Office Perks

by S. L. Siwik

“Hello, Victoria, this is Beverly, the woman that normally takes care of Ms. Foster.”

  “Yes, how are you? Is everything alright?”

  “No, Victoria, I’m sorry. As you know, Rose is in the last stage of Alzheimer’s. She is deteriorating rapidly. For the past week, she can’t even remember who I am. She also keeps asking for Evalyn, so that she can take her to church.”

  Blaze licks away the tears that spill down my cheeks.

  “I don’t understand. I saw her last month,” I say.

  “I know, but the medication has stopped working. I called her because I know how much you care for her. It’s best to come and say good-bye while there’s still a possibility of her remembering you. I’m sorry, Victoria.”

  “Thank you for calling me,” I croak out. “I’ll be there tomorrow.”

  “Have a good evening.”

  I drop the cell phone on to the end table as Blaze kisses away more tears.

  “It’s Evalyn’s mom. I have to go see her tomorrow,” I explain.

  “Do you want me to come?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “She’s at the last stages of Alzheimer’s. New faces frighten her. They’re not sure if she’ll even remember me.”

  He nods. “I have to take care of something tomorrow as well. I’ll go into the office and reschedule the appointments. Once I’m done, I’ll come back to take you out for dinner.”

  “Okay.” My voice sounds broken.

  “Victoria…”

  I know exactly what he’s asking before the words come out.

  “Yes,” I whisper.

  We undress each other slowly. I take the condom wrapper from him and roll it down his erection. Blaze rocks into me slowly and we make love without our mouths locked the entire time and my legs wrapped around his waist. We unravel in each other’s arms, and I’m thankful that he’s here. We fall asleep with Blaze holding me, still inside me.

  When we wake up in the morning, it’s a mad dash to get rid of the condom and get dressed before Kendall walks into my room.

  I don’t tell Kendall where I’m going, because I don’t want to upset her. She’s frightened and guilty enough about her feelings towards her grandmother as is. But, seeing Blaze sitting at my kitchen table is enough to wake me up. I pass Kendall her waffles as they pop out of the broken toaster. I make Blaze and I a cup of coffee, then ask if he wants a protein shake.

  When he nods to confirm, I blend it quickly and sit down at the table silently. The amazement of seeing Blaze at my kitchen table with me in the morning, a moment I have been waiting five years to see, is ruined by the thoughts of losing Rose, Evalyn’s mother.

  After kissing Kendall as she walks out the door, I kiss Blaze good-bye and he tells me he’ll see me in the afternoon. As the door closes, I frown. The last two days certainly haven’t happened like I wanted them to.

  I pull myself out of my thoughts and get ready to go see Rose…to go say good-bye.

  Sitting on the couch, I am heartbroken at just how far gone Rose is. It’s as painful as losing Evalyn. I sip my tea, staring at the chipped wall. I know I have to pull myself together before Kendall comes home. Hearing about how far gone mentally her grandmother is will only upset her. But, her mind is gone. Rose didn’t know who I was, not even a glimmer of recognition in her eyes. After panicking that a stranger was in the room with her and screaming that I had come to kill her, three nurses rushed into the room. I watched in horror as they held her down on the bed before sedating her. I cried hysterically as the shoved a needle into her neck. I haven’t felt that helpless since the day I received the call that Evalyn was dead.

  Someone knocks at the door. I answer it, and Blaze walks through the door, brushing hair out of his eyes before closing the door. He looks as downcast as I feel. He kisses me softly on the lips.

  “Have a bad day?” I would rather talk about his problems than mine.

  Blaze sits down on the couch. With his hands clasped, he rests his forearms on his thighs. “I met with my lawyer today.”

  “Oh? Is the company in legal trouble” I ask, the steam from my tea cup swirling up into pretty puffs before my eyes. I take a sip. Something tells me I’m not going to like what he is about to say. A sense of dread settles in the pit of my stomach.

  “No, not at all. I went for…personal reasons.” Blaze takes a deep breath. I mentally try to prepare myself for whatever is about to come out of his mouth. “Victoria, I can’t picture my life without you. I’ve said it a few times already, but I want to do something about it. I want a family. So, I went to see my lawyer today because technically I’m still married.”

  I reel from his words. “What did you just say?”

  His eyes draw up from the floor and meet mine. “Technically I’m still married.”

  I drop my cup onto the coffee table. Green tea slops over the edge onto the table. My eyes narrow. I feel capable of murder at the moment.

  “And when were you going to tell me this?”

  Blaze’s brows knit together. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen confusion on his handsome face.

  “I thought you knew. My business seems to be fairly public. My wife leaving six years ago was all over the papers. There was no talk of divorce.”

  There was no talk of divorce… The words whirl around in my head like a playground roundabout. I feel sick to my stomach.

  “No, I didn’t know.” The words sound hollow and distant in my ears as though they belong to someone else who I feel sympathy for.

  “Victoria, the only reason that I’m not divorced is because I can’t find her. I’ve sent three private investigators after her. She’s vanished. So, she couldn’t be served with the papers. I haven’t spoken to her or seen her in six years. My marriage is a technicality.”

  Technicality… I think I’m going to be sick.

  The room spins quickly, a whirl of the hallway, cabinets, the door, the kitchen table, it’s all blurring around, the colors and shapes bleeding together until I can’t walk straight. I have the spins, like you do right before you vomit from drinking too much.

  “Get out,” I whisper in a broken voice.

  His forehead creases. “Why? Victoria, she means nothing to me. I love-”

  “Get out!” I scream at the top of my lungs. I couldn’t listen to him finish that sentence. “There is one thing that I won’t do: be a home wrecker. You are married! I can’t be with you…not until you’re single again. Just get out.”

  He stands up, his mouth slightly open as he stares at me as though I’ve just slapped him. I’m the one who feels like I’ve been slapped.

  “Victoria, you are being unreasonable-”

  “I am being unreasonable!” I screech. “You deliberately lied to me! When we were in your Hamptons home, I told you that I would never be with a married man. It was your perfect opportunity to set me straight, to tell me the truth. But, you didn’t!” I throw my hands up in the air. “I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that you’re married, or the fact that you concealed it from me!”

  My eyes meet his frantic ones.

  “Get out.”

  “You said we’d get through everything together…” He’s pleading. My heart shatters into a million pieces.

  I shake my head. “There is no ‘we’, not as long as there’s a she.”

  He grabs my arms. “Don’t do this.”

  I slap him with all of my might. “I said get the fuck out! Don’t make me call the police!” His eyes sear with pain. “Call me when you’re single.”

  Finally, he turns and stomps out the apartment. I jump as the door slams shut.

  I make my way down the hallway. I bump into the wall and slide along it like I’m drunk. I still have the spins, so I use the wall for support. I cannot believe what happened. No sooner had I caught Blaze, I lost him. No, he was never mine. Even ex-hookers have lines they won’t cross. For me, it’s ruining a home. My parents were never married. The only people around me that were in my life were Evalyn’s parents. The
y were dirt poor, but they were in love. Everyone could see it. Marriage to me became the ultimate commitment. It’s why you never have affairs with married people. They needed to keep their bonds of faithfulness. They must honor their commitment.

  I make my way into the bathroom. Throwing myself down onto the floor, I barely make the toilet bowl before heaving.

  Blaze is sin wrapped up in a handmade suit, with disarming smiles, gentle words, and charm that draws you in and makes you defenseless. But, you know what they say about sin. You’ll pay for it later on. And as I crawl from the toilet bowl to the shower on my hands and knees, I know that he is also my undoing.

  With my clothes still on, I crawl into the tub and turn on the water. As it sprays down on me, I vomit some more. The door slams shut. I pray it’s not him.

  “Victoria,where are you? So, are we cracking open a new bottle of wine or what?” It’s not him. Thank God. “What’s wrong?” I hear Andrea’s voice behind me. “Where’s Blaze?”

  I glance up at her, my whole body shaking. “He’s married. He’s fucking married.”

  “Fuck,” she breathes out. Sliding to the floor, she steps into the shower, getting soaked in the process and wraps her arms around me. “Let it out. I know you want to.”

  I start bawling, grabbing at her shirt as my sobbing turns uncontrollable. She holds me tightly, rocking me back and forth like how someone would soothe a child.

  “I’m here for you,” she whispers in my ear.

  Andrea and I always say what doesn’t kill you make you stronger. If that’s true, and I make it out of this, I’ll be Superwoman with bionic powers. The only problem is…

  I’m not sure I’ll make it out of this Hell alive.

  I lean over, continuing to vomit as Andrea rubs my back. When the content of my stomach have been emptied out, I heave up stomach acid until my throat burns. The warm water rains down on us, soaking our clothes as my whole body shakes.

  My mother tried to quit heroin once. She lasted three weeks. For the first week, she vomited uncontrollably and shook violently. So, I know what’s happening to me; I recognize the signs. Blaze is my drug, and right now, I’m going through withdrawal.

  But, if there’s one thing that I know how to do in life, it’s survive.

  Acknowledgements

  Huge thank you to Amy. Without all of her hard work, this book would never have looked so good.

  Thank you to Laura for her editing work.

  Thank you to Jodi for being my sounding board.

  Thank you to Trish for all of her honest rough draft copy advice. The book is MUCH better because of you.

  Thank you to everyone else who read this book and gave advice. You know who you are.

  Thank you to all the bloggers who advertised Office Perks and spread the word around.

  Thank you to Melissa for the formatting job.

  Thank you to Lesley M.- for being you.

  Thank you to my family- I’m sorry about all the games, dinners, and fun that I’ve missed out on. Hopefully, one day, you’ll understand what I was chasing after.

  Last but not least:

  Thank you, readers.