Always Yours

by Grace Owens

  “Fuck you,” I seethed, not finding anything better to say as I stormed past him toward the bathroom. Tears were forming in my eyes and I refused to let him see them.

  So much for not letting him get to me.

  “Already did,” I heard him mutter as if it was a curse, and maybe that was true.

  I slammed the bathroom door closed behind me, sinking down to my butt. I wasn’t sure what to do because I wasn’t leaving and I knew I couldn’t hide out forever.

  My ass was numb by the time I got off the floor, but I was no longer on the verge of crying as I started getting ready for bed. After the mentally exhausting day, I was more than ready to go to sleep and start a fresh day tomorrow.

  As I was putting my earrings and watch away, I caught a glimpse of the small box containing my wedding rings. I hadn’t opened it since I had put them away. It felt as if it was so long ago, but in reality, it had only been six months. We hadn’t even been married a year yet and look at us.

  I cast a glance at the door to make sure I was alone before I opened the box. They were so beautiful my heart hurt. I wanted to wear them, I truly did, but I didn’t know what that would mean to our relationship. We were married, there was no escaping that, but it felt as if I were accepting it by putting the rings on. Or had I already accepted our weird relationship and marriage when we had sex?

  I wished for a normal marriage so that I could display the rings with pride instead of shame, knowing what they represented. I wished our marriage hadn’t started with manipulation or alcohol. There were so many things I wished for, but I still couldn’t find myself hating the situation we were in right now, no matter how things had started or how things had ended today.

  “Gertie,” Cailean said through the door. I could tell by his voice that he regretted everything that had gone down today.

  The door handle rattled when I didn’t answer him.

  Oh, crap.

  I panicked, not wanting him to see that I was trying on my rings – I would never live that down and his head would be too big for his own good. However, when I went to take the rings off, they both got stuck on my knuckle and no matter how hard I tried, they simply would not come off. I went to shut the door, but I was too late and Cailean appeared in the doorway before I could even put my hand on the knob.

  “Get out. I don’t want to talk to you right now,” I told him with a glare, trying to hide my left hand behind my back before he noticed.

  “What are you doing?” He nodded toward my not-so-discreetly hidden hand, completely ignoring my command.

  “Nothing. Now leave.”

  Instead of leaving like I asked, he took a step closer. Then another. Another, until he was standing so close to me, I could feel his body heat and hard muscles press up against me. Gently, he grasped my hand and pulled on it until I finally relented and let him look, the rings shining between us.

  “Fuck,” he muttered, barely audible.

  “Allie put her hand on my belly too.” I felt as I needed to put that out there.

  “I’m a jealous bastard and I’m sorry for reacting the way I did. Someone touched what was mine and I didn’t like it.” He stared down at my hand for what felt like five minutes before finally looking up, saying, “You should wear them more often, they really suit you.”

  “They suit me?” I quoted.

  “Very much so.” I knew before he even moved what he was about to do – it was written all over his face – so it came as no surprise when his mouth met mine in a heated kiss that broke off way too soon. “Turn around.”

  “Why?” I asked, breathing heavily from his kiss.

  “Because I’m about to fuck some sense into you,” he said gruffly.

  Oh.

  There was no hesitation on my part after that as I turned around to face the mirror. His hands worked quickly as he took my pants and underwear off. I barely had time to step out of them before I felt his hardness against my butt. There was something sexy about the fact that he was still dressed, as if he couldn’t get inside me soon enough.

  “Do it,” I challenged.

  “Oh, I’m going to,” he answered as I felt him nudge my entrance. Then he was inside me in one swift move that stung in a delicious way. “And it’s going to be fast and hard.”

  He looked up at me in the mirror, catching my eyes with his as he started moving inside me. And like he promised, there was nothing slow about it, and I loved it. He roughly pulled down my shirt and bra, exposing my boobs. They were heavy in his hands as he thrust into me.

  I looked down, his intense eyes making me feel as if he could see right down to the very core of me. It made me feel too vulnerable and exposed.

  “Nuh-uh,” he chided, slamming into me so hard I would have lost my balance if it hadn’t been for the counter. “Keep looking, baby. I want you to watch me fuck what’s mine and how bloody good we look together.”

  I tried keeping my gaze up, locked with his in the bathroom mirror, but he felt too good to keep my eyes open.

  “Please, Cailean.” I had no clue what I was begging him to do, but I needed him to do something to relieve the ache that was slowly building up inside me.

  “Look, Gertie,” he urged me once again, but this time he grabbed a hold of my left hand, aligning our rings. “Accept the fact that you’re mine. You promised me that the past was in the past, but you sure as fuck aren’t acting like it.”

  I could no longer deny the fact that my life wouldn’t go back to normal after all this, and he was right, the sight of us in the mirror made sense. It looked as if we belonged to each other, as if we knew each other’s deepest part of our souls.

  “I’m scared,” I admitted in the smallest whisper. I couldn’t even believe that I had uttered those words and even though I should have regretted them as he stopped all movement altogether, I simply couldn’t.

  It was the scary truth after all.

  He started moving achingly slow again and dragged his hand across my upper body, squeezing my boob lightly before capturing my chin. He angled my head so that he could give me a kiss, a kiss that I eagerly responded to.

  “It’s okay,” he said softly when he pulled away. There was no arguing or demands that I would get over it; he was just accepting of it and that alone made all my walls of hatred crumble.

  I let out a loud moan as he started moving faster again, setting a pace that would quickly push me over the edge.

  “Cailean,” I moaned.

  “That’s it, baby. Come for me,” he said with a groan, fingers expertly stroking my clit.

  He didn’t have to work for it long and before I knew it, my body tensed up as I let go and came. As usual, Cailean wasn’t far behind as I felt him twitch inside me. His hands held my hips almost bruisingly as he kept me from moving.

  After a while, he pulled out, causing us both to wince at the loss of contact. Grabbing a washcloth from the counter, he quietly helped me clean up, making my heart melt a little bit more. After a gentle kiss on my hip, he pulled my panites back up and righted my t-shirt.

  “It’s my rings on your finger and it’s my baby growing inside you,” he said forcefully as he buttoned his pants back up. “And any future babies you might have are all going to be mine.”

  I couldn’t help the flutter in my belly as he spoke, clearly staking a claim that he didn’t have. A possessive Cailean was a hot Cailean and even though I should have been bothered, I was anything but.

  “Okay,” I whispered, unsure if he actually heard me, but it didn’t matter. The words were mostly meant for myself.

  Now if I could only find a away to let my heart and mind claim him as well.

  ↞ ♥ ↠

  “Hey, did you finish those spreadsheets yet?” Cailean asked without looking up when I strolled into his office the next day.

  “No. I’ll have them done later this afternoon,” I answered, waiting for him to finish up whatever he was doing.

  He looked up in confusion, because any other day I would ha
ve had them done by now, or at least told him I would get right on it. I could see the moment he took in my outfit and it dawned on him that something was off.

  “You realize you could work in sweats for all I care, right?” He looked me up and down, taking in the flowery sundress I had on. If you looked really hard, you could see my small bump, but other than that, I looked like my old self.

  “I’m not here to work. I actually stopped by to tell you that I won’t be in until a bit later today. I have an interview in a little bit.”

  That made him sit up straighter in his chair and I could see a flash of anger dance in his eyes. That was the reason why I hadn’t told him about it until just now. I’d gotten the call three days ago and I knew he would have found a way to talk me out of it.

  “What, we had a fight and you think I’ll fire you?”

  “No,” I scoffed. “If anything, fighting and arguing is our strong suit. But we both knew this was temporary.”

  “And you think now is a good time to start a new job?” His gaze flickered down to my midsection and while he didn’t say it outright, his eyes told me everything.

  “Pregnancy isn’t going to stop me from achieving my goals,” I said with a bit more attitude than necessary.

  “Fuck,” he cursed and stood up, making his way towards me. I would have stopped him if he hadn’t looked so torn. He pulled me into his strong arms and I couldn’t help but to sag against his strength. “It’s just that I’ve gotten used to having you here with me every day and I… kind of like it.”

  “You kinda like it?” I raised my eyebrows in silent laughter.

  “Fine,” he huffed, squeezing me. “I love that I can just pull you in here and bend you over the desk if I want to, or sneak kisses when you think no one is looking. I like that I can keep an eye on you.”

  “You’ve never fucked me on your desk,” I protested and slapped him on his chest for even saying that.

  “No, but now I might not even get the chance to.”

  “Cailean, it’s just an interview,” I promised, hating seeing him like this, but it was my career. Just because he was throwing me puppy eyes right now, it didn’t mean I was willing to give up a job for him. I’d already lost one due to getting pregnant - because I still believed that I would have nailed that job if we hadn’t met in Vegas - and I wasn’t about to flush another one down the drain simply because he wanted the chance to bend me over his desk.

  “I know. All joking aside, you have actually been a huge help around here. Who knew having an organized desk with color coded binders would make me so efficient?”

  I rolled my eyes, thinking back to the day he had caught me cleaning up his desk. Let’s just say he wasn’t too happy that I was touching his stuff. “Again, it’s just an interview so stop acting as if this is goodbye.”

  After some more reassuring that I wasn’t going to be starting a new job today, or this week for that matter, he let me go. The whole drive to the company I was interviewing for, my stomach was a mess, my hands were sweaty on the steering wheel and I couldn’t help but think of all the ways this was a bad idea.

  The main interviewer reminded me of my old boss, the one who had fired me because our futures weren’t lining up.

  Such bullshit.

  As the questions were asked, I had a feeling there would be no shared lunches, stolen glances, small kisses or a booty call happening in this office and for that reason alone, I felt myself already turning down their offer. I hadn’t realized how much I enjoyed working for Cailean and his little bar until that moment when the thought of not doing it almost sent me into a panic.

  Chapter 20

  ◆◆◆

  A FEW DAYS after the our big fight and my failed interview, Cailean insisted on yet another shopping trip. This time, to IKEA. Apparently, the little shopping - his words, not mine - we had done the other day, had just made his urge to go baby shopping so much worse.

  We had found a crib and changing table, along with a dresser, that weren’t as humongous as the ones we had looked at in the baby store. They also weren’t several hundreds dollars, which was a plus in my book.

  While I had found everything I had looked for, Cailean still humored me by walking through the entire store, and again, picked up some random stuff and put it in our cart. What the hell did he need a dish brush for?

  “I dated a Swedish girl once. She was a nanny and she used to cook for the kids and bring me leftovers; these meatballs tastes nothing like hers,” he said, shoveling said meatballs in his mouth. I was sure he hadn’t meant anything by what he said, but hearing him talk about other girls made my insides churn.

  “How many girls have you dated?” I asked even though I didn’t even want to think about him with someone else.

  “Officially?”

  “Is there any other way to date someone?”

  “Well, yes…” he hesitated when he saw that I was completely serious. “There are fuck buddies and just random fucks.”

  I winced at his words. Not because of the crude way he was putting it in, but the fact that he was so casual about having sex with someone he didn’t even know. I wasn’t stupid and I knew Cailean had a past – heck, I had witnessed some of it in high school – but to hear him talk about it made it seem more real somehow.

  Hypocrite. You had sex with a ‘stranger’ in Vegas.

  “Then, how many ‘buddies’ have you had?” I made quotation marks at the word.

  “A few,” he answered vaguely.

  “Cailean,” I said in a small whine. Why couldn’t he just tell me?

  “Gertie,” he answered back. “Do you really want to know how many girls I’ve fucked? Because I sure as hell am better off not knowing how many guys have touched you in places only I’m allowed to touch.” I knew he was because last time we’d had a discussion similar to this one, he’d refused to ask.

  “One,” I answered shortly, taking a sip of my drink, hoping it would calm me down. “Besides you, only one guy has touched me like that… once.”

  “Gertie,” he warned with a groan, obviously not liking the fact that I told him. “I don’t know, okay? Probably a dozen or so.”

  A dozen… wow, that was twelve girls that had touched what was… mine. Was he even mine?

  “Okay, thank you for answering.” I was feeling anything but thankful for the answer. I could have handled the knowledge that there had been a couple of girls before me, but a dozen…

  “Do you feel better knowing?” He raised his eyebrows as though he knew exactly what I was feeling.

  “No,” I whispered.

  “I tried to warn you. What’s in the past should stay in the past.” He began eating again. I had started to hate our quote about the past. “Now, can we please talk about something else?”

  As much as I wanted to ask more questions, I knew I probably wouldn’t like the answers, so I agreed to the change of subject.

  We ended up talking about the baby shower - neither of us had a clue when it was or where it was taking place. Allie had been pretty tight-lipped about the whole thing and Cailean’s mom wasn’t any better. He seemed pretty confident that it wouldn’t be in Leavenworth, though, so at least we knew something.

  After we had finished eating our lunch, we went straight to getting our things and paid for it. Surprisingly, Cailean let me pay for the furniture and while I didn’t like spending money, it still felt good to have finally gotten some necessary things for Isobel. I felt more prepared and one step closer to her being here; which still scared the crap out of me, but now I also felt a bit excitement along with that fear.

  ↞ ♥ ↠

  I stared at the toilet paper in my hand, the slight pink tinge coming in and out of focus as I tried to process what I was seeing.

  It couldn’t be blood.

  It just couldn’t be.

  No.

  “Gert?” Cailean asked through the door, his knock on the door and voice startled me out of my trans, but I still couldn’t let go of the
fact that everything was falling apart.

  I couldn’t answer him, no matter how much I wanted to call out for help. If I was bleeding, there was nothing Cailean could do about it.

  “Okay, you’re starting to freak me out, babe,” he pleaded through the door.

  I tossed the toilet paper into the toilet and grabbed some fresh paper, wiping once again, hoping this was all just a bad nightmare.

  Pink.

  Blood.

  No.

  Frantically, I tried again as if it would all go away. I barely registered the door opening, but then Cailean was right in front of me. If I hadn’t been so scared I might have been embarrassed about him seeing me like this, but I was beyond that. I needed someone to fix me.

  “Gertie, what’s wrong?” Cailean asked in a panicked voice.

  “There was blood…” I whispered. Holding the toilet paper up for him to see. As gross as that was, I needed him to tell me that it was all in my head. “My pee… it had blood in it.”

  I saw him pale, but thankfully, he didn’t freak out like I had done. My hands were still shaking and my heart was beating way too fast for comfort.

  “Okay,” he said and I could tell that he was trying to take control of the situation. “Okay. Do you have the number for your doctor?”

  Right. My doctor. I should have thought about calling her. Why hadn’t I thought of that?

  “Cailean,” I said on a choked sob.

  “Hey, it’s okay,” he said gently, stroking my hair away from my face. “We’re not going to freak out until we’ve talked to your doctor. Spotting is normal.” I could tell he was trying to convince the both of us, but I still nodded my head, choosing to believe him. “Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  He disposed of the tainted toilet paper and helped me up from the toilet, my legs stiff from sitting on it for too long and fear.

  So much fear.

  Fear of what was going on.

  Fear of what could happen.

  Fear of what would happen.

  I went over to my side of the bed - because Cailean had already wormed his way so far into my life that we had sides on the bed - and sat down. My pregnancy book contained all the numbers I would need and I handed him the piece of paper, too unfocused to be able to make the call myself.