Always Yours

by Grace Owens

  While Allie was waiting on the couch, I went to the guest bathroom and closed the door behind me. I took three deep breaths before I opened the box, taking the instructions out. I had never imagined I would ever need to know how to take a pregnancy test and I had never imagined it was so complicated either.

  “How the hell am I supposed to urinate for five seconds?” I muttered to myself.

  It turned out to be easier than I had thought and after I cleaned everything up, I set the timer for the three minutes as the instructions said. My hands shook as I grabbed the test and went back out to join Allie on the couch.

  “Did it go okay?” she asked carefully.

  I handed her the stick and answered, “You can tell me in about… two minutes and thirty-five seconds.”

  Those two minutes turned out to be two of the longest minutes of my life. When the timer finally cut through the silence that had surrounded us, I was too scared to even look at Allie as she read the results on the tiny little screen.

  “Gertie…” she trailed off with a small sigh. That sigh told me everything I needed to know – I wasn’t just married to Cailean Baker, I was also carrying his child.

  “Oh,” I whimpered, trying to think of something appropriate to say.

  A long silence fell over us once again and I couldn’t get the results of the test to sink in, no matter how hard I tried. How could I possibly be pregnant? Become a mom? How could a part of Cailean be growing inside me?

  “What are you going to tell Cailean?” Allie whispered as if she had heard me think his name. “I mean, he’ll be a great dad and everything, but it’s kind of a big shock when you’ve just started dating-“

  “We’re not dating,” I interrupted, but she wouldn’t listen to me, too deep into her own thoughts to hear anything else.

  “No, I’m sure he’ll see this baby as his own once he’s wrapped his head around it.” How was I going to tell her that the baby growing inside me was, in fact, Cailean’s? “Gertie, how are you supposed to tell the father?”

  Her question caught me off guard and I had to remember that she had no idea that the mystery man I had met in Vegas was Cailean. I had no idea what to tell her so I just shrugged my shoulders. Even if the mystery man had been a complete stranger, I would have had no way of contacting him. Granted, I probably wouldn’t have left him like I’d left Cailean and maybe I would have gotten a phone number or something. Probably not. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Right?

  Apparently not.

  “I don’t know,” I whispered as I grabbed the test from where Allie had put it on the table in front of us. Tears gathered in my eyes as I stared at the word ‘Pregnant’ on the tiny screen. Such a small word with such a huge impact.

  While it had just been a feeling that something was up earlier, it had now become a very real thing. All my symptoms I’d chosen to ignore up until now were still there, but now they had a name - pregnancy.

  “How about some tea?” Allie asked and I had almost forgotten that she was still sitting next to me, too stuck in my own head.

  I looked up at her as she started making her way toward the kitchen. I could barely see her through the tears. How could this have happened to me? I was a good person. Not perfect, but good. What had I done to deserve this?

  “Allie,” I manage to choke out before sobs overtook my body.

  “Oh, honey,” she said in a voice laced with sympathy. She came back to the couch and sat down next to me. “It’ll be okay.”

  Her reassurance only made me cry harder and she gently urged me to lay my head down in her lap.

  “What am I supposed to do?” I asked, not really expecting an answer.

  “You’re going to let yourself have this weekend to cry it out and then on Monday, you’re going to make a doctor’s appointment. The rest will just fall into place,” Allie answered anyway. I had to admit, her calmness and the way she was stroking my hair did make me relax. Just a little bit. “Just because it’s an unwanted pregnancy, it doesn’t mean that it’s an unwanted child.”

  Her words hung over us as if she hadn’t completed her sentence… if you’re keeping it.

  Everything about it was unwanted - I didn’t want to be married to Cailean, I didn’t want to have his baby, I didn’t want to be tied to him forever, I didn’t want anything to do with the man. But this child hadn’t chosen to be made and it hadn’t chosen his or her parents. Just the words adoption and abortion only made me cry harder because no matter who Cailean was, this baby was just as much mine as his.

  I was stuck in an impossible situation with no real way out. Either I had the baby and got stuck with its dad, or I…

  I couldn’t even finish the thought which could only mean one thing - I was keeping the baby. I was going to have Cailean Baker’s baby, with or without him.

  Preferably without him.

  Chapter 5

  ◆◆◆

  THE BAR IN front of me was called Murray’s, a name I now associated with the stranger I had married in Vegas, whereas before it had been the name of Sebastian’s bar. Only he wasn’t Tyler Murray and I felt so silly for believing his lie. Why was he working in a place that had that name? I’d been fishing for clues from both Hanna and Allie for a whole week without giving away my reason for asking about Cailean. I was sure I could have searched for his name online, but I had refused to give into the urge. It would only have led me down a rabbit hole I knew I wanted nothing to do with.

  I had been standing outside this place for a good fifteen minutes and it was starting to become way too hot for me to continue standing there. I didn’t exactly know what I had intended to say to Cailean, but I knew I needed to get it over with.

  I had been pregnant for a week. I was still pregnant, which I had double-checked before coming here in case something had conveniently happened. It also meant that I’d had a week to think about what I wanted and not, and since Cailean not being my baby daddy wasn’t an option, I knew I needed to tell him and I wanted it to be on my terms. Cornering him at his job seemed like the best way to do it.

  “Welcome to Murray’s, what can I get for you?” a cheerful brunette asked from behind the bar once I had finally sucked up whatever courage I could find within me and gone inside. It was pretty busy as people, like myself, had just gotten off work.

  “I’ll just have some water, please,” I answered, knowing I was stalling by ordering, and scooted up on the tall bar stool. I wouldn’t have minded something stronger, but I had someone else to think about now as well. Something that still blew my mind every time my mind steered in that direction, which was often. Besides, getting drunk was the last thing I needed to do considering the only two times it had happened before, Cailean had been involved. No need to make it a third time.

  “It’s pretty hot out there, huh?” the pretty brunette asked with a smile as she handed me a tall glass of ice cold water. I acknowledged it with a smile and a nod before I started chugging it. “Anything else I can get you?”

  I knew she needed to get back to the busy bar and that this might be my only chance to ask her about Cailean before she got too busy. However, before I had the chance to ask about him, he strolled in from somewhere in the back of the bar and his eyes widened in surprise when he saw me sitting there.

  “Hey, babe,” he said once he had recovered. “Is this just a lovely coincidence once again or did you miss me already and decided to stalk me here?”

  “Psh,” I scoffed and glared at him. “I’ll leave the stalking to you.”

  The brunette let out a small giggle even though I could tell she tried hard to hide it, and Cailean turned to her and said, “Thanks, Charlotte, I’ll take it from here.”

  “Who said I was done ordering?” I protested.

  “I did. Now, come on,” he demanded and gestured for me to follow him to wherever he had come from earlier.

  “Bossy much? What if I wanted to come and relax after work? That has nothing to do with you.”

  The closer
I got to the opportunity where I had to tell him about the baby, the worse my nervousness became. How the hell would I tell him?

  “Gertie,” he said as if he was trying to reason with me, stalking over to where I was sitting. “You’re drinking water at a bar. We both know why you came here.”

  There was no way he knew why I was here and the fact that he was so sure of himself only fueled my anger. Luckily, anger was a better emotion for me to handle than nervousness, as long as it didn’t get so far that tears got involved. Anger gave me a backbone and nervousness made me cower.

  “It’s almost 100 degrees out and I was hot,” I answered with a shrug. “Am I not allowed to have a drink?”

  “You want me to believe that you walked into my bar for a glass of water?”

  “How was I supposed to know that it was your bar?” I shot back.

  “Come on,” he said and this time he didn’t give me a choice as he took my hand and basically dragged me in to what appeared to be the back office.

  He hadn’t even let the door click close before he pushed me up against it, attacking my lips with his. I had no time to process what was happening and my mind went back to Vegas as my purse fell to the floor with a heavy thud and my hands slid into his hair, trying to bring him closer, my lips moving with his as if they knew exactly what to do. It wasn’t soft and sweet, but damn, if it wasn’t the best kiss of my life – that I remembered at least. His hands moved to my thighs, hoisting me up in his arms and my legs they wrapped around his waist as if they belonged there.

  It wasn’t until he pulled away from the kiss to move his lips down my jaw and neck that the spell I was under broke. I was slammed right back into reality and I felt ashamed of myself that I had let Cailean Baker take control of my body like that.

  Again.

  “Wait,” I said, surprised at how hoarse my voice sounded. Cailean either didn’t hear or decided to ignore my pleas as he continued nibbling and kissing my neck. No matter how amazing it felt, I willed my hands to tug on his hair, trying to pull him away from my body. “Please stop.”

  “I’ve waited more than a fucking decade to have you, please don’t ask me to stop,” he pleaded, pressing his forehead against mine as he ground his hips against mine. There was no doubt in my mind what he wanted, the evidence between us making me go crazy with need for this man.

  This man is Cailean Baker, Gertie, my conscious reminded me.

  “Please let me go,” I finally whispered even though my whole body was screaming for him to just take me one more time.

  Just one more time.

  He nodded to himself, reluctantly letting me back down onto the floor. As soon as he made sure I was stable, he turned around and dragged a frustrated hand through his hair. The same hair I had just touched.

  “If that wasn’t what you came for, then why are you here?” he asked.

  Before, my hand had been itching to go back into his hair. Now, it was itching to slap his perfect face. How dare he insinuate that I was here for… that?

  “You think this is a booty call?” I asked, the anger rapidly replacing the lust that had been there only minutes before.

  “Why else would you be here?” he asked, shrugging his shoulders as if it was the most obvious thing. “I know I’m pretty high on your shit list and there’s no fucking way we’re getting a divorce, and I think you know that.”

  “You’re an asshole,” I hissed, every thought of trying to have an adult conversation flew out the window. “I will get a divorce as soon as I have saved up the money to get a damn good lawyer, sucking every little penny out of you!”

  Okay, that last part was so far from the truth you could possibly get – I didn’t want anything from him, apart from this baby. I had thought about pawning the rings, knowing they were worth enough to get a decent lawyer, but I just couldn’t do it; they weren’t mine.

  “Then I guess I was wrong about you,” he said in a challenging tone, making the urge to apologize creep up on my tongue. “You’re just like all the other gold digging girls out there.”

  “I guess I am.” I was unable to hide the hurt in my voice, but screw him for comparing me to all the other girls he had been with. I was nothing like them. “I’m just gonna go.”

  He made no protest and I bent down to pick up the mess my purse had made when it had fallen down onto the floor. It wasn’t until I gathered everything that I realized the bright pink box containing the two extra tests were clearly visible. Judging by the eerie silence coming from Cailean, he had seen them.

  “What the fuck is that, Gertie?” he asked as I stood up, my hopes of him not paying attention flying out the window.

  I wanted to tell him every nasty and childish remark that kept flying around in my brain, but this was the reason I was here in the first place. I needed to tell him. I needed him to make up his mind if he wanted to be in this baby’s life or not. A part of me was hoping he wanted nothing to do with either of us, but growing up with a distant father, I knew how much it hurt and I didn’t want my baby to feel that way.

  “I’m pregnant.” I released a harsh breath with the words, feeling a lightness in my chest of finally telling him.

  He stood there, staring at me intensely for a minute or two, but I wasn’t cowering away this time.

  “And since you’re telling me this, I’m assuming you think I’m the father?” he finally asked.

  “Think?” I asked incredulously in a loud voice, reacting before I had a chance to really think. “I think you’re the father? Really, Cailean?”

  “Well, how am I supposed to know if I’m the only one you’ve fucked lately?” He shrugged his shoulders so casually, as if our lives hadn’t changed forever.

  “I guess you don’t.”

  “And what do you expect me to do, huh? Just believe you when you storm in here claiming to be pregnant?”

  I stormed in here? Was this guy even for real? Cailean had always been an asshole to me, but his words had never hurt as much as they had today. I didn’t know if being pregnant and hormonal played a big part in that, but I did know that I wanted to leave before I did something I would end up regretting. Like hit him.

  “Short of peeing on a stick for you, I have no way of proving that I’m pregnant. I came here to tell you and I did. What you do with that information is up to you.” Before I knew what was happening, he had grabbed my hand again and was dragging me back to the bar. Only this time, he led me toward the stairs that went up to his apartment. I tried janking my hand out of his, but his hold was too strong. “What are you doing, Cailean?”

  “I’m taking you upstairs so that you can prove it,” he answered and flung the door to his apartment open.

  Why is it unlocked?

  I wanted to ask him, but given the situation, it didn’t seem appropriate.

  It had been weeks since I had been at his place, but it still looked exactly the same. Not many personal items, a big TV and a loveseat. Even with the lack of furniture and knick-knacks, the place screamed bachelor.

  “You’re not watching me pee.” We were both standing in his bathroom and he was acting as if he was planning on staying in there with me.

  “I’m not letting you cheat.”

  “And how do you suggest I cheat on a pregnancy test?” I asked and pulled the opened box out from my purse. I silently cursed myself for not using all three tests earlier, or at least hidden the box in my car. But it wasn’t as if I had planned on Cailean looking at the contents of my purse.

  “I’m not giving you any ideas, babe. Now drop your pants,” he ordered. If we had been in the bathroom for a totally different thing, I might have found his demand somewhat… hot, and I probably would have dropped my pants if it hadn’t been Cailean issuing the command.

  “Fine, at least turn around.” I knew it wouldn’t work, but I was done arguing with him. Apart from the kiss downstairs, this whole visit had been about arguing and it was exhausting.

  I tried. I really did try, but no matter how h
ard I tried, my bladder was acutely aware of the fact that someone was watching. I closed my eyes. I hummed. I tried thinking about running water. Nothing.

  “Bloody hell, Gert, just fucking pee.” Cailean was nervous and that made me nervous. I tried putting myself in his shoes - hell, I had sort of been in his shoes only a week ago - but him acting like an ass wasn’t helping and it was hard to muster up any kind of sympathy for him at that point.

  “I can’t. If you want me to do this, you need to leave,” I answered.

  “Fine,” he huffed and thankfully left the small bathroom.

  It still took some work to get my bladder to relax enough to do both tests since he had left the door open and I knew he was standing right there. I was eventually able to get through it and as soon as Cailean heard the flush, he was back in the bathroom with me. He didn’t say anything, just stared hard and long at the tests, as I washed and dried my hands. This time, it didn’t even take the full three minutes for the results to come in.

  “There,” I said just as the plus-signs started appearing. “I’m pregnant. I can’t prove that you’re the father beyond telling you that you’re the only guy I’ve been with for the last four years, which doesn’t give you that many options when it comes to baby-daddys.”

  “Fuuuuck,” he said quietly, dragging the word out as he rubbed his face.

  I gathered my things and started to leave, letting him be alone to process all of this. I’d already had a week to come to terms with it so it was a bit easier for me.

  “If you decide you want to be a part of this baby’s life, my first doctor’s appointment is next Friday at three-thirty.”

  I was by the door, so close to leaving, when he stopped me by calling out my name.

  “Fuck,” he cursed again, looking so confused I almost felt bad for him. Almost. “At least let me take you home.”

  “I have my own car,” was all I said before I opened his door and left.