when I finally get back. And when I get back, I’ll be over all the time. Lainey, we’re going to have so much fun with this baby. I can’t wait until she’s older, when we can dress her up and do her hair and turn her into a little princess.”
“That sounds fun,” I agreed, smiling. “I guess this means my dad isn’t going to be stopping by.”
“He was here earlier,” Hannah replied casually, still focused on Harper.
“What?”
She glanced up at me. “He was here earlier, when you were asleep. Adam didn’t tell you?”
“No, he didn’t.”
“Oh. Well, he definitely was. I know because he was going to bring me with him, but my mom said I needed sleep and yeah. I actually snuck out, so I can’t really stay that long. I don’t want to get Mason and Cynthia in trouble their first day of wedded bliss.”
I blushed. “I feel so bad about ruining their wedding.”
“You didn’t ruin anything,” she said with a grin. “If nothing else, you made it more exciting.”
I wasn’t so sure about all that, but I didn’t argue. Hannah stayed for a few more minutes, then left, placing Harper back in her bassinet before leaving. Adam came back in, alone.
“Mom went home to get a shower and relax for a bit. She’s going to come back later with Dad and Greg, though, and she’s going to bring some dinner. I bet you’re hungry.”
I considered it, and shook my head. “No, not really. I guess I have so much else going on in my mind, food doesn’t seem all that important.”
“You handled all this so well,” he said, moving the chair closer to the bed before sitting in it. He stroked my cheek lightly. “I’m really proud of you.”
“Thanks,” I smiled. “I just can’t believe it’s all over. I can’t believe I’m actually not pregnant anymore. I feel like I never really believed I was in the first place, and now I have a baby.”
“We have a baby,” he corrected me. “We’re a family now.” He picked up my hand and played with the ring. “Officially soon, I hope.”
“Soon,” I promised, deciding right then and there that any doubts I’d been feeling in the past few days or weeks were pointless. Adam was my family now; there was no turning back from that. We’d created another life together, a daughter, and we were going to honor that, no matter what.
“I love you,” he said, picking my hand up and kissing it, his eyes never leaving mine.
“I love you, too.”
“Forever?”
I smiled. “Yeah, forever.”
“Glad to hear it.” He leaned forward and kissed me, just as Harper began to cry. He pulled away, his lips less than an inch from mine, and laughed.
“I think maybe Harper wants some attention right now,”
“I think so, too.”
Adam scooped her up, holding him close to his chest, and her cries slowly faded. I watched as one little hand reached up towards his face, and he lowered it so she could grab onto his chin.
“She’s going to be a daddy’s girl,” I predicted.
“Oh yeah she is,” Adam agreed with a grin. “This one’s all mine. You can have the next one.”
“The next one? I don’t remember agreeing to that.”
“I want a big family, remember? You agreed to that when you agreed to marry me.”
“Okay, then you can give birth to the next one, because I don’t think I want to go through this again.”
“I would if I could.” He smiled brightly, lowering himself back into the chair. “I would if I could.”
We fell silent then, a comfortable, united silence. I relaxed back into the bed, thinking about how this was truly the end of an era in my life. I could never go back from here. I could never be a child again, not even a teenager. It was sad, but the love I felt for Harper overpowered that. I’d do what I would have to do, for her. I’d give up whatever I had to give up, and overcome whatever struggles were thrown my way, as long as it meant giving her everything she needed and deserved.
I’d never been a selfish person, but I’ve never considered myself to be necessarily selfless, either. I’d had hopes and dreams for myself, but they seemed to dim in comparison for the things I wanted for Harper. I wondered if that were normal, if all mothers felt that their lives lost a little bit of importance in comparison to the lives of their children. All I wanted to do was take care of her.
I fell asleep soon after that, and dreamt of Harper as she aged. I watched her go from a newborn into a toddler, from toddler to child, from child to teenager. I dreamt she pursued all of the things I’d once wanted to
, and found nothing but success. I dreamt that she found a man as loyal and loving as her father, and married him. I dreamt that her life turned out perfectly, and that she thanked me for it, because I gave up the ultimate sacrifice; I gave my life to her, something my own mother had never been capable of.
When I woke up another two hours later, Adam was asleep in the chair, and Harper was back in her bassinet, but she was awake. She seemed to sense me staring at her, and her eyes focused on mine. I smiled at her, and almost like magic, she smiled back. Her first smile.
“I love you, Harper Grace.” I whispered to her, and in my head, I heard her sometime in the future, whispering those words back to me.
Acknowledgments
They say it takes an army to write a book. That wasn’t really true in my case, but there are a select few this book never would have come to existence without.
First and foremost, my husband, for being amazing every step of the way, with his endless love and support. It takes a special kind of person to be the way he is, and I’m grateful for him every moment of every day.
My best friend, for reading every chapter until I was dishing them out faster than she could read them, and reassuring me every time I felt doubt, and maybe most importantly, being completely honest, because every writer needs that.
My parents, of course. My dad, for passing on the creative gene his side of the family seems to carry, and my mom, for reading to me every night before bed, until I could read to myself.
My idol, for writing the words that inspired me throughout this process, and for showing me that as long as you really believe in something, you can make it happen.
And last but certainly not least, everyone who took the time to read this, whether you’re doing it because you know me, or because you read the synopsis and it sounded like something you’d enjoy. I sincerely hope it was.
About the Author
Kaitlyn Oruska has wanted to be a writer for as long as she can remember, but never thought it was possible, until the idea of this story wouldn’t leave her alone. She lives in a small town in southeastern Pennsylvania with her husband, her cat, and her dog, and hopes to write many, many more books.
You can visit her anytime on her website/blog:
www.kaitlynoruska.wordpress.com
The Consequences of Forever (Lainey) Page 40
