Another time, he caught the end of my conversation with Angel as we planned her arrival for the end of January.
Each time I saw him, he looked more drawn. Paler. The bags under his eyes bigger. Cassidee’s words about him having a lot of things to deal with came to me, but it wasn’t my concern. He couldn’t be my concern. I’d just go crazy if I tried to make him one.
I even got some time on the track again. Each time I climbed behind the wheel, I grew more excited for the first race of the season. The one drawback to that event was the location. Daytona. The place Beau and I had first given in to our mutual desire. The memories were sure to cause me some issues, so I was intent on suppressing them as much as I could.
Mid-January, Beau disappeared. There were rumours circulating that it had to do with Cassidee’s pregnancy, with his sister, and some more insidious ones suggested my presence had driven him away. When I found out he was gone, I tried to return one of his calls, but he ignored me like I had him.
Throughout the month, I had many little gifts left on my doorstep. Every few days, and almost always on days when Xavier was coming for a date. Red roses, chocolates, teddy bears. Even though it had started to concern me, I wasn’t sure where I could go to stop it. Everything was still anonymous.
Finally the end of January arrived, and brought the promise of a reunion I’d been looking forward to more than words could describe. I was at the airport almost an hour earlier than I needed to be. Xavier had offered to drive me, but I’d explained it was something I needed to do alone.
I watched the arrivals gate with my eyes scanning all the faces in every crowd that came through, looking for the one face I wanted to see most.
Finally, I saw her and itched to run to her. Only, I wasn’t sure how security would feel about me running in through the gate.
“Angel!” I screamed as soon as she was free of the gate.
She ducked to the side of the crowd, obviously knowing I’d reach her before she’d be able to reach me with her bags in tow. As soon as she was free of the flood of people who’d come in on recent flights, I had her in my arms.
I wrapped myself around her completely, burying my nose against her hair, and she held me just as tight.
“God, I missed you,” I breathed against her ear.
“Not as much as I missed you.”
We held each other close and tight for probably far longer than appropriate, but I didn’t care what people thought. I needed her.
I’d known I needed her, but even I hadn’t realised how much until that moment.
“Maybe we should take it to the privacy of your place.” Angel waggled her eyebrows and laughed as she pulled away.
I slung my arm around hers and grabbed the handle of her suitcase while she grabbed her carry-on and handbag. “Did you bring the fireworks then?” I joked.
“Anytime you want them. You’re still not getting any from Xavier then, I assume.”
“No. He’s a super gentleman about it too. It’s not like he’s pushing or trying to take things further. He genuinely believes that we should wait.”
“And does he know you haven’t? Does he know about you and Beau, I mean.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s good.” She turned a little reflective as we found the car.
For the drive back home, she filled me in on what had been happening back in Australia. She told me about her shoots and a photographer, Jamie, she’d started a thing with.
“You didn’t tell me there was anyone on the radar,” I said.
She shrugged. “I didn’t want to jinx it. I really like her.”
“More than you like me?” I teased. It was my fallback position when it came to her announcing a new girl on the scene. Guys I could handle, but girls were a different matter.
It wasn’t a secret that she was bi. In fact, to hear her tell it, her preferences were part of the reason her mum started drinking—although I was certain there was more to it than just Angel’s sexuality. Despite that, Angel hadn’t dated too many girls. Apart from our little tryst in the back of Logan’s Commodore in high school, there had only been two others.
Without fail though, those she dated were threatened by our friendship. And perhaps I was just a little threatened in return. Some of them thought Angel and I wanted to be together and tried to break us apart. Despite our joking with each other though, we were both well aware we were far better friends than we ever could be lovers.
“Maybe.” She bit her lip and gave a coy smile as she glanced up at me from between her inch-long lashes.
“Wow, it must be serious.”
She chuckled. “I hope so. She’s fantastic, Pheebs. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just know how you get when I date girls.”
I grabbed her hand to reassure her that I didn’t have a single problem with her latest relationship. “Only because they’ve all been so insecure about you that they tried taking you from my life. And I can understand. I mean, if you find your true love with another woman . . . where does that leave me?”
“In my life. Always. You told me on New Year’s Day that we’re family, and Pheebs, that never stops.”
I squeezed her hand tighter. “I’ll hold you to that. I can’t do life without you in it, my Angel.”
“Ditto. Now, I hope you’ve got a good night planned for me.”
“Ha. You forget the drinking age is twenty-one here. No big nights out on the piss dancing the night away here.”
“Damn. We’ll just have to settle for pizza and a terribly soppy romcom on TV.”
I laughed. “That sounds like a better night than getting wasted anyway.”
We nattered back and forth for the rest of the trip home from the airport.
“Are you ready for our road trip in a few days?” she asked as we pulled into my parking garage.
“Of course. And you’re still not going to tell me where you’re whisking me away to?”
“Of course not. It wouldn’t be a surprise getaway then, would it.”
As we worked to get her bags up to my apartment, she told me about her flight. I took her bags straight into my room, figuring we’d just share my bed.
“Wait a minute!” she exclaimed, grabbing her suitcase and unzipping it straight away. “I brought you supplies.” She flipped the lid on her case to reveal a big jar of Vegemite, two packets of Tim Tams, and a bag of Caramello Koalas.
“The answer’s yes,” I said as I grabbed the delicacies out. “Whatever the question, the answer’s yes.”
“Fireworks it is then,” she teased, rubbing her hands together before winking at me.
While she cleaned herself up from the flight, I lit the fireplace. I hadn’t really used it before, but the night in with Angel seemed like a perfect excuse. We both dressed in warm pyjamas and set our hair in messy buns. She wore her Pierre Cardin flannelette set, pink with a bunny print. I dressed in a pair of yoga pants and the shirt I’d stolen from Beau on my first trip to the States. She raised an eyebrow at me when I put it on, but wisely stayed silent.
We set up a buffet of snacks on the small dining room table, including the chocolate biscuits she’d brought from home, and lined up a few movies to watch.
When the first movie started, Angel and I found our comfortable position, mostly facing each other rather than the TV.
“So, tell me again how it’s Xavier you want to be with,” she said, seconds after I’d—surreptitiously, I’d thought—lifted the collar of the flannelette shirt around my face as was my habit whenever I wore the shirt now.
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’m sure you do.” She nodded down at my shirt. “Unless you buy all your shirts in mens and three sizes too big these days.”
“You know I don’t.”
“And who’s in the photo on your bedside table, ’cause it sure as shit ain’t Xavier.”
I turned my head away from her, unwilling to listen to the truth in her words.
�
��Do you have a single picture of him anywhere in here?”
“There’s one of the two of us pinned on the fridge.” I waved in the direction of the kitchen. “Xavier gave it to me when I gave him a key.”
“You sound so thrilled.”
“What are you trying to say, Angel?”
She pulled me closer to her, and I rested my head on her shoulder. “I think you know exactly what I’m trying to say. You can lie to yourself, but you can’t lie to me. You talk about Beau, and you light up. You talk about Xavier, and . . . nothing. No spark. No lights. You could be talking about someone you just met, not the guy you’ve been dating for a number of weeks now.”
“So there’s no bright spark,” I said, knowing I couldn’t deny it. “But maybe that’s where it went wrong with Beau. Maybe having a spark can only end in flames.”
She brushed her hand over my hair. “You can’t really believe that.”
“Maybe safe and dependable is better.”
“Really? Do you honestly believe that?”
I pulled out of her hold. “Yeah. At least safe and dependable can’t break your heart.”
“If all you want is safe and dependable, you’d be better off having me move in.” She reached for a Tim Tam. “At least I’d be willing to help you get off every now and then.” The second the words were out, she waggled her eyebrows and took a bite of the biscuit.
“Don’t tempt me,” I said with a laugh, resting my head on her shoulder again. “Jamie might be a little miffed if you leave her that way, though.”
“And that wouldn’t be good. I don’t want her miffed. Not at all.” Angel sighed. It was clear she was further gone than she had ever been before. “God, you’d love her, Pheebs. She’s so beautiful, and has this wicked sense of humour. Her eyes are the deepest chocolate I’ve ever seen.” As she spoke, Angel’s eyes lit up and her breath sped.
Was that what she meant when she talked about how I acted when I spoke of Beau?
But what did it matter?
“Wait, I’ve got a photo here.”
She pulled out her phone and scrolled to a photo of them. As dark as Angel was fair, Jamie had a restrained elegance that was impossible to ignore. The pang of jealousy was also impossible for me to push aside. I had no right to be jealous though; I didn’t want Angel in my life in that way. I just didn’t want to lose her to another woman.
“And she gets me like no one else,” Angel gushed. “It’s like she just . . . knows me without me having to say a single word.”
That was exactly what I’d thought about Beau. He’d seemed to understand me far more than anyone—possibly even Angel. Had Angel found the same thing?
“And her fingers. They’re magical.” Angel actually blushed.
I couldn’t help my smile. “I’m happy for you.”
“God, look at me shooting off at the mouth about being happy when you’ve got your dramas.”
“I keep telling you, I don’t have dramas. I am happy.”
She gave me a bitch brow.
“I am,” I insisted, even though I knew the words weren’t entirely true. I sat up, putting some distance between us.
“Just not as happy as you could be.” She shifted so that there was a space between her legs for me to rest in. “You’re settling.”
I sighed as I found my spot, with my back against her stomach and my head against her collarbone. She rested her cheek on my hair and wrapped her arms around my waist, pulling me tight against her. Once she was comfortable, she draped her leg over mine to secure me into her embrace. It was a position we often adopted watching movies. We could both lie on the couch in comfort that way.
“What else can I do, Angel?” I asked, safe to speak without having to watch her expressions of distaste. “Why shouldn’t I be with—”
There was a knock on my door, but before I could untangle myself enough to get up to answer it, a key sounded in the lock and Xavier pushed the door open.
“Xavier!” I exclaimed, grabbing the collar of the shirt. Would he recognise it as one of Beau’s? He’d never seen me in my pyjamas before and definitely not in that particular shirt.
His gaze travelled from my face, to Angel’s, and back. As he took in the scene, his irritation grew. Angel stiffened underneath me, no doubt a response to the dark look in his eyes.
“What are you doing?” he asked, glancing at where my Angel’s arms entwined around my waist.
“I could ask you the same question,” I responded.
“You didn’t tell me you got home safe from Charlotte, and then you didn’t answer my calls. I was worried.”
It wasn’t the first time he’d turned up at my house when he was worried. The first time, I’d almost thought it was sweet. This time though, actually letting himself into my house, it was too much.
“Xav, you have to trust me.” I went to stand, but Angel wasn’t so quick to untangle herself. When she did, she wore a small frown that told me there might be trouble between the two of them before long.
“You said you would let me know you got home safe.”
I climbed off the couch and walked to him. “I’m sorry. In my excitement to have Angel here, I forgot. That’s all.”
He exhaled through his nose. “I didn’t expect to find you wrapped up in someone else’s arms.”
“We’re just cuddling,” I said.
“You should see how we end up whenever we share a bed,” Angel added unhelpfully.
I spun back to her. “Not helping,” I mouthed.
She shrugged. “People who come into houses uninvited can’t be upset with what they find.”
Xavier’s jaw ticked. “I can be upset if my girlfriend is being unfaithful. Especially if it’s with another girl.” If his words didn’t proclaim how scandalous he found it, his tone certainly did. I wondered what his precious bible thumper mother would think.
I laughed. “I’m having a movie night with a friend, Xav. That hardly qualifies as being unfaithful.”
He cupped my cheeks with his palms. “You know what I mean. Look at you, you’re barely dressed. And that shirt is far too big for you.”
“Xavier. Please stop. You’re making a fool of yourself, and you’re embarrassing me and my guest. Give me my key back and go.”
He recoiled. “W-what?”
“I gave you that key for emergencies only, and now I want it back.”
He grabbed my shoulder and tugged me away from Angel, closer to the door. “Are—are you breaking up with me?” His voice broke as he said the words, and his eyes echoed a hurt deeper than I could have imagined.
Despite my irritation at his unwanted intrusion, I hadn’t intended to hurt him. Needing to fix it, I reached for his hands and drew them into mine. “No. Of course not, Xav. It’s just that Angel needs the spare key while she’s here, that’s all.” I could decide what to do about the situation after Angel had left again. I wasn’t sure I wanted him to have the key if he was just going to use it to barge in whenever he wanted. But I also didn’t want to have that argument in front of Angel and give her more ammunition for her anti-Xavier train. Especially not when she was likely tallying his every reaction as we spoke. “Please?”
“Will you go out with me tomorrow?”
“Of course. Why don’t we take Angel to Duke’s? I’ve been promising to take her there since the first time you took me.”
“We can’t go alone?”
“I told you Angel was staying here for the next week. I don’t think it’s fair to her to leave her alone. Besides, she’s my best friend. She’s important to me. I want you two to get along.” I brushed his hair off his forehead.
His mouth twisted, but eventually he nodded. “Of course. I’m sorry I was a little crazy. It’s just you didn’t answer, and I was worried. Then I found you like—”
“Angel and I are just very affectionate with each other. We always have been. If it makes you feel any better, she’s got a girlfriend.”
“What? So she is actually—” He
swallowed the word down, almost seeming to choke on it.
“A really awesome girl?” I covered for him, not willing to hear a slur against her. It would be the straw on the camel’s back and I would have to break up with him. I could work with close-minded but reasonable. I couldn’t work with blind hatred. He needed to realise that or we’d have issues. “Yeah, she is. We’ll see you tomorrow, okay, Xav?” I held my hand out for the key.
He placed the key on my hand and kissed my lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He was gone as soon as the words were out and I locked the door behind him.
“I can really see why you like him,” Angel said, sarcasm on full display, as I found my way back to the couch. “Seems like an absolutely stellar guy, what with the breaking and entering and that mile-wide jealous streak.”
I laughed. “It’s hardly breaking and entering when you’ve got a key. And how would Jamie feel if we texted her a photo of the two of us on the couch?”
Her mouth twisted a little as she thought about my words. “Turned on, probably.” She laughed. “But you’re right. She might be a little annoyed too.”
“Exactly. You and me, we’re heartbreakers, Angel.” I fit my legs between hers again and rested my head on her shoulder.
She wrapped her arm around me and tucked her hand against my side. “But we’re worth it.”
I chuckled. “Oh, totally.”
MY FIRST FULL day with Angel was great. We hit the shops, and quickly fell back into the pattern that only we seemed to fit, teasing and laughing as we recounted old stories and chatted about upcoming adventures.
Xavier even turned on the charm when we had dinner at Duke’s. At least until he insisted on sitting on my side of the booth and somehow always managed to be between me and Angel. Despite that, most of Angel’s reservations about him seemed to be washed away while the three of us hung out. By the time we got home, she grudgingly said that he wasn’t as bad as she’d first thought.
The following day, Angel was up early, practically bouncing off the walls ready to get going.
“And you’re still not going to tell me where we’re going?” I asked as I finished packing my overnight bag. She was already packed, purely because she was taking everything. The day we left wherever she was taking me to, was the day she was due back at the airport.
Phobic (Phoebe Reede: The Untold Story #2) Page 20
