Where We Left Off

by J. Alex Blane

  She hadn’t gotten into the shower yet, but she was just about to. She had already taken off the sweat pants she was wearing and the tank top. She had nothing on except a tiny pair of panties that wrapped around her waist like a thin bracelet and a bra the framed her breasts like a beautiful masterpiece. The light from the bathroom rolled off of her body as she walked across the room like the sun setting on a summer beach. He’d never seen her in this light and she was breathtaking. He stood there frozen, still, captivated, and completely consumed in her. He didn’t know whether to knock, walk in, or turn away pretend he was never there. It didn’t matter, though, because he couldn’t move. He watched her reach around her back to undo her bra and knew then he couldn’t just stand there. Finally, he cleared his throat loudly enough for her to see him at the door.

  She turned around, slightly startled, but oddly enough comfortable and secure. She wondered how long he’d been there without saying a word; how long he’d been watching her, fighting the desire to walk in. She walked towards him, becoming more desirable with each step as his eyes followed her every move. He was holding the towels and washcloths in his hand, but even as she approached him, he still hadn’t given them to her.

  “Thank you,” she said, softly sliding her hand across his and taking them from him.

  Standing in front of him with next to nothing on, she stood waiting for a response less of words. Mason answered respectfully, fighting everything in him that told him not to. “Let me know if you need anything else,” he forced out.

  The way he spoke was flirtatious, but he was very sincere in his attempts not to make her feel she was obligated to do anything more than she wanted to, or anything at all. He leaned in the doorway with his eyes glued to the rhythm of her walk. He needed to turn away, he should have turned away, but it was a “look but don’t touch” moment and he was embracing every second he could.

  He laughed to himself, shaking off his captivation. “Good night, Sydney.”

  “Wait,” she said.

  She stood in the middle of the floor with her back turned towards him. She knew telling him to wait at that very moment meant only one thing. Who was she kidding; every day had been leading up to this; every word, every kiss, and every touch that never went farther than a light caress. She was in his house, standing in his bedroom with only her bra and panties on, and she didn’t want him to leave. She turned around with a nervous innocence as her skin tingled with adrenaline. Despite all of the flirting and all of her thinking she was ready, she was still very much scared, but she didn’t want him to leave. She grabbed his hands and placed them on her waist, pulling herself closer towards him.

  He could feel how nervous she was in her light quivering as she pressed into him. In the four months they’d been together, their lips never touched for longer than a few seconds, always light, in passing or in the occasional reminder of I’m thinking of you. It was proving to be a night of firsts for their relationship. His hands moved from her waist to the arch of her back and their lips touched. Held together in the fading stare of their eyes and the embrace of their arms, they were in tune with each other more than they’d ever been. Suddenly his cell phone began vibrating at his hip, pulling him out of the moment so, that he noticed how much more nervous Sydney had become. A part of him figured it was due to the huge step they were about to take, but he honestly found himself, in that moment, liking the way things were. In that moment, he liked the idea that there was actually something to look forward to.

  Still kissing her, he pulled back, “Wait, Sydney… Maybe we should...um––”

  “Yeah, maybe we should… um,” she looked skittishly around the room before looking back at him. “I’m going to get in the shower!”

  Mason threw himself onto the bed in his guestroom, listening to the water from the shower echo down the hall. The room was dark, the house was dark, and the only light he could see was from the dim glow mildly lighting the hallway that came from Sydney in his bedroom. Soon, he heard nothing. The water in the shower had been turned off. He lay back on the pillow with his hand behind his head, trying his best to get comfortable and unable to escape the thoughts of how the night could have actually played out. He could remember the last time he’d been the one to say no and not go thought with it. Thinking about Sydney, though, who knew the reason was because he really didn’t want to change anything about the two of them that could damage what they had. He laughed, seeing how different he was compared to a few months ago or a few years ago. As he thought about it, he realized it was the difference that was actually allowing him to appreciate what he had with Sydney and not make it into what he was used to.

  Chapter 19

  As the hour grew late so did Mason’s discomfort, regardless of which way he turned. The bed was stiff and more firmer than he was used to, nothing like his own. No one had slept in the guest room or on that bed since he moved in the house, so it hadn’t been broken in yet.

  Sydney, although comfortable, struggled to get to sleep as well. She stared out of the window, unable to see much of anything, with her mind and her body more at ease than it was when the night began. Thinking about it, she couldn’t believe what she had allowed herself to get into with Mason and what she had been about to give up. Looking away from the window, she was so embarrassed. For so long she had been careful to never put herself in a position this close to a man she cared about where she could come close to letting it happen. Even in that embarrassment, she appreciated him. She appreciated the man he allowed her to see by not doing what she knew came so easy for him. She smiled at the sudden warmth she felt when thinking of him. I wonder if he’s still awake, she thought. If he was, what about her was he thinking about. Oh my God, she shook her head. The more she thought about it, she really didn’t want to know how he was thinking about her after the way she came on to him. At the very least she wished she could just go and apologize and tell him the truth.

  Distracted by a noise in the hallway, her attention was pulled to the door that was still ajar. She eased her way out of bed and slowly crept over to see what it was. As she leaned and looked down the hall, there was nothing: no light, no open door, and no Mason, as she had hoped. Climbing back into bed, she reached for her cell phone. She knew it was late and that they had to fly out in only a few hours, but she decided to do something that she knew would catch him off guard and, at worst wake him if he was asleep. Only a room apart, she called him. She dialed his number and listened to it ring, waiting for him to answer.

  Mason still hadn’t fallen asleep, and his ringing phone actually gave him a break in the frustration of his discomfort. He reached over and flopped his hand on his phone, exhaustedly tilting it just enough to read the caller ID.

  He laughed.

  “You do realize I’m right down the hall,” he answered, jokingly.

  The sound of his voice was strained from being partially asleep and awake, but not so much that he sounded unaware of the conversation.

  “I have to tell you something, and promise me you won’t laugh” she said turning over on her back with the phone resting beside her ear.

  “Okay,” he responded.

  “I’ve never…done that before.”

  “Done what?” he asked curiously.

  “That” she insinuated, “tonight, anything …every.”

  “Wait, I’m confused.”

  “I’m a virgin,” she timidly let out.

  He definitely hadn’t expected to hear that, especially after seeing the way she’d acted earlier.

  “So, tonight was what, exactly?”

  “I don’t know. A part of me wanted to,” she exclaimed. “A big part of me, and I kind of figured you did too. In fact, a big part of me thought you would,” she laughed, making the situation seem far less serious than it actually was.

  He laughed. “And you’re saying I’m the one full of surprises. How long have you –wait that’s a stupid question…”

  Her laughter resonated down the hall. “Ho
w long have I been a virgin, hmmm let’s see…”

  Laughing with her, he said, “I can’t believe I just asked you that.”

  “It’s okay, I know you probably didn’t expect that.”

  “I really didn’t,” he agreed.

  She finally opened up and told him why she had never had sex before, and her reasons behind it. She was raised in church, and it was drilled into her as far back as she could remember as a young lady to keep herself until marriage. Up until tonight she had never had a reason to consider otherwise. Flattered, she could hear his smile through the phone, but the more she went through her explanation the less she could tell whether he was silent because he was listening or because she’d said something wrong. She talked about how she and her family practically lived in church from being there so often. She laughed, but he was still silent.

  “Did you go to sleep on me?” she asked.

  He chuckled. “No, I’m still here.”

  “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

  He paused, reflecting on everything she had told him. “I understand not losing your virginity until you get married. I get that. I just don’t get the whole thing about how church and the bible influence your making a decision about you. That’s all.”

  “Did you not go to church when you were younger?”

  “I went,” he quickly denounced.

  Mason was only open about his life to a certain point, and anything after his father he never spoke about. She asked him about his childhood, his family, what growing up with a brother was like, but he always found a way to avoid answering those questions. This wasn’t new. He would always change the subject.

  She didn’t want to pry too hard; she could tell it wasn’t something he wanted to talk about. She changed the subject and, as she expected, the conversation got much lighter, and right back on track.

  They talked a little while longer until both of them found themselves saying things that made no sense at all. They laughed into their goodbyes and just as they began to hang up, he wished her sweet dreams.

  It would be so much sweeter if he were here, she said to herself. She picked up her phone and not even five minutes after they had hung up she sent him a text message.

  “Come lay with me.”

  Something else unexpected, he laughed. He didn’t know how to respond, or if it was even a good idea. She sent him another text, answering the silence and what she thought was running through his mind.

  “I trust you,” it read.

  He threw his head back, sitting upright in the bed with his back against the headboard. He stared at the doorway leading into the hall, pushing himself to just get up and go. Finally, he did. She could hear his footsteps leaving the room and coming down the hall, and when he reached the door he couldn’t help but smile seeing her smiling back at him.

  “I think that’s your phone,” she said.

  My phone, his expression shifted. He didn’t know what she was talking about until he stood still and heard the phone vibrating against the nightstand still in the guest room. It was almost 3 o’clock in the morning, who would be calling so late? He was hesitant at first, but feared something could be wrong or it was Jackson.

  “I’ll be right back,” he softly said before turning back down the hall.

  The phone was turned face down and he didn’t even bother looking at the caller ID before he answered.

  “Hello…”

  There was a brief pause, but not one nearly as brief as wishing he hadn’t answered the phone.

  “I hope I didn’t wake you.”

  He was no stranger to her voice, or her late night calls, but this one was not only inconvenient but also far later than usual.

  “Erika, it’s 3 o’clock in the morning,” he stressed

  “I know, I know. I just needed to talk to you.”

  “At 3 o’clock in the morning!”

  “Mason –”

  He cut her off, “What’s wrong…is everything okay with you and Chris?”

  “Yeah…well,” she stopped.

  He was a little irritated, but at the end of the day she was still at least a friend. He sensed something in her voice that made him a little uneasy, and realized he should maybe take the rest of the call downstairs. He walked back to his bedroom. Sydney was still in bed waiting for him when he came to the door.

  “I’m sorry, I have to take this, I should only be a minute.”

  He pulled the door closed and headed downstairs to the kitchen where he pulled out a stool from his bar and sat down.

  “Erika, what’s going on? Talk to me.”

  She paused, and he could hear the phone moving closer to her mouth as if she were trying to make sure no one else heard what she was about to say.

  “I’m so sorry,” she stressed.

  He didn’t understand. “Sorry…sorry for what?” he asked.

  He could hear her taking a deep breath, almost as close as his own. Without warning, she told him.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  Chapter 20

  What do you say to something like that? Is there even a right way to respond? Unsure of what to say, or even what to think, he asked the only sensible thing he could think of.

  “Does he know?”

  She responded, equally sensibly, “…he does now.”

  His face drew pale as the phone slid from his hand down the side of his face and onto the countertop. He glanced upstairs to his bedroom where Sydney was waiting for him. He felt like he had just been dealt a hand that he hadn’t even sat down to play. This is not happening, he said to himself. He slid the phone back to his ear with his head barely held up on his shoulders.

  “How long have you known?” he asked.

  His voice was low and his words quivered with despondency.

  “I found out four months ago.”

  “So it took you four months to say something to me!” he stressed. “It’s too late now –”

  “For what, Mason…. For me to choose?”

  “No, for me to have a choice!” He caught himself from raising his voice.

  “And what would that have been, huh? I know exactly what you would have said. Listen to how you sound now.”

  “Don’t try to make me out to be the bad guy. You knew about this for four months and what, you expect me to be happy and excited? I have a life I can’t just stop… what do you expect me to do?”

  “I just wanted to hear what this conversation would sound like,” she sighed. “I didn’t, and don’t, expect you to do anything.”

  “I’m confused.”

  “Look, I’m only telling you because regardless of whatever arrangement or relationship we had, I actually care about you.”

  “Erika, you are confusing me even more right now. What are you saying, are you or aren’t you?”

  “Oh I am, but it’s nothing you have to worry about. Chris and I are good right now, we’re getting married in a few months… and he doesn’t know,” she answered.

  “Know what, that you’re pregnant?”

  “No, that it’s not his.”

  “Oh my God…” His head fell to the counter top. “He thinks the baby is his, and you aren’t going to tell him?”

  “I can’t,” she stressed. “He needs this. We need this.”

  Her voice began to fill with tears. “I just wanted you to know…that’s all.”

  “That’s just great, Erika. I’m really trying to understand what good you thought that would do.”

  She didn’t answer him, but he could hear her trying to keep her voice down and her tears at bay.

  “When are you due?” He hesitantly asked.

  “He’s due April 13th.”

  “He?” Mason asked.

  “Yes, it’s a boy.”

  Mason was closer to tears than he had been in years and Erika could hear it. She didn’t want anything from him, but felt he deserved to know the truth for some reason. To Mason, it was a truth worth not knowing. He still couldn’t understand why sh
e felt the need to call him so late to tell him if she didn’t want anything from him. He was afraid, not of her being pregnant or her fiancé finding out, but what it would mean for he and Sydney. There was nothing else to say. No words could make the situation any better. For the next few minutes she talked and he just listened. He couldn’t speak even when she waited for him to say something, his voice mute. After a few seconds passed he still didn’t have anything to say, she hung up the phone.

  He walked back upstairs slower than usual. He had to tell Sydney, he thought. There were enough secrets about him that she didn’t know about; this wasn’t going to be another one. He had never been more nervous or afraid stepping into his own bedroom. He climbed in the bed behind her and slid his arm underneath the pillow that she was resting her head on. His other arm reached around her and he held her as tight as he possibly could to keep her near, knowing she would run once he told her.

  “Sydney,” he began.

  She reached her left hand across the top of his, pulling him even tighter around her. “Thank you,” she said, not knowing she had cut him off. “Thank you for being the man that I needed tonight,” she whispered on the edge of sleep.

  “I need to tell you something,” he tried again.