“Nope. It’s a surprise. But I hope at the end, I’ll have my girl back.”
I sighed as I shoved another pair of jeans into the bag. “I keep telling you, I’m still here.”
“I know you keep saying that.” She passed me one of my evening gowns and a pair of yoga pants—leaving me more confused than ever about our possible destination. “But you’re not. You’re still like a little bunny scared of its own shadow. I’ve never known you to take the safe path before, and now you are. At least when it comes to boys.”
“Maybe it’s not playing it safe as much as growing up and seeing that sometimes real is better than the fairy tale.”
She delivered her best bitch brow as she slammed my suitcase lid shut for me. “Uh-huh.”
“Are you at least going to tell me where we’re going once we’re in the car, or am I just going to have to guess a direction?”
“I could always drive.”
I laughed. “No freaking way. I’m not good in a car with anyone else behind the wheel at the best of times. When it’s you, driving on the wrong side of the road, well, let’s just say I value my life a little more than that.”
“You can be a bitch sometimes,” she said.
“But you love me anyway.”
“Yeah, I’ll keep you.” She chuckled as she leaned across and flicked my nose. “For now. Don’t worry, I’ve got directions and my phone if we get lost.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I tried again. “I really hate driving blind.”
“Will you just shut up and trust me?”
“Fine.” I threw my hands in the air before grabbing my small suitcase.
We were packed up and heading off just as the sun crested the horizon. The sky was grey and the air cold. Despite my excitement to be getting away from it all with Angel, there was a sense of foreboding that had settled over me too. It wasn’t like her to be completely obstinate over any information—unless there was something she knew I wouldn’t like.
True to her word, Angel pointed me in the right direction. After we’d been travelling for close to two hours, I started to get suspicious about where we could be going given the state we were heading toward. We were well into South Carolina and heading toward another.
Georgia.
Unless we were going to blast through it to Florida, which seemed unlikely given her prediction of arriving around lunchtime, our destination had to be in Georgia.
I swallowed heavily as my fear grew. “Angel, you didn’t—”
She grinned as I glanced across the car at her. “Yep. I was wondering how long it’d take you to figure it out.”
I tightened my hold on the steering wheel as I forced myself not to slam on the brakes. “Why? Why would you do that?”
“What’s the best thing you can do after a crash at the track?”
I didn’t answer her, choosing to stare steadfastly ahead instead.
“Or if a cowboy falls off a horse, what should he do?”
Of course she’d pick that example. I knew the answer she wanted, but I was unwilling to give it to her because it meant admitting that her plan had some merit. Which it didn’t. Not at all.
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t turn this car around and go home right now,” I murmured, hoping my voice would adequately portray my betrayal.
“Because the Lake Retreat is expensive as hell, and I booked a non-refundable room.”
“Fine. Tell me the price and I’ll reimburse you.”
She leaned across the car and rested her hand on my shoulder and her chin on her hand. “It’s not about the money. You need this. You need to get back on the horse. You need to blast a lap around the track. Besides, I heard great things about the amenities.” She waggled her eyebrows at me.
“Have you even listened to anything I’ve said about the way things have been for me since arriving back in the States?” My oncoming tears were clear in my voice.
My mind raced with thoughts of being inundated with every happy memory from that place. Of each one being infected and tainted by the hatred he’d shown me since. Seeing those places again would be too much. I couldn’t breathe and my heart started to pound in my chest.
“I can’t do this,” I said as my panic grew. “I can’t go there.”
“Sweetie, you have to.” She rubbed her hand soothingly over my arm. It helped to calm me—or at least gave me something to focus on besides the spiralling panic in my head. “It’s the only way to face your demons and get closure.”
“I hate you sometimes.”
She chuckled. “Only because you know I’m right.”
Knowing there was no way I could get out of it without hearing shit from Angel until the end of eternity, I relented. That didn’t mean I had to be happy about it though.
WHEN I hit the sign that welcomed us to the retreat, my heart started to pound. I pulled the car to a stop, unable to drive past that point. My mouth was dry and my eyes were wet. Quivers raced through my body.
“I-I can’t do this, Angel.”
“You can.” She pried my hand away from the steering wheel and held it in hers. “You could do it solo if you had to, but I’m here to help you.”
My whole body shook as I pushed the accelerator to drive down the long driveway. It was so different coming as a guest than it had been the first time I’d stayed. Then, I’d barely even noticed the journey from the road to the resort.
My gaze skidded past the house that stood apart from the other buildings and my heart instantly leapt into my throat. I clenched my fingers tighter around the steering wheel, hanging on because the car beneath my hands was my only link with reality.
We passed a gap between the trees and my memory of Beau and me on the lake played in my mind. I slammed on the brakes again and let go of the steering wheel before killing the engine. I couldn’t do this. A giant sob rushed from me and fat tears started to fall.
“Oh, shit, Pheebs. I didn’t . . . I’m sorry. I thought this would help you. I didn’t think you’d be—”
“I thought we were so happy,” I murmured. “I thought the time we spent here was perfect. But it was all a lie.”
“It wasn’t all a lie,” Angel said, drawing me into her arms. “The way you felt was real. That’s what I want you to remember while you’re here, Pheebs. That is what you’re missing with Xavier. That’s what you deserve to feel when you find someone right for you again.”
For half a second, her words penetrated deep into the cavity of my chest. They touched the places that had been cold and empty ever since the moment Beau had told me there had been other people.
I swallowed as that memory leeched the happy thoughts away. That pain, the gaping agony in the centre of my chest, was exactly the reason I needed someone like Xavier.
“You’re wrong,” I whispered against Angel’s shoulder. “Letting that feeling in is what causes this sort of ache.”
There was a tapping at my window. Even though only a few moments had passed since I’d turned the car off, Angel and I had heated the interior enough to fog up the windows.
I turned the key to give power to the windows and pushed the button. The window wasn’t even halfway down when someone ducked their head down to talk to me. The guy wore a beanie and thick coat. Covering his eyes were a pair of dark sunnies, and his chin was hidden beneath a thickening beard. Still, it was impossible to deny what my eyes saw—who it was hidden beneath the layers. The sight was enough to force me to reach for my sanity hold on the steering wheel again.
“Sorry, ma’am, ya can’t—Phoebe? What’re ya doin’ here?” Beau’s voice sounded panic-stricken.
I knew the feeling. I stared straight ahead, my breaths long and calming draws as I tried to keep it together. Despite my attempts to stay calm though, I didn’t trust myself to speak to him.
Angel leaned across the car. “I’ve got a room booked here for the next few days.” She stuck her arm out in front of me. “Angelique Simpson, but you can call me Angel. And you a
re?”
“Beauregard.” Even though he spoke to her and shook her hand, I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my head.
“Beauregard, hey? Mind if I call you Beau, cowboy?”
I wanted to kill her. If my hands weren’t twisted white-knuckle tight around the steering wheel, I probably would’ve taken the same grip on her throat.
“What’re ya doin’ here, Phoebe?” He reached out and touched my elbow.
I leapt at the contact and let loose a whimper.
“You’ll have to excuse my friend,” Angel said, elbowing me in the ribs as she leaned across the car to chat with Beau. “Apparently this place holds some interesting memories for her.”
I turned to glare at her.
“I’m sure it does,” Beau muttered darkly.
“And so I booked us both in while I’m over from Australia. It was a bit of a surprise trip. In fact, she almost turned around at the gate.”
“I hate you,” I whispered only loud enough for her to hear.
“Phoebe told me all about the excellent fireworks on offer here.”
I wondered if Beau would notice me prying my hands away from the steering wheel to pinch her.
“Ya can’t be—” I felt his gaze burning me, but whatever he was going to say disappeared in a sigh. “Ya can’t park here. Move to the designated parkin’ area, please.” Beau stepped away from the car and was pacing toward the house before the words were fully out.
As soon as he’d moved away, I wound the window back up.
“I can’t believe you,” I growled. “I can’t fucking believe you.”
“Relax, Pheebs. I was just having some fun.”
Finally able to pry my hands away from the steering wheel, I slapped her shoulder “You and I have very different definitions of fun.”
“I think someone needs to get laid again. You were far more relaxed the last time you were in the States.”
I squeezed my hands around the steering wheel. “Did you know he was going to be here?”
“Mr Hot stuff who owns the place? Yeah, I kinda checked to find out whether he’d be here when we were. Apparently, he’s been here since the middle of January for some sort of emergency.”
“How could you do that to me?” I hoped my eyes echoed the betrayal in my heart.
“Look, you say he doesn’t care about you, right?”
“Did you not see what just happened?” I pointed to the window as though Beau’s face would suddenly reappear. The fact was he couldn’t get away from me fast enough.
“That’s not proof of anything. If anything, it proves my point.”
“I’m not going to deny he still wants to screw my brains out, but that’s different to caring.”
She grinned. “All that tells me is that there’s passion.”
Nana had said a similar thing. But passion wasn’t what I needed. Passion only got me hurt. Safe. Dependable. That was what I need. “Do I need to remind you of the fact that he’s engaged? To another woman. Who is pregnant with his child. That alone is perfect evidence that he does not, in fact, give a shit about me in the long run.”
“I think you’re wrong. I’ve heard your stories. His actions aren’t those of a man who doesn’t care. And I know you care too. In fact, maybe you both need to care a little less.”
“Why would he do it then? Why would he use me like that?” I asked as I started the engine and then pulled the car forward. I still wasn’t in an entirely sane mindset, but I didn’t want to risk Beau coming back to find me still stalled in his driveway. “Why would he be so damn keen to prove that I want him just so he can throw it back in my face?”
“I don’t know. There’s only one person who does.”
“So help me, Angel, if you say him, I will scream. Maybe even punch you.”
She laughed, knowing my threats were as empty as my heart. “This is mutual ground for the two of you.”
“How the fuck is his retreat, his house, mutual?”
“The track might be his passion the way it is yours, but based on the way this place is marketed, he clearly loves it too.”
“Less reason for it to be mutual.” I pulled into a space and shut the engine off.
“Think about it, Pheebs,” she said as she climbed from the car. “He’s not going to want to have a rip-roaring row with you in the middle of his luxury resort, is he?”
I paused as her words registered. “What?”
“You’re a paying guest. If he’s not at least polite to you, the other guests will notice. The atmosphere will be awkward and they’ll be less likely to return. If anything, girl, this place gives you all the power.” She gave an evil little chuckle.
My lips twisted upward as her words found their hold. I could be a royal bitch to him, and he’d have to smile and nod and take it all.
“I see your mind working”—she pulled open the trunk and threw me my bag before grabbing her own—“but no. I’m not going to let you make his life hell—”
“But—”
“Yet,” she added to cut me off as she headed toward the glass-fronted building. A sign over a door in the bottom corner of a glass wall indicated the reception. “If you talk it out, properly talk it out, and he’s still an arse, you better believe I’ll be all up in your revenge plans.”
I sighed and dropped my chin to my chest. “I shouldn’t even be here. What will Xavier think about me coming here?”
“Does it matter what he thinks?”
I didn’t let her get past me into the reception. I wasn’t willing to go inside until we’d said what we needed to. “Of course it does. He’s my boyfriend.”
“He’s your boyfriend. Not your keeper. It’s not like you’re down here getting freaky with someone else. You’re just trying to figure shit out.”
“But it still isn’t fair to Xavier to be trying to talk to Beau the way you want me to.”
Angel rolled her eyes. “Xavier’s great, babe. He really is. I had fun going out with him to Duke’s. But he’s not right for you, and the sooner you admit—”
“I’m not getting into this again now.” I yanked open the door and entered the heated office.
Joe was behind the counter. When he looked up at me, his eyes widened in surprise. “Dawson, what are you doing here?”
“It’s, uh, it’s Phoebe actually.” I’d almost forgotten that everyone there had been introduced to me under my assumed name.
“And I’m Angel. We have a room booked under my name—Simpson.”
He tapped on his computer. “Ah, yes, Simpson. We’ve got you in the honeymoon cabin.”
If I could have breathed fire at her, I would have.
I DISCOVERED THE reason Angel had booked the honeymoon cabin pretty quickly. Not only was it one of the few separate buildings—thus affording us some privacy—but it was the one that overlooked the majority of the resort.
We spent the next day doing everything afforded by the luxury spa part of Beau’s resort. Things I hadn’t even known existed after my last visit because I was so wrapped up in him. We booked in for massages and I showed Angel around the lake, taking the paths Beau had led me on months earlier that twisted around the long way through the forest.
Sitting at the end of the pier, I was struck again by the stunning vista the position provided. The place wasn’t quite as welcoming in the winter, but it was still just as beautiful. Angel fussed around taking photos of the view, and then insisted on some arty ones of me for her portfolio.
We were just finishing up, giggling and laughing at some of the poses she stuck me in, when I caught movement at the end of the pier.
Beau.
How long has he been watching us?
His gaze was soft as he stared at us. The smile he wore was nostalgic. When he saw I’d caught his stare, his small smile fell and he turned away.
Catching the end of our exchange, Angel wrapped her arms around me. “Come, let’s get some cocoa.”
That evening, I watched from the window, kee
ping an eye on the path from Abby’s cabin. I waited for Beau, knowing he should be heading out with Abby for their shared walk before long. When he didn’t, I figured it must be too cold to risk taking her outside.
I couldn’t admit to anyone, not even myself, just how much I’d been looking forward to catching that glimpse of him, however short it might have been.
It wasn’t until the following day, on a picnic with Angel, that I realised although I’d seen Beau from time to time after catching him watching me and Angel—just tiny glimpses as he scurried from one place to another—I hadn’t seen the person who’d been almost permanently attached to his hip back in North Carolina. Cassidee.
Was she not there with him? Or was she up in his house on bed rest? Was that the emergency that had been keeping him in Georgia?
“What’s on your mind?”
I’d been so lost in thought I hadn’t heard Angel come back from her trek into the woods to grab some nature photos. I shielded my eyes from the early afternoon sun as I looked up at her from my cross-legged position on the blanket that had been in the picnic lunch she’d ordered for us.
“Nothing.”
“You thinking about Mr Hot stuff again?”
I tugged the ends of my jacket around myself, as if it would stop her from being able to see through me like glass. “What? No. Of course not.”
She raised her brow at me, clearly not happy with that response.
“I was just wondering where his baby mama might be. I haven’t seen her around.”
“Maybe they broke up, and you’re back in with a chance.”
I rolled my eyes. “Even if they have, it doesn’t change who he is or what he did.”
“You’ll get your chance to ask him tonight.”
“What?”
She packed her camera away into its carry bag. “The campfire thing you told me about. They do it less in winter, apparently, but there’s one tonight. And we’re going.”
“No. Angel. I— I can’t.”
“You’re not going to make me go alone, are you?” She knelt in front of me and batted her ridiculously long eyelashes. A move that almost always ensured she’d get her own way. “Or worse . . . miss it entirely.”
Phobic (Phoebe Reede: The Untold Story #2) Page 21
