Autumn Dreams

by Gayle Roper

  After reading for over an hour, he signed off and got ready for bed. His mind whirred with thoughts, and he knew he had to calm it down if he was ever to sleep. He thought about a late movie on TV but decided he didn’t want the noise or the ads. He’d read the novel Cass had given him.

  He searched the room twice before he remembered he had left it in the library during the afternoon. Muttering under his breath at his own memory loss, he pulled on his jeans and crept downstairs as quietly as he could. The only light was a weak one on the registration desk, offering just enough light to keep him from tripping. He cut across the common room and into the library. Sure enough, there was the book, sitting right where he had left it.

  He turned and almost fell over Cass who appeared in the library door with a suddenness that startled him. Even as he reached to steady them both, a watch-it snarl from the furball lying like a baby in her arms warned him to keep his distance.

  Dan stepped back. “Who’s your friend?”

  “This is Glossy Flossie, my little sweetheart.” Cass smiled down at the spineless lump in her embrace.

  “She sounds more like a little grouch to me.”

  Cass kissed the cat’s head and rubbed her ears. “Don’t let the mean man upset you, Flossie.” She looked up at Dan and gave him an impish smile. “He’s not all bad.”

  Dan felt inordinately pleased. He leaned closer, prepared to befriend the animal for Cass’s sake, when Flossie showed her canines. Dan backed up. “If she treats all your guests like she treats me, no wonder you keep her hidden.”

  “I don’t keep her hidden. She’s shy.”

  He looked doubtfully at the black cat. Flossie hissed. “Right. Shy.”

  Cass ran a soothing hand down the cat’s back. “Easy, sweetheart.” Flossie began to purr. “She’s old and doesn’t feel too well.”

  Dan nodded like the large-dog man he was. Cats always made him antsy. They were too secretive. Give him a lab or a retriever, even a boxer or a Dane, any day. Open, affectionate, straightforward in spite of noses that prodded in unacceptable places.

  “What brings you down here in the middle of the night?” Cass indicated the library.

  He held out his book. “I left it this afternoon. What about you? Having trouble sleeping?”

  She nodded. “I’m all jittery inside. I thought I’d come look for something to read to make my eyes heavy. I want something light and airy.” She smiled ruefully. “I want to escape.”

  “Can’t say I blame you.” He reached behind her, ignoring Flossie’s snarl, and flicked on the light.

  Cass squeezed her eyes. “Too bright!”

  He flicked it off.

  “Better,” she said and walked over to a shelf of paperbacks. She was wearing a fuzzy bathrobe of some dark shade that had looked deep blue in the brief flash of light. She squinted, trying to read the titles in the dimness. She pulled a book with a garishly colored cover, studied it a minute, and returned it to the shelf.

  She turned, her hand still resting on the shelf. She just stood, staring beyond him, lost in thought. He saw her expression and knew the thoughts were melancholy.

  “I’m losing my mother.” Her voice shook. “Right before my eyes she’s dying as surely as if she had cancer or some terrible physical condition.”

  He reached for her hand, squeezed it tightly, and pulled her to the red velvet love seat in the common room. Flossie growled her disapproval, but Cass let him lead her anyway. She sat, and he sat beside her, continuing to hold her hand.

  “You know,” he said, “they can diagnose Alzheimer’s, not definitively but with high probability. Right now the only way they know for certain is studying the brain postmortem.”

  She nodded. “The thought of a diagnosis scares me silly—which is in itself silly because, diagnosis or not, she’s going to continue to deteriorate.” Sorrow shadowed her face more deeply than the night.

  He gave her a halfhearted smile that was meant to be comforting, then looked away. He had another topic to broach with her, but he didn’t think now was the best time.

  “What?” she said, pulling her hand free to stroke Flossie. “What other terrible things did you learn?”

  He shook his head. “It’s not about the Alzheimer’s. It’s something different. It can wait.”

  “Dan.” She poked him in the ribs, surprising him and making him jump. “Tell me what it is that’s bothering you.”

  “It can wait until tomorrow.”

  “Now, Dan. Please.”

  He hesitated. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and studied the carpet intently. In the stretching silence he heard the steady drone of Flossie’s purr as Cass continued to stroke her. Head, neck, shoulders, spine. Head, neck, shoulders, spine. He’d purr too, if someone did that to him.

  “I’ll set Flossie on you if you don’t talk,” she threatened.

  He glanced at the black, furry lump and grinned. “Scary.”

  He took a deep breath. Maybe the quietness of the night-shrouded room would make it easier for her to hear what he had to say. He sat back and turned so he could see her face. “Your father’s really into those sweepstakes, isn’t he?”

  She gave a harsh bark of frustration. “Is he ever.”

  “Well, when he and I were clearing off the kitchen table for dinner, I noticed among all the sweepstakes paraphernalia four overdraft notifications from the bank. The first was for over one hundred dollars; the total amount was 537 dollars. All came within the past two weeks.”

  Cass stared at him. “How can that be?”

  “Who handles their finances?”

  “Dad. He’s always been meticulous about financial things. They’re far from rich. Dad was a mailman, but they have enough money coming in each month from Social Security, Dad’s pension, and their investments that they should never have overdrafts.”

  “Living expenses continue to rise. Maybe daily expenses have gotten beyond them. Maybe they need to delve into their savings.”

  Cass shook her head vehemently. “Before they sold the family place and bought the house on Scallop, we went over their finances very thoroughly. They can live comfortably without having to touch the principal of any of their savings. Those moneys are for the possibility of catastrophic health problems and possible nursing home costs.”

  Which are probably right around the corner, he thought grimly. “Maybe your father forgot to deposit some checks?”

  “They’re all direct deposit.”

  “Have they taken any trips recently or bought anything big?”

  Cass frowned. “They live quietly and haven’t gone anywhere for several years except my brother Hal’s in Colorado, and they’d saved up for that.”

  “Maybe he’s gotten caught in some scam that panders to the elderly. Or maybe he’s giving large sums to some TV evangelist or something.”

  “No, I don’t think so.” She pulled her knees up and rested her chin on them, her robe spilling over the cushions. Her movements dislodged a very unhappy cat who wasn’t hesitant to express her feelings, though why she hissed at Dan was anyone’s guess.

  “Hey, cat, I didn’t do it,” he said, hands up in a gesture of innocence.

  Cass put out a hand and rubbed Flossie’s head. Purring replaced the pouting as the animal collapsed on the sofa between the two of them, leaning against Cass’s hip.

  “He’s spending it on the sweepstakes; I know he is.” Her voice shook. “He’s buying stuff through them.”

  “But isn’t it illegal to require you to buy stuff to enter?”

  She nodded. “But he’s told me that he feels he has a better chance to win if he buys something or gives something if the sweepstakes sponsor calls itself a charity. I showed him the printing that says you don’t have to buy to enter, but he has his own logic. ‘Of course they treat you better if you buy,’ he says.” Her sigh was part affection, part frustration. “He’s one stubborn old man. And the brothers take after him.”

  They sat in the
deep gray silence, and Dan worried on her behalf. She had Jenn on one hand and her parents on the other. Sandwiched. That was a lot for one woman. “What are your brothers doing about all that’s going on?”

  Cass closed her eyes and rested her head on the back of her seat. She didn’t speak, just shrugged.

  “Nothing?” Though that’s what he had gathered from earlier conversations, he was still appalled.

  She tried to defend them. “I’m the single one in the family. I’m the girl. And I think they think I have all this free time.”

  “With a business like yours? And why shouldn’t sons help care for their parents as much as daughters?”

  She smiled at him so warmly that his mental gears did nothing but spin for a few moments. He forced himself to look away and cleared his throat.

  “If you want, I’m willing to look into the financial thing with your father. Conduct a sort of due diligence on his financial situation. Not that you couldn’t do the same thing, but we can talk man-to-man and all that.”

  “You think he won’t listen to me.”

  He threw an apologetic look her way. “I’m afraid so.”

  She gave a ladylike snort. “Don’t be afraid of hurting my feelings. I know you’re right; he won’t. But, Dan, you don’t have to get involved in our family crises. You’re here on vacation. You’re our guest.”

  “Are you saying you don’t want me to help? That I’m butting in, and it’s none of my business?” Life would certainly be simpler if she felt he was intruding, but it would also be lonely, barren, antiseptic.

  She dropped her feet to the floor and leaned toward him, all intensity. “No, I’m not saying that at all. Don’t put words in my mouth.” She waved her hand. “It just seems unfair to you. You hardly know us.”

  He gave a short burst of laughter. He knew more about her and her family than he’d known about anyone in years, even his own family, he was ashamed to admit. Surface relationships abounded in the business world; personal problems rarely intruded and were looked at askance when they did. He’d come to think that’s how all life should be. Strange how not being busy every moment gave you time to reevaluate.

  “Believe me,” he said, “you’ll be doing me a favor if you let me help. I’ll actually have something specific to do. I’m going nuts waiting on the Lord.”

  “Waiting on the Lord?” Her eyebrows rose, and even in the dimness he could see the questions sparkle in her eyes.

  Rats. He should have kept his mouth shut. It was the darkness. Things slipped out that he’d never say in the light of day. Or maybe, just maybe, it was her.

  “Come on,” she cajoled. “Tell me all about it. You know all sorts of ugly things about me. It’s only fair you tell me something about you.”

  He looked into the darkened library, torn between feeling awkward and wanting to tell her all about it. “It’s a long story, and you need your sleep.”

  She settled back on the sofa. “Like I could sleep even if I went to bed. Come on. Distract me.”

  He turned back to her. “You know that I conduct due diligence on companies, right?”

  “Yeah, you’re a vet.”

  He grinned. “An unemployed vet.”

  “Unemployed? You?” She all but hooted with laughter. “What’d you do? Try to take over for the CEO, and he got nervous?”

  “I was the CEO.”

  “Ah.” She nodded. “Now that I can believe.”

  He narrowed his eyes at her. “You can believe I was CEO but not that I’m unemployed?”

  She leaned toward him. “Dan, a man like you doesn’t lose his job. If you aren’t working at this time, it’s by choice.”

  A man like you. He wasn’t exactly certain what that meant, but if he heard right, it was a compliment.

  “Come on,” she coaxed. “Give.”

  So he told her all about it.

  “You actually saw the Towers go down?”

  He nodded. “I was coming from an overlong breakfast meeting, already half an hour late. I was heading for a meeting with a company we were investigating, a company with offices in the north tower of the Trade Center.”

  She stared, mouth open. “If you’d been on time …”

  He felt his heart pound even so many months after the event. “I ended up hiding behind a car when that black cloud roared down the street, sure I was going to die after all. When it became obvious that I wasn’t, all I could think about was that if I had died, what would I have left behind? The terrible answer was just money.” He stared at his hands and said quietly, “It shamed me. It still does.”

  They sat in silence for a short time. When he next spoke, it was because he didn’t want her to think he was still all about money. He needed to explain himself more fully.

  “By any standard I’d found success.”

  “Mr. CEO,” she said softly.

  “Yeah,” he said, knowing she had no idea just how successful he’d been. And how proud. “But I realized that in spite of all my hard work, I’d accomplished nothing of lasting significance. I knew very clearly from the examples of my parents and Andy what a life of real worth looked like. I wanted to find a life like that, the life that God patterned for me. I started my search for true meaning with long talks with the Lord—‘What do You want of me, Lord? Where do You want me? What should I be doing?’—I’m embarrassed to say, I’d ignored Him for too many years. In the process of waiting for answers, I ended up coming to Seaside, to SeaSong, and I’m going stir-crazy with nothing to do.”

  She thought for a minute. “I can understand why you came to Seaside to wait, knowing your past history here. And I think it’s wonderful that you’re doing such a thing.”

  “You do?” He could feel his heart swell. “You don’t think I’m nuts?”

  “Not at all. I think you’re wise. But why did you come to SeaSong when you could have stayed anywhere?”

  “I don’t know why I’m here,” Dan said, though he was beginning to get an idea. “I just know somehow that this is where I should be for now.”

  She nodded. “So how much would you charge to check Dad’s finances while you wait?”

  He was insulted. “I wouldn’t charge anything! You’re letting me eat in the kitchen.”

  “You’re waiving fees because you eat with the help in the kitchen?”

  “And you shared Sunday dinner and your morning jogs. Come on, Cass. Helping your father would give me a goal for at least a few days.”

  She stood, gathering Flossie into her arms and grabbing a paperback. “When you put it that way, Dad’s all yours. Now we just have to figure out how to get him to agree to talk to you without hurting his pride.”

  Eleven

  DO YOU HAVE a busy weekend coming up?” Dan asked at breakfast Friday morning. He’d lived at SeaSong for a week, but already it seemed part of him.

  Cass smiled as she stroked Glossy Flossie who lay as usual on her place mat. “Full house. And it’s supposed to be a very pleasant weekend weatherwise, too.” There was nothing like being able to hang out a No Vacancy sign to make an innkeeper smile. “They start arriving this afternoon.”

  “Do I have to eat in the dining room with them?”

  Cass studied his face. “Do you want to?”

  “No. It’s cozier out here.”

  “You’ll get lousy service. The girls and I will be concentrating on serving in the dining room.”

  “I’ll pour me some cereal,” he said.

  Cass gave him a disgusted look. “You will not. It’s just that there’ll be chaos in the kitchen, and you’ll get stuff tossed your way as we have time.”

  “When do you eat?”

  “Me?”

  He nodded. “I’ll eat when you do.”

  “We all eat when everyone else is finished.”

  “Okay. I’ll get a bowl of cereal after my morning run and then eat with you after the dining room closes.”

  A warm feeling crept over Cass, and it scared her witless. She was beginning
to enjoy their mornings a bit too much. They jogged together, sometimes talking, sometimes just enjoying the silence, always enjoying each other’s company. At least she enjoyed his and hoped he enjoyed hers. And sitting at the table enjoying a second cup of coffee together after the kids left for school felt dangerously wonderful.

  When she hadn’t known how nice it was to have a man across the breakfast table, she had been happy, if occasionally lonely. Now she knew the pleasure of someone who listened to her as if her opinions were important, and it filled her with quiet joy. The loneliness she’d known in the past was the palest powder blue compared to the deep navy she foresaw after Dan left to return to his real life.

  I should make him eat in the dining room on weekends just to remember what my real life’s like. Maybe the distance would help me keep my balance.

  Are you insane? asked her alter ego. Give up such a good thing?

  But when he leaves!

  So deal with it when he leaves. In the meantime, enjoy!

  Brenna pushed the back door open and came into the kitchen. “Hi.” She gave a halfhearted wave.

  “Get a cup of coffee.” Cass pointed to the carafe.

  Brenna shook her head. “Mind if I get a glass of juice instead?”

  “Help yourself. And while you’re at it, inventory what juices we have. I’m going to the store as soon as breakfast is cleaned up.”

  “Do you want some company?” Dan asked. He even looked eager.

  Cass snorted. “You really are desperate for things to do, aren’t you?”

  “Your father can’t see me until Sunday afternoon. I’m about read out, and if I try one more crossword puzzle, I’ll go nuts.”

  “Next thing you know,” Cass said solemnly, “you’ll be reduced to jigsaw puzzles in the common room.”

  “With the little old lady guests,” Brenna added.

  “Mock all you want.” Dan leaned back in his chair and took another drink of coffee. “I am a man with a mission. I just don’t know what it is yet.”