Always Yours

by Grace Owens

  “I’ll be right back,” I whispered after a while and got up from the floor, my stiff knees letting out a silent thank-you.

  “Hey,” he said softly, taking my hand to stop me from getting up completely. His free hand traveled up to my face and I could feel him wipe something off the corner of my mouth. How embarrassing, I probably have semen all over my face. “You okay?”

  “Yes,” I answered and I wasn’t really lying. I was mostly okay if you didn’t count the humiliation of not being able to swallow everything. “I’m just going to clean up a bit.”

  Looking at myself in the mirror made me cringe a bit. My lips were swollen as if we had been making out for hours, my face was blotchy, and my mascara had run down my cheeks. Other than the mess on my face, my eyes shone with happiness and confidence, something that hadn’t been there before. Or at least not this strong.

  Cailean stepped into the bathroom as I was wiping my face off with a washcloth, going straight for the shower to turn it on.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” He hugged me from behind.

  “Was it good for you?” I asked worriedly as I turned around in his arms. What if I had done all that and it hadn’t even been enjoyable for him?

  “You’re worried that I didn’t like it?” His eyebrows shot up in surprise.

  “I didn’t swallow all of it,” I mumbled.

  “Fuck,” he cursed and pulled me in for a fierce hug. “It was messy and it was sloppy, but hell, babe, I didn’t even think you would try swallowing so the fact that you did…”

  I wanted him to finish his sentence, but he spoke with wonder in his voice which made me feel a little bit better about it.

  “So you want me to do it again?” I asked, placing a kiss on his chest.

  “Fuck, yeah. But let me take care of you.”

  I let him finish taking my clothes off and drag me into the shower, the steam from the warm water enveloping us.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispered and cupped my boobs from behind.

  I let him take care of me in the shower with his skillful fingers and mouth while water was pouring over us, just like he had asked for. He made me forget to be embarrassed about the blowjob and while I probably wouldn’t try to swallow next time, I felt high on being able to bring him the same pleasure he brought me.

  “Are you sure Sebastian is okay at the bar by himself?” I asked after we had cleaned up and gotten in bed.

  “Positive,” he answered tiredly, pulling me in closer.

  “I just feel selfish for keeping you here when you have a bar to run.”

  “It’s not like I’m your prisoner, Gertie.” He snorted. “Besides, before all his wedding shit, Sebastian took most of the night shifts and now that all that is behind him, he felt like it was time to get back to our routine.”

  “You better not let Hanna hear you talk like that about her wedding,” I said with a small laugh.

  “This has always been my favorite part of the day,” he murmured as he nuzzled my neck with his nose. It almost felt as if he was breathing me in.

  “Why?”

  “Because the day is finally over and I get to put it all behind me. Plus, now I get to do it with you warm and soft in my arms. It just makes me feel so fucking content, you have no idea, baby.”

  His words struck me right in my chest; not because he felt so content with me – I was almost to the point where I wanted to give up trying to get him not to like me and our situation – it was because I felt the same.

  “Yeah,” I said with a sigh, hoping he would just drop the subject.

  And with a small squeeze and a kiss, he did and eventually I managed to drift off in the comfort of his arms… content.

  ↞ ♥ ↠

  “Wake up, sleepyhead,” Cailean whispered, kissing his way up my neck and jaw.

  “No,” I grumbled, trying to pull him to me.

  “You know, if you allowed me to wake you up earlier, we would have time for that,” he said with a chuckle and a chaste kiss on my cheek before he stood up. “I put your crackers on the nightstand. I’ll be in the bathroom if you need me.”

  “I need you to come back and keep me warm,” I whined, trying to snuggle deeper into the blanket. The bed was always cold whenever he wasn’t in it. I hated it.

  “And I need you to get your sexy ass out of bed so that we can see how our daughter is doing.”

  Damn him for being right and damn me for not being a morning person.

  I must have fallen back asleep because the next thing I knew, a blast of cold air hit me as the blankets were yanked off the bed.

  “Cailean,” I said with a groan and tried in vain to get the blankets back.

  “You’re out of time.

  “I’m pregnant,” I said in defense although we both knew that was only part of my issue and he had no problem pointing that out either.

  “You’re also not a morning person.”

  “Just give me five minutes.”

  “I’ll give you three to get out of that bed.”

  “Or what?” I taunted, already more alert due to our banter. Had I mentioned how well he knew how to play me?

  “I’ll carry you into that bathroom myself.” While that sounded very tempting – Cailean in the bathroom meant we were close to the shower and the shower had the possibility of making Cailean do things to my body no man had ever done – he had to ruin my thoughts when he opened his mind again, “Get your mind out of the gutter, baby. We don’t have time for it, as much as it pains me to say that. We need to leave in 30 minutes to make the appointment.”

  “Fine,” I huffed and threw the blankets off, feeling like a toddler who wasn’t getting her way. I was acting ridiculously, but I didn’t know how to stop it. I could, however, apologize even though that went against everything I ever thought about Cailean. Still, I got up and walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his firm midsection. “I’m sorry for making things difficult for you.”

  “Pfft, it’s not like I don’t fucking deserve it, but you’re making it so bloody hard not to take you up on your offer.”

  “I’ll remember that when we’re not crunched on time,” I said with a smirk while untangling myself from him.

  “Hey, the least you can do is give me a kiss?” He pouted.

  “But I don’t want to tempt you,” I mocked, but still gave him what he wanted. I didn’t let him take it further than just a peck because while his breath smelled nice since he had brushed his teeth, mine didn’t.

  I had to hurry to get ready on time, but we still made it with five minutes to spare.

  “Ready?” he asked, reaching out his hand for me to take as we made our way into the doctor’s office.

  I no longer hesitated to take it because I needed the comfort. It didn’t matter how many times we’d done this or that everything had been fine at each appointment, I was still very nervous.

  “Yeah,” I answered and he squeezed my hand, trying to comfort me.

  “She’s okay, Gertie,” he said reassuringly, the tone in his voice indicating that he was trying to reassure himself as well.

  “But what if they found something on the ultrasound?”

  “Then we’ll deal with it, okay?”

  I could only nod in response because I didn’t have the same confidence he seemed to have, fake or not. I tried telling myself that everything had looked good to my untrained eye and that I had nothing to worry about.

  Since it was an early morning appointment, it didn’t take long before we were called back and I was weighed before we were led back to the exam room. Again, the nurse never said anything about my weight or blood pressure being on the bad side, so I tried to calm down. Seeing the doctor smile as she announced her presence at the door helped a little bit, but then that could just simply be because she had always had that effect on me.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked cheerily, her brown curls bouncing as she got situated on the small chair by the computer.

  �
�Mostly okay,” I answered truthfully. “I’m still tired a lot of the time, but I manage.”

  “Have you been able to feel the baby move at all?” she asked, typing away on her computer.

  “I don’t know,” I answered.

  It was very embarrassing to not being able to answer her question with a yes or no. I had heard it could feel like a flutter, almost as if you were gassy. One horrible side-effect of this whole pregnancy so far was that I had become one of those gassy pregnant women so I had no idea if it was said gas or our daughter moving.

  My cheeks heated up just thinking about the time last week when I accidentally farted in front of Cailean – he had made me laugh and there was no stopping it. He had let out a small laugh at first and I had tried to leave so I could hide and never see him again, but he hadn’t let me. He had been cool about the whole thing, still was, and reassured me that it was a whole new level of trust in our relationship. I still hadn’t been able to look him in the eyes for the rest of the night after that, but I had slowly learned that holding it in was causing more discomfort than letting it out. Like he had said, there was a new level of trust in whatever relationship we had and I guess it was a sign that I trusted him… somewhat.

  “Don’t worry. It’s normal, especially for a first time mom, to feel the baby move around 22 to 25 weeks,” Dr. Blackburn assured me. “How’s the nausea going?”

  “It’s fine,” I answered, but that answer didn’t seem to satisfy Cailean.

  “She’s throwing up almost every day, sometimes two or three times a day,” he said, earning a glare from me.

  “Are you getting enough food in you, or is it all coming right back up?” she asked me while casting a glance at Cailean as well, probably thinking that he would give a more honest answer.

  “It’s mostly just in the mornings and then at night after taking my vitamins,” I answered, knowing he would butt in no matter what I said.

  “All she can keep in is toast, pancakes and KFC,” he added, earning him yet another glare. This wasn’t his appointment and he should have been grateful that I even let him come along.

  “I eat other things too,” I defended. “It’s just easier to eat it if I can actually enjoy eating it, hence my increased intake of toast and pancakes.”

  “Well, at least you’re getting something in your system and it seems as if you’re gaining weight,” the doctor said, her brows creasing before she added, “You said you usually throw up after taking your vitamin; how long after?”

  “Maybe half an hour or so.”

  “Hm, sometimes the iron in the tablets can cause nausea in some women and maybe you are one of them. Although, you’re anemic so you really do need it,” she mused. “How about this – we get you off your normal vitamins and try the chewy ones instead, I’ve heard they can be easier to digest and they taste like a fruit snack. However, I also want you to make an effort in eating more leafy greens, beans and more meat. Hopefully, that should help with your iron levels without making you throw up.”

  As much as the thought of leafy greens and beans disgusted me, I nodded my head in promise. I needed to stay healthy, if not for me, then at least for my baby.

  After a very lengthy appointment – I’d had to do some sort of glucose test, hence why I was starving – we were finally on our way to breakfast. I needed a big one in order to make it through my work day. Working had become harder due to my nausea, fatigue and generally being uncomfortable, but I hadn’t given up yet. I was, however, seriously considering asking Cailean about going down to part time for the reminder of my pregnancy. I knew he had hired me out of pity, so it wasn’t as if he needed me, but my pride and mental stability would take a hit from asking about less hours.

  “Pancakes?” Cailean asked, snapping me out of my thoughts, although I had no clue why he bothered. Of course I wanted pancakes for breakfast. I shot him a look that told him so and he chuckled, causing me to smile because there was simply no way I couldn’t. “Of course. Pancakes it is.”

  “You’re not sick of it yet?” I asked, thinking about how my diet these days pretty much consisted of toast, pancakes and KFC as he had mentioned to the doctor earlier.

  “Never,” he answered, looking at me. The look told me he wasn’t just talking about my cravings. “Besides, it’s not like I have to eat pancakes.”

  “Just don’t get anything with onions in it,” I told him, almost gagging at the mere thought of smelling the cooked vegetable.

  “Duly noted.”

  He drove us to our regular breakfast place – it sounded so weird that we already had a breakfast place together – and ordered our food. Even though not all my appointments required fasting, eating first thing in the morning didn’t really work for me anymore, so by the time we got our food, I was starving.

  But of course Cailean had to ruin my pancake bliss by opening his mouth.

  “My mom wants to throw you a baby shower,” Cailean announced like it was the most natural thing on earth.

  “No.” I speared my poor pancakes on the fork as if they had been the ones announcing a dreadful baby shower. I didn’t do that kind of stuff and Cailean should have known that by now.

  “I know you don’t like attention, but could you please just do it? She’s been on my fucking case about it since she found out, even more so when we announced it’s a girl. Plus, I bet Allie is just dying to throw you one.”

  “Do you want one?”

  “Fuck no. I don’t need people to buy me shit and I definitely don’t want to eat chocolate that’s been stuffed in a diaper.”

  I gave him my best “Are you serious?” look. I mean, did he even hear himself when he spoke? He expected me to attend while he did whatever he wanted? Just because I didn’t have a lot of money, it didn’t mean that I needed a baby shower so that people could give me things. If they wanted to buy it based on my Amazon baby registry, then fine. I was, however, not going to sit at the center of attention while people watched my reaction to whatever they had bought me. Just no. No way.

  “You do realize what an asshole you sounded like just now?” I asked. “Right?”

  “Asshole? I was just saying that there’s no fucking way I’m going to a baby shower. It’s not a place for a man to be at.”

  “Wow, I’ve never heard you being so sexist before,” I said with a smirk, all thoughts of being angry gone because he was being absolutely ridiculous. Maybe that was his plan to get me to calm down. I mean, Cailean was a smart guy and what was spewing out of his mouth right now was completely opposite of being something a smart guy would say. “I’m waiting for you to tell me that you’re expecting me to quit my job and stay home every day, cooking and cleaning while taking care of our baby.”

  “I already told you that I’ll support you if that’s what you want,” he answered simply.

  “I’m not attending a baby shower,” I told him firmly, steering the subject back to where we started. He wasn’t going to distract me into going.

  “I don’t think you’ll have a choice in the end. It is my mother paired with Allie we’re talking about here.”

  “Fine, but then you’re going too!” The smile on his face told me he had me exactly where he wanted me. “You tricked me, didn’t you? You’re not as stupid as you just portrayed yourself.”

  “I just want my mom off my fucking back about it. If I had to sacrifice myself for a stupid baby shower, then so be it,” he replied smugly.

  Damn him for knowing how to play me so easily.

  Chapter 18

  ◆◆◆

  “WOW,” I SAID in amazement, unable to hide it.

  Cailean had dragged me out this morning to hunt for his new house, or at least I thought he had been looking for a house when he had first told me about it a couple of weeks ago, but this was now the third apartment we had been looking at.

  The place truly was amazing and the view was beyond gorgeous – I could see almost all of Seattle through the living room windows.

  “Do y
ou like it?” Cailean asked, coming up to stand behind me.

  “It’s beautiful,” I admitted.

  If he insisted on living in a skyscraper in the middle of the city, then this apartment would be hitting the jackpot.

  “Could you picture yourself living here?” he asked softly, wrapping his arms around me.

  “What?” I asked confused, spinning around in his arms. “No.”

  “No? But you said it was beautiful and your face is showing how much you love it.”

  “It is gorgeous, the view is amazing and it’s picture perfect, almost as if it came straight out of a magazine.”

  “Then what’s the bloody problem?”

  “It’s perfect for you, for someone who wants to live the city life to its fullest and doesn’t mind living up in the sky without a yard.”

  “So you’re saying you want a yard?”

  “What I want shouldn’t matter, Cailean.” I was starting to get frustrated, but I tried keeping my voice calm, knowing that he was getting just as frustrated with me. “This is going to be your home, not mine, and I think our baby will love it here.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me and gave a curt nod, but he chose wisely not to argue with me. Instead, he let me go and went with the realtor to explore the rest of the apartment. I didn’t follow them, mostly because I knew he was upset with me, but also because what I had told him was true. It shouldn’t matter what I thought about it. No matter how gorgeous it was.

  I spent some time exploring the living room and the absolutely amazing kitchen while Cailean followed the realtor around upstairs. Yes, the apartment had a second floor which sort of blew my mind. The place was huge for an apartment in Seattle and I didn’t even want to guess how much the rent would be. If there even was one. You probably had to purchase a place like this.

  I was interrupted in my musings as the perfectly styled realtor led Cailean into the kitchen. I should have known this would be a luxury place as soon as Cailean had introduced me to the realtor. He oozed money in his suit and sleek style.